Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

Unreal that you would pick these two couples  to represent the "lifestyle". I am not even going to point out the faults of either of these 2 couples to justify the "lifestyle" to you. You did a BAD job in researching the correct people for this show. Was your point in this show trying to make swingers look like little deviant sexual cast outs of society?  Just because you would not personally do it, be tolerant of the many, many marriages that do decide that this is their choice. Believe it or not, IT DOES WORK within marriages. You stated you have never saw this situation in a marriage and it survive. YOU are wrong. A marriage can swing and survive, and be closer than a "vanilla" marriage. You may snicker at our choice of "lifestyle", but trust you me, we snicker louder when your trusted marriages fall apart from infidelity! 

 

Next time, do a better job at finding a well rounded, opinionated panel for your topics, and the representation of them. You get an F in my book  for  this miss informed show.

 

The second couple, to have the man on a swinger show? BLAH.. he needed to be on a BDSM/ Master/slave show.  That was what the topic was for them, read up and research your topic better!!!!

Well, it sounds like swinging didn't help the relationship. I have never seen a marriage last that has brought a 3rd party in.

I personally, believe that what CONSENTING people do in their bedrooms & private life is their business. If you're not into the swinging 'lifestyle', then that's perfectly fine, but judgment shouldn't be passed on those who are into it. I also believe that if both partners are aware of the other's actions & are ok with it, then it's NOT cheating.

 

My boyfriend, who is from the south (Texas), has religion in his life & goes to Church, is an ex stripper & is bisexual ( I am Bi as well)... and you could classify us as swingers, because even though we haven't done it together as a couple yet (we met online & are in a long distance relationship), we've discussed doing it at some point, and *I* myself have already participated in a threesome with a married couple in the past. I also personally know someone else & his fiancee' who are swingers. Is this 'lifestyle' for everyone? No, of course not. However, It DOES work for SOME people. Should it be kept in the dark from the children (if there are any)? Absolutely! At least until they are much older. But as long as the partners are consenting, comfortable, happy & safe within the situations, that's all that should matter. Dr. Phil stated a great quote/saying that I wish more people would 'live' by, and that's...

 

LIVE & LET LIVE!

I was happlily married to my husband for 19.5 years and he just recently left me after Christmas for a woman who was in a swinger relationship with her husband.  My husband was brought in as the threesome for the wife to have fun with.  After 6 weeks in the relationship she left her husband and my husband left me.  I had no idea it was going on and would never have imagined that he would have been into that kind of lifestlye.  All of our friends and family are completely shocked since we were thought of as the perfect couple. Highschool sweethearts, the best of friends, Ken and Barbie....need I say more.

Pointing out the person who wrote that they would be "horribly devastated" if their husband even mentioned the possibility of swinging and encouraging the audience to clap and agree is probably one of the worst things I've ever seen Dr. Phil say or do. What do you want people to do? Stuff all of their thoughts and feelings inside? Feel like they cannot talk to their partner, that they have no safe place or home with the person they have married??

If people cannot have an honest discussion of their thoughts and needs, then they shouldn't be married. You may not like or agree with what your partner says, but you should be open to hearing his or her ideas. ALL of the ideas - not just the ones you may agree with! Feeling like you cannot share or open up with another person is a good reason for all kinds of bad things in the marriage - why would you encourage that type of behavior?

After viewing the airing of Secrets in the Suburbs, We can say that the Secret is still safe. No where on this show was any aspect of the true Lifestyle shown. We have been active in the lifestyle for 8 years. We also are owners of a Lifestyle Club in Alabama.  With the millions of people who are involved in the lifestyle , this was the best that could be presented to talk about the lifestyle.  The first couple was representive of maybe 2% of the lifestyle community. The second couple would not be touched by any self respecting Lifestyle couple we know. Not because of looks or race but because of issues they have that are totally unrelated to the Lifestyle. The only correct part of this show was the opening segment where it was said that there are millions of people who are active in the lifestyle and they are everyone from your teachers you lawyers,doctors, youth ministers and directors, plumbers,executives and soccer mom's. The research that should be done is a comparison in divorce rates between NON-Lifestyle couples and Lifestyle couples. The number of couples who are happy and secure in thier relationships with in the lifestyle.  Or may attend a Lifestyle convention and interview couples who attend . Then you may have a show that truley represents the Lifestyle community. And for a quick fact lesson less than 12% of us get divorced, we are mostly republicans, we are mostly middle to upper middle class,  elections have been won and lost by less numbers than we make up. If you ever want to do a show that shows the Lifestyle as the community it really is, instead of what your jaded views or pompus ideas thinks it is, Give us a call

This man could not possibly love his wife and force her to do something she knows is wrong.  If my husband did that to me, I'd show him the door.  When my husband and I were married in 1967, our next-door neighbors proposed swinging with us.  We were disgusted back then, and we still are today, 41 years later.

 

Sex between two people is supposed to be a demonstration of pure love between them.  This man is making it dirty and disgusting, something that means nothing between the participants.  His wife knows better; she's the intelligent one in this family!  I hope she gets a "backbone," as Dr. Phil said, because she's right 100%.  The husband needs to grow up.  If she doesn't kick him out of the house permanently, he's damn lucky.

 

 

 

I am shocked how he could say she would get used to it! I wanted to slap the TV. Rene' you have to do what is right for you. My other half has tried that line (you do it or I'll find someone else) on me but he knows I do not like porn or anything like that I take a very strong stand against that kind of thing, He knows if he wants that kind of life then he does not belong with me. If that is what he wants the door is open but it closes once he goes through and is locked for good. He knew before we got together how I felt and that was never going to change. He now after almost 6yrs will bring it up mainly joking to see if he can get me going. I too had low self esteem I had no back bone but I knew there are somethings I can not deal with or do and I just am not going to do them. I have friends who are swingers and some who are not. I do not judge them for their choice nor do they judge me. I have friends who lost everything to taking their own life from this lifestyle of swinging to friends who swear it is the best thing, IT BOILS DOWN TO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU

When I watched this show I thought I was the only one this happened to. I thought our love was an undying love and we would spend our golden years together. We just bought a new house in August and two months later he tells me he wants to bring another man in our bedroom. I was devistated. I felt so embarrassed. I thought I had done something wrong. After I got over the shock I told him absolutely not. I was a one man women and I did not even want to hear what his logic was for it. I felt how could there be any logic to this. Since then he has been so distant and told me he does not think our relationship will work anymore and he wants me out. I feel so sorry for anyone who has to go through this. I know it has sure knocked my world down. But I know I am a strong woman and I will not do anything that I feel so strongly about. If it means I lose him then I really never had him in the first place. Thanks Dr. Phil for all your words of encouragement. I truly admire you and Robin.

Point well, made. I guess as a single female I would have to say that if I get married, I know that I would be unhappy if my husband and I participated in the lifestyle. It just wouldn't work for me. I'd be curious to know how it adds to your relationship, though.