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Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

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Created on : Saturday, September 29, 2007, 09:23:47 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
How well do you think you know your neighbors, your friends and even your child's teacher? It is estimated that four to eight million people in North America are swinging in the suburbs -- mostly middle-class folks from all walks of life. Dr. Phil gives you a closer look at who these couples are who engage in sex with other twosomes. First up, Nita and Walter have been swinging for the last 12 years. They say they are happy in the lifestyle, so why does it cause tension in their relationship? Then, Brent says he has a strong yearning for he and his wife, Renee, to participate in a threesome. Renee says the idea disgusts her, but worries that if she refuses to join in, Brent will leave her. They fight constantly, often dragging their 17-year-old son into the middle of their chaos. Brent says he thinks about having threesomes every other day, but says that his desire is normal. What does Dr. Phil think? And, Dr. Phil viewers weigh in and share their thoughts about the swinging lifestyle. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.


 
redevil999
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January 25, 2008, 3:00 pm PST

Dr. Phil was too soft on Brent

This man orchestrated the rape of his wife!  I think his problem is that he enjoys causing her humiliation and the fact that he felt if she lived through it this time that she could do it again is pure evil.  He says that he feels that she'll get over it and will get used it....but when and if that does happen, he won't get off on it anymore and will come up with additional ways to cause her pain.  This man is sick, sick, sick!  And the fact that their children are involved in these conversations ...  I can't even fathom this situation.  They're all going to need therapy for many years to come!
 
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djtcejjlt
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January 25, 2008, 3:00 pm PST

I Can Relate

I thought my marriage was great until we got our first computer. I found my husband on the internet visiting

porn sites/swing clubs. He was on those sites a great deal and wanted me to get to know some of the couples he was talking to. He wanted us to have sex with other couples. I could not do it. He would hound me and keep at me to do this. He would tell me I was insecure. It had nothing to do with that. For me it was morally wrong and I just did not feel right about doing something like that. Today I am seperated and he still talks to many women on the internet and half of them want him to pay for there way to the states.  After 23yrs of marriage I just can't live with that either. I thought I got married for all the right reasons and never thought the INTERNET could be so BAD.
 
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kkrystyan
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January 25, 2008, 3:01 pm PST

3 Somes

My husband would probably like it, but I'm not exactly sure.  He frequently jokes about it, but he has never actually come out and persued it.  It's either because he knows I'm uncomfortable witht he idea or he really doesn't want to.  I do know that whether or not he really wants to do it, he's respectful enough and loves me enough to not say anything.  I grew up in the Nazarene church and strongly believe that one of the problems with people and marriages now days is not enough committment.  3 somes is just a way to escape from the marriage without committing the sin of divorce.
 
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anyacat
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January 25, 2008, 3:01 pm PST

People need what people need

I cannot neither condone or condemn what other adults do in the privacy of their own homes just because it is something that I will not do. The problem in not what the couple is doing, but that one partner is not comfortable as part of a three-some. The relationship has come to an impasse because he needs what he needs and that will not change regardless of how much Dr. Phil insults the man. And she must feel comfortable in whatever she is doing. This couple seems to be sexually incompatible. The wife, in this case, said it best: It does not feel go in her heart. However, she stays with a man with whom she is not compatible because she is unable to trust herself enough to know that going it alone is better that being involved in an uncomfortable relationship. The problem is not what he wants or needs or is doing, but her inability to move on and find some other relationship that fulfills her needs.
 
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mtennier
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January 25, 2008, 3:01 pm PST

to Renee

Renee: kick him out and see if he does make changes.

Marguerite
 
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speghettilover
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January 25, 2008, 3:02 pm PST

swinging

i did it for the sake of keeping my ex.  it got out of control, i was pushed into it.  as of today we are divorced.

after finding my ex cheated on me 3 times.

 

swinging is only for couples that can handle it, no jealousy etc.  but i would not recommend it due to the fact of my knowledge on it.  couples do well before hand but when they start swinging they end up breaking up.

 

and its not healthy if you have children.

 

if you have a fetish, rent a video!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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hijean
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January 25, 2008, 3:02 pm PST

Nothing wrong with threesomes

My longtime boyfriend and I have regular threesomes with other females.  I am physically bi-sexual and am attracted to females and enjoy sex with other females.  I get turned on watching lesbian pornography and at times threesomes pornography.  We find that inviting other females (sometimes more than one female) spices up our sex life.  I am a very secure woman and my boyfriend treats me amazingly and assures me that it is just a physical thing with other females.  I know he would never leave me and we sort of think of other girls that we have sex with as "sex toys" that spice up our life. 

 

As in the questions "what's in it for me?"  As I said before I enjoy sex with other females.  I also enjoy and get turned on being a voyeur and watching my boyfriend engaged in sexual activities with other women.  Part of the pleasure is looking at his facial expressions and getting to "join in" whenever I want.  Almost as if I'm watching my own live "porn."   Yes not many people are going to agree or understand my views, but as I have found, there is also a big community who totally understands and have similar views to me.

 

 
 
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mrsddaland
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January 25, 2008, 3:02 pm PST

01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

Quote From: phlipflop

  I guess I'm old fashioned, but I never would have thought there were that many swingers in the world. I have personally alway believed that one person to satisfy is hard enough. I love my fiance and am sometimes frustrated, mostly because of small children in the home, but I just can't see being with anyone else. I personally live in a smal town so everyone knows everything that goes on. I know this also won't stop most people from doing what they want to, and I think to some it is just the natural way of things.
Don't be so sure everyone knows everything that goes on. I lived in a small town, too, and no one knew my husband was sleeping with his best friend and his wife. Who's going to question friends visiting each other?
 
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tanagah
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January 25, 2008, 3:03 pm PST

sercets in the surbur

Quote From: MrTruelove

Can't agree more.   If thats the way he feels about her, perhaps she is better off finding someone else.  What Brent should realize is that swinging isn't for everyone, and if he truly loved his wife, he would respect her feelings and not pursue this.   Unfortunatly he loves his own goals more than he loves her it would appear.

Not a representative of the swinging community as a whole.

it is very wrong to swaap your wife or husband.

When God made man in the garden  he deceided to make woman  not  women or men . he said a man should cleave to his wife . he never said threesome or swaping  if he wanted that he was going to create man and two women or  woman with two men. or even swapping
 
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purpleglaze200
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January 25, 2008, 3:05 pm PST

I know how you feel

Hi, I can totally understand where Nita was coming from, where she states that she thought her husband didn't want her. I went through the same thing with my husband. We tried to have a 3 some and they whole this was going on, I thought great, after this he's gonna leave me, I'm not good enough for him, he's gonna find someone new. I did speak to my husband about all of this, and he says if I don't want to do this he would stand behind me. This was almost 5 years ago. I'm just not comfortable with it anymore.
 
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