Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

It's funny that your husband had no problem with you sharing your body with this other man, but the minute you reported to him that this man wanted to take this relationship beyond the physical and you responded by trying to put a stop to it, he decided to leave you.  Was it because he was more invested in the other relationship then he let on and when you called a halt he wanted to continue to see the other woman and he is still involved in this relationship or was it because he was naturally insecure in your personal relationship and took this as a symbol of your infidelity.

So now you need to ask your husband to go to counselling with you and you can at least attempt to pick up the peices of your marriage.  If he won't go then you need to go and figure out where you go from here and how to enter into a healthy relationship in the future.  Hope is not going to fix what is broken in your life and until you find out why he felt so threatened by another man caring for you then you cannot move on.

I am not a swinger.  My husband and I joke about our crushes on other people (celebrity or acquaintences) but neither one of us has ever acted on those and we never would.  But sometimes we will dress up and role play to give us a boost from the ordinary and move our relationship to hotels ect so that we can act out a role.  Swinging couples that want to "see" other couples and singles do so out of a desire to spice up their own personal relationship.  But we are not animals without feelings and we are all vulnerable to petty jealousies and wants that can be more harmful to the couple and the other couples then we can forsee when we start out on a course of action.  A lot of the couples that are swingers post that it is okay that sometimes they develop feelings for one or both people in another couple.  That if this is handled in an honest and straightforward manner that you can strengthen your own relationship.

Maybe that is true but I have found that when you add sex and feelings to a relationship then you become a couple.  And in every relationship there is only room for one couple and then a number of acquantences that you have a casual relationship with.  If I found out my husband was having a sexual and emotional relationship with another person (man or woman) then I would feel cheapened and thrown aside for someone else.  That is human nature.  We form a bond and get married because we have a desire to be with this one person and the need to declare it to everyone.  Too many people get married out of a desire to not be alone.  No one should ever be trapped in a relationship because they would rather be ill treated by someone else then have to look at your own face in the mirror every morning.  My aunt has had 8 marriages.  She leaves because she is not "happy" and she is sure she will  be much happier with her next partner.  She has left devestation in her wake with ex-spouses, ex-children, ex-inlaws, ex-friends and always this new person will be better.  Maybe swingers think because they are only having a physical relationship with the other people nobody gets hurt.  And for them maybe this will work.  Instead of getting divorced they spice up life with a new role playing act.  But you don't know the other couple that you are "playing" with and what will tip this into a freefall.  Maybe the wife is sure that you like the husband better and she starts a smear campaign against you, or your or their children find out which causes problems beyond anything you could possibly imagine.  Every relationship can cause us to be hurt, so think carefully about every action because the future is so precarious.

I bet the swinging couple you feel "offended" by, is more secure in there relationship than you and your spouse are in yours.

The only reason I say that is because I takes a tremendous amount of security to indulge all your fantasies...especially when they go against the grain, and still have a monogamous relationship.

I do not swing myself, I am a jealous personality type, but I could see how some people could get into it.

More power to 'em. If they like it...I love it for 'em!!

Okay call me closed minded or insecure!!! I think this is dirty and a sexual disorder.  So we are even.

I am not insecure b/c i know my hubby is with only me and he is safe too b/c I am with only him.

We aren't prudes, we experiment, but only with each other and not with porn or anything dirty.  I guess running a family and busy lives leaves not a lot of time for sex, so we are just darn happy to get naked for a few minutes together.  I cannot imagine scheduling in other partners (gross to that).

Yep, I am judgemental.  When I see something my mind says according to my beliefs and experiences in life whether or not that is good or bad.  This is bad according to my beliefs and life experience. You are judgmental too, we all are.  I don't like that term being used as a derogatory term.  We all judge everything.  You may be a good teacher, lawyer, doctor, etc. but when it comes to home and family I think having multiple partners puts that at risk.

Anyway, that first paragraph about you and your hubby being more "passionate" after an encounter with an outsider was so stomach revolting to me I may stay within my calorie limit today.  LOL

Why do people who do this stay married?  Is it that you just don't want to live on your own or go through a divorce.  To me the marriage is dead if one of us goes outside it for sex b/c that is our ultimate most intimate contact and it would be the ultimate insult to me if he did it with someone else. 

So, is sex just not important to you?  Is it just a game and it means nothing and that is why you can share it around like that?  For me it is more meaningful and I could not and never have been with someone casually.  I have to love that person.  Just doing it as fornication, no emotion seems wrong to me and I woudl feel dirty and used if I did that with a man who did not love me. 

Anyway, I just have to say it again....GROSS!

Honey,

I am perfectly content and happy and SECURE with our marriage.  When I indulge in a fantasy....I am thinking about my hubby.  There is something to be said about great sex and fantasies.  I would never dream of having that with others.  We belong together.....there is also something to be said about the sanctity of marriage.  They are going out of the boundaries.  It just isn't right.  I am in total love with my husband and he is with me.  We have been through thick, thin, fun, kids, not so fun, etc.  When I say that they offend me....that is what I mean.  They do not have a marriage.  It is nothing.  There is no love there.  How dare them.  And, what about the children they bring into this.  They are screwed up in the head and anyone that believes that this so called "life-style" is alright needs their heads examined.  WHAT A CROCK OF BULL!!!!!   They cannot be happy.  They are PIGS and WHORES.  Thank you.

Honey,

I am perfectly content and happy and SECURE with our marriage.  When I indulge in a fantasy....I am thinking about my hubby.  There is something to be said about great sex and fantasies.  I would never dream of having that with others.  We belong together.....there is also something to be said about the sanctity of marriage.  They are going out of the boundaries.  It just isn't right.  I am in total love with my husband and he is with me.  We have been through thick, thin, fun, kids, not so fun, etc.  When I say that they offend me....that is what I mean.  They do not have a marriage.  It is nothing.  There is no love there.  How dare them.  And, what about the children they bring into this.  They are screwed up in the head and anyone that believes that this so called "life-style" is alright needs their heads examined.  WHAT A CROCK OF BULL!!!!!   They cannot be happy.  They are PIGS and WHORES.  Thank you.