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Topic : 10/09 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp Newlyweds, Part 4

Number of Replies: 65
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, October 05, 2007, 11:18:23 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil continues his work with three couples on the verge of divorce after less than one year of marriage. They say they want to be spared from divorce, yet once they are all under one roof they only whine and complain. Jim and Kim continue to fight, even on the morning of her birthday. Instead of a nice birthday greeting, Jim starts an argument with his wife because he thinks he’s the one who deserves “a present.” Dr. Phil gives Jim a taste of his own medicine –- some immersion therapy! Then, Karla claims she’s now permanently on the wagon, but Dr. Phil tells her that kicking an alcohol addiction just isn’t that simple. Plus, a role-playing exercise, a surprise for the wives and more! Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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October 9, 2007, 8:06 pm CDT

Thank you

Quote From: dennis1952

This is a very distrubing recollection of my own life and marriage. I was raised in a very abusive home and once married didn't not recognize the disfuntionality of such behavior. Jack seems equally unaware and possibly even unable to admit to the depths of his controlling behavior. He appears to be dangerous and while watching the program I had a very disturbing vision of Danielle with her neck slashes and her head caved in. I think Jack is that dangerous!

 

Only because I married an angel incarnate is my marriage still intact after 35 years. My wife endured  horrible abuse and degradation at my hands for at least 16 years of our marriage. Our children also suffered immensly because of my insecurities, abusive and controlling behavior. Like Jack, I was unwilling to see the truth of my ways and felt threatened by anyone who tried to entervene on behalf of my wife and children.

 

If my guess is right, Jack cannot look himself squarely in the eye in a mirror. At least I know that I couldn't. I hated the way I was treating those I loved so much but, felt so totally helpless to do anything and unwilling to surrender the any of the power that the control of my family gave to me. Jack, you have to let go of the control if you are going to get well and make no mistake, you are very ill.  

 

On the other hand I was so upset by Danielle that I wanted to scream at her through the TV set. During the entire show she resisted the realization that she doesn't have to live in that relationship any longer. She like my wife felt a need to protect her husband because she has become so accustomed to the abuse that she does not believe she can live without it. For her the abuse is a safe harbor, at least in her mind, but in reality it is disaster waiting to happen.

 

Danielle, you are beautiful. Your past is then and the future you are creating this very moment. Don't dwell in the past nor let Jack or anyone else put/keep you in the past. If Jack persists on doing so you should kick him to the curb because you will never get well with that kind of treatment going on in your life. I've been where you are. I have hated my past self and clung to it as if I would lose who I am by letting go.It drove me to several attempts on my own life. You don't want to let that happen to you because you are valuable to God, yourself, family and this world which would be changed for the worse if you weren't here! Every human being has an important role to play, a divine role given by God, including you!

 

I would also like to say to Kara that she must stop drinking! For 18 years I remained in an alcoholic stupor and looking back at my life realize that I can't even remember most of what happened. Do you really want that to happen to your life? To wake up one day and realize your whole existance has passed you by and you don't even have any memories of it? You will never do it by yourself though. You must accept help from a healthy source. Your husband is not such a source! He may become one some day but right now he is not. The success of AA relies on you to find a sponsor as well as building a support system of fellow recovering alcoholics and most of all a sponsor to whom you are willing to be completely honest and submission with regard to your progress toward recovery. You can do it, just not alone. One of the twelve steps is to find your "higher power." I found mine in Jesus. Maybe that doesn't work for you but it could  because he doesn't judge you by what you have don't but rather who you are. God loves you and so do I and millions of others across the country.

 

 

I would like to thank you for your sweet words and insight.  I found myself crying throughout the show as the situation with Jack is one that I am in the midst of now with my fiance.  I am lost and broken and fed up.  But I truly understand where Danielle is and where your wife was.  I'm looking for hope and just doing my best to take care of me.  Thank you.  Thank you.
 
October 9, 2007, 9:10 pm CDT

Isn't this a bit one-sided?

Why isn't Dr. Phil addressing the apparent NEED these women have for being abused? Let's face it, these guys weren't angels before they married--these women married them knowing full well who and what they were. So why did they marry them?

 

My SIL finally left her extremely abusive husband in March 07, dragging her kids, her family and a large portion of their small town through a violent divorce. And yet, when her ex would leave her alone, she would find SOME reason to antagonize him!

 

Finally her ex found another woman and moved on. And less than 4 months after her divorce was final, my SIL was married to ANOTHER abusive/controlling man!

 

It's tough to feel sorry for the women on this show when I see the same manipulative behaviour I witnessed in my SIL.

