Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

Quote From: tinygoddess

 We have lost sight of why we even get married any longer.  We marry because we love the person and want to share our life with them.  You take a vow before God and your spouse to stay together until death do you part. 

 

If you are bored in bed and sex can get boring after a few years, go to a counselor, get some new Ideas, buy a book for Gods sake.  You don't invite other people into your bed.  It is plan an simple cheating and cheating is lying.  Couples who swing and invite a third party into their bed are asking for divorce down the road.  What is the difference between swinging and going out and having an affair.

 

Renee here is a message to you.  Let Brent go.  If this is what he is asking of you than he has no respect for you or your marriage.  He is thinking about himself.  I am sure that he wants this third party to be another woman.  I wonder if you wanted another man in the bed if would be so willing to put your marriage on the line for a good time .

 

I just do not understand the world today. 

Quote From: psyhobby

I won't even take the time to listen to these immoral people try and justify what they are doing.  If they have any decency at all they will get out of their marriages and let these children grow up in a loving, committed home.  These week women that say they are afraid of a man leaving them if they don't participate in this insanity are just plain disgusting and need a good dose of conviction and self esteem.  Someday these parents  will have to account to their children for their selfishness and bad judgement.   The reality will be painful.  

Quote From: valbvrs

 My first husband talked me into swinging. I was 19 and thought " If I really love him I'll do this for him." No if he really loved me he wouldn't force me into this. I did it several times for him and was miserable. That marriage lasted 5 trs. This marriage, where my hus band respects me, has lasted 20 yrs. My husband would never ask mde to do anything I didn't want to do.

Quote From: bearcourage

I am curious as to how long you have been married.  I do not mean that critical, just curious.  It sounds as though you have very strong beliefs in your moral system and I have a great deal of respect for anyone that does and sticks by them.  I am a little perplexed about you statement about you regard thinking about being with another person other than your spouce is cheating.  The human mind often flashes things and thoughts that are not consciously controlled by a person.  To me, fantasies are part of what make you human.  Do you ever think about or wish for a better job or more money or a different house just out of the blue?  That is really no different than thinking about sex, even if it is thinking about sex with someone other than your spouce, when it is a spontaneous thought.  I often wonder why it is so taboo in our society for women, especially, to be sexual creatures.  Many of my friends (female) and I have talked about sex....often times not even about swinging....and they are ashamed and embarrassed to be sexual.  To me that is sad that a person cannot be comfortable enough to express themselves especially with their spouce!  I think alot of people confuse sex and love.  The people that my husband and I engage in sex with are our friends and we care about them as such but there is no way to compare that to the love that he and I share.  Sex is something that is physical, it is a physical release and a part of enjoyment in life.  They way alot of people are entertwining the two makes me wonder, would you love you husband less if suddenly he was unable to achieve an erection?  Ofcourse not, or I would hope not and that is because you love and marriage is not based just on the sex life that the two of you have, because I hope there is so much more to your relationship.  I know that would be the case with myself. 

Quote From: ceildh1

Okay, I'll get blasted. I "Don't play well with others " and there are things I just "Will not share " my husband being one of those things, that being said... If my neighbors, my doctor or child's teacher are "Swingers" why is that my business or the Police's business or really anyone's business ? Quite frankly its NOT. It is a lifestyle that has to be AGREED on by both parties BEFORE that paper is signed, if one or the other partner is against it, then you shouldn't sign that paper with them, move on and find a person that shares YOUR views on marriage (although I don't get why you would get married if you don't "DO" Monogomy). Okay, he wants a threesome, you don't, but you're scared he'll leave ? Huh, so he leaves, big deal do you really want to be with someone who bullies you into doing things you are disgusted by ? And what kind of "Man " involves his child in these type of discussions ? If he said he wanted you to help him rape someone or he would leave you, would you do it ? Or would you find the "gonads" to get out and make a life for yourself ? Please, I've heard the arguments before, she has no job skills, go to night school, millions have or are doing it, and courses can be taken online now as well, she has no money, what about spousal support, or a JOB, take something that can help you in your quest to upgrade your skills. Easy, no, nothing worthwhile ever is, but what is more important, your sense of peace and self worth, or his pathetic little ego, call his bluff, and stand on your own. Why does this piss me off so badly ? I see women in Afghanistan and Africa that are FORCED to live in these situations because of lack of opportunities and education, here in the West we are GIVEN the opportunity to stand on our own as independant women, not just an extension of our husbands, and yet when it comes down to it, we still think we NEED the husband to validate us, even if it is to the detriment of our own mental health or that of our children.

Quote From: ozzwood

 We have lost sight of why we even get married any longer.  We marry because we love the person and want to share our life with them.  You take a vow before God and your spouse to stay together until death do you part.
We did get married because we loved one another.  Through the years, that love has grown so deeply that a person who doesn't experience it wouldn't understand it.  I will share the rest of my life with him.  We did vow before God and my spouse to stay with them till death do us part.  That part will never change.  Ever.


If you are bored in bed and sex can get boring after a few years, go to a counselor, get some new Ideas, buy a book for Gods sake.  You don't invite other people into your bed.  It is plan an simple cheating and cheating is lying.  Couples who swing and invite a third party into their bed are asking for divorce down the road.  What is the difference between swinging and going out and having an affair.
This is where people get lost... We were never bored with our sex life.  I don't think we've ever been bored with our sex life and we've been married a quarter of a century.    It's not cheating.  This is another part where people get a little lost.  Cheating is a lie, but cheating is where you're sneaking behind the back of your spouse without their knowledge and having sex without their knowledge.  The difference between swinging and going out and having an affair is that we both go as a couple.  He knows everything I do and I know everything he does.  This has brought a whole new realm of communication to our relationship.   I know that there are a plethora of you out there that can't understand this.   You don't want to understand.  Your agenda is to bash those of us who live differently than you.  We used to live like you...  Glad we don't anymore. 

Quote From: fromthesquare

Some one once asked Billy Graham about "sinful thoughts."  His answer was that it is "okay to have a bird fly over your head but you don't have to let it make a nest in your hair."  We have a thought- that doesn't mean we act on it.  That is what keeps reasonable people from killing someone out of anger.  Or sleeping with them out of lust.

 

PS I have been married 18 years, I am 46 years old and I agree with the young 22 year old wife.  She is more mature than most 22 year olds I have ever met.  Your rhetoric in response is just that.