Topic : Difficulty Forming Friendships

"Choosing to have a Problem"

 

That's the KEY! Wouldn't think it but I really never understood that before,AND WHAT A SHAME!  For myself, me and I...Drat!  All this time and I was just a big fraidy Cat!  Scared of people!  Running, Hiding, Pushing others away!  SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST!!!  Well, I am a survivor all right!  But, HOW FRIGG'N HAPPY AM I?

 

Not MUCH!  Crap!  This newest of realizations super bites!  Thank goodness I am taking a trip out to my mothers house for a night or two!  I need my "mommy" hehehe, We never really grow out of that, do we?

 

Maybe it's "Just Me?"  But....WHATEVER!

 

Later~

GRAND NEWS ALL!

 

I found the "way" to making friends!  It's complicated, and it took me a lot of effort!  But!  and I do say BUT!  With perseverance and patience on both my and their parts!!  SUCCESS!!!  FOUND!!!

 

Now, here is what worked for me,maybe it can work for you also!  I DIDN'T GIVE UP!  I kept on posting myself and with honesty!  After some months, WELL!  It finally paid off! I found Posting board friends at ezboard!  That's kind'a similar a place as this.  Not everyone took to me at first, and I was banned here/there...no problem!  FOUND ME SOME FRIENDS! On top of "that" they are teaching me how to make and maintain friends...then I can take what I learn here and apply it to the "OUTER WORLD" ...GOOD STUFF!!

 

I suggest it to anyone having problems finding friendships...go look here..ezboard.com/P082/menofwar, and join in, ~if ya's want~

 

This whole, "meet others like you" draws me ...

Or should I say "Who"???? NOT "What"

 

I dunno!   I been searching for ppl like me, BUT IT'S RARE!  So!  guess I'll chill out and keep reading till someone wishes to seemingly be friends and whom reads my stuff and thinks maybe they might be able to handle a friendship with me?

 

~Check in another time, HAPPY GOD'S DAY ALL, that is "just me?" I believe Sudays belong to my faith?~

Define people 'like you'?

 

I don't know a lot of people 'like me', either. I like to keep it that way. People like me struggle to keep balance. We always go to extremes. For instance, we are lonely, but we like to be alone. We have a lot to say, but don't say anything. You know, stuff like that. Imagine two people who like to go to extremes and never find balance hanging out together. Imagine the damage. I like to find people with balance and make them my friends. That way, I learn balance.

 

What do you demand out of a friend that makes you so difficult to handle?

 

I sometimes find myself demanding that they drop the ball and come to my beck and call at once. It takes me a bit to catch myself in the act, but I'm getting the hang of it.

I agree...PARTLY...for me, with having multiple physical and mental disabilities.  The list is huge and I'm rather tired, so i'll return on details later...just wished to "touch base"..well make having friends hard.

 

So many just find me "frustrating" or "difficult" ... I guess, not really sure, since they kind'a ditch me usually without explanation ...NOT NICE!

 

Anyhoo...wanted to just make sure ya know I'll come back to this tomorrow ...and give ya some idea of "me"...silly me, but yep...I totally get ya on wishing for "balanced friends"

 

Just quick...I have what is known as "Borderline Personality Disorder"...now, i'm bad enuff..can't imagine two of "us types" trying to live in the same house, YIKES!

 

Okay, must go to bed now, 1:30am...OOPSI, stayed up too late again! hehehe, oh well, I'm disabled, can't work...and have no kids or a man to take care of...SO NO WORRIES!

 

~Post ya's Later....HUGS~

You know that borderline personality disorder isn't an incurable disease, right?

 

I was diagnosed with it four years ago. I too, kept wondering why people were running out my life. I don't know how else to say this without sounding somewhat fridgid,but, it's the root of your problem, babydoll. Being diagnosed with a borderline personality disorder basically means that you've very unstable, are immature, and can't cope with life on life's terms. You're also litigious (you make it everyone else's fault)

It makes it hard for people to be around you, period. Now hold on sec, don't get too upset, yet. I was undiagnosed with borderline personality disorder about 2 years ago. My life is completely different. I look back and fail to recognize the person I was because I am very different today. The first thing I learned was not to openly advertise the diagnosis. Do you have a counsellor?

 

And please don't lean on your physical crutch, my sweet one. You're much too strong for that. And I'm not that stupid. So, are you seeking treatment for that curable disease?

I had a best friend that I lost 2 years ago. (we were friends for 17 years)  She was 46 years old when she died.  I have not tried to replace her friendship.  Being friends with her came at a very high price for me.  She did the ultamate betrayal ... she screwed my husband.  After a long time of not talking to her I finally did forgive her, did not forget but I did forgive.  2 months before she passed away she told my husband some things (him and I were separated at the time) about me that he had no business knowing because we were separated.  I asked her why she did that and she told me that she was dying and she didn't give a @#%&.  3 weeks before she died we made peace again.  We made that peace over the phone.  She wanted me to come see her but I didn't make time because I was still hurt.  I am still struggling with that of not going to see her before she died, I miss her everyday and wonder if she really knew how much I loved her as my friend.  I don't have really any friends now.  My life and marriage is a constant up and down roller coaster and I keep everything inside.  My husband is very toxic but yet I am in a place I can not leave.  I would like to find a friend that can be my friend and can deal with me and my up and down life.  I hate my life the way it is but for now it is what it is.  One of these days I will leave my husband for good but for now I just would like to find a friend for me.

I am a 62 year old women.  I have been divorced for 40 years.  I raised 2 children on my own.  I have what I call a social phobia.  I go to work and I go home.  This is the sum of my Life. Needless to say I have no friends.   People seem to like to talk to me (they tell me their problems) and then they go away.  I admit I have absolutely no self-conficence.  I live in a world of fear.   I would like to communicate with anyone who may have a similar experience.   

Hi,

I read your post and you sound alot like me. I am 53.  I am still married,but the kids are all grown and gone.  My husband and I run a small welding shop together and all we do is work and go home and sleep.  We are both volunteer firemen too, so I have a few friends at the fire house.  Or do I. ???

 A few years back there was a big shake up at the fire department and my husband and I took a stand and decided to leave.  My "friends" didn't agree wtih the decision and didn't speak to me for a long while.  We eventually joined another fire department and a few of these "friends" eventually came to the same decision as we did and have followed to the new fire department.  But thngs still are not the same.  We had a fire training meeting last night.  When we walked in, my one friend was already there and she waived and I went and sat across the table from her.  We had our training and we all were mingling before we went home.  I tried talking to her as I do not see my friend very often and she just kept moving around the room not standing in one spot very long and if she saw me coming she would move to another spot.  I have 2 other fireman women friends and the one mentioned here and these other 2 all keep in touch and talk to each other all the time.  No one ever calls me.  No one ever comes by my office when they are in town.  I am just out there all by myself.  I have no idea what I ever did to these people.  I always try to be friendly when we are around each other, I send around emails  etc etc and I get nothing in return.  It's like I don't exist to them.  I always feel like they are mad at me or that I may have said somehting to offend them.  I am sad most of the time.  As you can see, this is where I end up.  I don't have anyone to talk to.  I sit at my desk  day after day and the only people I talk to are the ones that call our business.  Most of them are so stiff and official, you can't joke around with them, they act like they don't get it.  So life is pretty lonely.  And, like you I feel like I am being judged by everyone.