 

Why do women help create these situations? Granted, the guys have serious problems--but it's like the women secretly enjoy it or something. It's as if they seek this type of man out. I'm not trying to be uncaring, but we have to ask what are the women's motivations for entering into and staying in such marriages.

 
October 9, 2007, 9:15 pm CDT

Double Edged Statement

Tonight when he said,`how could she put up with me for all this time!?` I thought that says two things,  one he is being self critical and seeing what she endured, the other he is suggesting on some level that he always had a motive to drive her out. This is a head and heart game. Is he a person who genuinely wants to be in a relationship with her and instead of finding the beginning of marriage a wonderful, loving paradise of all good things it is more like a rodeo show and she is trying to break in a wild stallion. Presuming like Tom Sawyer he wants all the joys and responsibilities of civil life she`s doing the best thing to fullfill her role as the wife. The fruits of this will be worth it all for them both and the family they hope to create. On the other hand if he thinks she is not all that great a catch and doesn`t fully satisfy his desires that could go from the physical ralm to the egocentric realm but he is playing a game with her as a temp to test his insecurities and keep him busy until he can move on. The later being more about a sense of self fullfillment than losing ones overriding sense of self to a loving relationship and family life. Now the wife has to determine the character of the man to call this one. Is he struggling to become a family man or is he struggling to become a man for himself? When he called himself a monster was he sad for her or afraid that no one else would like him either?
 
October 9, 2007, 10:04 pm CDT

SIL

Quote From: merryann38

Why isn't Dr. Phil addressing the apparent NEED these women have for being abused? Let's face it, these guys weren't angels before they married--these women married them knowing full well who and what they were. So why did they marry them?

 

My SIL finally left her extremely abusive husband in March 07, dragging her kids, her family and a large portion of their small town through a violent divorce. And yet, when her ex would leave her alone, she would find SOME reason to antagonize him!

 

Finally her ex found another woman and moved on. And less than 4 months after her divorce was final, my SIL was married to ANOTHER abusive/controlling man!

 

It's tough to feel sorry for the women on this show when I see the same manipulative behaviour I witnessed in my SIL.

 

Why do women help create these situations? Granted, the guys have serious problems--but it's like the women secretly enjoy it or something. It's as if they seek this type of man out. I'm not trying to be uncaring, but we have to ask what are the women's motivations for entering into and staying in such marriages.

 Could you please email me what SIL means? I know it sounds completely stupid, esp. internet-wise, but I am curious...my email address is ldhkah@comcast.net.

Thanks, Lisa

 
October 9, 2007, 10:11 pm CDT

$ down toilet

Quote From: shahzadee4

I don't beleive in wasting money and thats what that was. Iunderstand that it was needed, but water would have looked the same.
Hhhhheeeelllloooo, you missed the entire point! Obese people need to throw food away to get over their emotional tie to it, same as drunks! No offense intended...
 
October 10, 2007, 12:45 am CDT

10/09 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp Newlyweds, Part 4

Quote From: shahzadee4

I don't beleive in wasting money and thats what that was. Iunderstand that it was needed, but water would have looked the same.

Wasting money was not the intentions of Dr. Phil, I'm sure...   When you have an addiction to something, reguardless of how big or small it is, there comes a point when you have to acknowledge that there is a problem and fix it.  Pouring the liquor out was more than likely a step that she needed to go through in order to start the rehab; maybe symbolizing how much money she wastes on alochol every month....  Pouring out water would have looked the same, however, would not have the same effect on Karla.  I really hope and pray that she is very serious about her addiction and getting help.  If she is, then pouring all the multiple bottles down the drain will prove to be well worth it.

 

 

 
October 10, 2007, 1:37 am CDT

To Jack, cheer up little soldier

Profile of Jack and Danielle.

 

Jack - Good guy, smart, handsome (looks like Donnie Osmond), honorable (he got married), insecure (he married beneath him), egotistical (he thinks he can change her).

 

Danielle - Manipulative, secretive, untrustworthy, attractive but not beautiful (this is important).

 

Jack hooks up with Danielle, she's hot enough but she's also a party girl and likes to drink and fall down sometimes.  Jack thinks "Not exactly what I want but workable".  Bad idea from the start.  People do not change each other, people only change themselves with the assistance of time and experience.  They are both young, time and experience is not even close to finished with them yet.  Jack gets Danielle home only to find out that she lies, she drinks too much, and she keeps secrets.  Jack attempts to get at the bottom of the problem through honest communication only Jack is not mature enough to handle the truth.  The problem begins here but it is a simple enough one to solve, just stop doing the things you do Danielle.  But wait!  Danielle CAN'T stop doing what she does because Danielle LIKES to do what she does.  She likes it so much that she has concocted a nice little excuse (the big secret) to excuse her actions. 

