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Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

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Created on : Saturday, September 29, 2007, 09:23:47 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
How well do you think you know your neighbors, your friends and even your child's teacher? It is estimated that four to eight million people in North America are swinging in the suburbs -- mostly middle-class folks from all walks of life. Dr. Phil gives you a closer look at who these couples are who engage in sex with other twosomes. First up, Nita and Walter have been swinging for the last 12 years. They say they are happy in the lifestyle, so why does it cause tension in their relationship? Then, Brent says he has a strong yearning for he and his wife, Renee, to participate in a threesome. Renee says the idea disgusts her, but worries that if she refuses to join in, Brent will leave her. They fight constantly, often dragging their 17-year-old son into the middle of their chaos. Brent says he thinks about having threesomes every other day, but says that his desire is normal. What does Dr. Phil think? And, Dr. Phil viewers weigh in and share their thoughts about the swinging lifestyle. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.


 
madkap
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January 25, 2008, 8:40 pm PST

01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

Quote From: sunmoonindian

This situation happened to unfold itself in our "family". Thankfully she divorced herself from the lying, cheating, sick man and let him spiral out of control by himself. But comes the point of all the chaos being brought into the home amongst the children. How do you explain the lifestyle to the children and also justify the expenses taken away from the family. It seems so selfish when you are a parent to put someone else through this, when they didn't ask for this shame of your lifestyle choices. Just how deep persay is your fixation with this "lifestyle" willing to go? Online advertising, group chat rooms, random dates out of personal ads... are you willing to be busted by an undercover agent? This fool did and that is how his life became aparent to his new bride/new mother and family who never saw the signs of his addictions. Is this really a personality disorder or are you just fulfulling some deeper need within your self?
I believe that if a couple has the intamacy that they need in their relationship that they wouldn't have to go outside looking for other partners. I think that this is what happens when sex becomes about the act itself rather than the love and and just plain joy of being together as one.
 
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marthafocker
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January 25, 2008, 8:41 pm PST

agree

Quote From: turks_caicos

I actually felt bad for both women today.  I think 'swinging' is a fantasy of many men...maybe even many women.  But a 'fantasy' is just that...it's not real...it's only in your mind and you don't act on it.  I believe most people have fantasies about having sex with someone else.  After years with one person we all need fantasies to keep things exciting in bed.  But to destroy the self esteem, self worth, and trust of your partner to actually play out these fantasies is selfish and cruel.  In my relationships (one long marriage and one long-term relationship) I have found that a little play acting between partners will do the trick.  Dress up, turn down the lights, be someone else and have a fun-filled night---but do it together.  You'll have no regrets the next morning and a twinkle in your eye.
I couldnt have said it better.
 There are many other emotions that you can share with people. If you take away that ONE personal thing, what makes the relationship so special? I just dont agree that sex should be shared.
 
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ladiehawke
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January 25, 2008, 8:43 pm PST

WoW!

Quote From: raymom5

I love the real diversity of the world.....I just don't like screwed up people screwing up the morals of society.
You really are judgemental.....I don't think it is swingers that sre screwing up the morality in this country....
 
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marthafocker
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January 25, 2008, 8:44 pm PST

Couldnt care less

Quote From: sookecouple

What's bewildering to me is, why do people care what we do in our marriage if it doesn't affect you?  We've been married, and swinging for 25 years.  If you're happy in your marriage, it doesn't bewilder me how you could be.  Why are you concerned with those of us, who are not like you, but are just as happy?
But it was asked. So I am going to  speak my mind.
 
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raymom5
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January 25, 2008, 8:44 pm PST

01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

Quote From: charise820

Penny I know wha tyou are saying her I could tell you stories of people saying that I don't have a real marriage  ugh....if only they knew the work it took.


I love the diversity in the world I think it's a blessing but you know that already.
Like I said before, I love diversity in the world.....but swinging isn't part of the diversity.  It is an amorral lifestyle.....don't try to tell me that you have a real marriage.  The thought of you thinking it is real offends me.
 
