Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

For me if couples want to swing do what you got to do.  None of my business.  Not my choice but not for me to say not to.  I am not putting you all down just don't agree and I do  have a opinion.

I do believe that a lot of people are just justifying their life styling to make it seem it is OK bottom line.  If it is OK there wouldn't be as much effort being put into both agreeing to it, both not getting jealous or in the first couples case, the wife wouldn't be choosing the lesser so to speak of the women for husband to make she sure isn't jealous so that her husband wouldn't end up liking that woman more. 

Swinging is what it is.  A whole lot of people couples or groups or clubs or however it is done just having a whole lot of sex.  It is done as the posters have said to have fun, experiment and have sexual fantasies. 

Yes you can go out to dinner and do that stuff but from what the posters say,  it is what it is..... just a reason for a lot of sex.  

There seems to be a lot of effort being put into deciding on doing it,  when to,  where to and with whom and then how.  Way too much for me to think about.  I got married to NOT have to put that much effort into all that but to put that much effort into the man I MARRIED.  Key words....  EFFORT TO THE MAN I MARRIED.

I agree with one poster on why get married ?  I do believe the posters that say they do it and still love their spouses as I am no one to judge that.  I just believe that some not all, are fooling themselves into why they are in it. 

One couple who swung we know is now divorced.  She meet someone else.  The group we saw out at the bar, to be perfectly honest looked and acted like a bunch of immature sex-starved teenagers. 

One gal with one guy this night.  The same guy with another gal the next night.  Some  " playing" with each other out in the open. Wow, I was impressed.....   

As far as the first couple and the money they are spending to get membership why then is prostitution illegal ?  A bordello ?  Don't even say it is different.  It is not.  You are paying, OK not for the act itself but for a facility to do it in.  Sounds to me like someone is making a whole lot of money on a lot of sex starved people.  I personally would think that kind of money should go to something more important...  like a child's education.  ( just a side note... )  or maybe the kind of business I should get into...  lots of $$$$( kidding...) 

Do what you gotta do swingers just not for me. 

As for the couple whose husband wanted her to do a threesome,  the husband is a disgusting *&$#@.......  for making the wife do it, belittleing her, and wh------g her out.  Dump him now.... 

'You choose the behavior' 

You said precisely how I feel about this topic.

While I felt horrible for the second lady of the couples on the show, because her response truly was that of a rape victim, the key is what you say here.  It's about communication and trust.  If one person is not comfortable you *have* to stop or the trust is broken.

I'm 42 and I'm a little different from many of the lifestyle posters here in that I'm not in a marriage, long term or otherwise.  I will never be married again.  I've always been a sexually open, and sexually demanding in terms of desire, need, regularity, type person but have never been comfortable enough in a relationship to even breathe my curiosity about the "lifestyle" experience to my partner. 

I met my boyfriend early May of 2007.  During the normal course of getting to know each other I asked him if he'd been involved in any threesomes or othersomes.  He told me that he wanted to talk to me about that in person, as he was out of town on business, and not over the phone and I said, "great!"  We did discuss his experience, in detail.  Incidentally, though the sparks were there from the moment our eyes met we waited two months for sex and stuck to getting to know each other as people first.  My choice and he was fine with it and completely respected my decision to wait.  Some might think two months is nothing but, for me, and I'm sure him, it was a long time.

I had been in a teenage encounter with another teenage woman and I'd been in a poor excuse for a threesome with two men in my early 20s.  Neither were bad experiences, per se, just inexperience and not knowing what to do or not knowing my body well enough that I didn't think they were a big deal.  Just an experience that I could care less whether or not I experienced them again.

Enter the boyfriend.  Communication is great.  Trust is great.  He had tried the lifestyle on a couple of occasions within the last couple of years, swung partners once, but he stressed the communication and trust as well as being with the right, like minded, person, were a must.  We talked, and talked and talked about the possibility, not 24/7 as some would think, but we communicated all of the different possibilities and what we were each curious about; what we were each comfortable trying.  He also said that it's important to have a safe word that tells each other that you don't want to continue and there are no hard feelings if you use it.  No jealousy.  No making the person who uses the word feel bad.  You respect the word.  The situation isn't right so you just stop.

We talked about attending a Lifestyle party where two drinks are the limit and there are no drugs allowed, very tight restrictions to be allowed in including a 'first timer' discussion which you had to participate in.  I liked that I had choices, that women held the power in this group, and that my feelings would be respected regardless of what took place.  I was definitely the lead in terms of bringing the subject up.  My big concern, and I did ask him, was, 'is this necessary to your happiness' and he said, flat out, no.  He said, "It's an experience, something to talk about later as a couple, but not necessary to my happiness."  I believed him and I still do.

Interestingly enough I bonded immediately with his best friend.  I just adore him, who wouldn't, but I'm not in love with him.  I'm not overly attracted to him physically, although he's a very good looking and well built young man, not my type, but I enjoyed his personality and we just clicked, I trusted him, from the first time I was introduced to him.  So, one night, it just seemed natural to enjoy each other sexually, all three of us.  Both men focusing their attentions on me and I just LOVED it.  His best friend and I also had time afterward to communicate our mutual feeling of "just so you know it was nothing but sex."  Communication is *so* important in this kind of relationship.

Also, what may be surprising to other posters, is that I felt nothing for the best friend afterwards, other than genuine friendly affection, but the love I felt for my boyfriend deepened because of the level of trust involved.  It's hard to explain unless you've experienced it.  We've been together several times since that first encounter and it's just friendly, mutually consenting, sex and nothing more.  There is nothing weird between the three of us; none of us are jealous or uncomfortable about this *strange* relationship and there are times when nothing happens at all between us, just laughter and watching sports.  Maybe we are a freak of nature?  I don't know.  What I do know is that I am in love with my boyfriend and he is who I want to take me home each night.

Only four months into our relationship we tried a Lifestyle party with lots of communication beforehand.  Overall, it was a great experience and educational.  We haven't been back yet, though we talk about going, but we've had other spontaneous encounters with friends, primarily me with other women (my choice) and him watching or kissing her (my choice) but this is the most free I've felt expressing myself as a sexually vibrant woman in my life.  Only once I felt awkward all of a sudden and used our word and everything stopped right then and there.  He and I talked, when we were alone, about our feelings about the entire situation that night and agreed that it was uncomfortable all of a sudden and it was right to stop.

Communication and trust mean everything if you're going to choose to let someone else join your bed.

Not for you obviously, but for us it is.  Just wondering why, what we do with others make any difference to you?