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Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

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Created on : Saturday, September 29, 2007, 09:23:47 am

Author : DrPhilBoard1

How well do you think you know your neighbors, your friends and even your child's teacher? It is estimated that four to eight million people in North America are swinging in the suburbs -- mostly middle-class folks from all walks of life. Dr. Phil gives you a closer look at who these couples are who engage in sex with other twosomes. First up, Nita and Walter have been swinging for the last 12 years. They say they are happy in the lifestyle, so why does it cause tension in their relationship? Then, Brent says he has a strong yearning for he and his wife, Renee, to participate in a threesome. Renee says the idea disgusts her, but worries that if she refuses to join in, Brent will leave her. They fight constantly, often dragging their 17-year-old son into the middle of their chaos. Brent says he thinks about having threesomes every other day, but says that his desire is normal. What does Dr. Phil think? And, Dr. Phil viewers weigh in and share their thoughts about the swinging lifestyle. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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vibrance1

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January 25, 2008, 8:28 pm PST

Secrets in the suburbs

I am not a judgemental person, however the issuse that was discussed really sent me into left field. With the first couple whether they are both agreeable to this i could not believe that they would disrespect the vows that they said and each other. With the second couple I agree with Dr. Phil. Everyone has issues in their marriage, but at least respect each other and the sanctity of the marriage.

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littleskorps

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January 25, 2008, 8:38 pm PST

I agree

Quote From: sookecouple

Unfortunately Dr. Phil is slowly dragging his great show down hill. The show's advertising & title hypes the "lifestyle", but it delivers a tale completely different. Sure the 1st couple was a pretty good example (soft swap is not typical) of those who swing, but the 2nd couple had absolutely nothing to do with the show's subject what so ever. So the actual show subject is 10 minutes at most, and the remainder about something that has nothing to do with swinging. The lifestyle has nothing to do with forcing someone to do something they don't want. In all probability, the producers couldn't get any other legit swingers to come on the show. Why? For reasons the 1st couple mentioned. We don't want the hold world to know, and for most of us, we don't want our children to know or be influenced. We've been in the lifestyle, very happily and satisfied since we were 18 & 20 years old, and we've been married for 25 years now. Dr. Phil, publicly states, he's never seen it work. Really? Work how? Does he mean for 2 years, forever, what? Is he comparing it to non swinging couples where 50% or more marriages end in divorce? Funny, we personally know of and can confirm 6 happy couples that we've been with over the years that are still together, are still happy, and still swing. That's just us, out of 8 million, we're sure there are some others that are working as well. As a matte of fact, we've found that our swinger friends are happier than our non-swinging friends. Not only are they happier, they're still together. Of all our non (that we're aware of) swinging friends over the past 25 years, only 2 are still together. Go figure. Not saying that swinging saves a marriage, or everyone should be doing it. Saying that, from our experience, those in the lifestyle tend to be more open and honest with their partners. Too bad this wasn't brought up in the show. With all 3 emails at show's at the end, 1 of them is from someone who doesn't agree. What a waste. It's supposed to be about those in the lifestyle, not those who are not, or don't wish to be. Come on Dr. Phil really, is this the best you can do? SookeCouple, happily married, non judgemental and in the lifestyle for 25 years, and Canadian!

Well said. We to can account for many couples who are happily married and have been for years AND are in the lifestyle!

I was so intrigued to see that there was going to be a show on this topic, but was then very disappointed when the show took a turn that shed a very unrealistic view on swinging with that second couple.

I guess thats what we can come to expect from those who choose to judge so easily...

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sookecouple

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January 25, 2008, 8:40 pm PST

We're happy too

Quote From: raymom5

Why is it so hard for you to believe that people can actually be happy? I do not understand you. I know my life sounds fake and boring to you, but believe me it isn't. My husband and I are two people that have been married for 23 years. We are totally committed to each other. You probably don't believe in that sappy love at first sight stuff...but it is true. There is no exaggerating or covering up. Trust me. We have had six babies, five living. We lost a baby ten years ago. It was devastating. That was the worst thing that ever happened to us, but we got through it. I just cannot imagine sharing my marriage with other couples. This is our life, our kids. We are what we are. Sappy as it may be. I wish everyone felt like we do....sorry.

