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Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

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Created on : Saturday, September 29, 2007, 09:23:47 am

Author : DrPhilBoard1

How well do you think you know your neighbors, your friends and even your child's teacher? It is estimated that four to eight million people in North America are swinging in the suburbs -- mostly middle-class folks from all walks of life. Dr. Phil gives you a closer look at who these couples are who engage in sex with other twosomes. First up, Nita and Walter have been swinging for the last 12 years. They say they are happy in the lifestyle, so why does it cause tension in their relationship? Then, Brent says he has a strong yearning for he and his wife, Renee, to participate in a threesome. Renee says the idea disgusts her, but worries that if she refuses to join in, Brent will leave her. They fight constantly, often dragging their 17-year-old son into the middle of their chaos. Brent says he thinks about having threesomes every other day, but says that his desire is normal. What does Dr. Phil think? And, Dr. Phil viewers weigh in and share their thoughts about the swinging lifestyle. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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lindbergh1999

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January 25, 2008, 8:01 pm PST

BOOMER'S RE=WRITING THE RULES.... AGAIN

Quote From: toniecw

I agree with you. Why get married if you still are a playing the field of sexual adventures...

I also feel that some get married to get financially solid...and not for the right reasons...

I also wonder what is going to become of these wives/mates, after gravity plays its part...and their husband/mates are a wanting younger more vibrant and active women to keep up with their Viagra experience...

Are the swingers the ones that are a filling the cosmetic surgeons office seats?

Just a throwing it out there...

Love, Light and Peace

Tonie

We All Are Blessed already and still are a wanting more candy...

We've been in the ls for 2 years. From what we see, the average ages are over 40, with many more in their 50's. The boomers are re-writing the rules again. Its total acceptance of people as they are. Plastic surgery not required, You are who you are. And, its not all about sex. As empty nesters, we've made many new friends we do things with that are not sexual. We travel, take cruises, go camping, out to dinner, etc, etc, The LS bulletin boards have made it easier to find people we have a lot in common with. We have a lot of very good friends in the lifestyle that are just friends, then we have some special friends with benefits. The LS is whatever a person wants it to be for them or their needs. And its been our observation, the men may suggest the LS, but its the women that keep them there!

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cbrown23

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January 25, 2008, 8:01 pm PST

What??

Okay, simple question. What exactly is the point of getting married? When you marry someone you chose to make that person your "one and only" and commit yourself to them and them alone. So why get married at all if you are going to be with other people? It is bewildering to me.

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turks_caicos

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January 25, 2008, 8:07 pm PST

Sad Story

I actually felt bad for both women today. I think 'swinging' is a fantasy of many men...maybe even many women. But a 'fantasy' is just that...it's not real...it's only in your mind and you don't act on it. I believe most people have fantasies about having sex with someone else. After years with one person we all need fantasies to keep things exciting in bed. But to destroy the self esteem, self worth, and trust of your partner to actually play out these fantasies is selfish and cruel. In my relationships (one long marriage and one long-term relationship) I have found that a little play acting between partners will do the trick. Dress up, turn down the lights, be someone else and have a fun-filled night---but do it together. You'll have no regrets the next morning and a twinkle in your eye.

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sookecouple

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January 25, 2008, 8:10 pm PST

Dr. Phil, off track once again....

Unfortunately Dr. Phil is slowly dragging his great show down hill. The show's advertising & title hypes the "lifestyle", but it delivers a tale completely different. Sure the 1st couple was a pretty good example (soft swap is not typical) of those who swing, but the 2nd couple had absolutely nothing to do with the show's subject what so ever. So the actual show subject is 10 minutes at most, and the remainder about something that has nothing to do with swinging. The lifestyle has nothing to do with forcing someone to do something they don't want. In all probability, the producers couldn't get any other legit swingers to come on the show. Why? For reasons the 1st couple mentioned. We don't want the hold world to know, and for most of us, we don't want our children to know or be influenced. We've been in the lifestyle, very happily and satisfied since we were 18 & 20 years old, and we've been married for 25 years now. Dr. Phil, publicly states, he's never seen it work. Really? Work how? Does he mean for 2 years, forever, what? Is he comparing it to non swinging couples where 50% or more marriages end in divorce? Funny, we personally know of and can confirm 6 happy couples that we've been with over the years that are still together, are still happy, and still swing. That's just us, out of 8 million, we're sure there are some others that are working as well. As a matte of fact, we've found that our swinger friends are happier than our non-swinging friends. Not only are they happier, they're still together. Of all our non (that we're aware of) swinging friends over the past 25 years, only 2 are still together. Go figure. Not saying that swinging saves a marriage, or everyone should be doing it. Saying that, from our experience, those in the lifestyle tend to be more open and honest with their partners. Too bad this wasn't brought up in the show. With all 3 emails at show's at the end, 1 of them is from someone who doesn't agree. What a waste. It's supposed to be about those in the lifestyle, not those who are not, or don't wish to be. Come on Dr. Phil really, is this the best you can do? SookeCouple, happily married, non judgemental and in the lifestyle for 25 years, and Canadian!

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firegoddess

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January 25, 2008, 8:13 pm PST

Not a complete picture!

I am not a regular watcher of Dr. Phil, but was made aware of the show on swinging by my Lifestyle friends. I was disappointed to see such an incomplete picture of the LIfestyle and what it means on a cultural level.

There are a number of assumptions made by Dr. Phil about the Lifestyle that are simply incorrect.

