This is a very distrubing recollection of my own life and marriage. I was raised in a very abusive home and once married didn't not recognize the disfuntionality of such behavior. Jack seems equally unaware and possibly even unable to admit to the depths of his controlling behavior. He appears to be dangerous and while watching the program I had a very disturbing vision of Danielle with her neck slashes and her head caved in. I think Jack is that dangerous!
Only because I married an angel incarnate is my marriage still intact after 35 years. My wife endured horrible abuse and degradation at my hands for at least 16 years of our marriage. Our children also suffered immensly because of my insecurities, abusive and controlling behavior. Like Jack, I was unwilling to see the truth of my ways and felt threatened by anyone who tried to entervene on behalf of my wife and children.
If my guess is right, Jack cannot look himself squarely in the eye in a mirror. At least I know that I couldn't. I hated the way I was treating those I loved so much but, felt so totally helpless to do anything and unwilling to surrender the any of the power that the control of my family gave to me. Jack, you have to let go of the control if you are going to get well and make no mistake, you are very ill.
On the other hand I was so upset by Danielle that I wanted to scream at her through the TV set. During the entire show she resisted the realization that she doesn't have to live in that relationship any longer. She like my wife felt a need to protect her husband because she has become so accustomed to the abuse that she does not believe she can live without it. For her the abuse is a safe harbor, at least in her mind, but in reality it is disaster waiting to happen.
Danielle, you are beautiful. Your past is then and the future you are creating this very moment. Don't dwell in the past nor let Jack or anyone else put/keep you in the past. If Jack persists on doing so you should kick him to the curb because you will never get well with that kind of treatment going on in your life. I've been where you are. I have hated my past self and clung to it as if I would lose who I am by letting go.It drove me to several attempts on my own life. You don't want to let that happen to you because you are valuable to God, yourself, family and this world which would be changed for the worse if you weren't here! Every human being has an important role to play, a divine role given by God, including you!
I would also like to say to Kara that she must stop drinking! For 18 years I remained in an alcoholic stupor and looking back at my life realize that I can't even remember most of what happened. Do you really want that to happen to your life? To wake up one day and realize your whole existance has passed you by and you don't even have any memories of it? You will never do it by yourself though. You must accept help from a healthy source. Your husband is not such a source! He may become one some day but right now he is not. The success of AA relies on you to find a sponsor as well as building a support system of fellow recovering alcoholics and most of all a sponsor to whom you are willing to be completely honest and submission with regard to your progress toward recovery. You can do it, just not alone. One of the twelve steps is to find your "higher power." I found mine in Jesus. Maybe that doesn't work for you but it could because he doesn't judge you by what you have don't but rather who you are. God loves you and so do I and millions of others across the country.
Dr. Phil continues his work with three couples on the verge of divorce after less than one year of marriage. They say they want to be spared from divorce, yet once they are all under one roof they only whine and complain. Jim and Kim continue to fight, even on the morning of her birthday. Instead of a nice birthday greeting, Jim starts an argument with his wife because he thinks he’s the one who deserves “a present.” Dr. Phil gives Jim a taste of his own medicine –- some immersion therapy! Then, Karla claims she’s now permanently on the wagon, but Dr. Phil tells her that kicking an alcohol addiction just isn’t that simple. Plus, a role-playing exercise, a surprise for the wives and more! Talk about the show here.
