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Topic : 01/01 Mama Drama

Number of Replies: 429
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Created on : Saturday, September 29, 2007, 09:20:10 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/03/07) Hating your own mother is hard to imagine, but today’s guests say they want nothing to do with the women who gave them life. Dr. Phil speaks with feuding mothers and daughters. Nineteen-year-old Megan says her mom, Tracy, is nothing but her egg donor. Megan has been singing since she was a child and is now a rising star in the music industry, but she says all she wants is for her pushy stage mom to butt out of her life. Tracy says Megan’s record deal is the worst thing that ever happened because it turned her sweet daughter into a stereotypical rock-and-roll singer who’s into sex, booze, drugs and rebellion. Can this relationship be saved? Then, Carrie calls her mother, Sarah, the “spawn of Satan.” Carrie wrote a book about Sarah’s real life near-death experience at the hands of a serial killer. Now the mother and daughter are fighting over who owns the rights to this compelling page-turner. Will they heal their relationship so that the book can get published? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

January 9, 2008, 3:17 pm CST

do youknow what your talking about?

Quote From: lesterearl

I do not agree that the dad should abandon his child that he has been apart of their life for ten years, although there is no financial responsibility on the dads part.  The mother should be charged if possible and forced to seek support from the biological dad.  The biological dad has a right to know that he has a child in the world.  The dad that was lied to has the right to remain apart of the equation emotionally, although should not be legally responsible to pay support.  The mother in this case appears to be only interested in the money.  She has fed the children full of her demented thoughts making herself out to be a victim along with the children accepting no blame on herself.  Doctor Phil seems to have gone very lite on the mother when she was obviously lying about the incident.
I know the parties discussed here and the father attacked and held Tracy hostage for 2 hours..He owed he for years of child support and tortured Megan and Tracy. He is a sociopath and a Jekyl and Mr Hyde.  How dare you say she was lying about the incident!!!!  Shame on you!
 
January 9, 2008, 3:42 pm CST

Hi Positiveparent

Quote From: positiveparent

I know the parties discussed here and the father attacked and held Tracy hostage for 2 hours..He owed he for years of child support and tortured Megan and Tracy. He is a sociopath and a Jekyl and Mr Hyde.  How dare you say she was lying about the incident!!!!  Shame on you!
This poster posted on the wrong board.  I think they meant to be on the DNA drama board.  On that board you would have agreed with her.  Have a great new year!!
 
January 10, 2008, 4:04 pm CST

Mother without her kids

Quote From: kathleen27

I feel so for you.  The worst thing that parents can do to their children, is to NOT present a united front.  He did you, and your children a great disservice.  Please know, in your heart that you were/are a good parent...he was being the overgrown kid...and he took out his issues with you through your children.  My opinion of him, as a man, a father and a co-parent are really unfit to print.  Maybe, please God, as your children become older, and see him for what he IS, they will  turn back to you.  For now, you must care for YOU...and treat them like ICE...put yourself above the abusive treatment, as you do NOT deserve it....birthday cards...don't send them...you'll cry...and cry...and cry some more.  One day, you'll stop, and your dignity will be intact..you'll have yourself back...and if your children realize that Mom is not the beggar at the back door peering through the glass, realize that,  they may lose her altogether...well, the scales may tip, and this power play may be softened by a realization of love ,once the sick game is over.

      When they have children, the light bulb may brighten...and they'll remember who really took care of them..their MOTHER!

God Bless you, and may your ex one day make an attempt to remedy the damage that he's done to his family....please try to give to yourself and start to smile...I know it's hard...but you've done your job...you don't deserve this.

Thank you for replying.  I am a lot better now it has been three years.  I am still sad to be without my kids. 

The kids will get with me to get Christmas money, but do not spend any holiday dinners with me.  I have to hear that they have to go to their Aunt and Uncles house.  I can accept that they are teenage and they also have to work, but they could have one of the dinners with me.

I do have a new guy in my life that has been with me for two years.  My kids have met him and they like him.  I am even told that they can see he makes me happy.  My boyfriend says they are welcome any time they want to come over.  All I hear is I am too busy.  I work, I go to school, or I have to go hunting.  I say okay. I would love to see you, bye I love you.  I just wait.  I know someday they will need me and I will be there for them.

Thanks again for your prayers.

Oh one other thing.  I don't think it has anything to do with the boyfriend because they had nothing to do with me before the boyfriend.  Matter of fact I was yelled at  a lot more before my new guy came along.  Now they at least talk nice to me when they do talk to me.

