Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

I really appreciate everything you wrote here.  You are so right and you are obviously a highly intellectual person to be able to summarize the incorrect summarizations and generalizations made on the show.

The only thing I would add is that Dr. Phil needs to remember that Canadians also watch his show.  So, if he is going to make sweeping generalizations then he ought to include us too :-)

Where did all this baloney come from? 

Swinging is not something one partner TALKS the other into!!!!

btw...I did not act this way when I was single!  lol

This is very refreshing after being called a pig and a whore earlier. :) I wish more people felt this way.

Thank you for taking the time to post. 

My husband and I have been in the lifestyle for about 7 years and I'm convinced that you can only participate if you have a really strong marriage and a base of trust.  I know my husband loves me completely and that allows us to really enjoy sex, both ourselves and with others.  I think we're one of the few couples who actually laugh during sex because we enjoy it so much and there's so much intimacy between us.  And we discovered early that we were both secure enough in ourselves that we could enjoy the company of other couples, intimately or not.  It's been a wonderful thing for us to experience together, and I feel sad for those who are so repressed or injured that they can't enjoy what a truly fun thing sex can be.  Being in the lifestyle also has helped my husband and I to be able to be completely open about sex; I have no qualms about talking with him about any concerns I have or any fantasies I would like to fulfill.

And I know for a fact that the other couples that we know in the lifestyle also have really strong marriages or relationships.  Playing with other couples is not about desperation, it's truly about sharing an abundance of joy at the fun of sex and the joy of getting to know others at many levels, not just on the surface. 

Who am I?  I'm a mid-40's woman with a graduate degree and a $100,000+ a year job, so I'm a great example of a suburban wife who loves the lifestyle we've chosen together.

Hmmm...interesting opinion.  I guess I'm a sexist against men and I have the cake and get to eat it too.  I realize that men are stereotyped for being interested in this lifestyle but I can tell you that it was this woman who actively pursued it and not with a doormat of a boyfriend either.  I can tell you that I'm not handing over my dignity...I'm embracing the curiosity of my sexuality as a woman.  I want to see where it leads.  I'm 42 and not a youthful 20 something commenting on this.  If you saw me in person, with my work attire on, you'd think I was just a beancounter, which I am, a professional accountant.  If  you saw me dressed up for a dinner out then you'd probably, hopefully anyway, think that I was a very feminine woman.

Whatever a persons sexual identity, they shouldn't be forced to fit into a box.  What if your husband did have fantasies about introducing a third or fourth person into your relationship but was too afraid to communicate this too you even if he didn't even *really* want to try it but to just fantasize about it while you were being intimate?  Or, maybe you secretly have fantasies that you'd like to try or, at least, like many couples, pretend to try while being intimate?  I'm not saying either of you do.  The point is, in either scenario, each person is being denied their true identity and a part of them that wants to be able communicate, as Dr. Phil would say, "their authentic self" is, once again, denied..  I liken it to a closet gay, like my ex-husband, who was too afraid to be who he truly was.  Should he not pursue what makes him happiest even though he doesn't fit into a nice, tidy little box of comformity?

I would bet a dozen Crispy Creams, even though I've only ever had one in my life, that if you *allowed* your husband to speak freely and openly about what his desires and fantasies are, with trust, that you would learn a great deal about him.  And I'm not saying he would *insult* you with a threesome or othersome scenario but you just might be *comfortably* surprised by what really lies in his soul and in his heart.

Sorry, I don't mean to come across as trying to say something about something I really don't know anything about...your marriage....your post just came across as "you're the boss and he can shove it if he thinks I want to hear what he has to say."  I apologize if I misinterpreted that.

Thank you for posting this.  I actually PVRd the show today because I was interested in learning something new about the lifestyle...even though I'm not a member, per se.  I wasn't as disappointed in the first couple because I thought Dr. Phil was showing some of the problems that can arise after years of being in the Lifestyle.  The second couple, well, I agree with Dr. Phil, that was akin to rape and shouldn't have even been used as an example of the Lifestyle when this was not something that was even a part of their life.  The title would have been better as, "Couples who bring a third person into their marriage" and not "Swingers"...or whatever it was.

I'm in a similar relationship as you and, well, it just seems to work.  I posted more thoroughly about it but I'm not sure if it will make the board.

I'm a live and let live person really I try and be that. And whatever you do in the bedroom with legal age people and its mostly legal, atleast all adults are okay with the playing. Then I honestly don't care. What bugs me is when some swingers want to call it normal, and okay, and everyone should now know there business. Its not normal and its not morally okay, sorry but that the facts. Now just cause its not morally right does not mea I or anyone else has the right to tell you to stop. But we do have children and they already get alot of bad information and ideas. I don't want my son thinking swing is normal or okay. If one day when he is an adult and he gets married and does this life style, well I can't stop him for he is an adult by then, but I don't want it in front of his face when he is a child and a teenage. I know I will be having alot of talks to with my son in the future about these topics and I will not be a mother that just wishes it away, that can mix up a child. My mother talked very openly about adult issues but gave very harsh facts on it. Before I had my son, I honestly didn't care what people did and say, but now with a child I care what people do and say around my son. I don't ever want my son to get it in his head that these things are normal or okay. There are things I have done in my past and there are things i'm sure I will do in my future, that are not okay with most people, but I know better then to go air my laundry with them. I think its good we have these shows that talk about this stuff, it should make parents more armed for those weird questions that kids have.

I think its totally normal to have a public life and a private life, and there is no reason the two should ever meet. Even when my and my husband were at each other throats and fight horrible, no one in our public life even knew about, but maybe some very close family members. We knew we were going to get through it and we knew to keep it between us. There is never a reason that what two adults do in the private of there home should have to be judged by others.

I hope I made some sence its is super late lol, and i'm currently ordering photos through walmart lol, so this might sound stupid lol. Sorry if it does. Peace be with all though.

Swinging has not caused turmoil in America. I can think of quite a few things that might have tho if you're looking for things to blame.

We're sending the wrong message to kids? Teaching by example?

Keep digging. Our kids have no clue we swing and they never will. Were you talking about speeding or something? I must have missed something-