 

Jack and Danielle come to Dr. Phil's man camp.  Jack is smart, he knows what's going on but he is also egotistical and shares it with (stupidly) with the other couples.  This slows down the process.  The men are upset because they just want to get this over with and go back home.  The women are upset because.....well....women like to be upset, and that's what they came there to do.  Dr. Phil is upset because it suits his demographic for him to be upset.  Everyone jumps on Jack, Jack jumps on Danielle.  Jack thinks, "Hey, if we are really here to get help then lets get some help.  Let's get some help about that little secret that you use to excuse your behavior"  Danielle is not having it.  She watches as everyone in the house jumps on Jack and you can almost see her cry as she realizes that this is all happening NOT because her husband is a jerk but because she really IS what her husband is telling everyone she is. 

 

It was not Jack that isolated Danielle in order to abuse her, it was Danielle that turned the common respect that any person would give another when discussing something private to isolate and abuse Jack by not allowing him to disclose the so-called "secret" that would, in his mind, be the key to solving their, or at least his, marital problems.  It bothers her yes, it doesn't bother her enough to confess though.  Jack is a man, he can take it, and even if he can't, he's a man, men have not done her any favors ever.

 

It brings to mind a question.  Which is better, to be ugly or to be almost beautiful?  Ugly women have to get on with life but the almost beautiful must always look at the world through almost beautiful eyes.  Danielle knows that Jack can do better that's why she isn't going to change for him.  Jack just wants to get beyond the whole relationship thing, get things settled, and get on with the rest of his life, he is a man after all.  Dr. Phil is wasting his time, this marriage will not turn out well, but it's good for ratings and it got me off the couch and registered onto his site to post so......it was a good show!

 

Jack is confused right now but things are becoming clearer day by day.  He will go along with this farce to get himself and his woman safely home.  A year from now he will come up with an even different plan.  Unfortunately the answer he comes up with a year from now won't be the right one either.  He really needs to learn how to just live his life and stop worrying about what she does.  In the end she will either come around or find her way to the door.  It's the kids that are important.  I know, I've been Jack.

 

Man camp indeed.  I got your man camp.  Don't do anything just because they ask you to, only do what is right, understand that there are WAY more fish in the sea and realize that the person you are with speaks volumes about the person that you are.  You want a better life, a better woman, a better situation, be a better person.  Don't feel like being a better person? (you're allowed) but then you must stop holding others up to standards that you yourself can not live up to, that's a childs issue.  Man camp is adjourned.

 
October 10, 2007, 4:34 am CDT

Sister In Law

Quote From: ldhkah

 Could you please email me what SIL means? I know it sounds completely stupid, esp. internet-wise, but I am curious...my email address is ldhkah@comcast.net.

Thanks, Lisa

Peace!!
 
October 10, 2007, 4:39 am CDT

Well There Is Good News!!

Quote From: esasmommy

I would like to thank you for your sweet words and insight.  I found myself crying throughout the show as the situation with Jack is one that I am in the midst of now with my fiance.  I am lost and broken and fed up.  But I truly understand where Danielle is and where your wife was.  I'm looking for hope and just doing my best to take care of me.  Thank you.  Thank you.
The good new is that he is your finance not your husband.  If he is controlling now just wait- It gets worse when he thinks that he owns you.  Don't marry this guy unless you get counseling together and you feel he is capable of change.  Otherwise it is easier to dump him now.  Good Luck to you!!
 
October 10, 2007, 4:47 am CDT

Wasn't that what Judas said?

Quote From: kamalibra

I just watched Dr Phil on TV flushing money down the gutter $200-300!! Wassup with that??

 

To me that was an equivalent of a an Obese person throwing away food!

 

Maybe instead, he could have jsut symbolicaly do that, and take the bottles back to the store, get bac the money and donate it to some childrens fund or any other network that helps children across the Globe..

 

That money could have saved atleast 30 children in a 3rd World...With Innoculations.. Tsk tsk

"Why waste the oil!  You could have given it to the poor."  I think that Judas really just wanted that money for himself.  I don't think he cared about the "poor."  Should Dr. Phil have given the booze to the homeless?  Sold it on E bay?  Let someone else nurture their addiction.  3rd world innoculations? 

                                                                                                                                                            Give me a break.

 

 
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