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Topic : Difficulty Forming Friendships

Number of Replies: 345
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:19:42 am
Author : dataimport
Do you have difficulty making or finding friends? Meet others like you and share your story.

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October 17, 2005, 8:58 pm CDT

Difficulty Forming Friendships

Quote From: willbanks

Iam 28 years old and I have never been able to make friends. I get nervous around people .I would love to have a friend to talk to and hang out with.I hope there is someone that can help me.
hi ^^ i wish i could help you but i also get nervous around people and i have always been very shy and unsocial ^^ i can only say that you are not alone, maybe you can easier talk to someone who seems to get nervous too -that type of person would understand and not think that you are funny, weird or something. and remember that you are unique, you have a lot to give just like any outgoing and social person ^^ maybe you can find a friend somewhere you like to go to, what you enjoy doing, or meet someone online first -this has given me confidence, once you see you communicate well with someone online, it will be quite natural to talk face to face then, too ^^ take care of yourself and dont be too sad ^^
 
October 18, 2005, 8:13 pm CDT

Is it me???

I am 28, married and have two beautiful daughters and one on the way. I can honestly say, I have not one friend.  I have had few friends throughout my life, but the friendships I had, that person was my best friend. Years were invested in these friendships. And it usually turned out after many years, this person didn't value our friendship as much as I had. 

  

I never dated, had a boyfriend......zero self-esteem was responsible for that. But the Lord gave me my husband and family and self-esteem while he was at it. For that I am thankful. My husband was always with his friends when we were dating and even a little while after we were married. He's a popular likeable guy. 

But after being married for five years now, he has no real friends either. I can't help but feel that whatever "friend-repellent" I have, has rubbed on to him...or maybe it's me they don't like. 

  

We bought a house two years ago. I was so looking forward to having new neighbors, somebody to hang out with. I can't even tell you my next door neighbor's name. It's not from lack of trying. But I got tired of speaking to people to only have them stare at me or look past me like I wasn't even there. They speak to my husband~ they say hey, how ya doin'? or whatever and I walk out and I may as well have the plague. 

  

My worst fear is that I think I've passed it on on to my girls. Granted they are 41/2 and 21/2. They both attend a Christian preschool, this is my oldest's 2nd year there. I don't expect them to walk in and automatically find a best friend. But being the second year, you notice the other kids pairing up, having play dates.  

And you notice when most of the other kids in class are invited to birthday parties or get-togethers and you're not even acknowledged. My girls are super friendly and out-going, so unlike me at that age, most of my life for that matter and I was really hoping things would be different for them. And I know it's early yet, but I can't help but think it's already started. 

I say hi to the same moms and dads every morning and nobody even bothers to find out my name. I see the 'groups' around the minivans in the parking lot and they're all laughing and saying how much fun lunch was and we should do it again. 

  

I feel completely invisible. I tell myself it shouldn't bother me because atleast I put out the effort in speaking first. I thought being a Christian preschool, being with other people who believe in what I believe in, I'd have common ground with someone. As usual, I don't fit in. Which then tends to make me believe that maybe it's due to my weight. I am overweight, ain't no doubt about it. I'm not proud of it, but it's part of who I am at this time. And honestly, I am the heaviest parent there.  I have to wonder if that's part or the whole reason. 

  

I know I am a good person, that I have alot to offer, am an excellent friend. I am honest, trustworthy and have good sense of humor. I know I'm not completely unattractive because my husband still tells me how beautiful I am. I am a good parent with well-behaved little girls, whom I get many compliments on. I am not rich, but proud to have worked for everything we have. 

  

All I want is one good friend to share myself with. I don't think that's too much to ask. 

  

Thank you if you made it all the way to the bottom. I don't expect replies, I just had to get this off my chest. It's been bothering me for a long time. 

  

~Amber~ 

 
October 19, 2005, 3:02 pm CDT

I think,

Quote From: annasmom2

I am 28, married and have two beautiful daughters and one on the way. I can honestly say, I have not one friend.  I have had few friends throughout my life, but the friendships I had, that person was my best friend. Years were invested in these friendships. And it usually turned out after many years, this person didn't value our friendship as much as I had. 

  

I never dated, had a boyfriend......zero self-esteem was responsible for that. But the Lord gave me my husband and family and self-esteem while he was at it. For that I am thankful. My husband was always with his friends when we were dating and even a little while after we were married. He's a popular likeable guy. 

But after being married for five years now, he has no real friends either. I can't help but feel that whatever "friend-repellent" I have, has rubbed on to him...or maybe it's me they don't like. 

  

We bought a house two years ago. I was so looking forward to having new neighbors, somebody to hang out with. I can't even tell you my next door neighbor's name. It's not from lack of trying. But I got tired of speaking to people to only have them stare at me or look past me like I wasn't even there. They speak to my husband they say hey, how ya doin'? or whatever and I walk out and I may as well have the plague. 

