Topic : Difficulty Forming Friendships

Moving didnt help me either, I have just the opposite.Grown family and all the other neighbors have children so they know each other thru school. I have tried to start friendly conversations, but people look at me like I'm crazy. I am kind and caring. but that does not seem to matter. I have invited people to get to know me thru a lunch or get together, but theres always a excuse. I am tired of being friendless. Never a phone call. no one cares.  I am not on the "pity pot" just sad I have to be alone, when I would love to share a movie, lunch, ride in the country etc. with a friend.  What gives with this world anyway?

Hello, 

I am a 41 y.o. female who is looking for friendship. I miss being a preteen and having pen pals. I would love to meet new cyber friends with similiar interests.  

  

I am married with children. Love to get e-mail from friends or chatting on line. I even like to get an 

old fashioned in the mail card or letter occassionally. 

  

Hope to get some responses from some new friends. 

Debbie Grant 

That has been my situation as well. When a friend has a boyfriend, you are suddenly dispensable. I am married but the loneliness of not having someone to vent to occassionally, or just to share things with...to laugh, find things in common and to visit...just nothing like it. 

  

I have recently moved to a new town in another state from all of my friends and family. I currently am staying home but looking for a job and it just gets kind of lonely without some female chat time. Sometimes it is just nice to open the mailbox (either online or the snail mail box) and get "hi there" without it being spam or bills!! 

  

Any time that you want to chat, let me know. 

Debbie in Kansas 

Looking for some female chat. I too, am looking for a job due to relocation of my husband's job. I would love to chat with you sometime. 

Anytime you want to chat, just drop a line. 

Debbie in Kansas 

Kia ora 

I am 17 and in a similar boat, I was bullied in school aswell, People are attracted to confident people in friendships and in relationships but when youve been bullied it's hard to be confident, the only relationships ive formed after being bullied at highschool are toxic ones, it's put me off people but then you feel lonely, I wish schools had a zero tolerance for bullying it's not exceptable in the work place why is it exceptable in an enviroment that you have to be in 5 days a week, an enviroment that you can't leave, Pain is isolation and my mum told me pain is something were suppose to grow strong from, I'm not grown yet I really feel for you aye.  Kia Kaha, Be Strong Kia ora 

Buy a dog and walk it 45 mins a day walking mostly burns fat running burns vitamins, minirals and fat, take your kids to the swimming pools every chance you get,  prepare picnics and take your kids on outings to the zoo cuz.

Kia ora  

I am 17 and in a similar boat, I was bullied in school aswell, People are attracted to confident people in friendships and in relationships but when youve been bullied it's hard to be confident, the only relationships ive formed after being bullied at highschool are toxic ones, it's put me off people but then you feel lonely, I wish schools had a zero tolerance for bullying it's not exceptable in the work place why is it exceptable in an enviroment that you have to be in 5 days a week, an enviroment that you can't leave, Pain is isolation and my mum told me pain is something were suppose to grow strong from, I'm not grown yet I really feel for you aye.  Kia Kaha, Be Strong Kia ora  

Hi there, this is my first post here so lets see how it goes.

    First a little background information. I'm 19 years old and am at Clemson University right now in my sophmore year studying civil engineering.  I'm planning on going for my masters degree in strucutal engineering after I receive my undergrad but we'll see how everything plans out with getting a job and what not first.
    Anyways, my question for all of you is to why I cannot seem to find myself in a group of friends.  All throughout my life I have always had one good friend, never anything else.  In elementry school I had my best friend that lived down the street.  When we moved I became very good friends with my neighbor, but don't get to see all to much any more with him being in the military and me moving 1,000 miles away to go to college.  Now, I have become very good friends with my roomate.  This seems to be the pattern through my life.  I have been active in sports and activites all through my life but never had any groups of friends gel outside of  the activity.  I see pictures of other people having fun in groups of friends and enjoying themselves, and honestly, it makes me jelous.  I wish that I had more friends than I have.  Don't get me wrong, I really do enjoy being close friends with the people that I have become close with, but I'm going to be selfish and say that I wish that I had more.  I dont want to lose anything out of the friendships that I have had, but I want more than just that one friendship at a time.  I don't know if it's because I come off shy or what.  Once people get to know me they can tell you that I'm very open and that I'm not shy at all. Though if I don't know you then I may seem reserved, but the only reason for that is because I don't like to bother other people.  Even with my closest friends and family, I can sometimes feel like that I am bothering them.
    Anyways thank you for reading this and any opinons that you can give are gladly apreciated.  Thanks.

