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Topic : Difficulty Forming Friendships

Number of Replies: 345
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:19:42 am
Author : dataimport
Do you have difficulty making or finding friends? Meet others like you and share your story.

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November 20, 2005, 4:15 pm CST

Difficulty Forming Friendships

Quote From: newcomer

  

  

       I moved to North Carolina from New York about 7 months ago.In New York I didn't really have friends so I couldn't wait to move somewhere new so maybe I would meet people.Well I did but they didn't turn out to as good of friends as I thought.I was so excited to actually  have someone I could call my friend.I have a hard time talking to people I don't know.To make it worse, my husband is mister sociable.I guess thats good because without him I wouldn't probably talk to anyone besides my children.I have two.They are 8 and 2.At least this way I get somewhat friendly with their girlfriends or wives.   I would love to talk to someone besides my 2 year old during the day.I am a good person and always think about people so I really don't know what the problem is.As I am writing this I can't help but cry because it is really bothering me.I am soo bored.It feels good though to get this off my mind.Sometimes writing something helps.If you have time and you can relate write me back.Thanks 

Moving didnt help me either, I have just the opposite.Grown family and all the other neighbors have children so they know each other thru school. I have tried to start friendly conversations, but people look at me like I'm crazy. I am kind and caring. but that does not seem to matter. I have invited people to get to know me thru a lunch or get together, but theres always a excuse. I am tired of being friendless. Never a phone call. no one cares.  I am not on the "pity pot" just sad I have to be alone, when I would love to share a movie, lunch, ride in the country etc. with a friend.  What gives with this world anyway?
 
November 20, 2005, 8:34 pm CST

Looking for friendship via e-mail/chat

Hello, 

I am a 41 y.o. female who is looking for friendship. I miss being a preteen and having pen pals. I would love to meet new cyber friends with similiar interests.  

  

I am married with children. Love to get e-mail from friends or chatting on line. I even like to get an 

old fashioned in the mail card or letter occassionally. 

  

Hope to get some responses from some new friends. 

Debbie Grant 

 
November 20, 2005, 8:50 pm CST

My situation exactly

Quote From: toots625

I wish it were not so difficult to find nice people. the ones from my past just seem to be so selfish. everything in their lives matter but mine doesnt. I have given up looking for friends. the rejection is just too hard to deal with time after time. the lonliness is overwhelming at times. 

That has been my situation as well. When a friend has a boyfriend, you are suddenly dispensable. I am married but the loneliness of not having someone to vent to occassionally, or just to share things with...to laugh, find things in common and to visit...just nothing like it. 

  

I have recently moved to a new town in another state from all of my friends and family. I currently am staying home but looking for a job and it just gets kind of lonely without some female chat time. Sometimes it is just nice to open the mailbox (either online or the snail mail box) and get "hi there" without it being spam or bills!! 

  

Any time that you want to chat, let me know. 

Debbie in Kansas 

 
November 20, 2005, 8:54 pm CST

Same here Tina and Feliss

Quote From: a43female

Lets get started tell me something about you and maybe we can sxchange e-mails! 

  

Tina 

Looking for some female chat. I too, am looking for a job due to relocation of my husband's job. I would love to chat with you sometime. 

Anytime you want to chat, just drop a line. 

Debbie in Kansas 

 
December 6, 2005, 3:49 am CST

I can relate

Quote From: drphilroxx

hi mat, i totally understand how you feel, i was bullied at highschool, i ended up leaving because i couildnt put up with it naymore, i am more depressed now then when i was before, because i now get bullied by my parents, i was bullied because of my weight, everyday i have to put up with my parents telling me im fat, overweight, i play sport, they tell me im goingto struggle because im 2 fat. 

it hurts and upsets me, i never thought id hear my parents critise me because of my looks. 

i hope it all goes well for you. 

  

Kia ora 

I am 17 and in a similar boat, I was bullied in school aswell, People are attracted to confident people in friendships and in relationships but when youve been bullied it's hard to be confident, the only relationships ive formed after being bullied at highschool are toxic ones, it's put me off people but then you feel lonely, I wish schools had a zero tolerance for bullying it's not exceptable in the work place why is it exceptable in an enviroment that you have to be in 5 days a week, an enviroment that you can't leave, Pain is isolation and my mum told me pain is something were suppose to grow strong from, I'm not grown yet I really feel for you aye.  Kia Kaha, Be Strong Kia ora 

