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Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

Number of Replies: 1405
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Created on : Saturday, September 29, 2007, 09:23:47 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
How well do you think you know your neighbors, your friends and even your child's teacher? It is estimated that four to eight million people in North America are swinging in the suburbs -- mostly middle-class folks from all walks of life. Dr. Phil gives you a closer look at who these couples are who engage in sex with other twosomes. First up, Nita and Walter have been swinging for the last 12 years. They say they are happy in the lifestyle, so why does it cause tension in their relationship? Then, Brent says he has a strong yearning for he and his wife, Renee, to participate in a threesome. Renee says the idea disgusts her, but worries that if she refuses to join in, Brent will leave her. They fight constantly, often dragging their 17-year-old son into the middle of their chaos. Brent says he thinks about having threesomes every other day, but says that his desire is normal. What does Dr. Phil think? And, Dr. Phil viewers weigh in and share their thoughts about the swinging lifestyle. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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June 15, 2008, 7:33 pm CDT

a thought

Quote From: justaskjulie

I don't feel that the "swingers" on this show were representative of most swingers, but then that is usually the case anytime the media tries to do a show on swingers.  Once upon a time more swingers felt they could be "out" about their lifestyle, but that was in the days of free-love and the "swinging" 60's.  This is now, when most swingers feel that if they were to come out about their lifestyle they would lose friends, family, and possibly even jobs.  That said, it really narrows your pool on who you can get to come out publicly on a talk show.

 

Oprah's show did a much better job of representing swingers, although it was still a bit lacking, at least it included a real swinging couple who were actually HAPPY with who they are and what they do.  By only choosing couples who are obviously not happy or who obviously should not be swinging to start with you set yourself up ..... well, that's pretty much the show we expected out of Dr. Phil.

 

Swinging is NOT for everyone or every couple.... and after watching the Dr. Phil show, it was obvious that it really wasn't for either of the couples he had on their either.  What the first couple lacked was communication.  They were happy to start with but as tends to happen in their situation (doing it for the woman to be with other women) the guy gets a bit jealous after a while and he wants some action too.  Understandable, but he should have communicated that as things progressed not played passive aggressive games with her until it caused issues.  With the second couple, that guy was an ass.  The advice he would get from me is that he needs to make a decision. What is more important to him, his marriage or his fantasy.  And as for her, she just needs to get up and leave because he does not respect her in any way.

I am in a situation where the guy I am dating now was at one time a swinger. Now I am beginning to understand why - Is it possible for men swingers to sometimes go to the Bi side - whereas they enjoy looking at men! This guy will say that a man he saw was "attractive", etc etc. Sounds kind of BI to me!
He still thinks he is Mr Good looking - NOT!

Just seeing him nude is a real turn off - however, his ex swinging days are still in his mind I think.

I am NOT interested in swinging AT ALL! Been there - done that. It was pretty disgusting to Me.
 
August 12, 2008, 9:19 am CDT

your veiw on swinging sucks

Now don't get me wrong... some might think that going to a club and sleeping with what was it.....? 2 cpls in the last 12 yrs is swinging.. that's not swinging. that's having a social life with open minded friends and having a fling with one or two of them... and the other cpl on that show.. what a joke... i agree with Phil that that's not swinging and it's abuse.. and i hope she dropped his ass off at baggage claim for good when they got home.  next time you want a view of a swingers life... find better people to come on the show to help with real questions and answers... it's shows that 'show' swinging in that view that make people afraid of it and look down on it. i had sooo many people accuse my husb of forcing it on my after the show and abusive husb and wife that i just said hey.. i go out more then he does so get the facts straight before you start putting your foot in your mouth and having to say ohhhh i'm sorry i had it wrong...

 
November 2, 2008, 4:06 pm CST

Finally had a chance

I finally have a chance to sit down and find this board....here is a bit of my thoughts...

I found the show not well balance. Sure there are some couple like this man imposing it on his wife and some that are not every active in the life style. But what about us that are happy that have a regular loving and happy life with our partner.

Swinging does not mean not being communicative with our partner quit the opposite. The more communication the better. It doesn't mean to have multiple partners in bed with us every single time. In our case it when both of us feel the need, and when one doesn't want to swing it is fine too. We have never force either one. We spend time talking about the people we meet before play with them. We have no self esteem problems.
Our love is stronger with the years not with the life style.We have never tried  to fix our relation ship with this choice. There was a long conversation about it before trying including rules and guides lines if I can put it that way. We have a very open relationship and and extremely close one.

The life style we do not use swinging we call it recreational sex. It is a game, fun we share with others. Our sex life is very normal even active just us together. I hate the one we meat that try to fix their couple wrong choice. Or the ones the you can feel one of the partner are not into it. We have always stay away for the possible couples because their are not well in their relationship to be sharing in our time. Toxic will just cause more toxic and we are in a healthy and strong relationship no need to cause harm.

Eclaire


 
November 9, 2008, 12:31 pm CST

01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

My husband also wants to participate in this lifestyle. I want no part of it. He started trying to get me to do this after a couple that he was friends with invited us to join them. When I said no they wanted to make it a 3some with him. He told me about it and said he turned them down. Ever since then he has been trying to get me to try it. I have told him that I am not interested and he persists. He tries to make me feel guilty by saying that he would do anything for me to fulfill my dreams and fantasies and if I loved him I would do what he wants. I think he is obsessed with it. He has admitted that it is a problem for him but we don't know what to do about it. How can he get help for something like this. Otherwise we have a wonderful marriage and I do not want this to ruin it.
 
November 14, 2008, 2:08 pm CST

01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

Quote From: triedntrue

My husband also wants to participate in this lifestyle. I want no part of it. He started trying to get me to do this after a couple that he was friends with invited us to join them. When I said no they wanted to make it a 3some with him. He told me about it and said he turned them down. Ever since then he has been trying to get me to try it. I have told him that I am not interested and he persists. He tries to make me feel guilty by saying that he would do anything for me to fulfill my dreams and fantasies and if I loved him I would do what he wants. I think he is obsessed with it. He has admitted that it is a problem for him but we don't know what to do about it. How can he get help for something like this. Otherwise we have a wonderful marriage and I do not want this to ruin it.
Remind him that, 'If he loved YOU, he wouldn't keep nagging you to do something you have clearly told him you don't want to do."
 
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