Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

 Thank  you for shedding some light on this subject. As you can tell from the message board and show comments, the lifestyle will probably continue to be misunderstood and miscommunicated.
  I found the first couple to be very genuine and brave to present their life. As you can tell from listening to them, the lifestyle is not just about sex. They obviously love one another, are committed to their marriage and work hard on communicating as to what is going on. We should all be so lucky in our relationships.
  I agree with some of the comments on the second couple, their subject is a sad fringe of the lifestyle and is not tolerated by most. Women are empowered in the lifestyle, not abused. Dr. Phil had offered to provide assistance to him in addressing his issues. I wish he had offered the same assistance to her in building her self esteem. The women in the couples we have met in the lifestyle are confident and would not have tolerated his behavior.
    The lifestyle is not for everyone and everyone in it has their own individual desires which are respected and not judged. Too much judging goes on in this world, why can't consenting adults do as they please, as long as it doesn't violate non-consenting adults?
  Thank you for presenting this subject, communication is a good start, hopefully listening will follow.

   Ok, I watched the show today.  There was a message that Dr. Phil used as an example and it said something like...if you do it together then there will never be cheating going on.  This is just totally not true!  If you as a wife agree to have this "Lifestyle" and your husband then thinks it is ok to be with other women, right.  So what if he gets the urge to be with a woman when your are not around. He will probably think to himself... Why would my wife care?  I mean just becasue yhou do this together doesnt mean that he wont cheat on you some day.  I think this would make him more likely to cheat..  He thinks that you would be ok with it or thinks what would it hurt?  I also think that him being able to see what it is like to be with other women woukd make him  more likkely to desire it.  Why would you want your husband to desire someone other than you? 

   Considering the couple where the husband wanted this and the wife didnt:  Why would she make herself miserable by staying with this man?  Obviously he doesnt love her as much as he thinks he does!  Why would she want to be with him anyways?  If he was wanting other women he obviously isnt that interested in her.  Why would you want to be married to someone that doesnt want you?  I absolutely agree with Dr. Phil!!!

If the idea of swinging was such a good idea, than it would be widely, socially acceptable.  There is a reason why you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach, it is that something is just not right.  It's a built in button to warn you of going in the wrong direction or danger is near. 

My ex husband drug me to sex parties and had people come over to our house to have sex with him. I had to participate in so many disgusting acts I was ready for suicide. I finally divorced him and had him sent to jail over child porn I found on his computer. I endured this for over a year. The only reason he asked me to marry him was so he could get couples on adult friend finder. I hate his guts. He made me fist him on our anniversary. He raped me anally because he was more gay than straight. I hope he catches aids or worse. I still have nightmares over it.  One phrase that still screams in my head is "use her and abuse her" from one of his sex buddies. I still have depression over this. I hope the lady on Dr Phil learns that her husband is just a useless piece of crap.

 I agree!!!

I thought that you, Dr. Phil, are not a judgemental person. However the side of the "lifestyle " you showed today is not surprising. You never have both sides on Dr. Phil. Maybe you should have watched some of the other shows that have reported on the lifestyle. Dr. Keith Ablow did a much more objective and responsible show.  You say that you have never met a couple that this works for? Then why are so many people and I might add intelligent, educated, well- off, people doing it successfully? 

 

I was not surprised that you would depict the lifestyle in the manner you did. You had two couples on today that are not truly lifestylers. 

 

People seem to confuse sex with emotional monogamy. It happens all the time when they first here about the lifestyle. It is a natural instinct, "fear", because that has been imbedded in us since birth. If monogamy was so right for everyone then why do so many people cheat and deceive their spouses.

 

My husband and I have been together for 11 years, we have shared every sexual fantasy(something most couples are afraid to do with each other) and we are married for 5 years. We found the lifestyle together and we decided to try it together. Negotiated non -monogamy and make no mistake it is negotiated does work. We have one of the best marriages around. The Lifestyle is part of our life but not a driving force. Some people go to the movies we  like to partake in other actvities. 

 

People have different rules in the Lifestyle based on their comfort zones but there is one rule that is always obided by and that is the women dictate what happens. The couple you showed today is in the minority. Why didn't you have a couple on the show that is truly comfortable in the lifestyle? As a woman this lifestyle brings empowerment. 

 

Nobody is saying this lifestyle is for everyone however this lifestyle is about openmindedness and being nonjudgemental. Why can't people who are not in the lifestyle offer the same respect? 

 

I typically enjoy your show but I was not surprised at the guests you had on today. Again, your show was completely one sided. If the facts you depicted were so true then why are so many people in the lifestyle? The community is growing more and more. 

 

Jane

 

 

I can say from experience that swinging causes trouble if you are not careful.

My parents swing and all that has come from this is anger, hurt, depression and confusion.

My husband tried to convince me of this and I divorced him after five years of arguments. I became violently ill, vomiting, etc.......and he did not care.  He cheated after making the threats "do this or I will cheat"................I said GO CHEAT THEN and filed for divorce.

Dr. Phil,

 

Several times you said swinging wasn't about sex and you would tell what it is about.  Then you didn't.  Your show was all titillation and no revelations.  At the end you said it was about selfishness.  Was that it?

 

When is someone in this country going to speak about the decline of values and decency?  Its probably too late.

   I  find this lifestyle padnering to men. They are the ones want it and the wives go along to please them. I've been married nearly 25 years and couldn't imagine bringing others into my husbands and my intimate life. If my husband brought it up my self estemm and security would plummet. It would make me feel inadequate. It just another way for men to have their cake and eat it too.