Topic : 01/01 Mama Drama

When I was sixteen years old I came home so disappointed of not having that special birthday. My mother and I fought and she screamed and said some awful things to me. When my dad took me for a drive to the store I told him I hated her. He said, "you don't hate your mother!" I told him that I didn't hate her forever but the feelings i felt at those moments were hate and I'm sure that is exactly what I believed at sixteen.

I was young and just wanted what all my friends had. I never have forgotten that fight. We didn't have professionals helping us and I have considered myself a self made woman in my eyes. I can laugh because I did achieve much on my own. I learned that  right or wrong she did the best she could and so did I. I guess I'm not such a "self" made woman if I learned to be a woman from my mothers mistatkes.

 I love her dearly and always will.

I feel it's a shame that neither daughter has much respect for themselves.  In this day and time parents are the reasons for all the wrongs of there childern.  When does a person admit that there is some things that are unexceptable.  Being nasty is one of them. 

And what industry/business of any kind would want to be involve with someone that cannot respect there mothers. 

DO THEY FEEL THAT THEY WILL NOT DISRESPECT THEM AS WELL.  DO THEY FEEL THESE ARE HONORABLE PEOPLE. WHAT KIND OF PERSON CANNOT RESPONSE TO THE QUESTION "DO YOU WANT ANY THING BAD TO HAPPEN TO YOUR MOTHER?"  SHE SEEMS  TO WISH HER HARM.

And the book girl, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm really not that much older than megan and she strikes me as completely ridiculous and MELO-DRAMATIC!  i'm surher mother made mistakes, but i tend to believe her mother was rying to protect her from herself...obviosly she needed it!  but i can't understandwy she would be that hateful and horrible, theris no excuse than that. i hope she can grow up and work through this.

ps, thank you for bringing back the old style message boards!  i missed them!

I don't think even Dr. Phil thinks he resovled anything with these highly disturbed folks in the short time he had.  It will take hours/months of help "if" they are willing to be helped.  I think all of them are very angry people.  Life hasn't turned out too good for any of them--yet.  But they can still turn this around.  They may have to distance themselves from each other for a while, then start with very short, pleasant phone calls.  Then, short visits.  Tiny steps will have to be taken, for both the Mothers and Daughters have "stepped over the line."  Mothers & Mother n laws tend to step over the line.  Sometimes out of best intentions, sometimes out of hatefulness--even toward their own daughters.  Stong willed daughters don't respond well to "in my face--mind me!" comments from their Moms.  They have tendancies like their Moms, and I know that's what makes them so frustrated.  No one wants to turn out like their Mom if their Mom has some hateful personality traits. 

Remember daughters:  Recognizing "your" tendancies" like your Mom may be enough, with help, to help you NOT become just like you see your Mom. 

My prayer daily is:  Lord, help me look beyond people's faults, and see their "needs."  The orneriest people usually have the most needs.   Don't give up on yourselves--Daughters or Moms.

Seriously, this girl has the opportunity of a life time and her mother wants her to give it all up to go to school RIGHT NOW!!!  Give me a break, I am a college  graduate, but I didn't go when I was 18, granted I also didn't go because I had the opportunity to make millions it was just because I didn't want to.  I think the mother is hurting at the "lose" of her daughter, but I never heard her talk about her own job.  What does she do for a living?  Sounds to me like she was living off of Megan, and now she can't.  And she thinks she has a better chance of living off her from going to school because for now it would be a definate career path, not like taking the risk of becoming a singer.  Let her sow her oats while she is young, and all you grown people need to back off being so hateful to this little girl.  you all are talking about her being so hateful, what do you call what you all are doing!!??

I was really excited about this show, because my sisters and I had a difficult relationship with our recently deceased mother. But is was more of a "she said, she said" and didn't resolve anything, even remotely. I have to say, I was emotionally responding to Megan, because public opinion is immediately against you if you say you "hate" your mother. I got over hating my mom, but I will never get over the emotional scars of growing up as a supporting player in her drama. My sisters feel the same way. We think she was probably abused as a child and developed some kind of narcissistic personablity disorder. And intellectually you can say, "Oh, well she couldn't help being the way she was." But I still wonder what it would be like to have had a parent who makes you feel wanted and important as a child. Our parents were WWII-generation, and I often wonder what kind of person my intelligent and witty mom might have been had she been born in say, the '70s. They got married and had kids, because that's what you did. We were made to feel like we DID ask to be born and were just a burden. Our dad was almost as bad as our mother, but mostly absent and a military male-chauvinist - but that's for another show; at least in later life he felt bad that he hadn't been a better father. My mother remained negative and critical until almost the end of her life. And like a final insult, she spent the last few weeks of her life being quite pleasant, probably just so we wouldn't feel like dancing on her grave. I was sad when she died, but for what might have been. 

So you can see how much I'm still grappling with my emotions over this, and the darned show didn't help, just brought up feelings that hurt - mainly that those who had good parents - apparently including Dr. Phil - don't truly understand what's it's like to have had bad parents. And no matter how much you move on and let go and seek the positive in life, it's always gonna be there in the background. So when someone says, "But she's your mother!" you just cringe and realize there's no point even trying to explain, even to Dr. Phil.

(Please don't judge me on this one post; I'm generally a positive, upbeat person who just wants everybody to get along!)