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Topic : Ending Toxic Friendships

Number of Replies: 486
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:20:14 am
Author : dataimport
It can be hard to extricate yourself from a friendship gone bad. Share your stories and strategies for handling this sticky situation.

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September 4, 2008, 5:13 pm CDT

Secrettiger

Quote From: secrettiger

I feel really sad for you because the way you have worded this post is really telling. Everything is happening to you, you are not an active particapant in any of your relashionships it seems. You see your self as a victimwhere sex in concerned. You have had some sexual abuse/abandentment issues in the past? You can't deal with what in the present if you are still living in past.

 

you say

". Their intentions seem genuine, at first, then sex usually becomes a part of it with the men and even some women, and if sex isn't in the equasion, then its some kind of attachement that they feel towards me that makes them want to be around me. I have no time nor do I want to make time, for people of this sort, yet, on a daily basis I am confronted by men that approach me in sexual ways; even if I am not interested."

 

You very well may be sending mixed mesages.

 It's one thing to get alot of catcalls on the walk to work, those people can't tell if your interested or not. Something you might not know, & I don't mean to talk down to you at all, is: men are attracted to women.

Hetro men love women, saggy chest, wobbly bum, old, young, ugly, smelly, pretty, bitchy, men just love women.

If a man can hit on you & thinks he will get a response he will...& even if he thinks he wont he will just in case. A man is always ready to flirt even without the hopes he could ever date or bed the girl. Try to think of it as love & admeration for women & their sexual attraction, not agression. If a man wanted to be agressive sexualy he could do more then come on to you if he wanted to. 

 

But every friend you have, male & female, trying to sleep with you, you have to take responablity for at the least the choices in friends you are making. If you find that you can not get away from the victim/predtor issue, even with friends, you need to address that issue of feeling helpless with your doctor.

 

As far as your mothers boyfriend making a sexual comment to you after your mothers death says a few things. & looking at the way you worded thisreally has me worried for you,

Your dead mothers boyfriend makes a sexual comment to you. What this comment was I don't know. You are hypersexulized it seems because of some bad stuff that went down so did he tell you that you have nice legs & if he was 30 yeas younger he would be your sweetheart or did he ask you if he could come over to your home & have sex with you?

 

Being sexual is not a light bulb that flotes behind us, only turning on & off at certen times. Our sexualy  is a fluid part of us that can not be taken away  if you want to be a healthy person. Someone can be attracted to you & still love & respect you.

Now can your mothers boyfriend let you know of his attraction & still be showing you love & respect? No. His calling is abusive if he pushes the attraction issue. If he is being abusive & you are still taking his calls then you need to talk to your doctor about finding the guts to stop picking up the phone, & if need be get a restraining order.

 

"I don't know how to deal with my hurt of his ability to see me as a sexual object, even though he has come to terms with it, and I am having a hard time being his friend because underneath I will never be able to forget he violated me and m y mom with his sexual needs"

 

Please tell me you are not still taking calls from a man that molested you & abused your mother. If he did that to you then you NEVER have to talk to him again. You have no oblagation to make someone feel good that treats you bad. As soon as someone treats you bad they  brake the contract that is a relashionship. It's now null & void. You own them nothing.

 

"I know people have sexual needs, but how does a girl remain friends with men that she knows are intersted sexually? Is it possible?"

 

It is possible, but at this time in your life I don't think it's healthy for you to be around people that are expressing sexual intrest in you. You are having a hard time with choosing the right people to be friends with & sending mixed messages. At the moment you need to worry about you. Put the peoplein your life on the back burner. Some day it will be possible for you to have frendships but not right now.

 

"To the men: Can you be friends with someone that does not want to have sex with"

 

Again, Yes, men can be friends with someone who dosnt want to sleep with them. If they are sane they wont be angry or weird. Take it as a rule for the next year: anyone who express an interest in sleeping with you in a way that makes you feel bad, even if it's the smallest thing, let them know that you need a break from the friendship for your health, or heck, just dont tell them anything, you can always make new friends. Think of your city or town. Well there are more of them out there then you could go through in one lifetime.

