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Topic : Difficulty Forming Friendships

Number of Replies: 345
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:19:42 am
Author : dataimport
Do you have difficulty making or finding friends? Meet others like you and share your story.

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December 15, 2005, 9:10 am CST

How can I live on?

 

Hi,

Sorry for my bad english, my mother language is dutch.

When I was just a young boy I only had one idol I looked up against: Clint Eastwood from the spaghetti westerns. Lonely, mysterious, fearless and strong. Today I'm 18 years old and I'll end up just that way, only not mysterious, fearless and strong.

Let me just guide me through my life. I know there isn't a major problem in my message, but I would really apreciate it if you replied it. 
 


On primary school I only had one good friend, but I really didn't care, because I was happy. We played almost everyday and were almost like brothers. But then he turned his back against me, and I really felt bad about it. You can even say I felt 'betrayed'. From that moment I never trusted anybody fully 100%, but my parents.
 


I owe my parents a lot, they always looked after me and they always want what's best for me. My loyalty towards them is so great that I've never told them my problems. If I had a fight at school, I just didn't say anything at home, just because I didn't want to disappoint them. I want them to be proud of me, I seldom brought friends home when they were around, because then I was scared they would not like my friends and be disappointed of me. If I was bullied I would keep my mouth shot to my parents. I even made some kinda contest with myself not to tell any bad things or feelings about myself to anyone.
 

  

I got an unusual way of thinking. I saw people who loved each other as weaklings, because they shared their feelings. I saw them as weaklings, who were too afraid to live on their own. I saw most groups of friends also as weaklings, because they would only follow their leader, or just because they feared the loneliness. If I saw people crying , I would they were sad because they don't know the horror in poorer countries. Therefore I kept myself strong and said nothing.

I still have some friends, but only to sport with or to watch soccer in the stadium or at the television. I also never told them about my past. I keep them also at a distance. Just because I don't trust them 100% -and most of all- my contest with myself would be lost. My selfrespect would be gone. I also never had a girlfriend, I never even tried to get a girlfriend and that's really strange, because I don't consider myself as a badlooking person. I even turned down people who wanted to start a relationship with me. I really hate myself for it now. In my new study almost nobody thinks I am a nice person. And I exactly know why, but I can't change it. I think almost everybody sees me as a regular guy who has lots of friends. But I'm coldhearted to them and keep my distance.

I get isolated more and more, now that I’ve  started a new study in a new city.
 


I told a girl who I chat with for over 2 years, my problems 3 days ago, just because she doesn't know my parents or my friends, so she couldn't possibly be a threat to me. I felt like I had to bring it out, so at least somebody would understand me. But after I told her my problems I felt horrible. All my bad feelings which I never shared with anyone came up. All my respect for myself was gone, I felt kinda like a judas to my own religion. How could I have shared my feelings with someone? Now my 'inner contest', which lasted for more 7 years was lost. That one thing I respected myself so much for is gone now. I know I can't live on like I used to live, but I really don't know how to live anymore. I can't tell my parents how I felt for over 7 years, they are more important to me then I am. It’s s hard for me to get friends, because I don’t trust them. I figured that I could move to the city where I study now and ‘start a new life’. But it wouldn’t make me feel better.
 

To my standards I remain a weakling for the rest of my life. 


Does anybody know what to do?
 

 
December 18, 2005, 1:25 am CST

Selfmatters!

Quote From: seneca

 

Hi,

Sorry for my bad english, my mother language is dutch.

When I was just a young boy I only had one idol I looked up against: Clint Eastwood from the spaghetti westerns. Lonely, mysterious, fearless and strong. Today I'm 18 years old and I'll end up just that way, only not mysterious, fearless and strong.

Let me just guide me through my life. I know there isn't a major problem in my message, but I would really apreciate it if you replied it. 
 


On primary school I only had one good friend, but I really didn't care, because I was happy. We played almost everyday and were almost like brothers. But then he turned his back against me, and I really felt bad about it. You can even say I felt 'betrayed'. From that moment I never trusted anybody fully 100%, but my parents.
 


I owe my parents a lot, they always looked after me and they always want what's best for me. My loyalty towards them is so great that I've never told them my problems. If I had a fight at school, I just didn't say anything at home, just because I didn't want to disappoint them. I want them to be proud of me, I seldom brought friends home when they were around, because then I was scared they would not like my friends and be disappointed of me. If I was bullied I would keep my mouth shot to my parents. I even made some kinda contest with myself not to tell any bad things or feelings about myself to anyone.
 

