Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

I see the religious zealots are out in droves trying to force the rest of us normal people into their way of thinking.  Aren't there some heathen natives they could convert in the jungle?

What two (or more) consenting people do in their bed is up to them.  Morality police need to go pound sand.

Dr. Phil and anybody who is interested should "google" polyamory and look into a fascinating sibject. At least it is fascinating to me because my husband and I sort of fell into this particular lifestyle six months ago after 20 plus years of marriage. Polyamory is about and open, honest, ethical, intimate relationship with another person or persons other than your mate. It involves communication and honesty and willingness of all parties involved. It is estimated that many swingers are actually looking for this kind of relationship and the first couple on the show today hinted at this. Anybody forcing someone to do something against their will is nothing short of participating in rape.

     The only thought of Dr. Phil's that I disagreed with is when he said he wouldn't give an alcoholic a job in a bar. Having a healthy sexual relationship between consenting adults is not a sexual addiction. An addiction indicates an insecurity or other emotional issues that are unhealthy. 

It's funny that your husband had no problem with you sharing your body with this other man, but the minute you reported to him that this man wanted to take this relationship beyond the physical and you responded by trying to put a stop to it, he decided to leave you.  Was it because he was more invested in the other relationship then he let on and when you called a halt he wanted to continue to see the other woman and he is still involved in this relationship or was it because he was naturally insecure in your personal relationship and took this as a symbol of your infidelity.

So now you need to ask your husband to go to counselling with you and you can at least attempt to pick up the peices of your marriage.  If he won't go then you need to go and figure out where you go from here and how to enter into a healthy relationship in the future.  Hope is not going to fix what is broken in your life and until you find out why he felt so threatened by another man caring for you then you cannot move on.

I am not a swinger.  My husband and I joke about our crushes on other people (celebrity or acquaintences) but neither one of us has ever acted on those and we never would.  But sometimes we will dress up and role play to give us a boost from the ordinary and move our relationship to hotels ect so that we can act out a role.  Swinging couples that want to "see" other couples and singles do so out of a desire to spice up their own personal relationship.  But we are not animals without feelings and we are all vulnerable to petty jealousies and wants that can be more harmful to the couple and the other couples then we can forsee when we start out on a course of action.  A lot of the couples that are swingers post that it is okay that sometimes they develop feelings for one or both people in another couple.  That if this is handled in an honest and straightforward manner that you can strengthen your own relationship.

Maybe that is true but I have found that when you add sex and feelings to a relationship then you become a couple.  And in every relationship there is only room for one couple and then a number of acquantences that you have a casual relationship with.  If I found out my husband was having a sexual and emotional relationship with another person (man or woman) then I would feel cheapened and thrown aside for someone else.  That is human nature.  We form a bond and get married because we have a desire to be with this one person and the need to declare it to everyone.  Too many people get married out of a desire to not be alone.  No one should ever be trapped in a relationship because they would rather be ill treated by someone else then have to look at your own face in the mirror every morning.  My aunt has had 8 marriages.  She leaves because she is not "happy" and she is sure she will  be much happier with her next partner.  She has left devestation in her wake with ex-spouses, ex-children, ex-inlaws, ex-friends and always this new person will be better.  Maybe swingers think because they are only having a physical relationship with the other people nobody gets hurt.  And for them maybe this will work.  Instead of getting divorced they spice up life with a new role playing act.  But you don't know the other couple that you are "playing" with and what will tip this into a freefall.  Maybe the wife is sure that you like the husband better and she starts a smear campaign against you, or your or their children find out which causes problems beyond anything you could possibly imagine.  Every relationship can cause us to be hurt, so think carefully about every action because the future is so precarious.

Just wanted to say that you guys did a great job in the construction of todays show.

The stories of both couples showed 2 very different perspectives by the people experiencing this lifestyle. 

I also really liked that Dr. Phil was respectful of the 1st couple, and I liked that he was honest about how swinging wasn't something he could comprehend as a positive for his marriage but that he still respected the couple's right to swing if they feel the lifestyle is a positive for their marriage.

Whoever chose the second couple to be on the show following the 1st is genius.  I say that because as swinging is becoming more accepted, that doesn't mean you should go against what is right for you if your partner has grown fascinated by this lifestyle. 

A man (or woman) who may be interested in swinging could very feasibly pressure their partner into doing it because he (or she) doesn't see anything wrong with it, society's becoming more accepting of it, so why shouldn't their partner get with the times?

The 1st couple showed who can handle it.  The second showed who cannot. 

On the scale of swinging, 1st couple being a "10,"  second being "zero" - I think we all knew where we would fall on that scale in the hypothetical, whether one agrees with swinging or not.

The abuse by the husband in the 2nd couple couldn't have highlighted better what a woman fears her husband might say, think, and do if she wasn't on board in his need to fulfill his fantasies.  He got it in his head that its an across-the-board acceptable lifestyle, and she was demeaned, berated and threatened her security in her family for not, essentially, getting with the times.

The construction of this episode conveyed brilliantly that the growing acceptance of the rights to have this lifestyle doesn't mean they're sanctioned rights to be forced on an unwilling partner. 

I am very pleased that the show did not have for the counter viewpoint (the second guest) be a self-righteous hater of swingers who can't comprehend swinging as a positive, speculating on and degrading the motives and love of the 1st couple.  Im sure that kind of guest would be very tempting to book, but we all know the arguments and where we would probably side from an outside perspective.  That doesn't mean we'd know how our fears, or maybe even enticement, may manifest itself if our partner posed the question.  

I really took notice that you all didn't make the show "Swinging!  Right or wrong?" and instead gave it a far greater depth with "Swinging!  Could you do it?"

Great great job guys!