 

get well

 

I appreciate your response and the time it took to write it. You must be a very fast typist? :)

 

I have to agree with almost all of your post. Of course there will be some discrepancies because of the missing parts. I have thankfully, been working diligently with my therapist on assertiveness and agression and I have been finding my learned approach to the different types of people has been a little misconstrued. Not being a victim, per say, I had a pretty shaky upbringing, unavailable parents, rejection and verbal abuse. Then it just became a belief system that people are basically schmucks. :)

 

But I know this is not true for all.

 

So, I am seeing that different people require different approaches. My mothers boyfriend, one week after my mom died, and I, met at a restaurant in her neighborhood. After lunch and getting ready to pay the bill he told me about his needs not being met (since my mom died) and would I want to go to a hotel. So I would say that was blatently abusive. I took his calls because I thought the miles apart would keep me safe.....but a conscience and the heart cannot be separated by time or space.  I don't feel responsible for his happiness....I did feel compassion for him......but now I see how horrible it was. I talk to him maybe one a month ? and it is very non chalant...thank goodness.

 

I agree that I am not emotionally healthy enough to fall in love....real love....unconditional love...only because I have also been separated for close to a year now.....the divorce hopefully will happen in a few weeks. I tend to feel "sorry" for people. without tending to my sorrow...thats the problem. I don't think I am co dependant just a sucker for a good sob story.

 

The sexual thing is something I have dealt with all my life and I know men drool over their sisters for christ sake......I am not that nieve...and I don't think I am special because men want to have sex with me. I know I am just another notch in their bedpost...but I believe I hide behind my sexuality because that is what I think is the most powerful tool to attract...then when I do attract I am surprised? Not really. I know I am the one controlling it to an extent. If men weren't attracted to me I would be very sad..:(

 

Somehow I did not pick up the tool of assertiveness and self needs. But I belive I am on the way. My therapist cried today when I told her about an epiphany I had......It gets easier when we are honest with ourselves, first.   Have a good one and I appreciate your good wishes.

 

 

 
September 19, 2008, 2:15 pm CDT

My TOXIC? Friendship???

I'm just curious about what the rest of the world would say about my situation.  Two months after my divorce from an emotionally abusive man, I met what I believe to be the absolute love of my life.  We dated for about four months and he took a job 5 hours away.  We had talked about the entire spectrum of life together, and I thought we were set to go, but then one day he said he was "scared" and I blew up.  Throughout the last year we have been in touch.  We've met a couple of times at weddings of mutual friends, and hung out.  He got sick and I rushed to be by his side, only to have his mother tell me to leave.  After he recovered, he tried to call and at first I told him I couldn't handle this "love me, love me not" game.  But then, I decided to be a "true" friend and he began calling me about once a week, to talk for a couple of hours at a time.  This has been going on for the past 3 months.

 

I've grown in the past year.  I'm not the shell of the woman he met.  I'm more confident in my direction, more stable in my life, and more comfortable with who I am as a person and what I bring to the table.  It surprises him now, and at our last conversation he said that he had gotten used to being "careful" of me because I was so "needy" before.  He was sorry for not giving me enough credit.  Sad that we didn't talk about what really attracted us to each other because apparently the feeling is mutual that our level of attraction is a lot deeper than just physical.  I'm at a place in my life where I don't need him to feel whole, but I enjoy him.  I don't know what he really is feeling...and he doesn't either.  In the same conversation that sparked what I said above, he admitted to pretending like he wasn't talking to me to a mutual friend who had asked him if he'd invited me on a trip they were all planning.  I told him he needed to figure out where he stood on everything...either he's ashamed, scared, or embarrassed.  That insecurity makes me feel like this is a "toxic friendship."  If he was secure with where we stood, he wouldn't have to pretend and I wouldn't be left to try to figure out if it's worth being friends with him.   I want what's best for him regardless of whether we work out as something more than friends.  At the very least I'd like to remain friends because I value him as a person.  I just wish he'd get it right in his head what he feels/thinks...