  

I got an unusual way of thinking. I saw people who loved each other as weaklings, because they shared their feelings. I saw them as weaklings, who were too afraid to live on their own. I saw most groups of friends also as weaklings, because they would only follow their leader, or just because they feared the loneliness. If I saw people crying , I would they were sad because they don't know the horror in poorer countries. Therefore I kept myself strong and said nothing.

I still have some friends, but only to sport with or to watch soccer in the stadium or at the television. I also never told them about my past. I keep them also at a distance. Just because I don't trust them 100% -and most of all- my contest with myself would be lost. My selfrespect would be gone. I also never had a girlfriend, I never even tried to get a girlfriend and that's really strange, because I don't consider myself as a badlooking person. I even turned down people who wanted to start a relationship with me. I really hate myself for it now. In my new study almost nobody thinks I am a nice person. And I exactly know why, but I can't change it. I think almost everybody sees me as a regular guy who has lots of friends. But I'm coldhearted to them and keep my distance.

I get isolated more and more, now that I’ve  started a new study in a new city.
 


I told a girl who I chat with for over 2 years, my problems 3 days ago, just because she doesn't know my parents or my friends, so she couldn't possibly be a threat to me. I felt like I had to bring it out, so at least somebody would understand me. But after I told her my problems I felt horrible. All my bad feelings which I never shared with anyone came up. All my respect for myself was gone, I felt kinda like a judas to my own religion. How could I have shared my feelings with someone? Now my 'inner contest', which lasted for more 7 years was lost. That one thing I respected myself so much for is gone now. I know I can't live on like I used to live, but I really don't know how to live anymore. I can't tell my parents how I felt for over 7 years, they are more important to me then I am. It’s s hard for me to get friends, because I don’t trust them. I figured that I could move to the city where I study now and ‘start a new life’. But it wouldn’t make me feel better.
 

To my standards I remain a weakling for the rest of my life. 


Does anybody know what to do?
 

Hello there! 

  

It sounds that you have some nasty tapes going in your head, and you have a selfhate/dislike for your self. You dreamt about being strong (like Clint Eastwood), but somehow for some reason you don't like yourself and feel that you have to punish yourself by not telling anyone close to you about your pain. 

  

Tell you what it does take courage to deal with yourself, and I have to say that acknowledging it and asking for help (even if it is online) is the first step to healing yourself. You can't get a good life if you don't start on the road of dealing with yourself first. 

  

Some good books besides a professional therapist is Dr Phil's book "Selfmatter" and Rhonda Britten's "Fearless living". Remember that you have to do the work, noone can do it for you. 

  

Best Wishes 

 
December 18, 2005, 6:44 am CST

Looking for penpals

hi everyone  

i am from indiana and looking for penpals  

i am 33 and a single mom who is attached  

looking for friends to chat with  

take care 

 
December 27, 2005, 12:17 pm CST

Hard to make girlfriends

Ok I'm 24yrs old my husband and I have decided to Divorce after 2 1/2 yrs of marriage. I have two beautiful girls one is 6yrs old and the other is 16 months old. I'm in a relationship now. I have always been what I call a "Guys Girl" I have always gotten along better with guys than girls. The guy I'm seeing now just can't understand why I have so many guy friends. I don't have time to go out and make new friends so its hard for me to make friends with girls. On top of that all the close girl friends I've ever had have either stabbed me in the back or have left. I'm learning that having only guy friends will put a strain on my new relationship and I really like this guy. Help? Where can I go to make new girlfriends?
 
January 10, 2006, 8:06 am CST

Difficulty Forming Friendships

Quote From: seneca

 

Hi,

Sorry for my bad english, my mother language is dutch.

When I was just a young boy I only had one idol I looked up against: Clint Eastwood from the spaghetti westerns. Lonely, mysterious, fearless and strong. Today I'm 18 years old and I'll end up just that way, only not mysterious, fearless and strong.

Let me just guide me through my life. I know there isn't a major problem in my message, but I would really apreciate it if you replied it. 
 


On primary school I only had one good friend, but I really didn't care, because I was happy. We played almost everyday and were almost like brothers. But then he turned his back against me, and I really felt bad about it. You can even say I felt 'betrayed'. From that moment I never trusted anybody fully 100%, but my parents.
 


