Dr. Phil.com - Messageboards - Difficulty Forming Friendships

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March 14, 2008, 5:17 pm PDT

Their all so busy!

I'm feeling lonely again because my two new friends have been so busy that I haven't heard or seen much of them at all. I know I should give them space and be patient, but its hard not to feel rejected. I haven't had a friend in a long time and I'm tired of being patient. I only got to hang out with my new friends twice and I haven't seen or heard very much of either one of them for three weeks. I'm so lonely! What should I do?

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reenie94

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March 16, 2008, 3:54 pm PDT

Difficulty Forming Friendships

Quote From: elendil2

I'm feeling lonely again because my two new friends have been so busy that I haven't heard or seen much of them at all. I know I should give them space and be patient, but its hard not to feel rejected. I haven't had a friend in a long time and I'm tired of being patient. I only got to hang out with my new friends twice and I haven't seen or heard very much of either one of them for three weeks. I'm so lonely! What should I do?

I can relate to how you feel, I have felt very lonely at various times in my life. As I've gotten older I've concentrated on doing things that interest me and are meaningful to me (like volunteer work, etc.) vs. concentrating on making friends. What I've found is that friendships happen more naturally when I'm doing something that excites me or is important to me. Does this make sense? I have many friendships right now that have stemmed from activities where we have a shared set of values or interests. For example: If you love art, you could start going to art shows, take art classes, volunteer a couple of hours a week at a small gallery or museum, etc. (I have a friend who is really into her dogs. She's formed friendships by going to the same dog park every day.) The point is to find something you love to do and do it. Friendships will probably follow. I hope this makes sense and helps.

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reenie94

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March 16, 2008, 4:04 pm PDT

Difficulty Forming Friendships

Quote From: elendil2

I'm feeling lonely again because my two new friends have been so busy that I haven't heard or seen much of them at all. I know I should give them space and be patient, but its hard not to feel rejected. I haven't had a friend in a long time and I'm tired of being patient. I only got to hang out with my new friends twice and I haven't seen or heard very much of either one of them for three weeks. I'm so lonely! What should I do?

Hi again, I just looked back and saw that Julie gave you similar advice regarding meeting people through interests. Didn't mean to be repetitive. I truly do think it helps to be passionate about something and to do activites around that passion. I know it's hard to be patient but good friends will eventually come your way.

Hope you're having a good weekend.

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ladytiger

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March 16, 2008, 11:08 pm PDT

making new friends hard? why do i still have fear in me?

Hello everyone! i got have a prob. i have been busy with school and stuff. i also have been working to improve myself for a while. i have been going to meetups with hobbies that interest me, for some reason, i still have a lot of fear in me. i used to be outgoing, but then being sheltered in my house cuz of my mom ive lost everything. i still cant seem to ask someone if they want to get together, have lunch, or hang out. even when i like someone i still cant ask them at all, i dont know what to do. i have been working on my communication skills and i am improving .

i feel as though i cant do this self improvement by myself, i have been thinking about goin to toastmasters to help with my confidence and improve my interpersonal com skills. am i incapable of asking someone to have lunch with me? i still get scared of asking people. even at this meet up i go to, there was a few women i wanted to make friends with but i couldnt open my mouth up, what is wrong with me?!

also, i use myspace to make friends offline but that always leads to HUGE disappointments. i tend to meet ppl who are always losers, no aspirations, fake, liars, high school dropouts, or sex freaks! i dont know what it is about my ads or profiles i write, but those are the ones who email me. im 22, i feel like i am missing out on life like parties, clubs, local bands, etc. my spring break is over now and i wanted to do some volunteering but that didnt seem to happen. i have found a new way to really improve myself by using eft. is there a way i can be an outgoing person again? do i find making friends is hard for me? any opinions or advice?

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elendil2

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March 25, 2008, 6:16 am PDT

I get scared too

Quote From: ladytiger

Hello everyone! i got have a prob. i have been busy with school and stuff. i also have been working to improve myself for a while. i have been going to meetups with hobbies that interest me, for some reason, i still have a lot of fear in me. i used to be outgoing, but then being sheltered in my house cuz of my mom ive lost everything. i still cant seem to ask someone if they want to get together, have lunch, or hang out. even when i like someone i still cant ask them at all, i dont know what to do. i have been working on my communication skills and i am improving .

i feel as though i cant do this self improvement by myself, i have been thinking about goin to toastmasters to help with my confidence and improve my interpersonal com skills. am i incapable of asking someone to have lunch with me? i still get scared of asking people. even at this meet up i go to, there was a few women i wanted to make friends with but i couldnt open my mouth up, what is wrong with me?!

also, i use myspace to make friends offline but that always leads to HUGE disappointments. i tend to meet ppl who are always losers, no aspirations, fake, liars, high school dropouts, or sex freaks! i dont know what it is about my ads or profiles i write, but those are the ones who email me. im 22, i feel like i am missing out on life like parties, clubs, local bands, etc. my spring break is over now and i wanted to do some volunteering but that didnt seem to happen. i have found a new way to really improve myself by using eft. is there a way i can be an outgoing person again? do i find making friends is hard for me? any opinions or advice?

I understand how you feel, I have a huge fear of rejection and it makes it hard for me to make friends. Since I struggle with the same thing you do, I don't know how I can help. The good thing is that your going to meetings and groups that does things that you like. So you have the oppertunity to meet new people. Other than church I don't go anywhere else to meet new people. I know I should, but it scares me. I've been told its not a good idea to make friends on the internet, its better to make friends you can talk to face-to-face. I wish I could help you with this, but I can't. I need to do a lot of work on myself as well.