 

 

 
September 19, 2008, 5:34 pm CDT

One more thing

I'm glad there is a place to discuss these things.  Looking through the 45 pages thus far, I see that a lot of us face similar issues...just different players.

 

I also feel the need to clarify something.  If the person I spoke about earlier were to come to me right now and say "I've been an idiot, you're the one, let's do this," I wouldn't.  I've grown a lot, but I'm not ready for marriage yet.  I've still got a lot more growing to do.  I don't dislike that he's confused or unsure, as much as I love him and honestly hope that a few years down the road it really could be "Him."  What hurt me was knowing that after everything we've been through and the long, heart-to-heart conversations, he still feels the need to tell others that we're casual friends and yet admit/agree with me that our bond is stronger than a regular friendship...regardless of if we ever get married.  BtW, we're both 30 and he's been in three serious relationships with me at five months being his longest, and I've been in two relationships counting him and the emotionally abusive ex-husband of 6 years.

 

I just want him to get it right and I want me to get it right because I want us to get it right.  It's the only way we'll know if this friendship is right!!

 

P.S.  I don't consider myself "waiting around on him" because should a good man cross my path and we make eye contact, I'm open to it...

 
September 20, 2008, 2:56 am CDT

I sort of ended it, but something's just not right....

 (Please excuse the long post, I felt the whole story needed to be told and this is my first post here.) 

 

 

 I had a friend of six years that, well, it wasn't the perfect friendship, but we seemed so compatible anyway. We understood each other and had very similar views on the world and how it worked with only a few things differing. She was a little bit abusive, but I always kind of took it as a playful thing, you know, and she was bigger than I was.

 

 I didn't notice until recently how many excuses I'd been making for her. Her family wass not one of nurturing, she was just another mouth to feed until she could start pulling her own eweight and her sister was obviously the favorite child. Her sister was often a bad influence on her, which it broke my heart to watch ass she slowly became her sister. When over at her apartment my friend's sister would let her drink and smoke pot with the rest of her friends, people who her own sister didn't trust half the time, I don't know how any one could let go of their good judgement around people who didn't have any good jugement from the begining anyway!

 

 I always let my friend know where I stood though, and she was very respectful of that. I knew I couldn't convince her to stop being so stupid (not for my lack of trying, however) but we did come to an understandding that she would not do anything of the sort around me!

 

 I like to think of myself as a very social person. I enjoy having people around me, all kinds of people, and I like to think I'm easy to get along with. My friend was the one who introduced me to AIM and all that stuff and we got to talking on there.

 

 I hated it. Talking to her on AIM it... she somehow seemed dumb, like someone had dumped half of her brain out and we were quick to get into arguments. So we didn't talk for a while like that and ran up the phone bills instead.

 

 Eventually though we both ended up doing our schooling online, which meant it was just easier to talk to each other that way, so we did, and things seemed to go well for a while.

 

 Then we started argueing again. It seemed no matter what she was out to disagree with everything I said. Again though I made excuses for her and continued to talk to her in person which, thank God, was so much easier. Until her sister moved back in with her and her parents. Her parents had given her sisterthe bigger room to share with her boyfriend and my friend was stuck in her old tiny one. Then the fights started happening in real life. We would fight about EVERYTHING! it got to the point where I would make excuses not to see her.

 

 But we become friendly again and I made the mistake of telling her one of my most hidden secrets. I don't want to say it here but it was something very personal and she didn't even react. I felt so terrible after that, that I hadn't gotten a single bit of comfort from her and that she'd even turned my problem around so she could pity herself!

 

Again though I gave her excuses.

