Topic : 01/01 Mama Drama

I would also dare to state that alcohol has been the most singularly rotten problem in my family and the family that I later had of my own.

So I understand your pain.

Yet understand that alcohol is purely sugar and sugar hits the brain and body organs different on all individuals...some can remember their violent outbursts and some can't...especially if the person hasn't eaten anything...there are several cultures that the medical research scientists have discovered that can't physically handle alcohol...Irish, Asians, Latinos, Mexicans, Blacks, (to name a small few) yet it seems strange that these are the ones most prone to crave its seemingly numbing effects.

These also are the ones most prone to violent outbreaks when consuming it....all due to the sugar balance reaction...going out of balance. 

I know when my parents lost themselves...it was shortly after God was kicked out of school.  I was a teenager then and I remember thinking, "hmmm God must have died, for He no longer is mentioned in school...

I also remember thinking, all those terrible things that I think silently about my parents, will no longer count as a sin, being God has died.

Perhaps, just perhaps, my parents also silently thought the same...and instead of leaning on God, leaned on the bottle.

Just my thoughts.

Love, Light and Peace

Tonie

I believe that alcohol also numbs and kills the brain cells, necessary for one to think clear and focused thoughts...your mother not paying attention to what the step father was a doing to you and blaming you...is a clear example.

You have much to transcend in your past...I hope that you do so...

To go through the loss of a son, alone without mom at your side...is not a pretty picture and I am so sorry that you didn't feel forgiving enough to allow her presence at your side...yet, if she is still acting the child, like she did when you were a growing up...I can understand...

For what a daughter needs the most when facing the loss of one of her children, isn't more weakness, only strength...faith, trust and belief.

I am grateful that my parents surrendered their lives over to Our Father...that somehow sets the marriage stage limits a bit higher for me, for now I can't ever see myself with a man who doesn't share my same spiritual base line...

I believe that all children that don't have Our Father (Son & Holy Spirit) as a general base line...don't have a good chance of a making it through the world...those are my thoughts from experience.

How do I know conclusively that lack of faith being exhibited in the home and a anything kind of thing goes was passed on down through the family...Aunts, Uncles, cousins and such?

Family history...my own siblings and how they have moved through life and that of my cousins...

three men in prison for abusing the rights of others.  (two my own brothers)

two first cousins a killing themselves...both brothers, both dying within a month of each other and both a dying a hating their mother...both addicted to alcohol and drugs...one son's mother refused to allow the mother or her family to the burial...

This mother has two daughters still living and her oldest son, who also has no use for the momma...this woman was my dad's favorite sister who was more his age than the other 11 siblings...

In closing I would only like to remind you..."he/she that owns your anger, controls you."

Forgive all that have hurt or offended you, for you are not only doing it for yourself, you are doing it for your children and who they are a one day sharing their lives with and the children they will bring forth...

You can't change yesterday, all you can change is how you once reacted to yesterday.  I didn't put it into quotes...yet I do believe it is one of Dr. Phils...

I will keep you in my prayers...again...my heart goes out to you in your time of grief...remember, one day you will be again reunited with him...I am sure...

Love, Light and Peace

Tonie

I too lost my mother to the dreaded malady called Alzheimers.  It was in the height of her progressing disease state that I realized what a tortured life she had lived...for where else would her current mind stage gathered the words and actions that she no longer was able to hold check?

I have a theory about Alzheimers...it goes something like this:  Alzheimers is a disease created by persons that could not get their truths and thoughts out in the open to view.

All of their lives, they hold in all the things that they fear could be misrepresented...in essence, to these individuals..."silence is golden."

So one day when their load of suppressed thoughts and emotions become too heavily laden...they take their mind out and put it on a shelf and go off somewhere else to live...only coming back to their real mind, for short periods of time that become shorter and shorter...until one day, they totally forget where they placed their real minds...

I miss my mom a lot...it took me years to understand her...yet I totally have forgiven her and my dad, when they were children and thus acted like children...

My mom passed, now 15 months ago.  My dad held onto life until this past March...passing only 6 months after my mom.  I miss them both...

Death and taxes are our only two sure guarantees about life. 

May You Be Blessed

And all have a grand and beautiful New Year

Love, Light and Peace

Tonie

Both mother and daughter know what went down in the making of the book...It is my hope and prayer that you both will reach a compromise on the rights of the book.

Just like Dr. Phil tried to make you understand...the proceeds from the book...will never surpass the loss you will bring to yourselves, if you loss track of one another...

Lots of people believe that money will buy all things...it won't...I know many people that have money and still don't enjoy life..."love is everything," (Biblical quote) without love, all the money in the world, won't make you happy...

Daughters need the love of the money to feel whole within themselves...without this love for the mother, it is hard for the daughter to show her own daughter the real dynamics of this mother-daughter connection...also I believe that , "we reap what we sow."

Just my thoughts

Take what you need and please leave the rest.