I owe my parents a lot, they always looked after me and they always want what's best for me. My loyalty towards them is so great that I've never told them my problems. If I had a fight at school, I just didn't say anything at home, just because I didn't want to disappoint them. I want them to be proud of me, I seldom brought friends home when they were around, because then I was scared they would not like my friends and be disappointed of me. If I was bullied I would keep my mouth shot to my parents. I even made some kinda contest with myself not to tell any bad things or feelings about myself to anyone.
 

  

I got an unusual way of thinking. I saw people who loved each other as weaklings, because they shared their feelings. I saw them as weaklings, who were too afraid to live on their own. I saw most groups of friends also as weaklings, because they would only follow their leader, or just because they feared the loneliness. If I saw people crying , I would they were sad because they don't know the horror in poorer countries. Therefore I kept myself strong and said nothing.

I still have some friends, but only to sport with or to watch soccer in the stadium or at the television. I also never told them about my past. I keep them also at a distance. Just because I don't trust them 100% -and most of all- my contest with myself would be lost. My selfrespect would be gone. I also never had a girlfriend, I never even tried to get a girlfriend and that's really strange, because I don't consider myself as a badlooking person. I even turned down people who wanted to start a relationship with me. I really hate myself for it now. In my new study almost nobody thinks I am a nice person. And I exactly know why, but I can't change it. I think almost everybody sees me as a regular guy who has lots of friends. But I'm coldhearted to them and keep my distance.

I get isolated more and more, now that I’ve  started a new study in a new city.
 


I told a girl who I chat with for over 2 years, my problems 3 days ago, just because she doesn't know my parents or my friends, so she couldn't possibly be a threat to me. I felt like I had to bring it out, so at least somebody would understand me. But after I told her my problems I felt horrible. All my bad feelings which I never shared with anyone came up. All my respect for myself was gone, I felt kinda like a judas to my own religion. How could I have shared my feelings with someone? Now my 'inner contest', which lasted for more 7 years was lost. That one thing I respected myself so much for is gone now. I know I can't live on like I used to live, but I really don't know how to live anymore. I can't tell my parents how I felt for over 7 years, they are more important to me then I am. It’s s hard for me to get friends, because I don’t trust them. I figured that I could move to the city where I study now and ‘start a new life’. But it wouldn’t make me feel better.
 

To my standards I remain a weakling for the rest of my life. 


Does anybody know what to do?
 

hi ^^  

  

i hope you get better thoughts and feelings about yourself and your life. imagine yourself in someone else´s shoes ...don´t we all have our weaknesses and fears? there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of in feeling weak, vulnerable and letting your real feelings show ^^ maybe with parents it isn´t easy to show such feelings but if you have even just one friend, or you can talk with someone over the computer ...i think it will do very good for you, to let all the bad feelings and thoughs out ^^ there is nothing to be afraid of. 

  

nobody is strong and confident all the time ^^  you can accept yourself just the way you are, dont feel pressured by others, you are unique. our lives go different ways, you are still so young there is no hurry to find a girlfriend ^^ it´s better to study and to concentrate doing things that you like and finding yourself. nobody has to be all alone without friends.  

  

im glad if anything i said could be of any help ^^ take care of yourself, please. 

 
January 10, 2006, 8:16 am CST

Difficulty Forming Friendships

Quote From: bosox86

Hi there, this is my first post here so lets see how it goes.

    First a little background information. I'm 19 years old and am at Clemson University right now in my sophmore year studying civil engineering.  I'm planning on going for my masters degree in strucutal engineering after I receive my undergrad but we'll see how everything plans out with getting a job and what not first.
    Anyways, my question for all of you is to why I cannot seem to find myself in a group of friends.  All throughout my life I have always had one good friend, never anything else.  In elementry school I had my best friend that lived down the street.  When we moved I became very good friends with my neighbor, but don't get to see all to much any more with him being in the military and me moving 1,000 miles away to go to college.  Now, I have become very good friends with my roomate.  This seems to be the pattern through my life.  I have been active in sports and activites all through my life but never had any groups of friends gel outside of  the activity.  I see pictures of other people having fun in groups of friends and enjoying themselves, and honestly, it makes me jelous.  I wish that I had more friends than I have.  Don't get me wrong, I really do enjoy being close friends with the people that I have become close with, but I'm going to be selfish and say that I wish that I had more.  I dont want to lose anything out of the friendships that I have had, but I want more than just that one friendship at a time.  I don't know if it's because I come off shy or what.  Once people get to know me they can tell you that I'm very open and that I'm not shy at all. Though if I don't know you then I may seem reserved, but the only reason for that is because I don't like to bother other people.  Even with my closest friends and family, I can sometimes feel like that I am bothering them.
    Anyways thank you for reading this and any opinons that you can give are gladly apreciated.  Thanks.



