Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

First let me say that we are happy that Dr. Phil pointed out the couple where the wife had a major problem because her husband was forcing her to have a threesome, that was not a sexual problem at all instead it was a selfish problem on the husbands part. In the lifestyle we call these kinds of couples Drama couples. Both the husband and the wife absolutely 100% have to be willing to swing and be in agreement with not only who you do it with but what you do. Anything less is just pure drama..!

My wife and I have been in the lifestyle for around 7 years now happily married for 12 years and together for 13 ½ years. We have been a Full Swap Couple right from the very start of our lifestyle experience.

There are many misconceptions about the lifestyle. Many people think that people do this because they are not satisfied with their partners and that they cannot be further from the truth. We are completely sexually satisfied with each other. However, the lifestyle does offer enhancements to sex.

Many of the people that make comments thinking that the lifestyle is only about sex and all we do is have sex are so completely wrong. The majority of the time you spend in the lifestyle you dont do anything other than be around like minded friends and possibly some friendly flirt. Now yes we lifestyle people do have sex with others but less frequent than you may think especially if you care about who you are having sex with as well as making sure that there is a true 4 way chemistry and all partners are 100%  comfortable.

Variety is the spice of life. Its not about who is better at this or that and along the way you can actually learn some things from others that make you just that much better at sex. In a country where 37% of husbands and 27% of wives admit to having affairs and divorce rates soaring too nearly 60% we have to now ask ourselves the question why?

Most of us in the lifestyle do not have to cheat and we in fact have a very special honest relationship with each other. We can at the highest level of intimacy, we communicate to our spouses what our fantasy and desires are and actually fulfill them because we understand the difference between love and sex.  To truly love someone you want to be able to make them happy in every way possible. If sexual fantasy is one of the ways that brings joy to your partner then why not do it.

Most people will just say no and make excuses for moral values when in reality the insecurity and fear actually lies within themselves. We have no fear in our relationship because we communicate at the highest levels possible. We hide nothing from each other and share everything.

Because many people have been conditioned by our cultures we tend to feel that having sex with others while married is wrong. These same very people will rent pornos in secret and cheat and/or find other ways to relieve their sexual urges or just become sexually frustrated. While we may be human none of us can deny the science that we are in fact animals. Those animal like desires to want variety is within all of us. Weather we choose admit it or act on it or not is a completely different thing.

Someone said something about being married and it was not right to want somebody else after you been married. So basically I guess you are supposed to just turn off who you are as a human. NOT! The problem in our opinion why so many people are find themselves in a divorce that are not in the lifestyle when cheating is that instead of looking at sex for what it is SEX. They feel the need to sneak around and cheat and then build an intimate relationship bond with the other person to justify why they are having this sex. Ultimately these people them become attached instead of just have sex and as a result the divorce rate climbs and families are torn apart every day and in most cases the cycle just repeats itself years down the road yet again.

Watching each other have sex with another person actually enhances our already good sexual relationship because we see each other being desired by another person. It makes you want your spouse even more as you know they are highly desired.

As a bonus you tend to stay in better shape, pay more attention to your overall looks and continue to feel young and by the way beer belly guys that is a plus for your wife. Same is true for the pastry eating coach potato wives.  Its a new year, join a gym, start eating healthier and begin to feel better about yourselves. You can do it! I know you can..!

Ten years ago if someone asked us if we thought about being a swinger we would have said hell know, you got to be kidding me. Why because at that point in our life we were not as secure with ourselves and were ignorant to what swinging is all about. Today its just what we do and its a hell of lot of fun even when we are not having sex with others because you can just be yourself without the worry of others judging who you are.

Many people find themselves wanting to become a swinger and then attempt to do as the drama couple on the Dr. Phil show and find that pushing their spouses ends up with bad results. If you have thought about wanting to be a swinger then its something you gradually introduce through communication with each other about fantasies. This can sometimes take years before each of you are truly open and honest with each other. But forcing yourself or a spouse is just plain wrong! The lifestyle is about communicating and having fun together force feeding will get you no place.

Now I will address the moral issues that some feel there are. There is an unlimited amount of religions in this world and I have studied many that claim or pretend to have lifes answers to the world. All over the world everybody has a different belief system they have adopted. Most times its based on our upbringing. There are also thousands of different translations and interpretations for each of them. Most people that throw out the religion card or moral card have no real understanding for the origination of their own beliefs. As much as we would all love to believe the way we believe is the one and only true way. At the end of the day it all comes down to what you do as an individual believe and feel comfortable with. If the planet could just get that. Then perhaps we would have fewer disagreements, less war and more love to go around.