  

My worst fear is that I think I've passed it on on to my girls. Granted they are 41/2 and 21/2. They both attend a Christian preschool, this is my oldest's 2nd year there. I don't expect them to walk in and automatically find a best friend. But being the second year, you notice the other kids pairing up, having play dates.  

And you notice when most of the other kids in class are invited to birthday parties or get-togethers and you're not even acknowledged. My girls are super friendly and out-going, so unlike me at that age, most of my life for that matter and I was really hoping things would be different for them. And I know it's early yet, but I can't help but think it's already started. 

I say hi to the same moms and dads every morning and nobody even bothers to find out my name. I see the 'groups' around the minivans in the parking lot and they're all laughing and saying how much fun lunch was and we should do it again. 

  

I feel completely invisible. I tell myself it shouldn't bother me because atleast I put out the effort in speaking first. I thought being a Christian preschool, being with other people who believe in what I believe in, I'd have common ground with someone. As usual, I don't fit in. Which then tends to make me believe that maybe it's due to my weight. I am overweight, ain't no doubt about it. I'm not proud of it, but it's part of who I am at this time. And honestly, I am the heaviest parent there.  I have to wonder if that's part or the whole reason. 

  

I know I am a good person, that I have alot to offer, am an excellent friend. I am honest, trustworthy and have good sense of humor. I know I'm not completely unattractive because my husband still tells me how beautiful I am. I am a good parent with well-behaved little girls, whom I get many compliments on. I am not rich, but proud to have worked for everything we have. 

  

All I want is one good friend to share myself with. I don't think that's too much to ask. 

  

Thank you if you made it all the way to the bottom. I don't expect replies, I just had to get this off my chest. It's been bothering me for a long time. 

  

Amber 

You don't expect much, so when your expectations are fulfilled, it underlines the negative messages you've been telling yourself. This sounds trite, I know, but sometimes when we don't care for ourselves too much, others pick up on that.
I would pick up a copy of Dr Phil's SELF MATTERS and read it, doing the inventories and answering the questions. I was overweight, pathetic and friendless at one time too, and I've changed. One of the things that helped me was to get in touch with my authentic self through this book. Maybe it will help you too.

BTW, your little girls will not inherit this from you, and it did not "rub off" on your husband. You didn't expect a reply, but I can't help it, I'm a busybody.

Take care of yourself.
 
October 19, 2005, 3:15 pm CDT

Without Any Friends

Quote From: ritehere

You don't expect much, so when your expectations are fulfilled, it underlines the negative messages you've been telling yourself. This sounds trite, I know, but sometimes when we don't care for ourselves too much, others pick up on that.
I would pick up a copy of Dr Phil's SELF MATTERS and read it, doing the inventories and answering the questions. I was overweight, pathetic and friendless at one time too, and I've changed. One of the things that helped me was to get in touch with my authentic self through this book. Maybe it will help you too.

BTW, your little girls will not inherit this from you, and it did not "rub off" on your husband. You didn't expect a reply, but I can't help it, I'm a busybody.

Take care of yourself.
I am 25 years old and i live in Texas. I have also found it very hard to meet people. My husband and i have been going to church but everyone seems to be stuck up. I have been told all my life that im pretty but now that ive had kids im also overweight. My husband just ordered me a treadmill for my birthday so i hope to lose the weight because i feel so depressed being fat! I feel like people are sooo judgemental towards me just because im not skinny like them. Sometimes i cant wait to be skinny so i can tell them to go to hell. That sounds harsh but if they were really christians they would try to be at least a little friendly. It would be nice if they asked me to go walking with them or something instead they give me a fake smile. Its not in my head because i have good instincts and when someone is being snobby i know it! I also care about myself alot and i know that i need to try harder to lose weight and thats why i talked my husband into buying me the treadmill. But its hard to lose it  when you stay at home with kids and dont have anything to do because you dont know anyone. My family lives over 2000 miles away and we are trying to move there but until then i need friends. If anyone wants to talk i am happy to talk to them!!!
 
October 20, 2005, 8:43 am CDT

Avoid assumptions!

Quote From: jamiet

I am 25 years old and i live in Texas. I have also found it very hard to meet people. My husband and i have been going to church but everyone seems to be stuck up. I have been told all my life that im pretty but now that ive had kids im also overweight. My husband just ordered me a treadmill for my birthday so i hope to lose the weight because i feel so depressed being fat! I feel like people are sooo judgemental towards me just because im not skinny like them. Sometimes i cant wait to be skinny so i can tell them to go to hell. That sounds harsh but if they were really christians they would try to be at least a little friendly. It would be nice if they asked me to go walking with them or something instead they give me a fake smile. Its not in my head because i have good instincts and when someone is being snobby i know it! I also care about myself alot and i know that i need to try harder to lose weight and thats why i talked my husband into buying me the treadmill. But its hard to lose it  when you stay at home with kids and dont have anything to do because you dont know anyone. My family lives over 2000 miles away and we are trying to move there but until then i need friends. If anyone wants to talk i am happy to talk to them!!!
 I've been on the recieving end of faulty assumptions before, and I've also had faulty assumptions about others. You know what they say about assumptions!