It seems like I accidently give off the wrong impression. I tend to be very guarded, and won't talk about personal areas of my life. I am also very shy, but noone would ever look at me and see a shy girl. I just have a difficult time making small talk, and that makes me seem a little antisocial. 

  

This is the part that really causes problems in my life, I think. I am a paramedic, and I work with a lot of men and a few very tough women. I am not a tough person, socially speaking. I mean, I'm great at talking to patients, and I am a good medic, but personally I am VERY sensitive.  

  

I am also very young for what I do, at 25 years old. And alot of people say I'm very attractive. So what happens is that men are very friendly with me and are able to get through my shyness and make friends with me. On the other hand, some women look at me and think I'm a snob, or a flirt or too "girly" to be a paramedic, or whatever. I am nervous and shy around them and that makes me even quieter, so they think I don't like them or don't want to talk to them. 

  

Here's the background, and probably the basis for my insecurity: My mother was a drug addicted stripper and my father took off before I was born. My mother was so drunk and was always embarrassing me and my step dad was always walking around naked. Once at my Birthday party, my drunk mother pulled down her pants, squated and peed on the front lawn infront of all my friends. She then developed a worse and worse psychosis, and understandably, people were afraid of her. 

  

I stopped letting friends come over to meet her. But people found out about her anyway, as she liked to go out and party alot and she always caused some kind of scene. SO people would make fun of me when I was a kid. Peoplewould say "God Vanessa's mom is the biggest crack w****" and there was a guy I knew who used to say "Hey Vanessa, can you give head like your Mom?" I'm not complaining or giving a sob story, but I'm just trying to explain how I got so shy. 

  

SO I always felt like people were making fun of me or that they thought I was a sl*t like my mom. Anyway, I ended up getting a scholarship and putting myself through school and moving to a new city and working as a paramedic. Everyone here is great. They have great families and tons of friends and most of them come from lots of money. So I feel like SUCH and outcast. I am so embarrassed, that I just keep my mouth shut and don't get close to people.  

  

I had a good friend say "You know, you're probably one of the nicest, smartest people I know. I'm glad to be your friend, bu you're always pushing me away."  

  

I guess my question is: How can I get through my shyness and fear and the prejudice and show people that I'm really a good friend? I can't help being quiet, especially around really outspoken women who intimidate me. And I know I intimidate other people, though not on purpose. SHould I talk about my past or hide it? How do I get over the fear of being judged? 

I can relate with you on this subject, I myself have never really had a "group" of friends.  I may have had one or two really good friends that I can remember.  One of those friends I still talk with to this day.  In high school I had more "aquiantices" than "friends".  That was fine by me.  I believe for people to have a good friendship should not be measured in quantity, but quality.  I myself, come off to be shy at first and then open up once people get to know me, that is what I have been told anyway.  And I believe it to be true, I just don't want to tell anybody personal things about myself.  Instead, I take the time to know someone and if I feel I can trust them, then I share my life stories with them.  If you really want to make more friends, college is the perfect place to do that.  There are always things going on, parties and what not, don't be afraid to let yourself out there.  But that is never going to happen if you think that you are bothering the person, most of the time I bet you aren't.  Infact, I'm sure you would have some pretty interesting stories, I mean, your getting a masters in structural engineering!  How cool is that!  You seem like a  determined, mature person and anyone would appreciate that.  Just give it a try, you'll see.