Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

Hello,

  Once again I am going to try to clear up some misunderstandings about Swingers and the Swinging lifestyle.

  First off the club I belong to does allow alcohol but it is BYOB.  Yes the police and the city do show up and do spot checks but it is for underage people.  Yes there is nudity in the club.  Some clubs around the country do allow alcohol and some do not depending with the laws.  What one thing they all have in common is there are NO DRUGS.  I was at a club one time and there was the smell of pot.  The staff and owners all did a  complete search and when they found out who was doing it, they removed them from the club, took away their memberships for good and called the police.

  Next thing is that swingers have low self esteem.  Now several people have made this reference and I know that more that come to this board will have the same thought.  Swingers have a better self esteem then most people in the USA that are not swingers and live the perfect or normal life.  I have seen many swingers of larger body types, going against what society thinks is normal, act a hundred times better and be more proud of their bodies then those that are skinnier.  We don't have low self esteem, matter of fact we have great self esteem.

  I read where someone's friend was molested by their father and in now into the swinging lifestyle.  I first want to say that I am sorry that has happened to them.  That is something to should never happen to a child by anyone including by ones father.  But to lump that into being a swinger you are now the one that is wrong.  A person's choice if they are going to be into this lifestyle is not always based on their past.  I grew up with a strong Christian base, I went to church every sunday, prayed every night and asked God for forgivness when I sinned.  But that did not define me or turn me into a swinger.  I was told about the swinging lifestyle and after asking questions thought I would give it a try.  I got all the answers first before making a decision and judging them.

  Finally I want to point out those that are saying we are shoving our lifestyles down your throats.  For those that are saying that ask yourself the following questions:

1.  When was the last time you seen a swinger post a commercial about joining  us?

2.  When was the last time you seen a swinger get on tv for an hour or more and talk to people about why joining them is the right path?

3.  When was the last time you heard of a swinger go kill people because another  swinger told them to?

4.  When was the last time you heard about a swinger being investigated or going to jail for stealing or defrauding thousands of other swingers out of their money.

  Now I can go on and on about how we are not shoving our views and beliefs down your throats but I think I made my point.

  If swingers are in the news it is because someone wants to write a book or article about them or do a story about them.  We didn't go seek them out they sought us out.

Swingers tell me they dont have sex...only oral sex...so in their mind its ok

This line shows you are painting a picture of all swingers.  Some swinges "soft" we go all the way so to speak.  We see no differnece in the act of oral versus penitration.  Once you are that close, well to us it is a ll the same.  But some people really enjoy that part only with other people.  And yes, in our minds it is ok, so what differnece does it make to anyone else as long as the people involved are ok with it?  No one is forced and no one is ever asked to "take one for the team."  If you really knew any swingers, you would know that they are the least insecure people around.  I mean come on, how secure do I have to be as aman to watch my wife with a guy that is twice the size of me below the belt.  Most guys on a hockey team that are smaller then the others shower first or last so no one sees them.....I guess becasue they are athletes they are secure, just shy.

You say that swinging ruined a good marriage, but hten again it was doomed from the beginning.  That is a contradiction.  If he enjoys the lifestyle from before, and wants to keep it going and the new girl friend or wife doesn't, then they are not a match anadhave other problems.  Swinging doesn't cause the problems, it shows the symptoms of problems.

we have met the people that try swinging and are not ready for it because they have issues in a marriage.  SWINGING DOES NOT MAKE  AMARRIAGE BETTER!!!!!  It is only for those of us with a great marriage to begin with and for those of us looking to ahve fun with our spouses.  We don't ask you to try it, we don't ask you agree with it.  Al lwe ask is that we get the same respect that hte gay and lesbian community now gets becasue they are differnt then the rest.  Just leave us alone and don't push us out or tell us we are going to hell.  Live and let live.  We have friends who have lost their jobs becasue someone at work found out htey swing.  Now, how fair is that.  Do that to a Gay man and you will be in court and loose everything you have, but do it to a swinger and it is just and right.

People, please, if youa re making asumptions ask questions rather then stating unfounded statemnts that in your mind are facts, because they are not.

If you read some of hte earliest translations of the bible, Adultry is anything that you do without the consent of your spouse.  Not just sex.  It has been changed over the centries for the use of the church.

We do this with full consent and participation.  Marriage is diffenrt to everyone and means someihtng different to everyone.  With comments like this, in your mind, people could not write their own vows becasue they may say somehting diffent then what you think.

We are not trying to mate.....is the only reason you have sex is to make babies, or did you recently do it for fun?  If you did it for fun and are Catholic, you sinned.

So, who will cast the first stone? 

You know, I have read almost every post on this thread and have replied to many.  I have found one thing that really "sticks" out.

Most all of the replies from Swingers are very educated, well thought out and intelligent, even if some of us have trouble spelling...LOL

Most, not all, but most of the non swingers are just bashing and quoteing unfounded beliefs as facts.  We ahve statistics, experience and have opened our mind to a whole new world that exsists and have acepted it.  Not all swingers are the same, but we acept people for who they are.

All I am saying is that if the Swinger-bashing-Christians would take more time to research their assumptions and look at the whole picture, this would be more of an intilectual thread then a bash and defend.

playfullcouple

Take this as what it is Swingers are broken into many levels. Soft swing, the first couple on the show, limits itself to female-female play with the male or males watching or possibly female-male oral. Then there is full swap where couples have full intercourse with the other  persons spouse. We talk to the other couple before anything sexual happens, we find out their limits and only play the game to the limit of the least player not the most player. Most people in the lifestyle fall into the second group.

As far as boredom setting I am sure that is how many swingers start, we were married 13 years before we started, and I was bored with our day to day sex life. I love my wife and would never cheat on her, we talked and she too wanted to expand our sex life. We, as a couple, talked, explored fantasies and decided to invite another male to join us. He was a former co-worker of hers that had flirted with her when they worked together, I knew him and approved in advance of her calling him. She called him and set up the time and place. We all three had fun. Both men turning her on, touching and kissing her, and having intercourse with her. Three hours later we were all wiped out. that was 20 years ago. We are still together and still very much in love. We still swing about 3 times a year. No insecurities here.