Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

How many men who cheat with prostitutes love them ? They don't, whether its the street level or High Class call girl, there is neither love nor caring, just sex.  Same thing with the married men who look at bars for the one night stand ? it's All still CHEATING, the wife dosen't know, and the men are being dishonest and exposing their wives to God Knows WHAT

The big difference is, with swinging or openmarriages, the spouse KNOWS and often knows the other person.  Because there is a caring basis for these relationships, the partner is more likely to be careful about STD's and do EVERYTHING to prevent them.

They don't have a need to meet in dark alleys, theatres cars or anypalce like that, THAT is more degrading then the act itself.

Being bisexual is NO SIN (though I'm sure there are many who would LOVE to jump all over that, spare me the Bible quotes please), however, a person should be given the CHOICE as to whether or not this is a problem for them, some women are open to it, others aren't that's life, but SHE should be given the choice and the time to decide if she can live with it or not (same thing goes for husbands), but this is WRONG the lies (wouldn't you agree that one should be able to TRUST and BELIVE IN one'sspouse) a marriage based on lies and deceit (and this is EXACTLY what these men are doing ) is NO MARRIAGE at all.

 

I'm curious as to what changed after the first year. 

I agree there are alot of men that are bisexual or bi-curious but what you are doing is having affairs with married men!  I know of alot of men in the swinging lifestyle that are bisexual, including my husband and I also know of alot of women that not only alright with it but very into it!  Swinging is about being open and honest, including an open line of communication.  For the record, one of the most erotic things to me is seeing my husband please and be pleased by another man!

 Your delusional bragging bears no resemblance to reality, nor belongs here. Swinging couples discuss and agree to take their sexual activities outside the marriage, together.

 Men are the down low are just closeted gays cheating on and lying to their wives. 

----- Do you really believe wives don't know what their husbands are doing ? Men on the down low are only fooling themselves and embarrassing their wives. Friends are generally aware, and tacitly agree to silence because they understand the 'rules'.

  Living a double life means  a fractured  existence; neither side of the split  is an honest or full life.

 In the meantime, these men are cheating  their women by denying them a real marriage. They are forcing their wives to live a lie with them, with their completely unilateral decision.

  Heterosexual, monogamous women are contracting HIV thanks to people like you.

    The common selfishness of your  little fun is killing people.

Dr Phil already has his mind made up about the swinging lifestyle. It's not about a man making a woman do something that she isn't willing to do. It's not about finding some random person or couple and having sex with them. I've been in the swinging lifestyle for many years. In my experience, we "date" a couple before playing with them. We go to the movies, dinner, play cards, bonfires, and just have some decent fun with FRIENDS. We all get tested before we play together and show our documents that we are infact "clean". Yet, we still use as much protection as possible during our play action.

But I don't think Dr Phil sees it this way. In his eyes, this is "wrong". I am not cheating on my spouse, nor is he cheating on me. We play together all the time, we do not play alone, and our couple friends know that. My spouse is not "making" me do anything that I do not want to do. This is something we both enjoy doing.

 

What is the gratifaction in the swinging lifestyle? Watching my partner enjoy himself, we both have bi-fantasies that we have been able to create and have lots of fun with, and the endless fun that we have in bed and out of bed.

 

It is simply sick that a child be brought into this conversation at all. Our children know that we have friends, but do not know about our lifestyle at all. Would a non-swinger couple tell their children about their sex life? God, I would hope not. There's simply no reason to do so.

 

I think that this couple portrayed on the show is was doomed from the start. I just want to know how the HELL a kid is brought into this. Just plain sick.

Good day everyone

 

I have made the mistake of going into this lifestyle a long time ago and am very happy to be out of it.  Let me tell you a bit the story.  I had made that decision myself to my husband because I thought I wasnt enough for him.  I knew a woman was after my husband and I got scarred and forgot who I was and did whatever I could to keep him.  How stupid was that?

 

I went on a website where I met a couple.  We went with them in another province because I didnt want to go in my hometown incase I would meet someone I knew.  We met them in a restaurant and talked a bit and went to that swingers club. I was so nervous.  I was shaking.  I was so afraid of how I would react when or if I would se my husband kissing another woman.

 

I sat on my chair most of the evening and he went dancing with the woman of that couple we met.  I had a few drinks trying to relax but it wasnt working. 

 

We went back to our hotel room and my husband who had a bit too much to drink, was pressure him to have sex in the same room as this other couple.  I didnt want to.  I was so scarred.  I was crying in the bathroom but my husband was getting so upset at that time so I bended and said yes. 