Love, Light and Peace

Tonie

I don't know this for sure:  Yet I believe that all shows right now are having a rough time, due to the writers strike...

Plus Dr. Phil's shows are produced I believe in series...and we haven't quite gone into the new shows yet...plus I believe that sometimes shows that are more prevelent than others that show the majority needs of our American society...perhaps are viewed more than others...so that individuals such as myself, who sometimes miss a show here or there, due to other time constraints...are kind of given another chance to see the show...

I know that I like waking up to my day a watching Dr. Phil and Robin with my cup of coffee...yet sometimes other things take me away...so I don't have a problem with repeats...yet that is just me...

I hope that your Christmas Season and New Year will be all that you are a wanting to be manifested.

Love, Light and Peace

Tonie

I know that you feel that yesterday no longer lives within you.  I would have to say that your thoughts may not be correct, for it is my understanding that there is a very short distance between love and hate.  One brings forth understanding that can lead to acceptance, thus to forgiveness, the other to a path of self-destruction.

I chose the path of healing...because I couldn't change yesterday, I could only make today a better day...I hope you understand what I am a saying.

For it isn't what someone writes that is all so important...it is what one gathers from that writing...

Have you seen the movie, "What Do We Know Anyways.?" Or the movie, "Down The Rabbit's Hole," they are both movies that show what happens to the very building blocks of our bodies, our blood cells...when anger is allowed to become manifested within us...it isn't very pretty.

That malady if allowed to continue long term...I believe is the cause of our major illness, of mind, body and spirit...instead of a hope filled life, we have a hopeless life.

This is what my father used as a instrument to gain access to the innocense that he attempted to take from me, when he was out of focus with God...

I was in my early teens...I didn't know what sex was...I just knew that I needed to save it for marriage.

One day my father told me about a magazine perhaps "Reader's Digest," or something similar to it...in the article this man wrote that he did lots of research in the field of sex and sexuality...and from his random sampling of the U.S. population, he discovered that more and more father figures were a initiating sex to their daughters and sons.

My father was quite perplexed by what he read...

Perhaps it is possible that your mother's own father or step father...read the same article that only showed one side of the coin.   What was missing, was the results of such selfish and destructive patterns?

Perhaps were are the results of such one sided viewing...our stories being told now...is perhaps what we all should be doing so that our children and their children won't suffer the results of such family destroying and limiting patterns...

I didn't tell my mother about what my dad tried to do with me when she was in a sanitorium due to her having TB for 6 months and my dad began to drink and go to the bars after work, out of lonliness...

Because I loved her that much and I didn't want to hurt her...I know she knows now...I am sure my dad knows all that he also did that helped create a world that Our Father definitely wouldn't have wanted for any of his children...

My father and mother were children when they had children...for couples caught up in this same kind of mix...growing up isn't easy, especially if one doesn't have clear headed, focused on Our Father's Will and Desire for our lives...

I also want to mention that I know of several females who also told me that their mother didn't believe them or blamed them for the sexual abuses of fathers, step fathers, boyfriends, friends and such...

They also told me that their mothers, step-mothers, all had very low self-esteem...and to believe that their loved man could do this to them, filled them with fear of being alone....so it was easier to close their eyes to the truth, than face it.

What this creates in the girl or boy child, is a feeling of not being enough...and sometimes they never climb over that mountain placed in their path by the momma....

I never told my mother, so I don't know how she would react.  I often imagine her attacking my father, for she was a mother bear when it came to her children and others that would bring them harm.  I believe that her spirit could have taken losing my father in her life.  Yet, we were so very poor...and to be without my dad's income would have changed our lives considerably...

I did tell my dad that if he ever touched any of us again...that I would tell my mother...from what I gathered from my siblings...(we were a family of 9, 3 girls, 6 boys) only my sister 8 years younger, and way before dad found Our Lord; talks about a time our dad was drunk and tried to get her into bed....she ran out of his arms reach and stated he never tried it again...Our dad passed at 78 years old, and our mother at 81.  Yes, my mother was 3 years older than my dad...

So I feel your pain...yet not totally, for I don't know how I would have felt had I gotten the strength up to tell my mother and had her blame me...wow, that would have been mind upsettling...to say the least...

I will keep you in my prayers...I am sorry for your experience and I pray that it will bring new light into your life, if nothing else, to not allow it to effect you or your precious gifts from God.

Please have a great new year...and may all kinds of wonderful blessings fill your life, mind, body and spirit...

You Are Loved Dear One!

We All Are

Love, Light and Peace

Tonie

please see...

www.mayyoubeblessed.com

Coming from a divided family, I can understand this young ladys angst over her mother.  It would seem to her that not until she became famous that her biological mother came around. 