So what I am saying to all that read this. I am not trying to convince you to be a swinger. That is something for you decide and you only to decide. But more importantly I am however trying to convince you to not be judgmental especially if you really dont know how the insides of swinging really work and how the majority not all but the majority of swingers are.

In closing, I love my wife from the very bottom of my heart and there is absolutely nobody that is going to replace her because I dont look at sex as being the only factor that holds our relationship together and she feels absolutely the same as I do. If either of us were to find somebody that satisfied us sexually more than each other and that has not happened yet. Instead of taking the negative approach and think that how are we to compete. We would instead take the approach how the heck did they do that and learn from it. Our love and our bond goes well beyond just sex!

But let me say this. Most times when you think something is going to be greener on the other side of the hill you often find that it really is not and nobody knows you like your own spouse. But its fun to let them try:-)

Swinging is not for everyone and that is ok. Not all types of swinging is for everyone either. For anyone wanting to learn more about swinging here is a good website. http://www.swingershandbook.com/

Xoxoxox

Funfriends

First let me say that we are happy that Dr. Phil pointed out the couple where the wife had a major problem because her husband was forcing her to have a threesome, that was not a sexual problem at all instead it was a selfish problem on the husbands part. In the lifestyle we call these kinds of couples Drama couples. Both the husband and the wife absolutely 100% have to be willing to swing and be in agreement with not only who you do it with but what you do. Anything less is just pure drama..!

My wife and I have been in the lifestyle for around 7 years now happily married for 12 years and together for 13 ½ years. We have been a Full Swap Couple right from the very start of our lifestyle experience.

There are many misconceptions about the lifestyle. Many people think that people do this because they are not satisfied with their partners and that they cannot be further from the truth. We are completely sexually satisfied with each other. However, the lifestyle does offer enhancements to sex.

Many of the people that make comments thinking that the lifestyle is only about sex and all we do is have sex are so completely wrong. The majority of the time you spend in the lifestyle you dont do anything other than be around like minded friends and possibly some friendly flirt. Now yes we lifestyle people do have sex with others but less frequent than you may think especially if you care about who you are having sex with as well as making sure that there is a true 4 way chemistry and all partners are 100%  comfortable.

Variety is the spice of life. Its not about who is better at this or that and along the way you can actually learn some things from others that make you just that much better at sex. In a country where 37% of husbands and 27% of wives admit to having affairs and divorce rates soaring too nearly 60% we have to now ask ourselves the question why?

Most of us in the lifestyle do not have to cheat and we in fact have a very special honest relationship with each other. We can at the highest level of intimacy, we communicate to our spouses what our fantasy and desires are and actually fulfill them because we understand the difference between love and sex.  To truly love someone you want to be able to make them happy in every way possible. If sexual fantasy is one of the ways that brings joy to your partner then why not do it.

Most people will just say no and make excuses for moral values when in reality the insecurity and fear actually lies within themselves. We have no fear in our relationship because we communicate at the highest levels possible. We hide nothing from each other and share everything.

Because many people have been conditioned by our cultures we tend to feel that having sex with others while married is wrong. These same very people will rent pornos in secret and cheat and/or find other ways to relieve their sexual urges or just become sexually frustrated. While we may be human none of us can deny the science that we are in fact animals. Those animal like desires to want variety is within all of us. Weather we choose admit it or act on it or not is a completely different thing.

Someone said something about being married and it was not right to want somebody else after you been married. So basically I guess you are supposed to just turn off who you are as a human. NOT! The problem in our opinion why so many people are find themselves in a divorce that are not in the lifestyle when cheating is that instead of looking at sex for what it is SEX. They feel the need to sneak around and cheat and then build an intimate relationship bond with the other person to justify why they are having this sex. Ultimately these people them become attached instead of just have sex and as a result the divorce rate climbs and families are torn apart every day and in most cases the cycle just repeats itself years down the road yet again.

Watching each other have sex with another person actually enhances our already good sexual relationship because we see each other being desired by another person. It makes you want your spouse even more as you know they are highly desired.

As a bonus you tend to stay in better shape, pay more attention to your overall looks and continue to feel young and by the way beer belly guys that is a plus for your wife. Same is true for the pastry eating coach potato wives.  Its a new year, join a gym, start eating healthier and begin to feel better about yourselves. You can do it! I know you can..!