 

 ventually though it got to the point where I couldn't make excuses for our fights anymore. We're both way into art and I'll admit I have more talent than she does, but I've been nothing but supportive of her. (She is much better at working photos than I am though.) Our last fight happened a little over am onth ago over some advice I was giving her.

 

 I was showing her a drawing of a common mistake most people make when drawing the human body, and she was very quick to tell me what a jerk I was for saying that that picture had anything wrong with it. She defeneded that picture like it was her pet cat and I was some knife weilding maniac, smashing "It's just the STYLE!"s over my head, which is a common defense for anyone who can't take a little critiqueing.

 

 By that point she was swearing at me and I'd had enough, I started to hyperventilate because it was like all those other fights we'd had that I had kept quiet about come up and slapped me in the face. I was boardering on an anxiety attack over this and I told her EXACTLY how I felt about her being so rude to me (maybe a little meaner than I had intended but at that point I was tired of being hurt.)

 

 When she'd had enough of me her sister suddenly became her best friend and came to her rescue,  insulting me and being a huge, well, you know what, just for the sake of making me feel bad. Not guilty, no, she doesn't care about that, she just wanted to make me feel lower than mud, telling me how bad my own art was and how I shouldn't critisize until I could paint a Davinici (all this coming from a person who couldn't trace a stick figure.)

 

 I'm a very sensitive person, so all of this got to me, but when Icalmed down and realized that we'd had probably the biggest fight of our friendship I quickly IMed her again, saying that the internet is not the place for us to talk, since it seemed to start our troubles, and that if she wanted to talk I would be waiting for the phone to ring. I quickly blocked her from contacting me on every sight we knew each other on.

 

 Her sister couldn't resist IMing me on her acount then for another stab at me, buit I quickly blocked her too. Then I came to a realization. My friend has had a history that I didn't even realize of being my best friend one minute, then if we do fight, finding a new best friend to defend her from me.

 

 She was a good friend when she wanted to be, and I'm still waiting to see if she'll call. But I'm not sure if she's healthy for me. She has very extreem views on some things that I find important (for instance she firmly beleives in beating children when they're bad. Not spanking, beating, thank goodness she doesn't have any yet.) And she's irresponsible with her health, along with having this obsession with saving her money up for a tattoo, instead of things she really needs, like a working computer for school, which my own brother would build for her for less than a tattoo would cost! 

 

 Am I being too picky, and  should I apologize to her? Or is she as toxic as I think she is, and just give her a final good by. My emotions have been running rampant over this, and I don't think they can rest until I can finally fix this relationship, or end it for good.

 
September 20, 2008, 4:44 am CDT

Your post was long, my response is short.

Quote From: wolftehdev

 (Please excuse the long post, I felt the whole story needed to be told and this is my first post here.) 

 

 

 I had a friend of six years that, well, it wasn't the perfect friendship, but we seemed so compatible anyway. We understood each other and had very similar views on the world and how it worked with only a few things differing. She was a little bit abusive, but I always kind of took it as a playful thing, you know, and she was bigger than I was.

 

 I didn't notice until recently how many excuses I'd been making for her. Her family wass not one of nurturing, she was just another mouth to feed until she could start pulling her own eweight and her sister was obviously the favorite child. Her sister was often a bad influence on her, which it broke my heart to watch ass she slowly became her sister. When over at her apartment my friend's sister would let her drink and smoke pot with the rest of her friends, people who her own sister didn't trust half the time, I don't know how any one could let go of their good judgement around people who didn't have any good jugement from the begining anyway!

 

 I always let my friend know where I stood though, and she was very respectful of that. I knew I couldn't convince her to stop being so stupid (not for my lack of trying, however) but we did come to an understandding that she would not do anything of the sort around me!

 

 I like to think of myself as a very social person. I enjoy having people around me, all kinds of people, and I like to think I'm easy to get along with. My friend was the one who introduced me to AIM and all that stuff and we got to talking on there.

