Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

This is a first for me, but after seeing the show today I feel as if I needed to write.  My wife and I have been married 18 years. This is the third marriage for each of us.  After being married for about 8 years, the idea of swapping with a couple who were friends of ours came up.  My wife and I were both raised in the South under strict Baptist beliefs, so I guess the thought of us "doing something" was a little on the rebelious side.  I approached the husband of the couple we had thought about and he was interested.  After a few days he told me his wife was too.  Just try it for the fun of it and nothing pushy.  The first time was just filrty, nothing more.  The second time after a few drinks, we went "all the way".  I know this sounds like crap, but seeing my wife with another man, made me feel closer than I have ever been with her.  Most people can't understand or agree with this, but this is how I feel.  Well afterwards, my wife was ok with it, but in her heart didn't feel like it was right.  Maybe it isn't but to me it is like a addiction.  Due to us having sex with the other couple...a couple we had known for many years and were great friends with....the sex ruined our friendship.  Now we have not heard from them or seen them in years.  For that I am truely sorry.  My wife has never been with anyone else, but me, since that time.  The problem is now I can't stop.  I go to swinger web sites and talk to other people in the life style.  Like they said on the show, there are many people into this that you would never expect to be.  So now I meet couples and females who like me are addicted to the sex.  I believe in a big difference in having sex and making love.  So now I sneak around having sex with the ones I can.  Wish I had never started....sort of like a drug addiction.  So be ware of what you start.....

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years.  It took 1 year before we both realized that we would both like to try bringing someone else into the bedroom.  It is amazing how many people think about doing this.  It was so easy to find another person.  We have had threesomes with one other guy and three other girls.  We enjoy it and it is something we are equally ok with.  The only problem I have had with this is I can not kiss another person.  I just am not comfortable with this. Maybe this is the one thing that my subconscience saves for him.  It is an exciting experience.  It's not something that we do all the time.  It's like a special treat we give to one another. 

No intelligent person? That is funny! As I am intelligent, selfconfident and trusting. I know that my lifestyle is just that...MINE! Isn't it intelligence that leads to understanding and openmindedness? It seems to me that ignorance of an issue or idea is what leads to backward comments such as yours and others.

Dr. Phil,

My boyfriend and I are a part of the swingers world but we do not swing we are what you would call vouyers.  We like to watch and be watched.  Very little touching is allowed by other couples that happen to be involved.  We have rules when we play with others.  We do not have sex, oral sex or kiss other couples for fear of STD's or STI's.  Our part in the swingers world it to add favor to our sex lives plus my boyfriend has a foot fetish and likes the fact that this enviorment allows him to play with other girls toes... TMI for you I'm sure.  Regardless, they all have rules for what they feel comfortable with and It is discussed before playing.  The difference between normal swingers and the couple you had on your show today is that this is their LIFE STYLE and they only date and marry the same.   Now, obviously people who are new to this and think they want to try it on for size, both partners have to be into slipping it on.  If it doesn't fit both of you, than you need to rethink your relationship or find something else that excite you and your partner. 

Nothing personal, as I assume you personally always use condoms, but I recently learned my husband has been doing this behind my back, after I refused and he refuses to use condoms. Of course I am in the divorce process. But dont assume because you use protection, everyone does.

I went through this very thing with me EX and this is the main reason he is my EX. I hated it but went along with it to keep him happy and at home. Only to find out it wasn't enough for him that it all led to his wanting more. He kept upping the anti and things got sicker so I finally said NO more. That is when I found out he was cheating with not only women but men too. To prove it, I asked him to go for an aids test, when he agreed to have the test done, I knew for certain he was cheating and I booted his ugly ass out. It wound up costing me a bunch of money in the divorce but I told him it was worth every penny, just to get rid of him.

I think this woman would be much happier if she found someone who appreciated her for who she is.. Get rid of him..

AMEN! It is sick, so sick. How can anyone do that??? They might try to hide it from their neighbors, family, and coworkers, but God sees everything, and you can't hide from Him!

Another proud southern that is not ashamed to have a pole in my basement (although the thought of me doing that is somewhat comical) but the point is what is shared in my husband and I's bedroom is OURS and we don't share or 'play' (ick) with other couples, our kids, friends, etc. we are taught in the south to have manners but that doesn't mean it doesn't get hot in the south :)!!!

When this couple was stating that they did not have "sex" with other couples Dr. Phil was referring to the rationale that Clinton gave.  After the famous "I did not have sex with that woman" speech he had to recant- slightly.  He stated that oral sex was not really sex so he did not lie.  That was the joke people- no offense against Democrats- CHILL!

 They look like a great couple!  I about cried when I saw Brent and Renee and not only because of the horrible fear she had and disaster their relationship is...but because not all swingers are like them!  I think the reason we all keep this a secret is because people will think we are all disasters just like that.  We aren't!  My husband and I are normal, professional, family oriented people. 

We have been married 2 and a half years and swinging for about 6 months now and we have not had any problems like this.  Sure, there were insecurities just like Nita and my hubby even has the same feelings at times.  We LOVE each other though and swinging is NOT about us not being satisfied with each other.  People look at us and can tell we are crazy about each other...we just happen to enjoy others as well.  I am bisexual and enjoy having sexual relations with other women and he enjoys the fun as well. 

I would say that our communication is MUCH better than most other couples we know.  We don't go to the clubs because we like to get to know others first.  We have found that MANY of the couples we meet are looking for something "more" in their relationship.  When we notice they aren't stable in their relationship, which is simply our judgment, we back out and move on.  We still stay friends with these people, but we know better than to bring sex into it if we can tell one of them really isn't into it or something similar. 

We aren't monsters, we aren't going to have sex with everyone we see, we aren't into illegal things...we just enjoy being open minded with other people.