Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

Amen!!!  I totally agree.  The nice "church goers" are usually the first to jump in with names and be judgmental.  I have to honestly say the people i've met in the lifestyle are some of the nicest poeple.

True but how do you know without a doubt that your spouce or significant other isn't out there having an affair and bringing something home?  I hope for your sake not but there is no way to know for sure.  And too, how do you know that the person that coughed on you at the store today doesn't have contagious TB?  You don't.  Life holds risks and yes some behaviors may seem riskier than others but I have found that life is short and I as well as my husband wants to enjoy it the way we choose without fear.

I do realize that swinging has been around for a long time sorry for referring to it as a trend. As for optimism and positive thinking I don't need them because Every time I try to think positive I'm bombarded by those same swinging ads, talk shows about horrible issues, stories about internet predators, knowing people who have been raped or abused, or some other thing that makes me feel less hopeful about humanity. The very statement you said about these websites being all over only worsens my feelings and hope.

 when you worked in a hospital, you must've been a housekeeper or nonmedical person because no medically trained professional with EVER say that just because they know somebody they are sure they don't carry an STD.  Further, we also know for a fact condoms DO NOT protect against a number of sexually transmitted diseases.[  Hence the term "safer sex", not "safe sex"]  As far as being tested?  That only holds until the person's out of your sight, and then testing isn't worth the paper was written on.

Wwinging is hardly a responsible lifestyle.  It doesn't take into account any number of factors.  it would be interesting to do a survey and find out how many people's marriages eventually end up in the dumpster because of swinging.

 I  live in a big city. There was a couple in the news frequently who held swinging parties at their home. There was nothing neighbors could do about it - their street was filled with cars night after night & homeowners couldn't park their own cars because of all the visitors. Attempts to get rid of the swingers by taking up all the spaces on the street with homeowner cars resulted in a lawsuit.  The couple took the neighbors to court & won an injunction to stop the practice.(Not very friendly of them, was it?)  Interestingly enough, about 11 months after they moved in, the police were called to the home because of a huge fight. Seems he was sleeping with a woman she detested. Shortly thereafter, both lost their jobs (they pressed mutual charges  for domestic violence- & since both were nursing assistants they could no longer be employed under Ohio law). Sounds like a fun lifestyle to me.

I am against this, My first husband (ex husband)was into this and after years of refusing to do this, we had a party one night and To this day I swear he and a female that was there put something in my drink to drug me, when I woke up this female was between my legs and he was watching and I could not move, i could not speak, I remembered it the next day, I felt as if I was raped and to this day he denies it all. I think it is sick and twisted. And as i said he is my EX Husband

I think that there are other ways of enjoying ones life w/out screwing everyone out there. I am not judging anyone, just saying that I just don't see it working in most marriages.

 

Oh and btw, a true Christian does not call one names and tell you that you are going to hell or whatever. True Christians try and see you for who YOU are, not for what you are doing. Also I wanted to add that I do know for a fact that my husband isn't cheating. He comes home to me every single night and (blushing) he is VERY happy with what he gets at home. I say if you want to experiment, use toys, oral sex...whatever, do it w/you husband/wife, not someone who doesn't truly love you. Sex between you and your spouse is meant to be special. There is nothing wrong w/sex. Sex is good. Someone is bound to get hurt somehow when you are not fully concentrating on each other.

About 6 years ago my husband of 8 years and live with partner for a total of 15 came up with this same fantasy. He badgered me constantly about it and I at one point said I would consider this because I was afraid of losing him. He wanted to watch me having sex with another man.  I was also weak and thinking I'll lose him if I don't do this. But I knew I couldn't and thought how could he profess to love me and not be jealous or bothered by me being with another man.  I told him I could never live with myself if I went through with it.  He said he understood and stopped bringing it up. Needless to say within a few months I noticed him becoming indifferent to me but couldn't quite figure out what was going on.  He never wanted sex so this request also seemed strange to me.  I always felt neglected in that area and he told me this was a complaint with women he had relationships with before me.  So one morning, I came down to check my grocery list for Thanksgiving, as I was having his family over who he had been estranged from for years for the first time since I brought them together again while he was still asleep, and found pictures he had taken of himself masturbating.  Apparently he stopped bothering me and found someone online, married, across the country who told him she liked to "watch" and they had been exchanging photos and gifts of a sexual nature for months.  Needless to say, I found my spine, it wasn't easy but I kicked him out the door the same day.  After he was gone I found innumerable profiles, pictures, emails, and one in particular where he contacted a man and they were arranging to pretend to know each other and he would bring me to a restaurant and somehow thought I would just jump in bed with this man.  And I wasted 15 years of my life with this person. He stuck me for all the bills, including the divorce, and moved out to AZ where this woman lived to carry on with her I guess.  So I understand her point of saying if she didn't go along with it he would find someone who would.  Mine did and the other woman is more than welcome to him and all of his baggage. He was a loser who never could keep a job, costs me thousands and thousands of dollars over the years supporting him.  No one should ever compromise their morals or gut feelings for any other person. I'm now very happy, peaceful and in his haste to start his new life I was able to manipulate him into giving up the house I worked so hard for, keep my huge pension account and last time I heard anything about him, he was on welfare, and food stamps and she was still waiting for him to keep his promise to support her so she could leave her husband.  I went through a lot with this person but I'm so glad I was able to use what little power he hadn't taken from me to stand up for myself.  It took me a long time and lots of Dr Phil's advice from watching shows to realize I didn't need a man in my life to be happy.  I'm now very successful in my job, have learned to take care of my home on my own and I will never give my power away again.

You have got to be kidding me.  Don't bring in the "How do you know your spouse is not having an affair" thing.  He is far to loyal of a man, and I mean he is a man, to screw around.  There is a difference between a real man that can keep his wife and family together and a stooge who has to go elsewhere to get it.

I keep hearing....What are these women thinking, why would a man degrade his wife, men just want to have sex with other women, men will like the other woman better, etc...  And now you seem to think that if a man even hears about swinging on tv that he is no longer decent.

I guess it is acceptable to assumed that the men are led around by their d***s and the women are innocent victims.

Well...I am a swinger, I am female and I am not a victim! 

How could  you expect to find a 'decent' man when you think so little of them?

Aren't you worried about Dr. Phil airing a show about swingers...some decent guy might have been watching.

 

I have watched Dr. Phil for many years, and have found his shows and his advice helpful.  However, I have seen a few shows lately that slightly remind me of other off the wall shows.  The subject of today's show was irrevelant to information that would be helpful to most people.  I find this subject more of a gossipy matter than anything of real importance. 

Who cares if a man finds it alluring to see his wife with another person in a sexual act.  If it is causing difficulty in one's marriage or personal life that person should private counseling for the issue and not make this issue something that is put on display.

Dr. Phil has many more issues that need his attention and expertise.  I hope he reads this and takes it to heart, his advice it more worthy than this pettiness.