I have only watched one Dr. Phil show, and it was on swinging this past week. The reputation of Dr. Phil is of the best on entertainment TV and that he always researches his topics. I was a little disapointed in the swinging episode as I feel that he was unprepared for the show. The two sets of guests that he had, in my opinion, should not have been on the same show.
My Wife and I have been in the lifestyle for 2 years and have since become part owners of a club for couples in Calgary. We would open the invitation for Dr. Phil to visit our club and see what really happens. It is not a sex club, it is not "check your clothes at the door". It is 100% respect for yourself and others, no exceptions.
From my market research and the habits of people that attend our club, I have determined that around 10% of the population are in need of a differnt way to express themselves, so for the vast majority, it is not for them and they could never understand it. I also love clasic cars, and people that don't have the same passion can't understand the atraction or why I would spend the money I do...a agree, a far stretch for a metaphore, but still gives the general idea.
It started for us with my wife and I having serious issues sexually. Meaning sex was not happening for close to 6 years. We would be close maybe 1 or 2 times a month, and for me, that was not enough. I love my wife deeply and worked for 6 years to try and fix things for us. I thought I was seriously sick and read books and talked to people to find out if I was abnormal. I have since found out I am not, but do have a sex drive that is greater then average.
My Wife and I have 3 parts to our relationship. One is friends, and she is the best friend I have ever had or ever can imagine having. Second is marriage and huband and wife. We were both single parents, both had spouses cheat on us and leave us with the kids. We now have another child together. It was after the birth of our son that her sex drive went away. The third part is lovers. We have always said that as long as one of those is strong, we can work on the others when needed. ANd for 10 years now it has worked famously. Marriage is not easy, and anyone that says you are ment to be together has never had a stable long term amrraige. it just isn't so. it is the hardest thing I do and requires more time then anything else I do. She is that important to meto give my entire life to my family and my best friend. One day the kids will be gone, and we will only have each other....
Ok, back to swinging. When we first met, our sex drive for 2 years was unreal. Couldn't get enouugh. And my wife alwaysliked to talked about or watch videos of other girls. At the time, I just thought it was cool.
After 6 years of our relationship as lovers being dead, she told me to go find what I needed and to be safe becasue she "was never going to have sex again." The very next day on a business trip, I was aproached by a very sexy female to have a fun night with no strings. I turned it down. If I could not have sex with my wife, I did not want to have sex either. So we talked and talked and talked, for months on how to fix this and be happy together.
I read, and can't rememebr where now, about homosexuality and bi-sexuality and how many people can and will supress these feelings because of society. There was more to it, but I took that information to her and asked her about her fantasy's. She admited to me that since she was a teenager, she has had sexual fantasies about girls. She had surpressed them her entire life. Once we started to talk about them, her sex drive came back. Although, still only 1-2 times a month, but it was a willing 1-2 times a month which was 1000% better then doing for me.
We then explored the swinging lifestyle. We met some couples but never did anything other then talk for 6 months until we knew what we wanted. What we wanted, was what she wanted and she lead the way 100% with my encouragment and support. We wanted Tracey to explore her bi- or homo sexuality. I think there are many different opinons still on if they are both the same or choices, and I will touch back on that later.
We found a girl that we both found atractive, inteligent and desireable. My wife then was able to explore her bi-sexuality. I can tell you, that since that expereince 18 months ago, we are still at 1-2 times a month, rather now the oposite...only 1-2 days a month we are not intimate. As soon as she was able to learn that what she was feeling was aceptable and not a freak of nature, she opened up and became more comfortable with who she is. Once she acepted who she was, she was able to act on her desires. She found out it is ok to like sex and to want it. She was told her whole life that being gay is wrong and that girls should keep there sexuality to the themsleves. Females can have the same desires as men, and htey do, just they are not allowed to talk about it in society. Tracey does not consider herself Bi-sexual, but I disagree and that is a fun subject for us. She agrees 100% that she needed to explore and still does need that female female interaction more then just as friends.
