Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

Totally agree. jessie427  just does not understand us. We also have a perfect marriage and our true soul mates. We spend so much wonderful time together. We even go to lunch together almost every single day. We are that happy couple that looks like teenagers in love holding hands walking through the mall.

maisae you don’t get it………….! You think you do but you have no clue….! It’s because your view of marriage and sex is different than ours you think we must not love each other. Why would any of us swingers ever think about getting a divorce. We love each other deeply and we can have our cake and eat it too. What more could we ask for.

Divorce you have got to be kidding…!

Why can you not just accept the fact that there are people out in the world that think differently than you and its ok?

I know you think differently then us and I am ok with that. The only part I dislike is when you try and judge us just because it’s not your way of thinking.

jessie427, honestly I think these are the same kind of people that want to blow up the others in the world because they are different.

I am a great father, husband and friend too.. I from day and to the day I depart this world will never within my power let anything bad happen to my family.

My wife respects me and I respect her. The only difference between what you described about your husband and me is I am a swinger and he is not. I have different sexual desires then a vanilla guy. My wife had different desires then a vanilla woman. So what..!

Sounds like we are both good people. Do you think its right for somebody like the guy who claimed to have lost his $165K a year job to now not be able to provide for his family because he is different then you? What id society did not agree with oral sex and we found that you and your husband enjoyed oral sex. Would it be right for us to judge you then?

Wow, that's great! It sounds like the marriage that was based on sex worked out great for you.  Too bad you can't recognize the right of others to enjoy their marriages, no matter what THEY are based on just as much.  

That is all great...for YOU. I think my hubby and I are perfect for each other, too. We also get comments on how compatible and happy we are. His fraternity brothers, with whom he has maintained a 25 year friendship have told him that I am the best thing to happen to him ;) He's the best thing that ever happened to me!

 

However, I don't insist that anyone live within the parameters of what works in MY marriage. We don't have a perfect formula for a perfect marriage. We have what works best for US. My husband travels extensively in his job...I wouldn't recommend everyone live like that, but we make it work. It is FINE to believe you and your husband are perfect for each other, it is ARROGANT to assume that you have become the standard bearer for marital perfection for which everyone else needs to strive.

 

 And as far as public sex goes.....we pretty much know how far we can go....I'm sorry....I just really believe in marriage and monogamy.  I was raised a Catholic (still am), I attend Mass pretty regularly,  my parents were immigrants.  I'm sorry, I like sex...just with my hubby....sorry..... 

You shouldn't apologize for any of that. If you believe in marital monogamy, that works out great since you seem to have a monogamous marriage. You should live according to your religious beliefs. I would fight anyone who tries to take that away from you just as I would fight anyone who tried to impose their religious beliefs on others. Have lots of sex with your hubby! YAY for you!

 

What you should apologize for is insisting that your marriage be considered superior to anyone who does not subscribe to your personal beliefs. You should apologize for calling people pigs and whores.

 

 

We have a right to privacy in this country. What happens in the homes of consenting adults is no one else's business. What happens at a private club or in a hotel room is no one else's business.

 

I have been with my wife for 13 wonderful years and love her more than life itself. The only thing I love more than my wife are our children.

 

That being said, my wife is bisexual. She loves sex with both men and women. I have no problem with that. We do not swing with other couples. She (we) look for single women.

 

There is no forcing anyone to do anything. In this lifestyle the first thing you learn is no means no. Rules need to be set by both people. These rules cannot be broken. Not even once. There should be no "taking one for the team". As in he wants to bed a hot wife who has a smelly unattractive husband. 

 

People need to lighten up about what goes on in other peoples homes.

 

If you don't agree with the lifestyle that is all fine and dandy. We are not going to knock on your door and inform you that due to a vote we choose you for our lifestyle. But let us live our lives the way we see fit. It should not matter what your religious views are.

 

Romans 14:10 But why dost thou judge thy brother? or why dost thou set at nought thy brother? for we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ.

 

In other words... But you, why do you make yourself your brother's judge? or again, why have you no respect for your brother? because we will all have to take our place before God as our judge.

 

Romans 14:13 Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumbling block or an occasion to fall in his brother's way.

 

In other words... Then let us not be judges of one another any longer: but keep this in mind, that no man is to make it hard for his brother, or give him cause for doubting.

 

Luke 6:37 Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:

 

In other words... Be not judges of others, and you will not be judged: do not give punishment to others, and you will not get punishment yourselves: make others free, and you will be made free:

 

Luke 6:41 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

 

In other words... And why do you take note of the grain of dust in your brother's eye, but take no note of the bit of wood which is in your eye?

Well as far as I am concerned it was about swinging right from the start,  people swapping sex thats all swinging is.  I don't believe you watched the show.  If you would like I can send a copy cause I even taped it.