I have to tell you what happened this last summer.  My daughter was running for fair queen and I was there cheering her on and I had to listen three times that she was the daughter of just her dad.  She did not even mention me.  I wanted to just cry and walk away, but I told her when it was over that she did a very nice job and that she is a beautiful girl and that she has a wonderful smile.  I never mentioned how it hurt me hearing that I was not mentioned as her mother.  I felt that was not the place.  I did have breakfast with her in December and I ask her if she was going to allow me to come to graduation?  She said yes.  I told her I would really be hurt if she did not announce me as her mom.  I said not matter what I will always be your mom and I love you a lot.  I was crying when I said this to her.

Please know my kids are good kids.  I think they are being pulled by my ex's family. 

 
January 11, 2008, 1:25 pm CST

Different situation....

Quote From: clarpa

It was her experience and maybe she isn't ready to let it go. yes you did alot of work, but she worked hard raising you.  I worked hard caring for my mother for 12 years and the only "payment" I got was her thanks. Sometimes you just have to move on and understand parents are imperfect, but they are yours.  The best thing is to forgive and go on.  When she passes, you can publish your book.  I don't  think it is a gold mine, and her feelings are way more important than the money.  She is obviously more damaged than you are, and the healthier person should take the high road.
It was partly her experience, partly my family too. She did NOT work hard raising me, by the way. My grandparents raised me and my oldest sister. My mother was too busy with her numerous husbands. My first stepfather was the one who beat me and my sisters for 7 years. She says she didn't know. Then, she allowed a man to stay in our home even though my oldest sister and I had told her we were being molested. Once the other sister told her, she and her husband kicked him out. Morin never actually touched her harmfully. His abuse was more mental anguish to her. However, she sat by while my sisters and I were physically and mentally abused.

Your situation is obviously very different.
 
January 12, 2008, 6:28 am CST

I'd Rather Be A Single Parent

Quote From: mom42_1963

Thank you for replying.  I am a lot better now it has been three years.  I am still sad to be without my kids. 

The kids will get with me to get Christmas money, but do not spend any holiday dinners with me.  I have to hear that they have to go to their Aunt and Uncles house.  I can accept that they are teenage and they also have to work, but they could have one of the dinners with me.

I do have a new guy in my life that has been with me for two years.  My kids have met him and they like him.  I am even told that they can see he makes me happy.  My boyfriend says they are welcome any time they want to come over.  All I hear is I am too busy.  I work, I go to school, or I have to go hunting.  I say okay. I would love to see you, bye I love you.  I just wait.  I know someday they will need me and I will be there for them.

Thanks again for your prayers.

Oh one other thing.  I don't think it has anything to do with the boyfriend because they had nothing to do with me before the boyfriend.  Matter of fact I was yelled at  a lot more before my new guy came along.  Now they at least talk nice to me when they do talk to me.

I have to tell you what happened this last summer.  My daughter was running for fair queen and I was there cheering her on and I had to listen three times that she was the daughter of just her dad.  She did not even mention me.  I wanted to just cry and walk away, but I told her when it was over that she did a very nice job and that she is a beautiful girl and that she has a wonderful smile.  I never mentioned how it hurt me hearing that I was not mentioned as her mother.  I felt that was not the place.  I did have breakfast with her in December and I ask her if she was going to allow me to come to graduation?  She said yes.  I told her I would really be hurt if she did not announce me as her mom.  I said not matter what I will always be your mom and I love you a lot.  I was crying when I said this to her.

Please know my kids are good kids.  I think they are being pulled by my ex's family. 

A very dear friend of mine is living your situation.  She has been for the past 7 years, and I read your post,  it is as if I am speaking to her.  It is so destructive when a divorce pits children against another parent...and sadly, in-laws, who could, and Should be the voice of reason, take up the march and further the damage.

I'm happy that you have a boyfriend...funny, the kids speak with more respect now that he is around....Mom no longer stands alone.

I know that being a single parent is very difficult, but it is easier to parent solo, than to co-parent with a person who's only agenda is to see you lose...everyone loses...and it only comes out later on, after so much needless damage is done. 

More of us should speak out on the disrespect of Mothers...and cast shame on those who are active participants.  Every other group has champions for their cause...why not MOTHERS?!?

I really wish you well...just don't be so free with the money...you are not an ATM machine, you are their MOTHER!  Be strong.

