Topic : Ending Toxic Friendships

Hi, 

  Thank you for replying to my message.  Actually, you said to me exactly what I've been thinking but I felt that maybe I was wrong.  I need to learn to follow my gut instinct instead of my heart sometimes. 

  

   We had another discussion last night but again, I don't think it went anywhere.  I guess I'm going to have to take control of the situation and do like you said, move on with or without him. 

  

   All I want in life is to be happy and so far, that's the only thing I haven't been. 

  

Sincerely, 

  

Farmerchik 

Farmerchik, 

  

You can be happy in this life. It's about the choices you make and what you're willing to accept in this life. Your boyfriend keeps the "other woman" simply because he can. If this bothers you, you have to be willing to walk away.  

  

You deserve to have all the emotional energy your boyfriend has to give. You deserve not to compete with someone else for his affections. If you are unhappy with this behavior and he's unwilling to negotiate a solution you can both be excited about, then it's time for you to walk. There's only so much you can do. If you let this continue, you will never be happy. 

my close friend of a year and a half recently was told by her family that our friendship was unacceptable because I was too needy and manipulative.  Both of which are not true.  I have been very helpful to her many times with family relationship issues.  But now because of this "announcement" by her family, she has to talk to me and see me on the sly.  This hurts me and her.  But more and more she accepts this and is rude to me when I question her about the situation.  She also has become very close with another old friend, but insists that she and i are still best friends. This has really upset me, but she is very busy and doesn't seem to want to change the situation anytime soon.  How could we have been so close and all of a sudden, I am "thrown over" for somebody else?  Should I give up on this?

I have a feeling that you are putting a lot into this friendship and that this recent issue is probably draining you of much energy.  

  

How does her family know so much about your friendship? They are forming an opinion of you from whatever she is communicating to them about you. 

  

You should take some time and focus on yourself, take a class alone...this time of year colleges offer seminars in a lot of cool stuff like water painting and pottery, beginner photography... join a gym or a yoga class...you will meet other people and feel much better.  

  

Good Luck. 

  

Kristen 

 It would seem that your close friend thinks there is some truth in what her family has said about you. Now, the labels that others put on us are just that...labels. They are based on the perceptions of others and have nothing to do with the real you, BUT, perceptions are based on what you are presenting to the world.

For example, when I was a child, I was labelled as "shy"; as a teenager the labels also included "stuck up", and "stupid". None of which were true. The truth was, I had hearing problems due to many ear infections. When I was young, hearing screenings were not given in school like they are now. I didn't hear everything that was said, so retreated into my own little world. The labels were not true, they were not fair, but that was the persona that I presented to the world.

So, take a good look at your persona. Is there anything about yourself that would lead others to think of you as "needy" or "manipulative"? Is there something you could change about yourself, to help others to see the real you?

HI 

     IT'S BEEN A FEW WEEKS SINCE I WAS LAST HERE, AND I HAVE NOT HAD ANY CONTACT WITH MY FRIEND. I THINK SHE HAS GIVEN UP ON THE FRIENDSHIP,BUT I NOT 100% SURE. 

I FEEL AS THOUGH I HAVE 2 BATTLES BEING WAGED INSIDE ME. THE FIRST IS THE PART  OF ME THAT NEVER GIVES UP, THAT NEVER SAY DIE ATTITUDE, I DO NOT BELIEVE IN TURNING MY BACK ON A FRIEND. THE SECOND IS THE PART THAT TELLS ME I DO NOT DESERVE TO BE 

TREATED THIS WAY, WITH NO RESPECT FOR HOW I FEEL WHATSOEVER., AND I FEEL LIKE BOTH SIDES ARE NEITHER  WINNING NOR LOSING. DO I NEED TO GIVE IT MORE TIME OR DO I NEED TO FACE THE MUSIC, AND PROTECT MYSELF FROM ANY FUTURE HEARTACHE. 

I finally text messaged her cell phone that i didnt want to be friends anymore. Thats it and then she text messaged back and wanted to know what she did wrong and i just told her i was tired of her thinking she could manage my life better. That was all i had to do and im not guilty like i thought id be. I was so scared to do it because i thought i was being mean or maybe she was right or whatever. But i finally realized she was a crappy person and very jealous. She didnt want to hear any good news i had but she always had something negative to say about my life. Well i have a great life and its so much better without dreading her phone calls!!! Whatever you do dont put up with someone who always wants you to make them feel good but they are to selfish to try to brighten your day! I dont have any friends because we live far from family and havent lived here long but hopefully i will get some. But getting rid of this toxic person was so good for me.

Im not sure if Im doing this right, cuz these bords are kinda confusing.  

  

but I have a friend, whose constantly bashing my religion, every time we talk, he will start off with all this "anti" stuff.  

  

everytime I try and get him to stop, he'll say stuff like "well, Im sorry you are having mood swings, but Im not going to stop being how I am." 

  

I try to tell him that Im not trying to stop him from being himself, and Im not trying to make him like my church or anything, I just want him to stop bashing it when Im around.  

  

is he a "toxic friend" and should I just stop being his friend?? or do you think theres hope?? 

do to something that happened with my 5 yr old son I had my eyes opened quickly and I must say i hurt for about 2 wks at the lose of these 2 friends but after a few wks I found I was more hurt at myself for not listening to my gut . Friends except you good bad and ugly, they trust in u and visa versa. I have found since ending these 2 friendships I am more calm and not stressed. I have also opened my eyes to other people and I have a few dear friends that we laugh giggle and just have a great time together we do not judge each other we just are ourselves. So sometimes its best to flush people cause if u ask urself or others are they my friends. The answer is no they are not.

Hello, 

Ive also been in a similar situation like you, and do understand your worry of being mean when you want to tell your friend to stop disrespecting you, that you absolutly are not mean. Every human being is worthy, and have all right to be loved and respected. 

  

I had a friend  Mrs x that I told to stop picking on me (this friend was laughing at me and basically critizing almost everything about me), and also another friend Mrs y who also had the tendency to critizise (but to a lesser degree). I told both of this friends that I wont tolerate them critizing me and disrespecting me. This was the point when I saw if this people really cared about me. Mrs x got really angry that I accused her of disrespecting me, so this so called friendship ended naturally. Mrs y actually said that she was sorry that I've experienced it this way and apologized, so this Mrs y and I are still friends inspite that we don't live in the same city anymore, because she really cared about my feelings/me. 

  

I did for along time not respect myself and let peolpe treat me badly/walk all over me. The good thing is that I have "woken up" now and will not let people use or treat me the way I let them before. 

I hope this will give you some ideas and new insights in how to relate with other people. 

Love/ Feliss