 I really appreciate the non-swingers that have posted on here that, while it's not for them, they don't feel the need to pass judgement on those that choose to swing. I know in my first post I stated how great my marriage is but it's not because we swing. It's because we're finally to a point to where we are 100% open and honest with each other and I'm truely more in love now than I was early in my marriage. I think a lot of swingers feel the same and try to express it, but it tends to come out that we think our marriages are "better" than monogamous marriages. We're not trying to say that at all. I promise. Many of us have had failed misserable relationships in the past and are just trying to convey the difference between our current versus our past relationships rather than ours versus yours. For those who think that I don't have a real marriage, or that I'm not in love with my husband, that we're just best friends with benefits and need to get a divorce, you couldn't be more wrong. We are very much in love.
And some have also stated that swingers just swing because they've lost the "sizzle" in their relationship. That we care about each other like a sister would a brother and take care of each other, but that we're not "in love" anymore and that we should divorce. If that really was the case (and I assure you it's not) then what about all those couples out there that have been married for 25 years and their kids are all grown and the house is paid off and they are the best of friends and take care of each other and couldn't imagine being with anyone else, but they don't have sex anymore because they've lost the "sizzle"? Should they divorce?
And as far as the adultery thing is concerned, I know that's a sensitive subject and that everyone has their own opinion, but as someone who has truely been cheated on, I can sincerely say that swinging is not cheating. Adultery is not just having sex with someone other than your spouse. It's also about lieing and hiding and giving yourself not only physically to the non-spouse, but also emotionally. A spouse can even cheat without having sex at all. If someone chooses to confide in and share an emotional relationship with someone who is not their spouse, while hiding that relationship and not confiding in their spouse, that is considered cheating in a court of law.
I don't really want to get into the religious part. Too many people believe too many things. And the founding fathers didn't include freedom of religion in the Constitution so that we could all be free to be strict fundamentalists.
As far as being damned to hell and what not, isn't Christianity based on the belief that everyone who believes that God sent his Son to die on the cross for all mans' sin so that if they accept this they'll spend eternity in Heaven? That's what I was taught anyways. That all sin is equal and it says in Romans that all have sinned. That would mean I would only be damned to hell if I don't accept Christ. So since those of you who are damning us don't really know if we will or already have accepted Christ, you really can't say where we'll end up.
To conclude, I am a strong, confident, attractive young woman and so are the women we've met in the lifestyle. We don't do this because our husbands demanded. In fact, almost every couple we've met got into it because the wife wanted to explore her attraction to other women. Most men don't even participate, they just watch their wives. But mainly we do this because we enjoy meeting like-minded couples to have as great friends. My husband and my children come first and if ever one of us wanted to quit there wouldn't even be a discussion. We would just quit and be a happy monogamous couple again.
To those who condemn and say we should be fired from our jobs and have our children taken away, maybe you should take the time to get to know some of us. We're good people that volunteer in our communities, serve our country, donate our time and services to help those less fortunate, contribute to charities raise our children to be positive role models and good stuards.
Let me ask one thing. Would you pull your child out of marching band even though they love it, just because you found out the director was homosexual? Would you refuse a medical procedure just because the only Dr. capable of performing it was an atheist? If no, then why persecute a swinger JUST because they swing?

There is a lot of criticism for non-mongomous and non-traditional marriages, but they can work.  It all depends on where your focus is and how much effort you're willing to put into making it work.  Most people have this illusion that you can just go out and have sex with whoever you want.  That's not really how it works.  People who are more committed to the illusion of the lifestyle more hen their marriage will destroy it.    However, when you know yourself and communicate with your spouse, respect boundaries, it can be a lot of fun.  But it should never be more then that.  Its social entertainment, nothing more.    If your spouse is not comfortable then you don't do it.  The same as ou wouldn't make your spouse go hang out at a bar if they didn't want too.   While the concepts that make this lifestyle work are relatively simple, putting them in practice is more work then most people want to bother with.   As long as the are monogamous, that's just fine.


As for the 'What about the children'  argument.  That is a serious pet peeve.  A child has nothing to do with a parents sex life, regardless of who they are having sex with.  There is no difference between hiring a baby sitter and going to a sex party and hiring a baby sitter and to a movie.   Swinging has nothing to do with children and there isn't anything about the lifestyle that can't be handled by decent parenting skills.   This is not to say that all swingers are good parents, but that bad parents come in all lifestyles.  Sometimes a bad parent is just a bad parent.

kauai99,

No the show was really not that much about TRUE SWINGING and more about controlling spouses. The first couple they tried to paint a picture as if they were real swingers because they were supposedly in the lifestyle for many years. But if you were paying attention and know anything about the lifestyle you would find that in both couples their were control issues way more in the second couple but still some in the first. Got to remember the first couple he never done anything with a women for almost 9 years because she was jealous and did not want him too. THAT IS NOT SWINGING….! That to is selfish…!

And there is more to swinging then just swapping.  In fact you can soft swing and never even swap and just be near each other.

You people once again talk about things you have no idea what you talking about. I don’t pretend to be a  scientist if I am not nor should you pretend to understand swinging if you have no idea.

So once again if you want to learn more here is two good references the first is a great guide. Once you understand then come back and make your non judgmental comments.

http://www.swingershandbook.com/ http://www.swingfest.com/classes.htm

Forcing people to have sex or you having sex and not allowing your partner to have sex is not Swinging. Sorry does not fit,

Well said....!