 

 I hated it. Talking to her on AIM it... she somehow seemed dumb, like someone had dumped half of her brain out and we were quick to get into arguments. So we didn't talk for a while like that and ran up the phone bills instead.

 

 Eventually though we both ended up doing our schooling online, which meant it was just easier to talk to each other that way, so we did, and things seemed to go well for a while.

 

 Then we started argueing again. It seemed no matter what she was out to disagree with everything I said. Again though I made excuses for her and continued to talk to her in person which, thank God, was so much easier. Until her sister moved back in with her and her parents. Her parents had given her sisterthe bigger room to share with her boyfriend and my friend was stuck in her old tiny one. Then the fights started happening in real life. We would fight about EVERYTHING! it got to the point where I would make excuses not to see her.

 

 But we become friendly again and I made the mistake of telling her one of my most hidden secrets. I don't want to say it here but it was something very personal and she didn't even react. I felt so terrible after that, that I hadn't gotten a single bit of comfort from her and that she'd even turned my problem around so she could pity herself!

 

Again though I gave her excuses.

 

 ventually though it got to the point where I couldn't make excuses for our fights anymore. We're both way into art and I'll admit I have more talent than she does, but I've been nothing but supportive of her. (She is much better at working photos than I am though.) Our last fight happened a little over am onth ago over some advice I was giving her.

 

 I was showing her a drawing of a common mistake most people make when drawing the human body, and she was very quick to tell me what a jerk I was for saying that that picture had anything wrong with it. She defeneded that picture like it was her pet cat and I was some knife weilding maniac, smashing "It's just the STYLE!"s over my head, which is a common defense for anyone who can't take a little critiqueing.

 

 By that point she was swearing at me and I'd had enough, I started to hyperventilate because it was like all those other fights we'd had that I had kept quiet about come up and slapped me in the face. I was boardering on an anxiety attack over this and I told her EXACTLY how I felt about her being so rude to me (maybe a little meaner than I had intended but at that point I was tired of being hurt.)

 

 When she'd had enough of me her sister suddenly became her best friend and came to her rescue,  insulting me and being a huge, well, you know what, just for the sake of making me feel bad. Not guilty, no, she doesn't care about that, she just wanted to make me feel lower than mud, telling me how bad my own art was and how I shouldn't critisize until I could paint a Davinici (all this coming from a person who couldn't trace a stick figure.)

 

 I'm a very sensitive person, so all of this got to me, but when Icalmed down and realized that we'd had probably the biggest fight of our friendship I quickly IMed her again, saying that the internet is not the place for us to talk, since it seemed to start our troubles, and that if she wanted to talk I would be waiting for the phone to ring. I quickly blocked her from contacting me on every sight we knew each other on.

 

 Her sister couldn't resist IMing me on her acount then for another stab at me, buit I quickly blocked her too. Then I came to a realization. My friend has had a history that I didn't even realize of being my best friend one minute, then if we do fight, finding a new best friend to defend her from me.

 

 She was a good friend when she wanted to be, and I'm still waiting to see if she'll call. But I'm not sure if she's healthy for me. She has very extreem views on some things that I find important (for instance she firmly beleives in beating children when they're bad. Not spanking, beating, thank goodness she doesn't have any yet.) And she's irresponsible with her health, along with having this obsession with saving her money up for a tattoo, instead of things she really needs, like a working computer for school, which my own brother would build for her for less than a tattoo would cost! 

 

 Am I being too picky, and  should I apologize to her? Or is she as toxic as I think she is, and just give her a final good by. My emotions have been running rampant over this, and I don't think they can rest until I can finally fix this relationship, or end it for good.

You are very articulate and can get your point across. I doubt she was no able to understand what you were saying.