 
January 13, 2008, 5:32 pm CST

01/01 Mama Drama

Quote From: kathleen27

A very dear friend of mine is living your situation.  She has been for the past 7 years, and I read your post,  it is as if I am speaking to her.  It is so destructive when a divorce pits children against another parent...and sadly, in-laws, who could, and Should be the voice of reason, take up the march and further the damage.

I'm happy that you have a boyfriend...funny, the kids speak with more respect now that he is around....Mom no longer stands alone.

I know that being a single parent is very difficult, but it is easier to parent solo, than to co-parent with a person who's only agenda is to see you lose...everyone loses...and it only comes out later on, after so much needless damage is done. 

More of us should speak out on the disrespect of Mothers...and cast shame on those who are active participants.  Every other group has champions for their cause...why not MOTHERS?!?

I really wish you well...just don't be so free with the money...you are not an ATM machine, you are their MOTHER!  Be strong.

Thank you for the support.  I only give my kids money when it is their birthdays and Christmas.  I could not do child support because of living in poverty.  My ex made five times more than me and my lawyer fought for no child support for now.  Really by the time I get to where I could pay it the kids will be over eighteen years old.  It has been almost three years since the divorce and I still have no extra money.  I work two part-time jobs and only make enough to pay my living expenses.  So it is still very hard.  I try to get other jobs, but no luck.  I have a degree and jobs won't even interview me.  I am afraid it is because of bad credit.  The bad credit is not just from me.  I got stuck with the rap because of being married to my ex.  I keep praying and I know someday God will let me land the perfect job.

Speaking of champions.  I feel I am my champion because I no longer have suicide thoughts,I like myself and I try more often to find positive things to talk about.

 
January 14, 2008, 6:19 pm CST

Sorry Carrie

Quote From: cfrederickson

It was partly her experience, partly my family too. She did NOT work hard raising me, by the way. My grandparents raised me and my oldest sister. My mother was too busy with her numerous husbands. My first stepfather was the one who beat me and my sisters for 7 years. She says she didn't know. Then, she allowed a man to stay in our home even though my oldest sister and I had told her we were being molested. Once the other sister told her, she and her husband kicked him out. Morin never actually touched her harmfully. His abuse was more mental anguish to her. However, she sat by while my sisters and I were physically and mentally abused.

Your situation is obviously very different.

There is usually more than meets the eye in any 20 minute spot on a TV show.  This is a good example.  I am sorry that you suffered the way that you have.  I hope you find the happiness and peace you lacked growing up.  It is never too late to give yourself a good life.

Kathy

 
January 19, 2008, 12:51 pm CST

Swearing off

Before I develop high blood pressure, I am swearing off any more shows where "mommy bashing" and troubled teens are the subject.  I have read the posts on this board, and also, many on the Board "AT WAR WITH YOUR TEEN".

I condemn all abuse, be it of a child or a parent.  It is serious, too seriuos to have become a "buzz phrase", which, in my opinion, it has. In New York, there is presently the murder trial of ceasar rodrieguez, who beat his stepchild, Nixmary Brown to death, only after lenghthy periods of torture...I will not dignify his name by using capital letters.  I hope he rots in jail forever, along with his wife, who was either a passive abuser or an active participant.  This is abuse...beating, burning, neglecting, berating a child...reducing them to tears by cruel, harsh words, just for the thrill of it all...that is sick...it is abuse. 

Not being perfect, raising your voice, expressing justified anger...this is (or was) normal parenting.  Suddenly, parents are the enemy, and these under-disclipined brats are running us down...and society says  "O.K.".

My friends were from an era where the entire sociological structure stressed respect for parents...and it continued into our peer circle...we shunned the mommie and daddy bashers.  It was taboo.  Odd, most of those bashers either got into drugs, made nothing but messes of their lives, and literally broke their parents hearts.

Today, if a parent does not create a perfect world, they are abusive.  If they are HUMAN, they are abusive.

I'm very respectful of Dr. Phil's opinions.  He has taken on a monumental task of being a motivational advocate for his beliefs, and he is to be commended.  I cannot agree with a lot of his theories on raising children, dealing with teens, and this rebellion against Mothers, in particular. We have this right to differ.

Since the show has so much value, I'm reserving my viewing for those topics where I'm not screaming at the T.V.

I wish I had my parents back today, but they have passed on.  I thank God, my generation, my schooling...above all, my parents that I was raised to have respect.....when they died, I had sadness, just no regrets about how I had treated them.  We were far from perfect then, I'm far from perfect now...and I wouldn't trade one day with them for a day  of "perfection".  They taught me that it was all right to be human, to express emotions, both positive and negative, with equal passion. It was shown by example, and explained in words.  I thank them for being real, for letting me be the same, and for the realistic preparation for the real world.