 
December 6, 2005, 4:19 am CST

Buy a Dog

Quote From: jamiet

I am 25 years old and i live in Texas. I have also found it very hard to meet people. My husband and i have been going to church but everyone seems to be stuck up. I have been told all my life that im pretty but now that ive had kids im also overweight. My husband just ordered me a treadmill for my birthday so i hope to lose the weight because i feel so depressed being fat! I feel like people are sooo judgemental towards me just because im not skinny like them. Sometimes i cant wait to be skinny so i can tell them to go to hell. That sounds harsh but if they were really christians they would try to be at least a little friendly. It would be nice if they asked me to go walking with them or something instead they give me a fake smile. Its not in my head because i have good instincts and when someone is being snobby i know it! I also care about myself alot and i know that i need to try harder to lose weight and thats why i talked my husband into buying me the treadmill. But its hard to lose it  when you stay at home with kids and dont have anything to do because you dont know anyone. My family lives over 2000 miles away and we are trying to move there but until then i need friends. If anyone wants to talk i am happy to talk to them!!!
Buy a dog and walk it 45 mins a day walking mostly burns fat running burns vitamins, minirals and fat, take your kids to the swimming pools every chance you get,  prepare picnics and take your kids on outings to the zoo cuz.
 
December 6, 2005, 4:31 am CST

I can relate

Quote From: candydealn

Dear DrPhil im 16 my and my my name is mat i have no life no firends. Let me tell you why... well at my last school i was bullied alot and like half the school new me and didint want a thing to do with me it was horrible and painfull. now that iv moved and live in a new house my life has cganged and im not bullied at my new school has much much has i was at my last school. but it still happens and its ussualy the dope addcitcs and stoners who bullie me wich makes up 60 percent of the school. at my new school one guy decided to litterale throw a chair at me in class while the techer went in a another room for a sec. All i do all day is sit in the house waching tv or playing on the computer. i dont have any firends becuase iv never relly had any iv had firends but thos frendships didint last that long. i never relly had firends so i dont know how to make firends that well. i dont know wat im going to if i stay in this house anylonger ill will go sico. when people ask me if i have firends which has happend. i dont know what to tell them ecept  that i have firends when i relly dont DrPhile i could use your help relly bad. i hope you read this message 

Kia ora  

I am 17 and in a similar boat, I was bullied in school aswell, People are attracted to confident people in friendships and in relationships but when youve been bullied it's hard to be confident, the only relationships ive formed after being bullied at highschool are toxic ones, it's put me off people but then you feel lonely, I wish schools had a zero tolerance for bullying it's not exceptable in the work place why is it exceptable in an enviroment that you have to be in 5 days a week, an enviroment that you can't leave, Pain is isolation and my mum told me pain is something were suppose to grow strong from, I'm not grown yet I really feel for you aye.  Kia Kaha, Be Strong Kia ora  

 
December 13, 2005, 5:34 pm CST

Groups Of Friends

Hi there, this is my first post here so lets see how it goes.

    First a little background information. I'm 19 years old and am at Clemson University right now in my sophmore year studying civil engineering.  I'm planning on going for my masters degree in strucutal engineering after I receive my undergrad but we'll see how everything plans out with getting a job and what not first.
    Anyways, my question for all of you is to why I cannot seem to find myself in a group of friends.  All throughout my life I have always had one good friend, never anything else.  In elementry school I had my best friend that lived down the street.  When we moved I became very good friends with my neighbor, but don't get to see all to much any more with him being in the military and me moving 1,000 miles away to go to college.  Now, I have become very good friends with my roomate.  This seems to be the pattern through my life.  I have been active in sports and activites all through my life but never had any groups of friends gel outside of  the activity.  I see pictures of other people having fun in groups of friends and enjoying themselves, and honestly, it makes me jelous.  I wish that I had more friends than I have.  Don't get me wrong, I really do enjoy being close friends with the people that I have become close with, but I'm going to be selfish and say that I wish that I had more.  I dont want to lose anything out of the friendships that I have had, but I want more than just that one friendship at a time.  I don't know if it's because I come off shy or what.  Once people get to know me they can tell you that I'm very open and that I'm not shy at all. Though if I don't know you then I may seem reserved, but the only reason for that is because I don't like to bother other people.  Even with my closest friends and family, I can sometimes feel like that I am bothering them.
    Anyways thank you for reading this and any opinons that you can give are gladly apreciated.  Thanks.



 
December 13, 2005, 8:16 pm CST

Hi, Everyone. This is my challenge with friendship...

It seems like I accidently give off the wrong impression. I tend to be very guarded, and won't talk about personal areas of my life. I am also very shy, but noone would ever look at me and see a shy girl. I just have a difficult time making small talk, and that makes me seem a little antisocial. 