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jdrabble

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March 25, 2008, 10:54 pm PDT

Hi There :)

Quote From: lforbidden

Hello,

The reason I believe I have difficulty forming friendships is because I have a really hard time trusting people. In my past it seems I have only been able to form friendships with people who seek to hurt me in some way. I find that a lot of other women seem to see me as competition, or vice versa.

I also feel that because I'm only 22, and I had a child at the age of 20, that I don't look for the same qualities in friends that most 22 year olds would look for. If I try to make friends with people around my age group, it seems that their interests differ greatly from mine. For example, they would rather go out drinking with their college buddies than hang out with my son and I. On the other side, if I try to form friendships with other moms or people older than me, I feel as though they look down upon me. I feel like I'm being judged because I'm younger and haven't had as much experience as them.

I'm not sure if I'm just not looking in the right place for frienships, but whatever I have been doing in the past hasn't worked. Suggestions and advice are welcome.

Hi I know exactly how you are feeling I am 21 and have kids and Im having problems like that too.

It seems as though everyone my age is too busy having fun and would prefer to go to parties then spend time with me and my kids.

And then if I make friends with older people it seems as though they still view me a a child.

Its becoming more and more frustrating to find friends and although my kids keep me busy and i love spending time with them and my fiance, I feel lonely and wish i could meet some friends.

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ladytiger

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March 27, 2008, 10:30 am PDT

Difficulty Forming Friendships

Quote From: elendil2

I understand how you feel, I have a huge fear of rejection and it makes it hard for me to make friends. Since I struggle with the same thing you do, I don't know how I can help. The good thing is that your going to meetings and groups that does things that you like. So you have the oppertunity to meet new people. Other than church I don't go anywhere else to meet new people. I know I should, but it scares me. I've been told its not a good idea to make friends on the internet, its better to make friends you can talk to face-to-face. I wish I could help you with this, but I can't. I need to do a lot of work on myself as well.

True, meeting ppl offline dont seem to make good friends. everybody has a myspace account and i cant understand how ppl made great friends off of myspace and i didnt. i met my fiance off of myspace which was very successful. try using a site called meetup.com to find ppl with similar interests thats what i use but where i live, the hobbies i like are way 2 far from me.

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chisaibunny

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April 15, 2008, 6:45 pm PDT

My Schtick XP

It's always easier to make friends online! :o I should know I'm just a lil teenage girl with a laptop and too much time on my hands X3!! I think it's actually sad though ;( I think I've figured out why it is we are able to be friendly online and not offline. X3 When it comes down to it I wonder why this wasn't obvious before. It seems to me that it's easier to judge someone when your looking right at them rather than looking at what they're typing. You really don't know who's on the other side but that never really matters to people. But when you're staring at them their posture, they're hair and facial expressions and all that it makes your brain judge them. Its not always your fault thats just how human brains work. I wouldn't say I have a ton of friends but I do know a lot of people who are nice to me at school and that's nice but I'm still looking for a REAL friend. Not someone to just pal around with at school and talk to them. I have a friend whom I always hang out with at school and we allllwwwaayyys poke fun with each other and have a great time at school but we never and I repeat NEVER do anything outside of school. We tried meeting up last summer but she always bailed on me. ;( We even tried during school but something always came up with her.... >_> Made me wonder but I just figured whatever. BUT!!! ALL HOPE IS NOT LOST!! >:3 I couldn't be happier to say that I think I've actually found a friend friend. Last Friday was the second time I went over to his house and the week before that he came over mine and we pwned at video games and sang the ending theme song like drunken monkies. XD So far he hasn't bailed on me or like....I donno!!! XD It's just nice to finally have someone who wants me around. Wow this is long but I'm going to keep typing XD. Online I have alot of friends and they all seem like people I'd totally love to hang with especially since most of them are totally obsessed with anime like I am! *psychotic fangirl* I'm not sure where I'm going with this so I'll just say make sure you cling to your REALLY good friends never ditch them or end it all just because some stupid fight it's bad to gossip don't do drugs and stay in school. X3!!

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teresambanks

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May 20, 2008, 3:25 pm PDT

Haven't had a true friend in a long time

Hi all, I felt I had to add my two sense in to this. I have not had a true friend in a really long time. It seems as though people are only out for what they can get out of you and once you have nothing to give then you never see them again. I am a very generous and giving person and it seems as though I am always getting taking advantage of to the point that I have totally isolated myself from the outside world. Which solves nothing because I like to have people around. My husband says that I expect people to be perfect. I am not expecting perfection as no one is perfect. All I ask is for honesty and respect. Is that too much to ask?

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eday1987

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May 21, 2008, 7:32 pm PDT

hi

Quote From: teresambanks

Hi all, I felt I had to add my two sense in to this. I have not had a true friend in a really long time. It seems as though people are only out for what they can get out of you and once you have nothing to give then you never see them again. I am a very generous and giving person and it seems as though I am always getting taking advantage of to the point that I have totally isolated myself from the outside world. Which solves nothing because I like to have people around. My husband says that I expect people to be perfect. I am not expecting perfection as no one is perfect. All I ask is for honesty and respect. Is that too much to ask?

Hi,

I completely understand how you feel. It would always appear that people would often be so ungrateful and you would often ask yourself "why bother?" What this says to me, is that it is a trust issue. This sounds like you haven't really trust yourself enough to know for sure that they're people that will fall in your life that will make mistakes wether is forgivable ot unforgivable. Also, each bad experience you had with a person, try to learn from it so that you would never bump into those types again or not as much. but if you have questions? don't hesitate to ask

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Topic : Difficulty Forming Friendships

Their all so busy!

Difficulty Forming Friendships

Difficulty Forming Friendships

making new friends hard? why do i still have fear in me?

I get scared too

Hi There :)

Difficulty Forming Friendships

My Schtick XP

Haven't had a true friend in a long time

hi