Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

Do you think this appetite has anything to do with your previous marriages failing?

 

It seems to me there may be some connection there. I am reading all these posts and can't believe the number of people who are professing this is a great lifestyle, yet refer to this being the second or third marriage.....I don't know, I just noticed this and wondered if you think it is related?

This type of life style is not normmal.  Swinging is  for people who want to be with other people with permission. If both people do not agree with this type of behavior, it can be damanging to the spouse that is being presurred into doing something he or she do not want to do. I left my husband because of this type of behavior. I have been  happy ever since.  To make it so bad, his friends looked at me as if I did something wrong!  The truth is his friends do not know he tried to live this type of life style.  He will never be man enough to admit it!  Dr. Phil, I love your show!!

I am told that it is possible to have a happy, healthy marriage while living the lifestyle. I don't understand it because I'm not built that way and I don't think I will ever understand it. Maybe I'm prejudiced, though. When my husband decided to cheat on me, he joined in the lifestyle and had a number of threesomes including with his best friend and his wife. We're still married, but it cost him every "friend" he had made in the group he was involved with AND his best friend, not to mention nearly costing him his marriage. Seems like a pretty costly lifestyle to me.

Dr. Phil used the analogy of I wouldn't let an alcoholic work at a bar to describe the temptation that someone might have if they engaged in swinging.  Two things.  1. My brother is an alcoholic and thought it would be smart to purchase a bar.   He is drinking again.  Big surprise there.  2.  I know of a couple who engaged in swinging and at the outset both agreed.  The husband did meet with the other woman behind her back and ended up having to move away to get away from the temptation. 

 

My husband and I have been attending an on-premise swingers club for over a year now and enjoy it immensely. What we love about the place is that  the people there are friendly, and non-jugemental. When we go there, we don't go looking for people we'd like to play with. What we go for is to have a few drinks, shoot a game of pool, socialize with people we already know, and meet new people in a no-pressure environment. I enjoy dressing sexy, or I can wear as little as I want.  I can "let my hair down" and no one thinks anything of it.  Since we started going to this club, I found a belly dance studio that also teaches Pole Dance and Exotic Dance. After so many years of being a stay-at-home mom, I found that I'm still sexy. You should also know that you don't have to be married or a couple to swing. Single men/women can swing too if a couple (or another single) wants to invite them. My husband and I don't play often. It's just an occassional thing with us. We allow each other to play alone too, as long as it's not kept secret; however, we keep the separate swinging to a minimum and always tell each other. My husband was the one who approached me on the subject (No, I was NOT pressured.) and at first I thought it was "too weird"; however, I decided to give the club a try and found I enjoy it.  I also found there are also some non-swingers who go to the club for the same reasons we do (just to mingle, have a few drinks, and relax in a non-pressure environment). I wish I had gone to swinger clubs back in my single days instead of a "meat market" club which I used to frequent. The men are very respectful and No ALWAYS means No.  We respect everyone's feelings. My husband and I absolutely don't believe this is something that should be out in the open and don't want to "come out of the closet". We believe this "alternative lifestyle" as well as all other "alternative lifestyles" should stay in the closet. We don't demand that society accept this as "normal", and we're not "in-your-face" about it and label non swingers as "swingerphobes" (if there's such a word).  We respect other people's opnions and realize swinging is NOT for everyone out there.  We believe that what goes on behind the closed doors of a married couple is their business as long as everyone involved is in agreement and no one's forced. I really don't know how many swingers feel the same as we do, but we really would NEVER want society to accept this as "normal."

 Swinging is asking for trouble.  Aside from the moral issues, which are many,  there are so many problems that will arise out of this lifestyle - disease, infidelity, physical comparisons, and probable divorce, I must be boring, because I like nothing better than to be at home, with my family.

LOL! I guess that also gives people the right to do whatever they want in their own marriage so long as it doesn't hurt anyone else.

 

Furthermore, you can have a LEGAL right to any opinion you wish, but in the context of discussing the impact on children and the morality of the whole thing....I am way more concerned about people exercising their legal right to openly call people vile names than people exercising their legal right to their own private sex life and marital boundaries.

 

For the record, I am NOT into swinging at all. I don't get it, and I have a difficult time understanding how it could be beneficial in a marriage. I DO understand that my own preferences to not constitute some sort of moral or universal truth.

 

Shrug...people can be as judgmental as they want...I fail to see the benefit of getting ugly simply because somebody doesn't live according to YOUR moral code...I fail to see how anyone has the inherent authority or insight to determine whether OTHER people's marriages work or whether they can be "in love". Can you explain to me WHY it is anyone's business how OTHER people set up their sex life so long as they are not doing in front of you or your kids?

As humans we are all individuals and each have different likes and dislikes. My husband is NOT the swinger type, so this would never happen in my marriage. However, if I had married someone else this would interest me greatly. Let's face it; every day life is SO mundane! I have a great life, but it certainly lacks the excitement of type of sex you have when you are first dating your spouse!

 

"The Lifestyle" seems to keep that sort of excitement in a marriage and that is why so many ppl love it. I think you need to be mature and very sure of yourselves sexually.

 

I give that first couple a lot of credit to speak so openly about being in the swinger lifestyle and hope that even those who aren't interested in doing it, understand it a little more now!

I think that this wife was truly emotionally abused by her husband and Dr. Phil should have called him abusive. This wife needs therapy to build her self esteeme and get a backbone. If my husband even mentioned this to me I would say if that is your idea of fun there's the door. All these lifestyles are just a manipulitive way to abuse the women.