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Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

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Created on : Saturday, September 29, 2007, 09:23:47 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
How well do you think you know your neighbors, your friends and even your child's teacher? It is estimated that four to eight million people in North America are swinging in the suburbs -- mostly middle-class folks from all walks of life. Dr. Phil gives you a closer look at who these couples are who engage in sex with other twosomes. First up, Nita and Walter have been swinging for the last 12 years. They say they are happy in the lifestyle, so why does it cause tension in their relationship? Then, Brent says he has a strong yearning for he and his wife, Renee, to participate in a threesome. Renee says the idea disgusts her, but worries that if she refuses to join in, Brent will leave her. They fight constantly, often dragging their 17-year-old son into the middle of their chaos. Brent says he thinks about having threesomes every other day, but says that his desire is normal. What does Dr. Phil think? And, Dr. Phil viewers weigh in and share their thoughts about the swinging lifestyle. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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January 19, 2008, 7:42 pm CST

01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

Quote From: ialac2

Women need to be more fearful of losing their self-respect and peace of mind than losing a partner who imposes his desire for a threesome or multiple sex partners. When sex is used as a sport it may seem exciting until the reality of sexually transmitted diseases sets in -- chlamydia and cervical cancer (research confirms multiple sex partners are a leading cause of this cancer).

My husband threatened to leave if I did not participate and I agreed. I didn't realize the impact it would have on my sense of self worth. I felt sickened and ashamed and while I once loved sex with my husband, I now avoid and hate it. I wish I had told him to leave. I did finally tell him what the experience had done to my self image and the damage to our relationship. I realized too late that he did not love me or he would never have asked me to engage in an activity that violated my mental health and physical well-being. Ladies, don't do it to please your partner.

Sorry on the wrong site but not in my books cheating is cheating.

BB

 
January 19, 2008, 8:06 pm CST

Swinger that don"t have problems(Bullcrap)

With the divorce rate at 50%. Same sex weddings and child raising harder than ever. We might be smarter than monkeys and dumber than a stump. Where has morals gone to. I believe that any person who wants to see there love one for ever or have them see you with another person needs to explain love to me. Our children are dieing in mass numbers right in front of our faces. Guns, drugs, bullies, gangs. and negative roll models are what we are serving up to our young people today. Life is a hard enough struggle all by it's self. I am not a religious man per say and hope to ask my God allot of questions when and if I get the chance. Mostly why this and why that and I am sure he will explain to me the bigger picture.

   What scares me is what I will have to explain, the answers he will want when he ask. Why this or that. What ever happened to just good old com-en sense?

 

Wes Lancaster

Anchorage, Alaska

 
January 19, 2008, 8:55 pm CST

We Swing, so what?

My husband and I have been swinging going on 5 years.

My family is aware of it as are my grown adult children, even my MOTHER.

 

I think what shocked my mother (think old school'what would the neighbors think?)

So I went to a popular swing site, typed in my zip code, put in a 50 mile radius and viola, up popped over 500 couples......there mom, that's what my neighbors think.

She was aghast of course that so many people were swinging, not that my husband and I swing.

 

The thing about swinging is, there must be 110% agreement between the couple if they are wanting to try this.

They must be 2000% committed to their MARRIAGE.

They must set clear and unbreakable RULES for swinging, any violation of the rules and the swinging ends or the marriage will.

 

Protect yourself at all times, from pregnancy, disease, weirdos.

Never go with strangers, always get to know the people first (phone, internet, safe place to meet for the 1st time)

 

Swinging has not harmed our marriage whatsoever. We've had 3 somes (MFM and FMF as well as couples MF/MF)

If swinging has done anything to our marriage it has strengthened it, we have more trust for each other, our sex life..........well......just RULES!

 

We are open with each other, no secrets, no lying, the trust is amazing!! If both of us don't agree to a situation 110%.......we leave, simple as that.

 

Nobody can enter our marriage, they may enter our bed but not our marriage. We are a team and will remain until death do us part.

 

Swinging is absolutely NOT for everyone.

No partner should feel threatened, forced, or guilted into doing anything they do not want to do!

 

The couple coming on the show where the wife doesnt want to do it but feels pressure from her husband and is scared he'll leave if she doesn't go along with him.......

Face it, there are much deeper problems than just if his 'needs' or 'wants' aren't met or she doesnt do what HE wants to do.

 

Some people are not into swinging nor ever will be. It isn't right for everyone. (though the numbers are so high that fact has room for argument!)

 

One thing swinging has given us is a much deeper understanding of each other, has enhanced a very wonderful sex life too.

 

Mind you, this isn't an everyday thing or we spend time cruising, we're part timers......if we find a nice couple fine, if not, fine too.

Its been a year since we swung but we move across country and have been busy....if the mood strikes we'll search for like minded adults and see where it goes......our lives are not consumed by swinging, only positively enhanced  our marriage, IN and OUT of the bedroom.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
January 19, 2008, 9:06 pm CST

01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

if she isent happy then she should leave. i think if its a mutual that thay are swingrs then i dont see ay thing rong with it but if eather of them have doughts about it then thy need to work it out or go there seprat ways. i know first hand of the phycological aspects of it do to my wife is bi sexual by chouse. i have no probems with here being with other women sexualy. 

 
January 19, 2008, 9:32 pm CST

01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

sick sick sick sickos......why did you get married if you were going to want threesomes.  pray for this bad spirit to leave you in jesus 's name.