We have progeresss and moved to differnt fantasys and have since become active i t he lifestyle with couples with "full" swap. This again was her move to meet with couples, and I support her 100%. for about a year now, the exploreing for her has moved into what do WE want. It is 100% for us and we never do anything we don't want to do and know the otehr will not as well. We would never eventhink of asking the other to "take one for the team".
Now, some facts to know. About 1 in 20 meetings result in play, and about one in 3 of those results in sex. 60% of the memebers of our club never swap, but like the enviroment becasue of the RESPECT that is shown and the saftey for the ladies. We have not told anyone, because our children are 12, 11 & 7 and too young to understand if they were to hear something.
Now to touch back on someting from earlier. In today's world, it is ok to be gay or lesbian, but being bi-sexual is still looked at as a sickness. And I can tell you this from personal expereince. Although I am not bi-sexual in the least, I do have many friends that are, as is my wife. I can assure you that the descrimination that is out towards these people is as bad as it was to the homosexuals in the 70's and 80's.
So the swinging lifestyle gives people a place to be themselves with no one judgeing them....ever! You can be safe and explore, and you can try new things. Where would peopel go if it was not for swinging clubs. In the 80's when Gay bars were becoming known, this same talk about imorality and desease of society was prevelent. But today, it is main stream and accepted. Today, if you say negitive words about homosexuals, you can and often are charged with hate crimes. Yet, anyone can make a comment about degenerate swingers and "get away with it" for lack of a better term. I appoligize, my PHd came from the bottem of a Froot Loops box. :-)
We have talked many couples out of the lifestyle, becasue it simply is not for them. Their marriage is not secure enough and they are truely not the 10% that it benifits. When we see those people and meet them, we tell them. We have had marriages fall apart before our eyes, and our inexpereince thought it was swinging, but the reality was shown to us later. People who cheat will cheat whether they swing or not. Marriages will fall apart if they are "normal" or swingers. Swinging does not keep a marriage together. I will say that again. SWINGING WILL NOT KEEP A MARRIAGE TOGETHER. it also will not break it up. It will however, show the symptoms of a good or bad marriage and give both the oprotunity to show themselves.
Everyone has a differnt sexual fantasy. everyone has a sexual fantasy. Even Dr. Phil get's sexualy turned on by something. Some peoples' are more tame, others more wild. Dr. Phils fantasy, to some, will be sick and degenerate. Our fatasy's to some, are very tame..or "vannilla". A term used for non-swingers.
So I would invite Dr. Phil to judge me. Maybe not on TV where we can be seen because of our children as they are more important to us then life itself, but to still judge us on what we do. I would love the oprotunity to have a conversation with an educated man on the subject and be challenged and be held to acount for our actions. Please come and see what the club is and who we are. Do some research and talk to peopel that are real swingers, not peopel that force their spouse into something they do not want to do. respect of yourself and others is our only rule, and we have no doubts that Dr. Phil could follow those rules.
I look forward to the future of the lifestyle, and to watching it become more mainstream in society. It already is sneaking into our TV shows, movies and pop culture. It does remind me of homosexuality in the 80's. In 20 years, the talks will be very diffent then today.
thank yo for your time,
Playfullcouple
How well do you think you know your neighbors, your friends and even your child's teacher? It is estimated that four to eight million people in North America are swinging in the suburbs -- mostly middle-class folks from all walks of life. Dr. Phil gives you a closer look at who these couples are who engage in sex with other twosomes. First up, Nita and Walter have been swinging for the last 12 years. They say they are happy in the lifestyle, so why does it cause tension in their relationship? Then, Brent says he has a strong yearning for he and his wife, Renee, to participate in a threesome. Renee says the idea disgusts her, but worries that if she refuses to join in, Brent will leave her. They fight constantly, often dragging their 17-year-old son into the middle of their chaos. Brent says he thinks about having threesomes every other day, but says that his desire is normal. What does Dr. Phil think? And, Dr. Phil viewers weigh in and share their thoughts about the swinging lifestyle. Join the discussion.