1. Couples in the Lifestyle are missing something in their relationships they are seeking in other people. Not true.

Couples that have healthy relationships in the Lifestyle are not looking to replace their partners or fill any kind of void their partner doesn't fill. They are simply looking to enjoy a fun sexual experience with other people including their spouse. As beyond the realm of possibility it may seem to most Americans, (safer) sex is fantastic fun. And for those who don't repress their sexual beings, sex with more than one person can be an ecstatic experience.

2. All Americans believe the only way to have a successful marriage is to be monogamous. Not true.

Some couples do not consider monogamy as a criterion for a successful marriage. For couples that have complete satisfaction, trust and peace in their partnership and are sexually open and unrepressed, the Lifestyle is the ultimate evolution of a soul-connected partnership.

3. All Americans think the idea of the Lifestyle is repugnant. Not true.

Many people would admit to being titillated by the idea. Hence the reason Dr. Phil did the show. It is a draw because Americans are drawn to sexual subjects. It is the paradox of a culture steeped in sex yet fearful of open sexuality.

I have much more to say. However, I will simply finish by reiterating the comment made by one of the (poorly chosen) guests that everyone knows people in the Lifestyle. My husband and I are a perfect example of the solid, loving professional couple that puts our family first and takes time out on the weekends to have a rocking good time with other like-minded, open, honest, intelligent doctors, teachers, firefighters, architects, nurses. . . Well, you get the idea.

If you were freaking out watching the show, just remember swingers are at the grocery store, at the PTA meeting, volunteering at charity functions and even, you guessed it, singing in the church choir.

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nandeane

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January 25, 2008, 8:18 pm PST

Love & Respect

How sad that these couples are buying into the lie that sex outside marriage is okay. In the Bible a man is commanded to love his wife as Christ loved the church and was willing to die for it. It also says he is to care for her as his own body. What is loving about any of this? The wife is commanded to respect her husband. What respect is she showing by sharing her body with others. She's telling her husband that he is failing to meet her sexual needs. How does that make him feel? They have been duped and don't even realize it.

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sookecouple

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January 25, 2008, 8:20 pm PST

Why?

Quote From: cbrown23

Okay, simple question. What exactly is the point of getting married? When you marry someone you chose to make that person your "one and only" and commit yourself to them and them alone. So why get married at all if you are going to be with other people? It is bewildering to me.

What's bewildering to me is, why do people care what we do in our marriage if it doesn't affect you? We've been married, and swinging for 25 years. If you're happy in your marriage, it doesn't bewilder me how you could be. Why are you concerned with those of us, who are not like you, but are just as happy?

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littleskorps

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January 25, 2008, 8:20 pm PST

Happily married and in the lifestyle

My husband and I have been together for 8 years, married for 5 and in the lifestyle for 2. We are a professional couple, have childen and live normal lives just like everyone else.

Although we don't believe that the lifestyle is for everyone, or for every relationship we know that for now, this works great for us. The key is complete and total honestly and commitment to one another. Intimacy is what occurs between a husband and wife, the sex or "play" as we call it, that happens in the lifestlye with others is about sex and nothing more...

For us, the lifestyle has done nothing but enhance our sex life, as well as our communication and trust in one another. I know that my husband is coming home with me at the end of the night, as well as he knows that I will be coming home with him too, then we get to enjoy the sexually charged energy we have created with one another.

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rubicon05

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January 25, 2008, 8:25 pm PST

Why we swing TOGETHER

Quote From: krzybtfl18

Ok, I watched the show today. There was a message that Dr. Phil used as an example and it said something like...if you do it together then there will never be cheating going on. This is just totally not true! If you as a wife agree to have this "Lifestyle" and your husband then thinks it is ok to be with other women, right. So what if he gets the urge to be with a woman when your are not around. He will probably think to himself... Why would my wife care? I mean just becasue yhou do this together doesnt mean that he wont cheat on you some day. I think this would make him more likely to cheat.. He thinks that you would be ok with it or thinks what would it hurt? I also think that him being able to see what it is like to be with other women woukd make him more likkely to desire it. Why would you want your husband to desire someone other than you?

Considering the couple where the husband wanted this and the wife didnt: Why would she make herself miserable by staying with this man? Obviously he doesnt love her as much as he thinks he does! Why would she want to be with him anyways? If he was wanting other women he obviously isnt that interested in her. Why would you want to be married to someone that doesnt want you? I absolutely agree with Dr. Phil!!!

For clarity...we 'get off' on doing this together! It would not be the same without the presence of the other!

My ability to effectively communicate my feelings about boundaries to my husband is why your scenario is not a possibility!

The couple you mentioned..They are not swingers! What this man has done should be criminal and I would have advised that woman to chunk him out whether or not he gets counseling! She is an abused woman and she will always have scars from what was essentially rape.

They are both guilty of child abuse!

Wanting someone else too is not the same as not wanting you!

BTW....I do not think that he mentioned other women, a male friend of his was involved both times.

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amykol

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January 25, 2008, 8:25 pm PST

Dr. Phil's "Clinton" comment innapropriate

What I found most shocking and innapropriate regarding the show wasn't the subject matter, but Dr. Phil's obnoxious remark regarding Bill Clinton. It's no secre Dr. Phil is a republican and Bush-lover, but his jabs at this point in the election were completely innaproriate during this forum. It wasn't enough that he mentioned it once, when the first couple's husband was alluding to the fact that he didn't consider anything outside of intercourse as sex (Dr. Phil asked him if he voted for Bill Clinton) - yes, Dr. Phil, we get it. He then felt it necessary to mention it again during the show rap up, called it "Clintonian". Frankly, regardless of how he feels politically, the remarks were innapropriate and unnecessary. Dr. Phil, please keep your political views to yourself during the show.

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