 

After much learning myself, from what you wrote, and I say that lightly because words can be dangerous, but impression is that you like to control your environment. You are social, literate, creative, a good person, compassionate and trying to make proper decisions. Yet, you quesion if you are being too picky; maybe apologize; then question if she is toxic; should say so long.........sit down and be honest with yourself. When we truly can love someone, we can handle criticisms, rejections, differences of opinion without creating an argument over them and you know why? Because we love ourselves enough to know that anyone criticisms or rejections are ok and allowed and it doesn't change anything about who we are. That it is someones elses version of love. You sound like you are caught up in the drama of her life and the expectations of your own. If you don't want to live with a person that flip flops, then don't flip flop. If you want honesty and trust, be honest and truthful. The answer to your quesions are already there. Why aren't you paying any attention to them?

 
September 21, 2008, 12:03 am CDT

Ending Toxic Friendships

Quote From: kimikomine

You are very articulate and can get your point across. I doubt she was no able to understand what you were saying.

 

After much learning myself, from what you wrote, and I say that lightly because words can be dangerous, but impression is that you like to control your environment. You are social, literate, creative, a good person, compassionate and trying to make proper decisions. Yet, you quesion if you are being too picky; maybe apologize; then question if she is toxic; should say so long.........sit down and be honest with yourself. When we truly can love someone, we can handle criticisms, rejections, differences of opinion without creating an argument over them and you know why? Because we love ourselves enough to know that anyone criticisms or rejections are ok and allowed and it doesn't change anything about who we are. That it is someones elses version of love. You sound like you are caught up in the drama of her life and the expectations of your own. If you don't want to live with a person that flip flops, then don't flip flop. If you want honesty and trust, be honest and truthful. The answer to your quesions are already there. Why aren't you paying any attention to them?

Thank you so much for the advice! I've said many of the same things to myself but reading the words coming from another person just seems to make it so much more clear for me. I really appreciate the advice and I think you again.
 
September 21, 2008, 4:48 am CDT

I know you have thought this out.

Quote From: wolftehdev

Thank you so much for the advice! I've said many of the same things to myself but reading the words coming from another person just seems to make it so much more clear for me. I really appreciate the advice and I think you again.

When we stop trying to change what is real and right in front of us, we can make decisions that are better for our growth and well being. If we wait for someone or something to do something to make the decision easier, we are sitting on the fence. We can sit there for years and nothing significantly happens. So we have to make something happen. When things are stagnant, we question it, When things are chaotic, we question it. When things are good, are bad, we question it. Questioning why someone can hurt us, or lie to us, etc. is not going to make anything easier. When we question why that something or someone is able to get under our skin, thats where the meat is. People that piss us off are our best teachers. We don't like to feel angry, hurt, picked on, rejected, but when we think about how fragile we can be that someone else actually has the power to do this to us???! That is just another one of those oddly shaped beautiful gifts that the universe gives us to see how angry, hurt, picked on and rejected, we feel, in general. Once we see this, we can't be hurt by others words, actions but see it as a flag that something inside us is still in need of attention and tweeking. We question things ad nauseum and miss out on letting our good intuition and uniqueness steer us. I have learned not to question my feelings so mauch as to see what it is that I am experiencing and knowingly be prepared for it to change. :)))))

 

I

 
September 24, 2008, 7:46 pm CDT

"friend" broke up "friendship"

hi i am new here! this might be long and would this be considered a toxic friend? On monday night, i was hanging out with my fiance coming from my albertson's. my friend (now ex friend) called me and we were talkin about stuff. now, heres the thing i am getting tired of. she keeps sayin i miss u and i wanna see u yet she isnt willing to put the effort into driving down to my area. we are both 22, she only lives 29 mins from me. she makes it sound like i am in the boondocks, she doesnt know what far is tucson, az is 50 or so miles from where we live in AZ!