 

We had sex in the same room as this other couple but no one touched no one.  Believe me, I kept checking where my husband's hands were going.  I wasnt enjoying this at all.  Just wanted everything to be done and over with. Finally that other couple decided to go in the other room.  Finally I could go to sleep.

 

The next day, we met that couple to have breakfast. After we left, we said goodbye to everyone and when I turned around I saw my husband kissing this other woman.  My heart was broken.  I was devasted.  I was telling myself, how could it be so easy for him to do that.  I will always see this image of this first kiss in my mind.  I was so hurt.

 

When my husband came in the car and saw how hurt I was.  He said he was sorry and that it probably wasnt for us.  He was sorry to have hurted my feelings.

 

All this to say.  You need to have this wall around you to be in that lifestyle.  I could continue a few stories but I will stop here.  If you go in this lifestyle, people go there to realize certain fantasies and are using you as toys to these fantasies and you are doing the same.  This lifestyle is not for everyone.  Wasnt for me at all.  I am happy to be over this part of my life.  Just hope that no one has to be hurt that badly. 

 

Have a great day

I have been in this situation with my EX-husband, needless to say EX is my key word here. When he approached me with this after all i had been thru in my life i guess you could say i was floored. Trust me when i say any guy who is willing to share his wife in this way is going to cheat either way. I would tell any woman set yourself free , not him, cause you are the one in a bad relationship he's just there for the comfort at the time. I even went as far as telling mine it was cheating and once i broke my marriage vows there was no turning back i would sleep with whom ever i pleased after that. He only cheated behind my back and all that after a 17 year marriage. So if you are thinking of doing this to save your marriage , it want.

I just wanted to say that today on Dr. Phil's show, I could totally relate to the woman whose husband wanted her to have a threesome but she did not want to. She was unable to stand up for herself and the look in her eyes was so hollow and sad. I have been there. I was married for 5 years to a man who was obssessed with pornos,  having my and our friends show their breasts to him for fun, he would suggest threesomes all the time, pick out women to bring home. I was pregnant going into a porno shop and was following him behind thinking what am I doing here. I was so ashamed and was very disappointed in myself for allowing him to convince me that it was the right thing to do. I could not believe it. For awhile it came to the point where I either join him watching the movies, or flashing my breasts while we had others around for a BBQ or campfire or he had nothing to do with me. I so badly wanted this to work but one day I just had it! I told him that I was done with the porno crap and that I was not going to be apart of it anymore! I was scared to death but I told him that I was not going to raise my daughter in this enviornment and I was not going to stand here allow him to look at barely legal websites in my house. So he had a choice, seek help and find out what is going on or get out. I helped pack his things and  we are divorced. It was a revalation for me because I always thought about how Dr. PHil said people treat you the way you allow them to. I was allowing him to have that control and do things I knew I was not comfortable with. I am proud to have done this and I am just sorry it took so long to make that choice.

 

I really hope that this woman can stand up for herself and the husband can seek help. He is distroying his wife internally and that is not right!

I can speak from experience on this one. My ex-husband (notice the word ex) wanted this.  It's all he ever thought about.  The biggest mistake that I made was trying to see what was wrong with me and what could I do to make him want me more.  I finally realized that it had nothing to do with me. This was his sickness and his disease.  When he started chasing my sisters and wanting to involve them in a threesome was when I decided enough was enough.  I took my son and left.  I have since then have found a husband who practically worships the ground I walk on. Together we have created the happiness for each other that we were seeking and deserved.  To this day my ex is alone with no one. I don't wish that type of saddness on anyone, but he was warned and I stuck to my guns.  The guest on today's show needs to find in her that same strength to just walk away.  I don't believe her husband was very sincere at all in wanting to change. I could see in his eyes that he was just saying what he thought his wife and Doctor Phil wanted to hear.  I will make a prediction that given a few more months after this has calmed down that this topic will come back up again. It is then that she will have to stand her ground and leave if she ever wants to be truely happy.

Personnally .. this is not  only wrong..  and effects  the other partner emtionally  forever ..but the risk of getting a sexually transmitted disease is so high. Now a days . the risk of AIDS , HIV , and STDS is a life long sentence and DEADLY . behavior like this  should never occur .. regardless if it is proteced or inprotected relations.. If you really love someone you wouldnt ask them to put their lives on the line for   a sexual  thrill. Wonder how  a partner would feel after forcing this type of behavoir on  them  only  to contract the  illness them selves and then have to  hold a funeral  later  for their  poor judgement.. VERY WRONG