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Topic : 10/02 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp Newlyweds, Part 3

Number of Replies: 95
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Created on : Saturday, September 29, 2007, 09:04:43 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Three newlywed couples in trouble continue their work in The Dr. Phil House. John and Karla, Jim and Kim, and Jack and Danielle all say that Dr. Phil’s man camp for newlyweds is their last hope before they call it quits. Even though they’ve all been married for less than a year, they already believe that verbal abuse, 911 calls and physical fighting is normal for their marriage. Dr. Phil says this group is one of the most dramatic he’s seen -- drinking, threatening to leave, pointing fingers at each other and fighting about ridiculous topics. With intense exercises and tasks, can these couples rein in the juvenile behavior to focus on fixing the problems? Tell us what you think!

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October 2, 2007, 10:26 am CDT

Love & Respect

These couples should start focusing on love & respecting themselves first and then their relationship second.  They are caught in what Emerson Eggerich calls the 'Crazy Cycle' where without love from the husband the wife reacts without respect towards the husband and without respect the husband reacts without love towards his wife and the cycle goes on and on.  One of these 2 people have to be willing to break the cycle and these couples need to grow up, especially the ones that have children. 

These parents are teaching their children the same crap that they were probably taught as they were growing up.  Without meeting these people, they are probably mimicking their parents.  You know the old saying, "Monkey see, monkey do". 

We are living in a disposable society and I hope these couples try to make things work.  If not, they will be part of the thousands of couples that get divorced each year.  If they do get divorced, they might want to check out www.divorcecare.org.  Good luck couples!!!! 

 
October 2, 2007, 10:36 am CDT

Man Camp

Just dont get it why did all three couple even got married they should of waited.Now that they are doing wrong,they should GROW UP if  they cant move on then get out of the marriage its just going to get worse..

 

Ill be watching the show later to see if they will stop there abusive.

GOOD LUCK

 
October 2, 2007, 12:55 pm CDT

I've been with a "Jack" before

I nearly married someone very similar to Jack.  For the two and half years of our relationship, he threatened me, mentally and verbally abused me, tried pushing me out of a car, pushed me, threatened to hit me, stomped on my self-esteem, and I could never, EVER do anything right...

 

For the time we were together, he led me to believe I would never be a good person without him.  I lived with his parents and after I left him, he admitted it was because if I lived anywhere else, he would never know where I was or what I was doing.  He manipulated me.  He put me down, daily.  I lost weight.  I couldn't do anything right.  I had to wear special clothes for him.  And each time it upset me, I'd get the same old apology over and over again.  I finally got away from him.  It's been ... wow, ten years since we've been together and today, I am blessed with a loving, caring husband and three beautiful children.  But, even today, even now ... there are times I am still not away from him.  There are times someone says something and I end up either cowering like I did when I was with him or exploding in an angry rage, nearly losing control of my emotions.  Even though I have left him, there is a part of my past with him that has not left me.

 

I hope to God Jack and his wife can work through this.  I would never want to see a couple divorced.  But, she does not need to be damaged by this man and she is allowing it to happen - Danielle, you are allowing him to treat you this way.  I thought I loved this man I was with for over two years.  It turns out I couldn't even love myself, so how could I have ever loved him???? I honestly believe she needs to get out and be on her own.  She needs to learn about herself before she could even allow herself to be back with him or be with someone else.

 
October 2, 2007, 1:08 pm CDT

ummm plain & simple

Quote From: dreamgirlet

Wow, I look at Jack on the show and he's tame compared to some of the people I've had to work with. I'm not trivializing what Jack has done or is doing, he is acting very immature and manipulating. It's so reminiscent of this guy I know. I wish I could get this couple I worked with in man camp. You would not believe this couple. The man is a manipulator beyond belief. His wife can't even attend church because he "imagines" her to have an affair even if she looks someones direction. He has beat her, abused her on many levels. He hasn't hit her lately because one of his own family members called the police on him. When they came in and sought help from me I knew how controlling and "know it all" he was. My approach is a lot like Dr. Phil's....so as a woman I had my husband stay in the office with me just in case. It took only 10 minutes for this guy to blow up and yell at me. My husband made him stand down. This man is a very hurting individual that had to put up with a murder in his family. I truly wish the show would help this couple. Trouble is I know he wouldn't go. I think about them a lot. I'm no longer in that city to be there for her but I worry about her. I wish she would wake up before something drastic happens.
you need to help get that woman out of there.  There is no "helping the couple" or him.  Here is some reading for you http://www.lundybancroft.com/pages/articles.html  According to Lundy Bancroft if there is an abuser who is attending couples threapy it will more than likely do more harm than good.  Abusive men are normally emotional batterers as well and that's how it normally starts.  for them to go to "therapy" they would just take what the therapist is suggesting & use it against their victim &/or he's just being armed with more reasoning for her to stay "I'm working on all this & going to therapy etc. you just want to throw in the towel" etc. etc.  They're master manipulators & in couples counseling they're just given phycological jargin to spin more of an arguement with & to use to confuse their victim &/or have their victims thinking it's their fault & they deserve it etc.  Many abusers actually look to go to couples counseling to re-enforce their position & re-enforce what they think it "wrong with you" the victim.  If you're telling then what they don't want to hear or you don't re-enforce their position they'll move on to the next therapist/counselor.   
 
