I agree 100% on everything you have said except that Jack's looks are unimportant. Perceptions play a huge factor in relationships. What was it I heard once? It is the person who cares the least who has the most power? There is the truth and then there is what we tell ourselves. The truth is that you know immediately who has the upper hand in a relationship based on their ability to leave when and if they want to. If Jack or any of these guys were unattractive men these women would have either broken them by now or left them long ago. In each case however it is clear to see that these men have "keeper" qualities about them and that is what begins the struggle for power in even the most functional of relationships. Add alcohol or drugs to that mix and it is a sure fire recipe for disaster as those things only provide us with an escape, excuse, or justification for our otherwise uncomely behavior.
I'm not saying that the men are innocent either. Often times men will pick or stay with women who they think they are below them on purpose just so they don't have to live up to any kind of standard either. This is a sign of insecurity and/or laziness even though the woman may be attractive or a good mother or have some other commendable quality, there can always be seen some major flaw that lets the insecure/lazy man off the hook from being all that he could be. As these men evolve into confident beings they will accept less and less of the manipulation that is being heaped upon them and eventually they will either leave or become real bullies.
The plan for now though is to break them by any possible means so that these women can have their cake and eat it too. I just hope that Doc is manipulating the situation the way that I think he is and not genuinely convinced that fixing these men is going to fix those women. At best all I can think that he can hope for is to show the men that they do not need to drop to such standards to keep that which does not deserve to be kept.
At the end of the day some people are just bad you know? Calling Jack or any of those other guys bully's is like calling a cornered rat a savage beast. Men love their children too, they want their families to stay together, they respect the sanctity of marriage, and they rage against anything and everything that threatens to do harm to those things. Our worst fault is that we may not or can not believe that there are women out there in the world who don't share these feelings with us when we finally do decide to commit and that when we run into them we don't know quite how to handle it. This is where the aggression begins.
Besides, bullies don't come to the Dr. Phil show. They don't keep their wives little secrets and they don't get confused about what to do next. On their way to becoming bullies? Maybe. But for right now I think that word is a little bit sensational to describe these men. I would rather think of them as severely uninformed and quite shocked to find that what they may have thought was the end of their rope has ended up yielding several more uncomfortable feet.
As far as respecting a woman goes, how does one respect a woman exactly? I would like to know your take on it. When I think of respect concerning anyone I am reminded of that quote from Natural Born Killers,
"Once upon a time, a woman was picking up firewood. She came upon a poisonous snake frozen in the snow. She took the snake home and nursed it back to health. One day the snake bit her on the cheek. As she lay dying, she asked the snake, "Why have you done this to me?" And the snake answered, "Look, b*tch, you knew I was a snake"
Saying that to say that in order to be respected, in the way that women like to use that word, one must first be respectable. It has to work both ways or someone is just going to get abused. There is a lot at play in all of these relationships on both sides and the respect, as I know it, is being given exactly according to the situations. The proper respect to give to a poisonous snake is to leave it be as it is a poisonous snake after all. Addressing only the men is only going to solve half the problem. In my opinion though someone just has to explain to everyone that conviction, a leg to stand on in the face of deceit, and the ability to stand proudly in the light of day is much more important in the long run than a hot bod, regular intercourse, or someone to pay half or all of the bills.
Yeah, I see the guys as the women in the little quote who picks up the snake, knowing it was a snake, and carries it home. A little stupid yeah, but their hearts are in the right place even if their heads are not.
Dr. Phil continues his work with three couples on the verge of divorce after less than one year of marriage. They say they want to be spared from divorce, yet once they are all under one roof they only whine and complain. Jim and Kim continue to fight, even on the morning of her birthday. Instead of a nice birthday greeting, Jim starts an argument with his wife because he thinks he’s the one who deserves “a present.” Dr. Phil gives Jim a taste of his own medicine –- some immersion therapy! Then, Karla claims she’s now permanently on the wagon, but Dr. Phil tells her that kicking an alcohol addiction just isn’t that simple. Plus, a role-playing exercise, a surprise for the wives and more! Talk about the show here.