hi there, it seems that most of us have difficulties in friendships and it is definitely a fact that we all have our insecurities and fears. i see that you want to have a group of friends. me instead im completely happy with my friends whom i always spend time with one on one, so i dont have any interest in groups of friends ^^ im not very sociable so i cant really give advice "^^" but im sure you can have a group of friends if you really want it, you can meet people and let them introduce you to their friends, etc. anyway, hmm, i wonder what is it exactly that you like about the idea in having a group of friends? the amount of fun you have surely doesnt depend on how many friends you have ^^ best wishes to you ^^
 
January 10, 2006, 8:20 pm CST

needing some pals,

Hi Im a fifty year old woman from Scotland living in Philadelphia,for the last 20 years.I have never seemed to fit in,Im a dressmaker do repairs and alterations make all kinds of garments,and love my work.I meet with women all the time ,they all seem to have friends and family and places to go.I have a husband that goes to work comes in and just loves being home never wants to go anywhere,or try anything new.I would love to meet up for lunch diner etc,chat on the phone email with friends.Im not looking for a lover,just friendships.......Does anyone feel like I do?????.
 
January 11, 2006, 4:27 am CST

Hi thistle

Quote From: thistle

Hi Im a fifty year old woman from Scotland living in Philadelphia,for the last 20 years.I have never seemed to fit in,Im a dressmaker do repairs and alterations make all kinds of garments,and love my work.I meet with women all the time ,they all seem to have friends and family and places to go.I have a husband that goes to work comes in and just loves being home never wants to go anywhere,or try anything new.I would love to meet up for lunch diner etc,chat on the phone email with friends.Im not looking for a lover,just friendships.......Does anyone feel like I do?????.

Just stopping by to say "hello".  I read that you are from Scotland.  I visited there last year, and absolutely LOVED it!! What a beautiful country; the grass is a lush green and the people are kind and friendly. I would love to go back someday.   

I do hope you will meet some nice friends in your area. If your husband doesn't like to go out, is there something you could do such as take a class in something you are interested in?  One of the best ways to make friends is to find people with similar interests. 

Have a nice day! Julie B 

  

 
January 11, 2006, 7:15 am CST

Hi julie b

Quote From: juliebgg

Just stopping by to say "hello".  I read that you are from Scotland.  I visited there last year, and absolutely LOVED it!! What a beautiful country; the grass is a lush green and the people are kind and friendly. I would love to go back someday.   

I do hope you will meet some nice friends in your area. If your husband doesn't like to go out, is there something you could do such as take a class in something you are interested in?  One of the best ways to make friends is to find people with similar interests. 

Have a nice day! Julie B 

  

Hi Julie thank you for your email,I will try some classes when the weather gets better and will keep trying to meet with new folks.So you loved Scotland great ,its a beautifull country with a lot of friendly people.Im sure there is many friendly folks here its just finding them .Do you have any hobbies what do you like to do ........Janice
 
January 11, 2006, 9:25 am CST

Good afternoon, Janice

Quote From: thistle

Hi Julie thank you for your email,I will try some classes when the weather gets better and will keep trying to meet with new folks.So you loved Scotland great ,its a beautifull country with a lot of friendly people.Im sure there is many friendly folks here its just finding them .Do you have any hobbies what do you like to do ........Janice

Hi again, Janice.  I am happy to hear that you are planning to take some classes.  If you take classes on things that you are interested in, you have a common ground with others in that class.  Same thing with doing volunteer work or whatever else you are interested in.  When you have a common ground, there is always something to talk about.  It is also important to show interest in other people, such as aasking them about hemselves (which you did in your e-mail to me!!) So I really think you will be fine; you just need to get out and meet more people! 

My interests?  I am a preschool teacher, and I enjoy reading, music, love animals, spending time with family, and travelling. Which is, of course, how I ended up in Scotland.  I was in the Edinburgh area, but would love to see the Highlands someday.  Where in Scotland are you from? 

Have a great day, Julie 

 
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