Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

dear dr phil, i saw your show today about swingers and the lady whos husband is trying to make her have sex with his friend, and how sick it made her, i would just like to say that i know what he was thinking, in his mind, THAT HE IS THE DEVILL, he is sickning and it made me want to throw up i felt so bad for that lady and she needs to know that she is living and married to a devil. HE desperatly needs to consult a priest and get MAJOR help, i too agree with you that the seventeen year old should have  not even had to hear about this. And the couple that was on the show first repulsed me that he got enjoyment out of seeing his wife with another man, what a devil, and that the wife goes with men and WOMAN the whole lifestyle is the work of the devil and those people need to wakeup and bathe in HOLY WATER,amen brother. By the way i love your show and i admire you, and someday even might become a psychologist, thanks for listening because your the one who got me started on this letter by telling me to come on your website and talk about stuff so anyways have a great day im going to go order a pizza now.

Love; Mary

Here is the inherent danger of applying "morality" to "sexuality":

I'll bet everyone reading this can agree that Florence Nightingale was a wonderful and moral person. She saved a lot of lives, and cleaned a lot of bedpans...but what if she was a "swinger"? Would she suddenly be immoral?...what about all of her life's accomplishments? Those of us in the lifestyle are just as apt to be a terrific friend and neighbor to the rest of you.

If you *really* want to discuss morals, the most heinous, barbaric acts done throughout history have all been done in the name of what certain people believe to be the will of God. The crusades, the inquisition, the Kafir Qasim massacre, the holocaust, & 9/11 were all done in the name of religion, and because people were convinced thay were performing a service to God. The one comonality in all religion is that it views sex and sexuality as "immoral".

For those of you who find this lifestyle reprehensible, please keep in mind that no one is forcing it on you. It is bigoted, self-righteous, and indignatious to tell others how they should beleive in God, what they can and cannot do in their bedroom...and most importantly...when someone attempts to apply their morals on others.

If this lifestyle is not for you...great....good luck...I mean that. But physical monogamy is not the *only* path to a successful marriage.

I was in tears as I watched today's show.  I have survived a marriage of 37 years that has been threatened many, many times by my husband's insistence that his "needs" had nothing to do with his love for me.

Now, in our 60s, our friends have abandoned us  because they are uncomfortable now that he is reduced to desperation, practically begging for attention by flirting with anything that wears a skirt.  I have spent a lifetime of arguing, standing my ground, trying to reason, threatening to leave, and finally ended up settling for less than 100% of his committment.  I have paid a great price.  Looking back, if I had it do over, I would "kick his ass to the curb."  If he came back willing to forsake all others, I would have had the happiest life imaginable.  If not, then at least I would have been healthy though alone.

After reading some of the messages on here, I would like to address something:  So many women are on here saying that their husbands only look at them, only want them, blah, blah, blah.  Yea, he might tell you that cause that's what he wants you to believe!  The real truth of the matter is that EVERYONE  does or has fantasized  (even if only in their minds) about other people!  And not allowing your husband to watch porn????  Or complaining that your husband masturbates??  What kind of controlling "person" are you???   Believe me, if you try to control EVERYTHING a man does with his penis, he WILL rebel.....weather you know about it or not!   A person should never be made to feel bad about masturbating or watching some occasional porn.  It's normal!  It is human nature!   Be glad he is watching some porn at home, instead of spending YOUR money at a strip club.....be glad he's masturbating with HIMSELF, instead of with another woman!  C'mon ladies......keeping his leash THAT short will ensure that when he DOES break loose every now and then, that he will seek all those things you have forbid him to do!!!!!