  

This is the part that really causes problems in my life, I think. I am a paramedic, and I work with a lot of men and a few very tough women. I am not a tough person, socially speaking. I mean, I'm great at talking to patients, and I am a good medic, but personally I am VERY sensitive.  

  

I am also very young for what I do, at 25 years old. And alot of people say I'm very attractive. So what happens is that men are very friendly with me and are able to get through my shyness and make friends with me. On the other hand, some women look at me and think I'm a snob, or a flirt or too "girly" to be a paramedic, or whatever. I am nervous and shy around them and that makes me even quieter, so they think I don't like them or don't want to talk to them. 

  

Here's the background, and probably the basis for my insecurity: My mother was a drug addicted stripper and my father took off before I was born. My mother was so drunk and was always embarrassing me and my step dad was always walking around naked. Once at my Birthday party, my drunk mother pulled down her pants, squated and peed on the front lawn infront of all my friends. She then developed a worse and worse psychosis, and understandably, people were afraid of her. 

  

I stopped letting friends come over to meet her. But people found out about her anyway, as she liked to go out and party alot and she always caused some kind of scene. SO people would make fun of me when I was a kid. Peoplewould say "God Vanessa's mom is the biggest crack w****" and there was a guy I knew who used to say "Hey Vanessa, can you give head like your Mom?" I'm not complaining or giving a sob story, but I'm just trying to explain how I got so shy. 

  

SO I always felt like people were making fun of me or that they thought I was a sl*t like my mom. Anyway, I ended up getting a scholarship and putting myself through school and moving to a new city and working as a paramedic. Everyone here is great. They have great families and tons of friends and most of them come from lots of money. So I feel like SUCH and outcast. I am so embarrassed, that I just keep my mouth shut and don't get close to people.  

  

I had a good friend say "You know, you're probably one of the nicest, smartest people I know. I'm glad to be your friend, bu you're always pushing me away."  

  

I guess my question is: How can I get through my shyness and fear and the prejudice and show people that I'm really a good friend? I can't help being quiet, especially around really outspoken women who intimidate me. And I know I intimidate other people, though not on purpose. SHould I talk about my past or hide it? How do I get over the fear of being judged? 

 
December 14, 2005, 8:54 pm CST

Quantity over quality?

Quote From: bosox86

Hi there, this is my first post here so lets see how it goes.

    First a little background information. I'm 19 years old and am at Clemson University right now in my sophmore year studying civil engineering.  I'm planning on going for my masters degree in strucutal engineering after I receive my undergrad but we'll see how everything plans out with getting a job and what not first.
    Anyways, my question for all of you is to why I cannot seem to find myself in a group of friends.  All throughout my life I have always had one good friend, never anything else.  In elementry school I had my best friend that lived down the street.  When we moved I became very good friends with my neighbor, but don't get to see all to much any more with him being in the military and me moving 1,000 miles away to go to college.  Now, I have become very good friends with my roomate.  This seems to be the pattern through my life.  I have been active in sports and activites all through my life but never had any groups of friends gel outside of  the activity.  I see pictures of other people having fun in groups of friends and enjoying themselves, and honestly, it makes me jelous.  I wish that I had more friends than I have.  Don't get me wrong, I really do enjoy being close friends with the people that I have become close with, but I'm going to be selfish and say that I wish that I had more.  I dont want to lose anything out of the friendships that I have had, but I want more than just that one friendship at a time.  I don't know if it's because I come off shy or what.  Once people get to know me they can tell you that I'm very open and that I'm not shy at all. Though if I don't know you then I may seem reserved, but the only reason for that is because I don't like to bother other people.  Even with my closest friends and family, I can sometimes feel like that I am bothering them.
    Anyways thank you for reading this and any opinons that you can give are gladly apreciated.  Thanks.



I can relate with you on this subject, I myself have never really had a "group" of friends.  I may have had one or two really good friends that I can remember.  One of those friends I still talk with to this day.  In high school I had more "aquiantices" than "friends".  That was fine by me.  I believe for people to have a good friendship should not be measured in quantity, but quality.  I myself, come off to be shy at first and then open up once people get to know me, that is what I have been told anyway.  And I believe it to be true, I just don't want to tell anybody personal things about myself.  Instead, I take the time to know someone and if I feel I can trust them, then I share my life stories with them.  If you really want to make more friends, college is the perfect place to do that.  There are always things going on, parties and what not, don't be afraid to let yourself out there.  But that is never going to happen if you think that you are bothering the person, most of the time I bet you aren't.  Infact, I'm sure you would have some pretty interesting stories, I mean, your getting a masters in structural engineering!  How cool is that!  You seem like a  determined, mature person and anyone would appreciate that.  Just give it a try, you'll see.
 
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