she has an Xterra which is her mom's SUV. i told her ur mom shouldnt of given u the SUV cuz everybody knows the bigger the vehicle the more ur gonna fork out for gas. she said when u have a car then we can talk, i said i dont have to have a car in order to know how much gas can cost! that is common freakin sense that is somethin she doesnt have at all. she thought i was gonna jump for joy when she said i wanna see u, i didnt believe it anyway. she said if ur gonna have an attitude then i dont need to have it. i said im not having an attitude its the facts of life if u dont wanna hear it not my problem. after that, she said somethin else but i already took the phone off my ear and i hung up.

now yesterday, she IM me on yahoo telling me she is deleting me off of yahoo and myspace. i said why and she said all i do is run my mouth. now i am being compared to our ex friend name Andrea cuz thats all she does is run her mouth! im nothing like Andrea and i dont run my mouth. the difference is i dont have enemies, my ex friend does! my nose is in my textbooks, so how would i have time to run my mouth? my fiance lives 18 miles from me, takes the bus (cant afford a car at the moment), and still makes the effort to see me! oh no, the ex friend cant make the effort? she says oh i spend 80 bucks on gas! thats her perfect excuse! if she was smart, dont worry about hanging out yet until u have a better job and save the money or find alternative gas so u can cut the cost. her excuse would probably be i dont wanna be one of those hippy eco friendly losers!

then she said now i see why stephanie and heather (her 2 friends that i know from high school) said ur a bitch cuz u r. i said i dont care what those hens think of me i really dont. then she said shut the hell up cuz i dont wanna hear anything else from u. gee that tells u what about her? i said u need to grow up, stop sending me mix messages about u wanting to see when in reality u dont. when u say one thing and say another, thats mix messages. my fiance said if she really wanted to see u, she wouldnt make gas and distance an issue its about being there for ur friend. heres a scenario im gonna make: lets say i have a car, she expects me to drive to her area lets say saturday. heres the catch: she is gonna expect me to do all the driving while she saves her precious gas and distance milage. thats her strategy! im sorry but i am no one's limo driver, i am not gonna help u save on gas its ur car ur responsibility not mine!

my best friend said ur not responsible for her gas, i said i know but she makes it sound like i need to give her 80 bucks! if she would of had a bigger vehicle than her SUV, she probably would be forking out 100 bucks a week and that is somethin im not gonna give her. after that on yahoo IM, i blocked her. i just told her basically u need to make an effort if u dont then i wont put any effort. i have already had this problem in the past when i was meeting some ppl. they were just like the ex friend always one excuse after another, they expected me to drive to their area to meet them! im like nope why should i do everything? they cursed me out too just the ex friend lol.

she called my fiance a loser, what a bitch. i could of easily called her a slut for sleeping with her ex bf who has a gf now, whos the mistress now? seems like to me he got what he wanted yet still is pursuing her. i didnt bother to argue with her on the internet. how many times has she yelled at me about my bad behavior in the past? not once did i say i wanted to end the friendship. i considered her an acquantice in high school, she didnt live up to the title as a friend.

whos the loser when she got hired for a 16/hr job then decided she didnt want it cuz the manager yelled at someone? who just moved back in with her mother? u know, i was doin some thinking lately. for 10 yrs of this so called friendship (acquainticeship) she has been manipulating, controlling, violent, demanding, rude, makes up stories, gossips, always demands where ive been, etc. u think a friend would be understanding? i told her i was bi and she didnt seem to approve wow some friend shouldnt of told her.  thought she could at least be sympathetic! in hs, she would make fun of ppl but hated it when u made fun of ppl with learning disabilities since she has one.

she only seem to be a friend when she felt like it, always jealous cuz i was hanging out with other ppl especially my best friend. she made it sound like we were in a relationship! she wonders why a lot of ppl didnt like her and still dont. what makes it worst is those hens steph and heather! they are such toxic ppl i dont know why ppl like them exist on this planet. steph is the worst she doesnt seem to like anybody thats how she comes across. the ec friend doesnt take credit when she is in the wrong, she always say if someone has a prob i want them to come to me about it. when u do, she blows up in ur face sayin ur a bitch and have an attitude prob.

