Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

"Intimate bonding" and all that other stuff you are talking about is called "Making Love" ..... not sex.  Sex is just sex.

You know there is a difference, right?

In your last line, "We will ultimately pay the price for our actions."  Some people get fabulous mindblowing sex and relationships on levels YOU just can't understand. 

I'm 23 years old. I've always had a weight problem. My parents have always been verbally abusive and my father is physically abusive. I started having sex and smoking pot when I was 15. I was raped at that age too. This started a long line of having sex with guys just because they wanted to have sex with me despite the fact that I didn't want to have sex with them. I've been told this is because I feel other people's feelings are more important than mine. I also figured that if I did what they wanted maybe they'd want to actually date me. My first relationship was my high school sweetheart and it was decent. I cheated on him with an ex of mine because the guy wanted to not because I really wanted to. That relationship ended shortly thereafter when he broke up with me. When I was 19 I met a 29 year old who already had a girlfriend. I ended up going out with him officially after they broke up. He beat me almost everyday and was verbally and sometimes sexually abusive to me. He eventually cheated on me and left me. My next relationship was when I was 21 with a 26 year old. He was verbally, sexually, and (a few times) physically abusive. In the beginning of our relationship I cheated on him much in the same fashion as the first boyfriend. He was enraged about it. I didn't know what it would lead to. He eventually started harassing me to have sex with other men. He'd harass me about it constantly and make me tell him stories of having relations with other men. If I didn't want to he'd threaten to leave me. He didn't want to be involved he just wanted to listen from the other room. His other main stipulation was that is be unprotected sex. So, I went along with it. I believe it was five different men throughout the course of our 11 month relationship. The worst time was when he brought me to see his friend and his girlfriend for the friend's birthday. He asked me to have sex with his friend before we even went down there and I told him no. Much like the woman I saw on the show today it made me feel degraded, dirty, unloved, sick to my stomach, etc. So, when we went to see his friends I wanted to go to bed early. My boyfriend then proceeded to scream at me for about two hours straight to "play cards with them." So, I finally gave in because I knew he wouldn't stop screaming at me and I knew he would break up with me if he didn't get his way. He broke up with me at least twice a week a few months into our relationship. That's one of the main ways he got me to do the things he wanted me to do. So, by playing cards he meant having sex with his friend whilst he had sex with the friend's girlfriend. It was the worst experience of my life. It went on for hours and was very physically painful. My boyfriend also performed oral sex on her and had unprotected sex with her. He kept saying he wanted to have sex with the friend's girlfriend but she didn't want to anymore. So, he got mad and decided he'd have sex with me since he couldn't have sex with her anymore. He then forced me to kiss him and perform oral sex on him after he had done those things with her. This went on for a few more hours. When he was finally done he went to bed. The next day I was bleeding and mentally tormented. We had an hour ride home and I cried the whole way home. He screamed at me that if I didn't want to do it I shouldn't have done it. Throughout our relationship I had sex with other men at his demand quite a few times but this incident was by far the worst. He didn't care what it did to me and figured I'd "get used to it" like the husband on the show. And, like the woman on the show I went along with it because I was terrified of losing him. Watching the show today made me cry and brought up a lot of terrible feelings. I just thought I'd post this to let people know what it can really do to someone.

I second that AMEN to the following:

I have been married to the same guy for 36 1/2 years.  Neither one of us has ever had sexual relations with anyone else. He is my best friend and lover.  Marriage is a divinely ordained instution bringing together one man and one women. When I took my wedding vows I pledged myself to him forsaking all others. My spouse is in my soul mate and I can never imagine either one of us wanting to be someone else. Animals will mate with any of the same species. He is not particular.  Has sex been reduced to animalism in our society? If you have to go outside your marriage to find happiness or to "swing" with someone else, you possess a lack of respect for yourself as well as your spouse. You are basically saying that your spouse is not good enough so therefore, you will look for happiness somewhere else. You carry your happiness with you and nothing external is going to sustain that happiness. "Swinging" is another sign of degeneracy in our country and it saddens me greatly to think that people have to resort to this kind of acitivty to find true happiness and love in life.

Faithfulness vs. The Lifestyle

It is obvious people in the lifestyle of swinging think they are having it all. They believe they are open minded and sexually positive because they have fun sex with people other than their spouse or partner. Sex is the intimate bonding between two people, and those in the lifestyle see it as recreation to participate in with others.

Some years back, a middle aged woman Realtor who recently married a popular Realtor in my area was canvassing my neighborhood. I had heard about their marriage through one of their advertisements and I told her how happy I was for them. As we talked, she stated that she and her husband had an awesome lifestyle, and I innocently said that my husband and I did also. She said, You do? When I did not respond with whatever she was looking for, she informed me that we were not on the same page. I realized that she was fishing for sex partners when I remembered the term lifestyle was used for swinging. Her name and picture is no longer part of his business so it looks like they divorced after a few short years.

