Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

In my first marriage, my husband wanted to try swinging. ( I honestly think he had a hidden fantasy of being with a man) We did have threesomes with a couple of his friends. Then a foursome with his best friend and his wife. At first I thought it was  exciting, rebellious, "bad" But then I started thinking, you know, happily married couples don't DO this!  From personal experience, I KNOW this lifestyle leads to cheating.

If your husband or wife is willing to "share"  you with someone else, what's to stop you from doing it on    your own? I  left him and found someone who wants to be with me and only me. I couldn't be happier!

well I have to say I was apart of this situation at one time.There is no way this is a healthy life style.

I"ll I can say is ,after the last situation ,my husband and I agreed this was not for us, its not worth it.Are deal was that we thought we had a couple we strictly did business with, then find out they were all over the town hooken up with couples,when we thought differently .Yuck!, I don't want a STD,tell ya the truth don't know why I ever thought this was a good sexual fantasy to live out,.Safe? I think not! thank GOD my husband and I both decided to get out! For all the swingers out there good luck but I promise you one thing you never win!

"Love" has nothing to do with it.  Why is so hard to understand that there is a difference between love and sex??   It's a bonding thing to do with your partner, the same as using a sex toy.  That's how you view the 3rd person or the other couple, nothing more than a sex toy.  Maybe some people are satisfied with the same old, same old all the time.....but others are not.  It's a way to explore TOGETHER something new, a new way to see your partner. 

Oh the eternal male fantasy of 2 women.  Well, I can tell you that I did it with my first husband and a close friend of mine.  I wanted to and wasn't "forced" .  I was curious about what it would be like with another girl and they both agreed so we did. BIG MISTAKE.  It ruined our relationship in the long run.  Not right away but over time.  I found out that they met a few times without me and it bothered me.  I was confused, not sure whether I had a right to be angry or if I should just deal with it because I opened the door.  So I delt with it and we had a few more three somes (and twosomes).  I couldn't handle it emotionally anymore so after some huge discussions we did stop.  But time passed and because that was ok before, he cheated.  He cheated a few times and I always let it go because I felt like I brought it on myself and had no right to be angry.  He then went to strip clubs, massage parlors, became obsessed with porn and even had some stuff going on online.  I didn't know how to handle it so I just grew resentful.  I started to loose respect for him, for myself.  I got to the point where I couldn't be intimate with him because he made me sick.  Well, we continued in our marriage and things were getting stronger between us and I was starting to let the past go and looked foreward to our lives together.  I decided that the past was the past and it could be used as a strength to improve our relationship.  A few years later, that feeling came over me that something was going on.  There was, he was cheating again and left me for another woman.  This was a few years ago and I've moved on and WOULD NEVER AGAIN HAVE A THREESOME.  I'm sure this works for some people but it didn't for me.  I just hope that before anyone does something like this that they understand that those few minutes of pleasure are not worth the years of pain and confusion.  I am still friends with the girl--we've been friends for many years before and after my husband years.  We don't do those things anymore and sometimes even laugh about it now but it still hurts me because I can't help but wonder if maybe we hadn't that my life and my marriage would have in a much better place.  Just give a lot of thought if you are thinking about doing it. Remember that after sex, the mind is at its clearest moments and thats when it will really hit you mentally. 

let me point out the once things u said.  QUOTE [if a person truly loves their spouse] its not about love .its about experiencing different touches. this is why it dont work  for amny. they cant seperate  the life style from love