 
January 19, 2008, 10:02 pm CST

DON'T DO IT

Neither a husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend should make either one feel they have to do something like this.  I have dealt with this problem with my husband bringing it up to me but I stand my ground and say NO but that does not stop him.  I do not believe anyone should force anyone else to do something they do not want to do.  I would never think of doing anything like this just to keep a man. Just keep saying no and if it does not stop then you my have no choice to leave and look for happiness elsewhere.  I would never let a man think I am so in love with him and give in to whatever they want.  To even think of bringing in another person for a threesome is disgusting.  A marriage or relationship is for two people and two people only. 
 
January 19, 2008, 11:59 pm CST

Not for me!

Before my husband and  I married (in2004) , he had made the suggestion to me that  he wanted to do a

do a "threesome".  Well, I thought about it, it terrified me, but I had a very dear friend and he and his

wife had been swingers for many many years, so I ran this scenerio by him;  He said he would be

more than happy to ask his wife if she might be interrested in the idea, but he said, only on one

condition would he consider it;  That was only if HE could be with me, and my fiance watch.  So I

ran the idea by my "Fiance"  and his remark was *#*# no, I'm not sharing you with anyone else,

and I said well neither will I.  That was the end of it.  He has NEVER said one word about that since!!

Call their bluff, either it will work or it won't, atleast you will know where you are in your relationship!!

 

        Happy In PA!!

 
January 20, 2008, 12:55 am CST

What you didn't say speaks volumes

Quote From: cfnamier

I always love it when swinging comes up as a topic.

 

My wife of 33 years and I have been together since 1968, we work together owning two small businesses, we do lots of volunteer work, and on Saturday nights we go out for our date night.

 

We go to our local swingers bar to dance with each other and other couples we know, we have sexy fun, we flirt, we laugh, we have a ball. About one time every two months we have such a great time with another couple we go to either our house or theirs and play sexy games, strip poker, naked twister or the like.

We have sex, it is just an extension of the fun we have.

 

Before i get blasted for being controlling in any way, I certainly do not force her to do anything. She likes to dress sexy and she loves to flirt, I don't have any problem with her doing so. She was beautiful and sexy when we started dating and she is beautiful and sexy today.

You talk about how you own 2 businesses.  You talk about how you like to go out and dance and play "sexy games" with other couples.  You even talk about how beautiful your wife is.  The only thing you did not mention is if you LOVE your wife.  I feel so sad for your wife, spending over 30 years married to a man who not only doesn't love her but has no respect for himself or her, but I feel even sadder for your wife that she thinks so little of herself that she has decided this is acceptable behavior.
 
January 20, 2008, 1:44 am CST

WOW You Go You Said It Right!

Quote From: ceildh1

Okay, I'll get blasted. I "Don't play well with others " and there are things I just "Will not share " my husband being one of those things, that being said... If my neighbors, my doctor or child's teacher are "Swingers" why is that my business or the Police's business or really anyone's business ? Quite frankly its NOT. It is a lifestyle that has to be AGREED on by both parties BEFORE that paper is signed, if one or the other partner is against it, then you shouldn't sign that paper with them, move on and find a person that shares YOUR views on marriage (although I don't get why you would get married if you don't "DO" Monogomy). Okay, he wants a threesome, you don't, but you're scared he'll leave ? Huh, so he leaves, big deal do you really want to be with someone who bullies you into doing things you are disgusted by ? And what kind of "Man " involves his child in these type of discussions ? If he said he wanted you to help him rape someone or he would leave you, would you do it ? Or would you find the "gonads" to get out and make a life for yourself ? Please, I've heard the arguments before, she has no job skills, go to night school, millions have or are doing it, and courses can be taken online now as well, she has no money, what about spousal support, or a JOB, take something that can help you in your quest to upgrade your skills. Easy, no, nothing worthwhile ever is, but what is more important, your sense of peace and self worth, or his pathetic little ego, call his bluff, and stand on your own. Why does this piss me off so badly ? I see women in Afghanistan and Africa that are FORCED to live in these situations because of lack of opportunities and education, here in the West we are GIVEN the opportunity to stand on our own as independant women, not just an extension of our husbands, and yet when it comes down to it, we still think we NEED the husband to validate us, even if it is to the detriment of our own mental health or that of our children.
Wow, I needed to hear that. My husband isn't all about that, Thank God, but I'm not happy because he is such a cheapskate, control freak and doesn't want to share any of his money with me or even let me know what he makes. That's a far cry from this bull, though, I can't believe that women go along with this kind of thing if they really, really don't want to. I'll bet he didn't discuss this with her much before they got married, though - if he did, she really made a mistake by going through with it. Why do people who want the respectability of getting married but want to live single?
 
January 20, 2008, 2:12 am CST

I Knew Two Couples....

.....Who got into doing threesomes, and they both broke up. Both women decided that they liked the woman more than they liked the man who had begged, wheedled, nagged, sulked, and whined until they finally gave in. Both men thought that the whole situation would revolve around them, and very shortly found themselves unwanted and shuttled aside. Both men were truly freaked out when they realized that the whole thing was started by them, and never would have happened if they hadn't gone on and on about it. One of the men attempted suicide and was sent to the state mental hospital in Wichita Falls, TX. One of my friends has been with women ever since.

 

Of course, Brent probably is only thinking of how exciting and blah blah blah "great" it would be for him. It will never occur to him that he won't be in control of every little thing and feeling that could happen. I bet he wouldn't think it would be so great if she decides she likes girls better and doesn't want him around anymore. His ego sounds like it needs some of the air let out, anyway. I hope this girl gives him a good, swift kick in the pants out the door.

 
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