Some people are so focused on sex it is like an addiction. Sex is important to a marriage, but a successful happy marriage is more than having sex. My husband and I are attractive 50 year olds and have been faithful to each other throughout our 28 year marriage and nearly 30 year relationship. Our marriage has been filled with great joy, but also the sadness and challenges that come with life. We took care of my mother for six months after she had a stroke while our children were still young. For the past year we have been weathering the storm of losing my husbands dear mother and are watching his father go deeper into the world of Alzheimers. A big part of our lives is making sure Dad is well taken care of and we have found the perfect place for him. He does not recognize us when we visit him but the visits are pleasant, and after driving 50 miles to his care facility a few times a month it becomes our time together. We are looking forward to a retirement filled with travel around the United States as my husbands parents did before Alzheimers ravaged Dads brain. What holds us together through the difficult times? It is our love and commitment to each other. Our faithfulness to each other comforts us through the difficult times and strengthens the passion in our marriage. There is no one on earth I would rather be with than my husband and we know that we are sexy- especially together. Our commitment, love and attraction for each other is very deep and we definitely have fun together. I think the sexiest thing about my husband is his sense of humor. My husband makes me feel complete and we are happy we belong only to each other. I thank God that all the romantic feelings I felt when I first met my husband still come rushing back after nearly 30 years. We have found that our place of refuge and comfort is with each other and we do not need or want anyone else in our relationship to keep us satisfied. I know I have the golden ticket and have tapped into the Mother Lode- my husband feels the same about me.

The swingers say their groups are safe, but there is still a risk of unwanted pregnancy since birth control does not always work. Also, what if the health certificate a new member presents is a fake?  We all have heard that condoms do not always work. STDs like Herpess, and AIDs can bring permanent physical consequences if just one person comes into the group and is not clean, even if they say they are. The Human Papaloma Virus is linked to numerous sex partners and can cause cervical cancer and oral cancer so there is a cancer risk linked with promiscuity.

If children are in the home, they will feel there is something that is just not right in the family since children have a tendency to compare their family to others, especially teenagers. My husband and I have two adult children that admire the dynamic of our relationship. My 21 year old son has watched how friends parents treat each other and even ignore each other. He told me that he hopes to have a marriage as good and close as his dad and I have and I pray that my children have at least what we have when they marry, if not better. My 26 year old daughter recently thanked me for how I answered her question about what "sexy" meant when she was child. I told her that a sexy woman was strong and had a great sense of humor. Unfortunately, her friends asked their mothers the same question and were told that being sexy was all about having a sexy attitude and dressing provocatively to entice men.

To those who believe in God and are considering the lifestyle, ask yourself what God would think before you go down that road. Christians believe that God is the designer of marriage and marriage is representative of our relationship to God. I personally think God is examining how we treat our marriage partners to see how close we try to live by His example of Love, faithfulness, unity and intimacy. Sex was created by God to be more than just sex and can be a spiritual experience. Married couples take vows to be faithful to each other, forsaking all others. Sexually bonding to someone other than the spouse breaks the marriage vow. A link that I will not name here was sited in a previous post. It is filled with scriptures being pulled out of context and has misinterpreted Gods own words. If you are a Christian and read it dont think God is agreeing with what the web sites spin about Christian sexuality is. They take scriptures that actually mean obvious condemnation and destruction of the people, then distort them to be something positive about certain sexual acts they themselves describe. Do your own prayerful research for the truth in the scriptures because spiritual things are spiritually discerned.

Sexual freedom with emotional monogamy in the lifestyle does not make sense to those of us in a monogamous relationship. The thought of our life partner telling us they are sexually excited by someone else is disgusting to us. We do not desire or even have time for social events to meet sexual partners and would not find it exciting to have our partner see us having sex with someone else. We who are faithful to our partners are not missing out on anything because we have everything we need. Sexually exclusive couples believe that the intimate sexual connection between two people committed only to each other is beautiful and romantic. Sex is a special and precious gift. I bet the people in "the lifestyle" would never leave the pink slip to their car lying around at one of their "parties" for just anyone to pick up, so it looks like their pink slips are treated with more value than their spouses and marriage licenses. The lifestyle sounds emotionally lonely. Those in the lifestyle of lustful licentiousness will never understand or experience being fulfilled with the sweetness and strength of sexual exclusiveness in a life long marriage. We are all born with free choice of how to live our lives, but we will ultimately pay the price for our actions.

"Intimate bonding" and all that other stuff you are talking about is called "Making Love" ..... not sex.  Sex is just sex.

You know there is a difference, right?

In your last line, "We will ultimately pay the price for our actions."  Some people get fabulous mindblowing sex and relationships on levels YOU just can't understand.