Ten years ago if someone asked us if we thought about being a swinger we would have said hell know, you got to be kidding me. Why because at that point in our life we were not as secure with ourselves and were ignorant to what swinging is all about. Today its just what we do and its a hell of lot of fun even when we are not having sex with others because you can just be yourself without the worry of others judging who you are.

Many people find themselves wanting to become a swinger and then attempt to do as the drama couple on the Dr. Phil show and find that pushing their spouses ends up with bad results. If you have thought about wanting to be a swinger then its something you gradually introduce through communication with each other about fantasies. This can sometimes take years before each of you are truly open and honest with each other. But forcing yourself or a spouse is just plain wrong! The lifestyle is about communicating and having fun together force feeding will get you no place.

Now I will address the moral issues that some feel there are. There is an unlimited amount of religions in this world and I have studied many that claim or pretend to have lifes answers to the world. All over the world everybody has a different belief system they have adopted. Most times its based on our upbringing. There are also thousands of different translations and interpretations for each of them. Most people that throw out the religion card or moral card have no real understanding for the origination of their own beliefs. As much as we would all love to believe the way we believe is the one and only true way. At the end of the day it all comes down to what you do as an individual believe and feel comfortable with. If the planet could just get that. Then perhaps we would have fewer disagreements, less war and more love to go around.

So what I am saying to all that read this. I am not trying to convince you to be a swinger. That is something for you decide and you only to decide. But more importantly I am however trying to convince you to not be judgmental especially if you really dont know how the insides of swinging really work and how the majority not all but the majority of swingers are.

In closing, I love my wife from the very bottom of my heart and there is absolutely nobody that is going to replace her because I dont look at sex as being the only factor that holds our relationship together and she feels absolutely the same as I do. If either of us were to find somebody that satisfied us sexually more than each other and that has not happened yet. Instead of taking the negative approach and think that how are we to compete. We would instead take the approach how the heck did they do that and learn from it. Our love and our bond goes well beyond just sex!

But let me say this. Most times when you think something is going to be greener on the other side of the hill you often find that it really is not and nobody knows you like your own spouse. But its fun to let them try:-)

Swinging is not for everyone and that is ok. Not all types of swinging is for everyone either. For anyone wanting to learn more about swinging here is a good website. http://www.swingershandbook.com/

Xoxoxox

Funfriends

Okay, do I care if my neighbors are swingers (at their age I'd say more power to them ), no.  Would I care if my neighbor was a pedophile, yes.  Why the difference, its quite simple really,

The swingers are not hurting me or mine, chances are I wouldn't even be aware of it, the pedophile on the other hand can hurt my children or other neighborhood children, they pose a threat.

As for saying, "If I found out my children's caregiver did this, I wouldn't allow my children back " tell me this, unless they do it in FRONT of the children in their care or they are promoting it to the children in your care, why should what they do when your children aren't there be of any consequence, if it dosen't affect the quality of care they received, then its none of  your business.

To the Moral Majority, I would ask with all the protestations why do you feel threatened by this ? If you are secure in your own marriages or relationships, why is this a problem for you ? Isn't it exhausting for you to try dictating your sense of Morals and values to those who have made it clear they don't share them ?  Every one of the "Swingers" that have posted here acknowledged the fact this lifestyle is not for everyone, and NOT EVERYONE should try, and I've said MYSELF NO ONE should ever be FORCED or COERCED into ANYTHING they are not comfortable with, or DISGUSTS THEM.  If you feel that no one else belongs in YOUR marriage  or relationship ( I feel the same way ) then they shouldn't be there, and if your partner insists, then maybe its time to rethink the relationship (by not listening to you or your concerns or needs shows a lack of respect and love for the other person).

To the Swingers, as long as BOTH partners agree to the lifestyle and are comfortable with it, so be it. If you are being threatened with the other leaving because you won't participate, then let them leave, but if you are a willing partner, and you are comfortable with it, whatever.  The ones I've known (and there are exceptions in ANY group of individuals) are VERY careful  and aware of potential diseases and how to prevent the spread.  Swingers tend to seek out like minded couples, they aren't going to put flyers in the mailbox, or go door to door trying to recruit.  Matter of fact I wouldn't have known if I wasn't told, hasn't stopped me from going out for coffee with them, any more than a single friend sleeping with her date would stop me.  Its not for me to impose my sense of ethics or morality onto someone else, whether I agree with their choices or not.

I've always found that a self-righteous High Moral attitude has kept people apart, there will always be people in this life that don't share your views, it dosen't mean they are "sick", "evil" or "immoral" just different.

People who swing have ultra low self esteem and turn to activities that lower that esteem even more.