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setti77
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January 25, 2008, 8:46 pm PST

01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

people are trying all kinds of things with sex these days.  i've become convinced that they have just run out of "freaky" things to do with what used to be considered normal sex and are now looking for a new "freaky". b4 i continue, i am a single gal and not above partying, but again- I AM SINGLE.  i agree with the person that said why get married if you don't DO monogamy.  isn't that one of the basics of marriage?  i read the comment by the man that states he and his wife are swingers and that he is emotionally monogamous with his wife.  hmmm... i mean, i understand that it is something that both of you agree on and that's far better than that jerk on the show that was trying to FORCE his spouse to do it.  but why not just be boyfriend and girlfriend (yea i know, sounds kinda high school)  instead of husband and wife?  to file taxes together?  wait, let me pause bc i'm really not trying to attack anyone who choses the lifestyle.  i'm just trying to understand why someone would want to do the marriage and commitment thing when they could get the same things being single.  just seems like spitting on the whole idea of marriage, kinda takes away the hope that marriage (which people normally chose to do when they are ready to settle down)  comes when you and that other person are ready to move away from certain behaviors that can be toxic,  i.e. multiple sex partners.
 
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raymom5
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January 25, 2008, 8:47 pm PST

01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

Well goodnight all....I think I'll go upstairs and swing with my one and only.  I'll make it really interesting......no need for outside support.  We do quite well on our own.
 
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setti77
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January 25, 2008, 8:52 pm PST

Commenting on the show

Quote From: sookecouple

What's bewildering to me is, why do people care what we do in our marriage if it doesn't affect you?  We've been married, and swinging for 25 years.  If you're happy in your marriage, it doesn't bewilder me how you could be.  Why are you concerned with those of us, who are not like you, but are just as happy?
this is a message board for people to comment on the show and that is exactly what we are doing.  there is no reason for you to be on the defense if you're so comfortable with what you do.  no one here is trying to lock you up for it.  the show just shinned a light on something that perhaps not many people know about and they are expressing their feelings about it.  again, this is a message board to comment on the show.
 
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sookecouple
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January 25, 2008, 8:55 pm PST

That's nice

Quote From: turks_caicos

I actually felt bad for both women today.  I think 'swinging' is a fantasy of many men...maybe even many women.  But a 'fantasy' is just that...it's not real...it's only in your mind and you don't act on it.  I believe most people have fantasies about having sex with someone else.  After years with one person we all need fantasies to keep things exciting in bed.  But to destroy the self esteem, self worth, and trust of your partner to actually play out these fantasies is selfish and cruel.  In my relationships (one long marriage and one long-term relationship) I have found that a little play acting between partners will do the trick.  Dress up, turn down the lights, be someone else and have a fun-filled night---but do it together.  You'll have no regrets the next morning and a twinkle in your eye.

That's nice you think.  You might want to educate yourself in the lifestyle a little more before making such biased opinions of men.  I'm a woman, been in the lifestyle for 25 years.  I've been with women also in the lifestyle for 25 years.  Sadly, we get off subject of the lifestyle, and men or women in marriages who are either not happy with their current situation with their partner.  The lifestyle is about "both" partners happily involved in something they "both" enjoy doing.  Those who, in relationships where one wants something and the other doesn't ,and they can't come to a compromise = an unhappy marriage, whether swinging is the subject or not.  Trust me, my husband, myself and those we play with have no regrets the next morning either.  It's all about what everyone wants, not just what one person wants....
 
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mamanursecd
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January 25, 2008, 8:56 pm PST

Secrets in the Suburbs

It is a tragedy that marital vows no longer seem to be sacred. Marriage should be about love, commitment, partnership, and monogamy. A married person who engages in any type of sexual activity with someone other than their spouse is committing adultery, even if the spouse consents to or participates in the affair. I'm not trying to judge, what people do with their lives is their business.  However, it is a little hypocritical for a couple to stand before their family, friends, and God and vow to love, honor, cherish, and remain faithful to one another, then participate in any type of extramarital affair.  If a couple wants to have an open relationship, that's fine, just don't get married!  It is an absolute disgrace to the sanctity of marriage to participate in swinging.
 
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