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Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

Number of Replies: 1405
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Created on : Saturday, September 29, 2007, 09:23:47 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
How well do you think you know your neighbors, your friends and even your child's teacher? It is estimated that four to eight million people in North America are swinging in the suburbs -- mostly middle-class folks from all walks of life. Dr. Phil gives you a closer look at who these couples are who engage in sex with other twosomes. First up, Nita and Walter have been swinging for the last 12 years. They say they are happy in the lifestyle, so why does it cause tension in their relationship? Then, Brent says he has a strong yearning for he and his wife, Renee, to participate in a threesome. Renee says the idea disgusts her, but worries that if she refuses to join in, Brent will leave her. They fight constantly, often dragging their 17-year-old son into the middle of their chaos. Brent says he thinks about having threesomes every other day, but says that his desire is normal. What does Dr. Phil think? And, Dr. Phil viewers weigh in and share their thoughts about the swinging lifestyle. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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September 30, 2007, 1:36 am CDT

How can these people have children involved in this????

This situation happened to unfold itself in our "family". Thankfully she divorced herself from the lying, cheating, sick man and let him spiral out of control by himself. But comes the point of all the chaos being brought into the home amongst the children. How do you explain the lifestyle to the children and also justify the expenses taken away from the family. It seems so selfish when you are a parent to put someone else through this, when they didn't ask for this shame of your lifestyle choices. Just how deep persay is your fixation with this "lifestyle" willing to go? Online advertising, group chat rooms, random dates out of personal ads... are you willing to be busted by an undercover agent? This fool did and that is how his life became aparent to his new bride/new mother and family who never saw the signs of his addictions. Is this really a personality disorder or are you just fulfulling some deeper need within your self?
 
September 30, 2007, 5:29 pm CDT

Frustrating Show

Okay, I'll get blasted. I "Don't play well with others " and there are things I just "Will not share " my husband being one of those things, that being said... If my neighbors, my doctor or child's teacher are "Swingers" why is that my business or the Police's business or really anyone's business ? Quite frankly its NOT. It is a lifestyle that has to be AGREED on by both parties BEFORE that paper is signed, if one or the other partner is against it, then you shouldn't sign that paper with them, move on and find a person that shares YOUR views on marriage (although I don't get why you would get married if you don't "DO" Monogomy). Okay, he wants a threesome, you don't, but you're scared he'll leave ? Huh, so he leaves, big deal do you really want to be with someone who bullies you into doing things you are disgusted by ? And what kind of "Man " involves his child in these type of discussions ? If he said he wanted you to help him rape someone or he would leave you, would you do it ? Or would you find the "gonads" to get out and make a life for yourself ? Please, I've heard the arguments before, she has no job skills, go to night school, millions have or are doing it, and courses can be taken online now as well, she has no money, what about spousal support, or a JOB, take something that can help you in your quest to upgrade your skills. Easy, no, nothing worthwhile ever is, but what is more important, your sense of peace and self worth, or his pathetic little ego, call his bluff, and stand on your own. Why does this piss me off so badly ? I see women in Afghanistan and Africa that are FORCED to live in these situations because of lack of opportunities and education, here in the West we are GIVEN the opportunity to stand on our own as independant women, not just an extension of our husbands, and yet when it comes down to it, we still think we NEED the husband to validate us, even if it is to the detriment of our own mental health or that of our children.
 
September 30, 2007, 10:13 pm CDT

RE: Frustrating show

Quote by ceildh1: " (although I don't get why you would get married if you don't "DO" Monogomy)." -End quote Swinging is different for many different people. But for some people, myself included, it is simply something we are doing together. It's not that I am having sex with other people. WE are having sex with other people. It's a shared experience. That being said, I have a monogamous relationship with my wife in an emotional aspect. And sex with her is truly unique because of that. But expanding the non-emotional aspect of our sexlife up with other people is quite different. I expect to see people come onto this show and have difficulties with swinging because their marriage wasn't sound to begin with. They were looking into swinging as a possible cure for a problem, or perhaps looking for something their relationship didn't provide. It's sad really, because those are the completely wrong reasons to get into the lifestyle. Stability first, and remember to always go back to a typical marriage at the onset of problems.
 
October 2, 2007, 3:45 am CDT

10/04 Secrets in the Suburbs

Quote From: MrTruelove

Quote by ceildh1: " (although I don't get why you would get married if you don't "DO" Monogomy)." -End quote Swinging is different for many different people. But for some people, myself included, it is simply something we are doing together. It's not that I am having sex with other people. WE are having sex with other people. It's a shared experience. That being said, I have a monogamous relationship with my wife in an emotional aspect. And sex with her is truly unique because of that. But expanding the non-emotional aspect of our sexlife up with other people is quite different. I expect to see people come onto this show and have difficulties with swinging because their marriage wasn't sound to begin with. They were looking into swinging as a possible cure for a problem, or perhaps looking for something their relationship didn't provide. It's sad really, because those are the completely wrong reasons to get into the lifestyle. Stability first, and remember to always go back to a typical marriage at the onset of problems.

Thank You, really you explained it well for me.