 
April 15, 2008, 3:33 pm CDT

For me some good has come from this

My husband had major surgery and I am happy to report that he is now well on the road to recovery. I have also added "grandmother" to my list of titles.

 

For me I believe some good has come from seeing the story of Sarah and Carrie. Their story has confirmed some of my suspicions about my own problem. For many years I have believed my biggest problem from being stalked by a serial killer is that the mental health profession does not understand my problem well enough to help me deal with it. I still believe this is a major part of my problem. But, why should the mental health profession's lack of understanding cause me such concern when I live a very normal and in many ways good life?

 

My professional expertise is not in psychology, financial accounting, or law. But, since I wrote here last, because of Sarah's and Carrie's story, I pulled out my old college accounting text book. I looked in a chapter on assets. Assets are things of value that a business or person own. A section within this chapter was titled "Intangible Assets." This section listed three types of intangible assets. They are patents, copyrights, and goodwill. This textbook said that intangible assets can be considered to have asset or monetary value that can be listed on financial statements. Since then I have done some reading about copyrights. 

 

Although I am no expert on copyrights, apparently a person owns a copyright on most things he or she creatively produces. This could include paintings, photographs, music, video tapes, audio tapes, and most creative writing such as letters, journals, articles, and even what is written here. Therefore it would appear that most of us own a lot of material for which we have copyright. From Christmas letters to family home videos most people own copyrights for material that probably has little monetary value.

 

I think the problem comes when the copyright material we own may have significant monetary value. That monetary value could come from having an interesting story and especially if that story is part of an already high profile story. Therefore if a person, like Sarah or me, puts his or her story into a copyrightable form, that material can have significant monetary value.

 

Prudent people realize the importance of managing their assets wisely. Assets like money need to be protected from criminals and invested wisely. Real estate assets need to be well maintained. Wills need to be properly drawn up and, upon death, executed so that assets are distributed to the chosen heirs without conflict.

 

From this I realize problems like Sarah's and mine have at least two sides. One side is the mental health problems. I have previously written about the mental health side on this message board. But, another side is the asset value. Recognizing and prudently managing this asset value is probably a big part of the problem.

 

Most people who have assets have worked hard for these assets or at least have been thankful to receive them as an inheritance, a gift, or a prize. But, being the victim of a serial killer is not something a person usually chooses or appreciates. The "Serentiy Prayer" says that a person should accept what they can not change.Therefore even if it was not chosen or appreciated, accepting this asset for what it is and dealing with its reality is probably the best choice. The reality of this asset is that, like other assets, it probably requires prudent management.

 

Therefore to prevent problems like the ones shown in the conflict between Sarah and Carrie, in addition to proper mental health treatment, recognizing and appropriately dealing with the asset value of the story is probably also necessary. Problems like Sarah's and mine need competent professional help from not only mental health professionals but also legal and financial professionals. Certainly competent mental health professionals can help help deal with mental health issues. But, I also believe mental health professionals can refer clients to other appropriate professionals like attorneys or financial advisors. This is probably what needs to happen in situations like Sarah's and mine. This type of help would seem prudent as prevention before problems similar to those of Sarah's and Carrie's develop.

 

I want to give an example from my family. My parents, who are gone now, owned a small family farm. In my parents' later years it was their largest asset. When they had to leave their farm they made a deal with one of my siblings to take over the farm. Because my parents recognized the monetary value of the farm and the potential for conflict they carefully planned and carried out the sale. They employed legal and financial professionals to make sure the sale was done properly and would not creat future problems. The result was that there was never any problems about it. My point here is that a valuable intangible asset like a unique story probably needs the same prudent management as the sale of the family farm, even when the deal is between cooperatin relatives.

 

I also believe most successful people want to shape the legacy they leave. That is another area of concern in this situation that probably needs to be addressed by mental health professionals. Both issues, the asset value and the legacy, were totally absent from the response I got from the counselors I consulted for my problem. Also I do not think Dr. Phil properly addressed either of these issues when he worked with Sarah and Carrie.

 

Finally, I suspect that many people have stories and other intangible assets that may be valuable. Some of these intangilbe assets, like mine, probaly come with a lot of emotional baggage while others do not. Problems similar to Sarah's and mine may be more common than we realize. Professionals including specialists in mental health, law, and finance should consider what is happening in cases like these so they can help cllients deal with similar cases appropriately. 

 
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