Is it possible you are highly judgmental of yourself, and therefore see judgement in everybody else towards you? Not everybody at church can be skinny, this is the US for cryin' out loud! (Sad but true...)

You should look up the weight loss buddies in your area site, I bet there's one where you live. You would have lots of company with others that have the same goals as you right away. You might even make some very good lasting friends there.

Don't set yourself up for failure by putting your weight loss success in the hands of others. By this I mean your statements of wanting to be skinny so you can tell them to go to hell. Percieved control over the emotions of others is not going to get you there. Neither will the idea that you're doing this for your husband or kids. Your reasons have to be for yourself, your mobility, your health, and your effectiveness in the world.

Good luck.
 
October 21, 2005, 5:33 am CDT

Difficulty Forming Friendships

 Hello.  I am 21 and I have no social skills.  I have a couple of good friends, and a lot of aquaintances (mostly my husband' friend's girfriends and wives).  My husband is a "social butterfly".  He loves going out with his friends, and thinks that we should get out more.  He is a truck driver, and can't stand the thought of me and Nicole (our 13m old daughter) being stuck at home with nothing to do.  I wish he could see it like it is.  He thinks I will go crazy if I don't get out with friends more and do stuff.  I like going out with my friends every once in a while, but I hate going to big social functions like dances or backyard bonfire parties, where everybody and their grandmother is there.  I am a horrible conversationalist when it comes to people I don't know very well, and I hate small talk.  Anybody else have this problem where their husband loves going out, and you would rather just invite a couple good friends over for dinner?
 
November 2, 2005, 6:51 pm CST

Difficulty Forming Friendships

Quote From: tntomboy

Can anyone tell me why it is that the second you get a boyfriend a lot of people drop all of their friends?  I seem to have done this myself, and it's like it just subconsiously happens.  I stop hanging out with my guy friends, because I feel like that's not OK unless my BF goes with.  Then, WHY on earth do I completely ignore my girlfriends?  My BF works out of town at least 2 weeks out of the month, sometimes 3.  I don't even talk to my friends then.  I am an only child and do not get lonely very easily.  I just sit around the house or go to the gym and hang out with my family.  Those are not bad things to do, but some of my friends, which I have known for years, really get angry with me about this.  It's bad to say, but it's almost like, when I have a BF, that thoughts of him consume the majority of my day.  I don't feel like that's healthy, but on the other hand, I get engulfed by it all.  Is it bad to dedicate the majority of your hours to someone that you feel one day might later be your life partner?   

     Idont know why that is, but I have lost touch with too  many friends because of the "boyfriend" thing. I think it is a poor choice on your part. Is he dumping his buddies to be with you? And who do you turn to if you need someone to talk to about the problems you are having? Life partners are just that, partners, not the only reason why you exist. Your friend will get tired of this if you continue with this behaviour.
 
November 3, 2005, 8:41 am CST

lonely

  

  

       I moved to North Carolina from New York about 7 months ago.In New York I didn't really have friends so I couldn't wait to move somewhere new so maybe I would meet people.Well I did but they didn't turn out to as good of friends as I thought.I was so excited to actually  have someone I could call my friend.I have a hard time talking to people I don't know.To make it worse, my husband is mister sociable.I guess thats good because without him I wouldn't probably talk to anyone besides my children.I have two.They are 8 and 2.At least this way I get somewhat friendly with their girlfriends or wives.   I would love to talk to someone besides my 2 year old during the day.I am a good person and always think about people so I really don't know what the problem is.As I am writing this I can't help but cry because it is really bothering me.I am soo bored.It feels good though to get this off my mind.Sometimes writing something helps.If you have time and you can relate write me back.Thanks 

 
November 4, 2005, 2:35 pm CST

Any One in ONT....want to talk....

Just looking for a real friend....trying to figure out why I have none...cause I'm pretty great!
 
November 6, 2005, 6:40 am CST

Good friends!

Quote From: a43female

Just looking for a real friend....trying to figure out why I have none...cause I'm pretty great!

Hi! 

Real friends seems hard to meet/find. I know that by experience. If you want I would love to talk? 

  

I'm myself in the process trying to meet/find people who really are a good friend. And by a good friend I mean people who cares about you, support you, and are honest with you. I feel that these are not to high demands. But I wonder where these people are? 

So I'm right now as clueless as you. 

Love/ Feliss 

 
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