Believe me, my family split when I was 9 years old and I wish it would have been sooner because I was not a happy baby.   That is one end of the spectrum.  I was not taken care of and I still bear the scars from that to this day, physically and mentally.  With my real mother dead and constant reminders from my "step" family that we are a divided family, it is hard to find your place in this world.  When I hear Dr. Phil repeatedly saying, "the same sex parent is the single most influential person in that child's life", I have to think, where do I fit in and how do I know how it really feels to have a "mother/daughter" relationship?  I can never truly trust my step family because I have been abused by one step sibling and like I said eariler, the one-sided repeated reminders that we are "step" family really do hurt...

I can so understand this young lady and my heart aches for her.  Her mother is alive and maybe with some counseling they can come to some kind of understanding.   

C

I do not think Dr. Phil should use "Mama Drama" as a rerun. The reason for my opinion is that I believe Dr. Phil made a serious professional error in this show. I believe this professional error is Dr. Phil's failure to recognize and address the post traumatic stress that a serial killer stalking survivor like Sarah can experience. I believe this type of traumatic stress could easily be a major contributor to the conflict between the mother, Sarah, and her daughter, Carrie.

I have made two previous entries; one on October 9, 2007, and the other on December 6, 2007; for this show. I felt the necessity to make both of these entries because the problem of the post traumatic stress resulting from a serial killer stalking was never even mentioned in this show.  I believe my previous entries show in greater detail how this post traumatic stress could be contributing to the conflict between Sarah and Carrie. I do not think these entries would have been necessary if Dr. Phil had properly recognized and addressed post traumatic stress as a contributor to this conflict.

Therefore I believe a rerun of this show will only perpetuate this error. Rather than perpetuating this error with a rerun, I think Dr. Phil needs to correct this error. This correction could probably be done by having the effected people back on his show and explaining the error. I think this needs to be done to benefit this family, my family, and all other people who have had bad experiences with a serial killer.

It is interesting that the conflict between Sarah and Carrie was first thought to be about money and then about a childhood milk allergy. That is surprisingly similar to one of my counselors thinking my problem might have something to do with my parents or that I might be delusional. It seems like both the public and mental health professionals can understand post traumatic stress for combat veterans, terrorism attack survivors, school shooting survivors, rape victims, etc. But for victims of a serial killer this understanding does not seem to exist. A surviving serial killer stalking victim is viewed as financially winning the lottery. With such a story people are probably already anticipating the popcorn and soft drinks they will enjoy while watching a movie featuring, you guessed it, a serial killer similar to Hannibal Lecter.

But Hannibal Lecter is a fictional person. The reality of serial killers is much different. Serial killers are often ordinary appearing people who do very destructive things. It seems reasonable that surviving victims of a serial killer's destructive activities could have serious mental health problems similar to those of other trauma survivors. Being stalked by a serial killer is not like winning the lottery. Lotteries usually do not involve murder and also sometimes torture, sexual assault, and/or disgusting postmortem activities. The effect of such a trauma on a survivor can be more like a negative lottery, a loss, rather than anything positive.

Anyway I would like to see both the mental health profession and the public change its attitude on this one. I would like to see this general perception of serial killer surviving victims change from one of a lottery winner to the more realistic perception of a traumatized victim. A good place to start to see this perception change would be for Dr. Phil to correct this error.

I'm sorry  you had to experience that. I know first-hand the fear, shame and anger it leaves behind. I too was called a liar by my mother when I told her what my father had done to me. Since my father had deserted the family by then (which is why I was no longer terrified to speak up), her only concern was that I don't let my older brother know. She felt the news might "upset" him.     I was intrigued when you said you had "turned it around". I don't feel I ever hated my mother. I've always been aware that that would do me more damage than good. Yet I don't feel I've ever "turned it around". On two separate occassions, I tried to get closure - both from my mother and from my father. No go on either score. I followed him to Britain; where I found out he had told everyone his wife and children had been killed years ago in a car crash. I got some satisfaction proving to all his cronies that he was a liar; but I never found him. With my mother, I tried to say let's just get to know each other as two women, and put the disfunctional mother/daughter role behind us. She wouldn't even answer my letter & died soon after. So I don't feel hate. I don't feel anything. And there are times that worries me, a lot.......

I can understand your emotions as I feel what you feel.  The only difference with me is it happened with a step-brother and at first neither parents believed me and I lived with my father and step mother.  My real mother was an alcoholic living in an apartment above an AA office no less.  How ironic is that!  That goes to show you that no matter what, you can't force anyone to go get help, sad as it may be.  She ended up drinking herself to death, age 46. 

This young lady does have another chance with her mother and I do hope she uses it.  I hope her mother on the other hand did not abuse this chance.  It would be interesting to see what happened.

Your situation is a good one like my own, how do we truly know what a mother/daughter relationship is?  My step mother lets me know that I am not blood and let me tell you, that is not a happy feeling after 32 years of being a family.

I saw you don't feel hate; you said you don't feel anything.  Wow, someone out there that feels like me.  Sometimes I will say it does worry me and sometimes I don't care at all...is that bad?