Like I said, not a choice I would make for myself, but that's me and what goes on at my neighbor's homes

or within their marriage, is none of my business.

How do you explain it to your kids ? I think that comes up in any family that dosen't fit the "Social Norms",

My husband and I (legal union in my neck of the woods ) never did the ceremony or signing the paper, but we've been together 18 years, how did we explain it ? HONESTLY  and I think that's true of many non traditional families.

What I took issue with was the second guest who involves his son in the bullying of his wife for a threesome, there are some things that kids don't NEED to know.

 
October 2, 2007, 12:06 pm CDT

10/04 Secrets in the Suburbs

Renee is afraid, if she doesn't cave into Brent's demands that she join him in a threesome, he'll leave her. Is hanging onto that sicko pervert worth engaging in something that so obviously digusts her? She ought to stand her ground. If  Brent leaves Renee, he'll be doing her a favor. She ought to do herself the favor. By throwing that rotten fish back into the cess-pool.

 
October 2, 2007, 3:59 pm CDT

10/04 Secrets in the Suburbs

Quote From: ceildh1

Thank You, really you explained it well for me.

Like I said, not a choice I would make for myself, but that's me and what goes on at my neighbor's homes

or within their marriage, is none of my business.

How do you explain it to your kids ? I think that comes up in any family that dosen't fit the "Social Norms",

My husband and I (legal union in my neck of the woods ) never did the ceremony or signing the paper, but we've been together 18 years, how did we explain it ? HONESTLY  and I think that's true of many non traditional families.

What I took issue with was the second guest who involves his son in the bullying of his wife for a threesome, there are some things that kids don't NEED to know.

How do I explain it to my kids?  I don't.   Just as I don't discuss any other details of my sexlife with my children.

When my kids ask me what I am going to be doing after they go to bed, I usually say, your mom and I will be watching TV and shortly going to bed.  I certainly don't reply that we are going to be having sex in the bedroom down the hall.   Why should my night out with my wife and our friends be any different? 

I do believe that honesty is the best policy.  And I would love to share this with the whole world, but because most people don't understand, nor would they respect our wishes, it makes things a tad more complicated. 

Could you take your children to a place where people walked around totally nude?  Most people would say no.  Yet, in many other countries (let alone select areas inside the US)  that is normal.  Children are brought up with nude beaches, nudity on television, and in magazines.  It's so normal that they look at us and think we're the weirdos with our censoring of the human body.

But that is our culture and to try to buck the system isn't going to be accepted overnight. 

So the majority of swinging will simply continue to be the "secrets in the suburbs."  

-Mr Truelove



 
October 2, 2007, 4:01 pm CDT

10/04 Secrets in the Suburbs

Quote From: ramair

Renee is afraid, if she doesn't cave into Brent's demands that she join him in a threesome, he'll leave her. Is hanging onto that sicko pervert worth engaging in something that so obviously digusts her? She ought to stand her ground. If  Brent leaves Renee, he'll be doing her a favor. She ought to do herself the favor. By throwing that rotten fish back into the cess-pool.

Can't agree more.   If thats the way he feels about her, perhaps she is better off finding someone else.  What Brent should realize is that swinging isn't for everyone, and if he truly loved his wife, he would respect her feelings and not pursue this.   Unfortunatly he loves his own goals more than he loves her it would appear.

Not a representative of the swinging community as a whole.
 
January 19, 2008, 7:15 am CST

Secrets

I heard a phrase one day:

"The only perversion with sex is not doing it".

Ja, ja, in that case I'm most definitively not a pervert.

I also think that if a couple decides to talk about their sex lives with the children, it's their decision. All this mistery with sex makes children more curious and might send the wrong message... that sex is not a topic your parents want to talk about. If you are open they might see it as a normal human activity that takes place also in their parents bedroom.

People in this Board is so uptight...
 
January 19, 2008, 7:31 am CST

Are you stupid?

Quote From: MrTruelove

How do I explain it to my kids?  I don't.   Just as I don't discuss any other details of my sexlife with my children.

When my kids ask me what I am going to be doing after they go to bed, I usually say, your mom and I will be watching TV and shortly going to bed.  I certainly don't reply that we are going to be having sex in the bedroom down the hall.   Why should my night out with my wife and our friends be any different? 

I do believe that honesty is the best policy.  And I would love to share this with the whole world, but because most people don't understand, nor would they respect our wishes, it makes things a tad more complicated. 

Could you take your children to a place where people walked around totally nude?  Most people would say no.  Yet, in many other countries (let alone select areas inside the US)  that is normal.  Children are brought up with nude beaches, nudity on television, and in magazines.  It's so normal that they look at us and think we're the weirdos with our censoring of the human body.

But that is our culture and to try to buck the system isn't going to be accepted overnight. 

So the majority of swinging will simply continue to be the "secrets in the suburbs."  

-Mr Truelove



Well, your kids are NOT......belive me they DO know what you are doing "down the hall".
 
January 19, 2008, 7:37 am CST

No self esteem

People who swing have ultra low self esteem and turn to activities that lower that esteem even more.

 
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