Doesn't sound sappy to us at all. We met as kids, discovered we're soul mates, been married 25 years, and have been in the lifestyle for the same 25 years. Just want to state that, hey, non swinger marriages and swinger marriages can actually be happy. Enough judging already, If it doesn't affect you, why bother making a judgemental comment. If does, please be so inclined. And for those stating that their husband is forcing them to have sex with others, that has nothing to do with swinging! That's not swinging at all. Get a new partner for crying out loud...

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raymom5

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January 25, 2008, 8:40 pm PST

01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

Quote From: sookecouple

What's bewildering to me is, why do people care what we do in our marriage if it doesn't affect you? We've been married, and swinging for 25 years. If you're happy in your marriage, it doesn't bewilder me how you could be. Why are you concerned with those of us, who are not like you, but are just as happy?

BECAUSE IT JUST AIN"T RIGHT!!!!

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madkap

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January 25, 2008, 8:40 pm PST

01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

Quote From: sunmoonindian

This situation happened to unfold itself in our "family". Thankfully she divorced herself from the lying, cheating, sick man and let him spiral out of control by himself. But comes the point of all the chaos being brought into the home amongst the children. How do you explain the lifestyle to the children and also justify the expenses taken away from the family. It seems so selfish when you are a parent to put someone else through this, when they didn't ask for this shame of your lifestyle choices. Just how deep persay is your fixation with this "lifestyle" willing to go? Online advertising, group chat rooms, random dates out of personal ads... are you willing to be busted by an undercover agent? This fool did and that is how his life became aparent to his new bride/new mother and family who never saw the signs of his addictions. Is this really a personality disorder or are you just fulfulling some deeper need within your self?

I believe that if a couple has the intamacy that they need in their relationship that they wouldn't have to go outside looking for other partners. I think that this is what happens when sex becomes about the act itself rather than the love and and just plain joy of being together as one.

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marthafocker

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January 25, 2008, 8:41 pm PST

agree

Quote From: turks_caicos

I actually felt bad for both women today. I think 'swinging' is a fantasy of many men...maybe even many women. But a 'fantasy' is just that...it's not real...it's only in your mind and you don't act on it. I believe most people have fantasies about having sex with someone else. After years with one person we all need fantasies to keep things exciting in bed. But to destroy the self esteem, self worth, and trust of your partner to actually play out these fantasies is selfish and cruel. In my relationships (one long marriage and one long-term relationship) I have found that a little play acting between partners will do the trick. Dress up, turn down the lights, be someone else and have a fun-filled night---but do it together. You'll have no regrets the next morning and a twinkle in your eye.

I couldnt have said it better.
There are many other emotions that you can share with people. If you take away that ONE personal thing, what makes the relationship so special? I just dont agree that sex should be shared.

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ladiehawke

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January 25, 2008, 8:43 pm PST

WoW!

Quote From: raymom5

I love the real diversity of the world.....I just don't like screwed up people screwing up the morals of society.

You really are judgemental.....I don't think it is swingers that sre screwing up the morality in this country....

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marthafocker

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January 25, 2008, 8:44 pm PST

Couldnt care less

But it was asked. So I am going to speak my mind.

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setti77

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January 25, 2008, 8:46 pm PST

01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

people are trying all kinds of things with sex these days. i've become convinced that they have just run out of "freaky" things to do with what used to be considered normal sex and are now looking for a new "freaky". b4 i continue, i am a single gal and not above partying, but again- I AM SINGLE. i agree with the person that said why get married if you don't DO monogamy. isn't that one of the basics of marriage? i read the comment by the man that states he and his wife are swingers and that he is emotionally monogamous with his wife. hmmm... i mean, i understand that it is something that both of you agree on and that's far better than that jerk on the show that was trying to FORCE his spouse to do it. but why not just be boyfriend and girlfriend (yea i know, sounds kinda high school) instead of husband and wife? to file taxes together? wait, let me pause bc i'm really not trying to attack anyone who choses the lifestyle. i'm just trying to understand why someone would want to do the marriage and commitment thing when they could get the same things being single. just seems like spitting on the whole idea of marriage, kinda takes away the hope that marriage (which people normally chose to do when they are ready to settle down) comes when you and that other person are ready to move away from certain behaviors that can be toxic, i.e. multiple sex partners.

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raymom5

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January 25, 2008, 8:47 pm PST

01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

Well goodnight all....I think I'll go upstairs and swing with my one and only. I'll make it really interesting......no need for outside support. We do quite well on our own.

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