I didnt go through all 112 pages of posts, but I did sample enough to know that the majority of them are hateful with a sprinkling of "youre going to hell for this" comments. I dont expect 95% of you to understand, and honestly I dont care if you do. I do care about the other 5% that want to understand and can look at swinging with an open mind. So for that 5%, here it goes.
My wife and I are both very much in love. We have 4 wonderful, well balanced and well adjusted kids that are doing well in school and have no major issues. We are and attractive couple that is solid middle to upper middle class. WE are swingers.
What we have learned as swingers is that our happiness is of the utmost importance TO EACH OTHER. WE each want the other to be as happy as possible and delight in the others happiness. To put it another way, WE are at our happiest when the OTHER is experiencing happiness. Can you say that about your marriage? If you can, then your marriage is strong enough to be swingers.
The next phase is honesty. There is NOTHING we cant tell each other and discuss. We have an openness that Ive never experienced in ANY other relationship Ive ever had. How many of you married people cant tell your spouse what your TRUE hopes and dreams or fantasies are? WE can.
Sex is about sexual fulfillment and sharing with your spouse or significant other. But in most marriages you have the sex that you DO have but there is also the sex you WANT to have. You know, those secret thoughts that you dont tell your wife or husband. The ones that excite you but you feel you cant share because you feel you will get an adverse reaction and possible condemnation if you do. Kind of like the reaction and condemnation you see flowing from these forum posts in reaction to the show. Or the how about just the things that the wife or husband no longer does but you wish they would? So, for the most part, many couples keep these things to themselves. That is a form of deception. After a few years of "whats wrong honey".."Nothing" you start to build up resentment. How many affairs begin with "my wife doesnt understand me" or "my husband isnt interested in me anymore? In my opinion these affairs are based on the gap of openness and the failure to be comfortable enough to share your true feelings and thoughts with each other.
In traditional marriages, affairs will flourish when one or the other or both feel that they cant get what they want or need from their spouse so they seek what they think they need out of the marriage. The extramarital sex itself is not really what harms the relationship, it is the DECEPTION from the other that causes the most harm. Giving something that BELONGS to you to another, the betrayal.
With swingers there is no deception. It is not your wife or your husband going off to be satisfied with another, it is BOTH of you on a sexual adventure TOGETHER. Remember the excitement of dating when you found someone new you were interested in? With swingers, we still feel that excitement together when we find others we both like TOGETHER. Neither of us wants someone else in our day to day lives, or our families. We know that no matter what we do with whom, we are going home with each other and that closeness is absolutely amazing. We enjoy sharing this with each other and it has made us so close to each other in ways I never thought possible. Something that would have destroyed or shattered most marriages is something that we both enjoy together. Who among you would not want a marriage THAT strong?
And last, but not least, are the friends we have met along the way. What we have found is that swingers are by far happier, more open and genuinely sincere than most "vanilla" couples we know. We develop true friendships with fantastic people that last for years whether we "play" with them or not. So, for us, we dont feel that what we are doing is perverted or a sin to humanity. We feel that we have an enlightened position that allows us to enjoy ourselves, our relationship, each other and anything else out there that we would like to enjoy without risking our marriage to do it. WE love being with each other, spending time with each other, talking with each other and sharing this too with each other. How many of you can not only say you are truly this happy and believe it?
How well do you think you know your neighbors, your friends and even your child's teacher? It is estimated that four to eight million people in North America are swinging in the suburbs -- mostly middle-class folks from all walks of life. Dr. Phil gives you a closer look at who these couples are who engage in sex with other twosomes. First up, Nita and Walter have been swinging for the last 12 years. They say they are happy in the lifestyle, so why does it cause tension in their relationship? Then, Brent says he has a strong yearning for he and his wife, Renee, to participate in a threesome. Renee says the idea disgusts her, but worries that if she refuses to join in, Brent will leave her. They fight constantly, often dragging their 17-year-old son into the middle of their chaos. Brent says he thinks about having threesomes every other day, but says that his desire is normal. What does Dr. Phil think? And, Dr. Phil viewers weigh in and share their thoughts about the swinging lifestyle. Join the discussion.