i distanced myself from her a lot, she didnt get the clue as to why i wouldnt half answer my phone. wow talk about clueless. i was so tired of her damn abusive ways (emotional) didnt do somethin she would tell the world ur secrets. always put her nose somewhere it didnt belong! what i wanna ask in this group is how do u develop a backbone when u have friends whether u make new friends or still have ur currents letting them know what u do that is considered a bad attitude or bad behavior and let them know u wont put up with it? like lets work it out 1st if not then u need to get out of my life? ive always been bad about confronting my friends about certain things, i didnt want to "upset" them and make it sound like i was bein childish. my best friend said u shouldnt apologize for bein honest, if u did that u would be sugarcoating it which i would have been.

i also told the ex friend life doesnt revolve around u but she makes it out that it does. she is never understanding, but when it comes to her and stephanie oh she is understanding to her but not to me. i dont see how she keeps friends and puts them on a pedastal. also, i hate when she prances around like shes the only "good Christian" out there! she is very hypocritical, contradicting, and very critical of others when she needs to take a look at her behavior.

if anyone has any suggestions or comments let me know!
 
October 2, 2008, 6:53 pm CDT

Just Venting

I was friends with two girls for over 10 years... it was always the three of us.  Long story short... they both turned on me for hard drugs.  I guess I was not "cool" like them - plus I had two jobs and didn't have the time to be "cool" anyway lol.  Well I stopped talking to them 3 years ago.  I still think of them and we did have a few "not so choice" words on facebook a long while back.  They blocked me from their profiles. 

 

Well just recently they allowed me to see thier profile with pics of them on a trip to Cancun.  All I see iw beer in their hands in every picture.  It looks soooo boring.  I would rather go to Europe and see things... not sweat and drink myself stupid on a beach.  I wish I could tell them off but I won't. 

 

So I thought I would vent a little.  We all have young kids and I think they got thier act together... but I guess I'm still the bad b***ch.  Whatever :cP 

 

Since then my life has been way less stressful and I have found some old girlfriends (on facebook of course) that I have way more in commen with.  And I am going to say it again... I just wish I could tell them off - but I won't.

 
October 4, 2008, 4:13 am CDT

Ending Toxic Friendships

Quote From: snowqueeneh

I was friends with two girls for over 10 years... it was always the three of us.  Long story short... they both turned on me for hard drugs.  I guess I was not "cool" like them - plus I had two jobs and didn't have the time to be "cool" anyway lol.  Well I stopped talking to them 3 years ago.  I still think of them and we did have a few "not so choice" words on facebook a long while back.  They blocked me from their profiles. 

 

Well just recently they allowed me to see thier profile with pics of them on a trip to Cancun.  All I see iw beer in their hands in every picture.  It looks soooo boring.  I would rather go to Europe and see things... not sweat and drink myself stupid on a beach.  I wish I could tell them off but I won't. 

 

So I thought I would vent a little.  We all have young kids and I think they got thier act together... but I guess I'm still the bad b***ch.  Whatever :cP 

 

Since then my life has been way less stressful and I have found some old girlfriends (on facebook of course) that I have way more in commen with.  And I am going to say it again... I just wish I could tell them off - but I won't.

Don't give them the time of day....telling them off might make them think you don't have a "LIFE" yet.
Silence is golden...
don't waste your energy on them...its
not worth it. just don't give them a chance to put you down again about telling other people how you treated them by telling them off. You will end being the "bad" person for doing that... that would mean more people will have something bad to say about you.
Go on with your "LIFE" without them and
"LIKE" the person who you are for having the "COURAGE" to get out of relationsjhips with both girls that would have only led to trouble. You did make
a good decision, so don't resort to anger
or resentment to get back at them. It will get you nowhere.
 
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