October 2, 2007, 1:20 pm CDT

Very sad

 Ive been married for 26 years and honestly me and my husband has never had a fight where it became where these couples are sure we have spats thats normal but come on they don't even know how to love them self's let alone each other I'm hoping Dr. Phil can help these couples because I have taken my vows very seriously  do they remember the part what God has joined together let no man put under                         
 
October 2, 2007, 1:21 pm CDT

10/02 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp Newlyweds, Part 3

Quote From: trisda777

Proverbs 27: 17 "As iron sharpens iron, so people can improve each other". In this verse, "each other" literally means: companion or friend; neighbor or associate. In other words, God uses every relationship to improve us and to accomplish His will for our lives. People come into our lives for eternal reasons. Relationships are mirrors! In them, we see reflections of ourselves! Relationships expose the weaknesses we try so hard to bury! Relationships teach us important lessons like forgiveness, patience, kindness, goodness and self-control. Many times, God builds His qualities in us by allowing certain people to come into our lives. He calls it "Iron sharpening iron".
If we need to learn patience, He brings irritating people into our lives. If we need to learn to love, He will bring the unlovable! God takes those people we call "difficult" and uses them as pruning tools, tools of molding and refining. If we fail to learn from one, He will send another! Even if we do learn from one, He will send another to teach us a different lesson.
Relationships are compasses. Proverbs 15:22 "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed." (NIV) God brings all kinds of people into our lives to teach us, encourage us and guide us.

 

I don't necessarily disagree that people come into our lives for a reason &/or that there is reason behind things that happen etc.  However I can assure you that there is *nothing that even remotely resembles my life in the relationships of these people*.  And now if you mean the relationship mirrors the weakness of the individuals in the relationship yes I can see or understand this as well.  I just find it very sad that there are so many that are lacking in the ability to have any emotional intelligence &/or to think beyond their own feelings. 

 

My husband has brough a *great deal to my life* and I've also always felt he was a true gift from God for me & that isn't because I have this image of him being perfect but simply because of all the qualities he does posess and his flaws as well!  I could write books on this there is so much to be said & perhaps that is why I have so much trouble when I see couples like this.  I can't imagine not having my husband & what he has brought to me in the way of support, love  & those lessons you speak of never mind these husbands who just *heap on more heart ach & pain* and do the opposite of supporting the person they professed to love.  I find it sad & a waste & yes I think they should all be ashamed of the way they behave because I can remember people behaving this way & it was in freshmen & sophmore year of high school.  they act like raging teens or something and they need to grow up.   

 
October 2, 2007, 1:56 pm CDT

Jack and Danielle

I am curious as to WHY these couples married. If Jack and Danielle have only been married for 6 weeks, these problems had to have surfaced before they wed. Jack is a classic bully and will likely never change. It seemed Dr. Phil was giving her a strong hint to GET OUT of that doomed relationship. I find these couples very immature and very difficult to watch.
 
October 2, 2007, 1:58 pm CDT

THE EDGE OF THEPAGE

Jack had the same effect on Dannielle that my ex had on me. I was never pretty enough, caring enough, able to do my chores effeciently enough for his taste. In essence I could do nothing right, BUT one day I had a revelation- I was good enough FOR HIM. He chose me, therefore IF he chose me then I had to be okay. I packed my bags and my children's and got the heckout of Dodge!!

When it came to the divorce he pulled every dirty trick in the book, so enraging a judge to the point that his rights was terminated to the children.

I am now married for 24 years to a wonderful man who adopted the children and we have not been unhappy a day that I can recall, we fought at first over trivial stuff but he realized the circumstance behind the flare up and we worked them out maturely and the children are better off than I had anticipated with the early examples that had been set for them, I am so thankful that they came out undamaged- it could have been very bad for them... SINCE children imitate behavior of the adults in their lives.

 
October 2, 2007, 1:59 pm CDT

Jack and Danielle

I am in a relationship very similar to  Jack and Danielle's. Jack is sooooo manipulative. Danielle doesn't have enough insight into his behaviors. I think that Jack is narcissistic. Even when i watched the face to face at the end between these two. All Jack knows is me me me. He told her, even when we are arguing i would like for you to be there for me.  No matter what she is going through she still has to be there for him. He says nothing about being supportive of her. She needs counseling.  That is the only thing that will give her strength until she has the power to leave. Because he will never change. Narcissist never do. Information for them is amuntion.  
 
October 2, 2007, 2:01 pm CDT

IMATURE

MY mother always sid one blow you go, life is short enough and twisted that living as these people do would give me ulcers big time. I have been hitched 34 years one 28 year old daughter not married and still looking but I have told her take your time to know him good and bad before you jump in and regret it later. But now days even living together still does not do the trick so god help them all and really they all need to live alone and live in their own hell and not drag someone else in much less kids. Go figure I am so glad I don,t have that problem. I think when my husband snores if I could push him out of bed but compared to their problembs hey let him snore.
 
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