Topic : Debt

I have been trying to get out of dept for two years.  i had 15000. worth of credit cards that my husband did not know about.  I have work two jobs and have cut my spending a great deal.  Right now I am down to 4,000. and he still don't know about the cards.  I am so tired of hiding things I have about decided to tell him about the cards.  I have two mail boxs to keep the mail from going to my house and have an agitity attack when he goes home and gets the mail.  i have been trying to keep the bills paid but am behind on the truck payment and have not told him.  I need to set down and lay it all out but I am so afraid he will be angry i can't bring myself to tell him. 

im soo depressed not only are we behind in mortgage and car payments,but im having car trouble as well.i had to go to those pay day advance places just pay for my electric bill this month.i need help  and some days i just wanna lay down and die....:(

 I'm sorry for your trouble but I have a belief that things happen for a reason -even if it is to learn something- I realize it is very discouraging to be heavily in Debt but there is always an answer.

DH and I have recently refinanced our mortgage to pay off huge $16000 in CC debt  we had foolishly built up using it for car repairs, Vacation, birthdays, Christmas etc or anytime we didn't have the cash on hand. I know people such as Dr Phil/Suze Orman normally advise against this but as I see it, adding a little more onto our mortgage and having no credit card debt feels a hell of a lot better than forking out 5 or 6 hundred $ in CC payments each month and still ending up with the same balances 2 years later and being short for things like gas/phone/water bills and everything else. For us it was worth doing

Its something that just mades sense to us, since doing this we have sworn off using the cards, and started a budget to keep track of all our expenses and spending and we both stick to it.

We even talked to the kids and made the desicion that if we want to go on a trip to visit family we will save first and if we don't have the money we will go later. I guess what I'm saying is we have decided to simplify our lives.

That CC debt crept up on us over time and we really want to steer clear of making the same mistakes we did then. Having a plan definitely helps,so we decided to take an honest look at our finances  we started by adding up all our bills, figured out the grand total over a year, and divided by 26 pay periods it is a scary number but we will manage. I actually got the idea from another poster on here, and I had one of those AHA moments.

Next week when DH gets back from sailing(navy guy) we are going to open up a new account and pay ourselves by transfering say 400.00 for groceries/gas etc and never touch the other account except to pay the bills, I believe this will work for us and hopefully at least keep our utility's up to day. I will keep track of it all on our computer-excel is pretty good. the way we have it figured we will have enough saved to go visit our families at Christmas and not use those Credit card to do it.

I hate to say it and I know I wouldn't want to but if there is no way you can refinance/consolidate maybe you will have to look at Bankruptcy as an option, whatever you decide hang in there things will get better.

 

Good luck and try to keep your chin up...i think you can handle this

Since I have been married our finances have spiraled out of control. I have never owed so much money and every time I turn around we just keep getting in deeper. My wife just tells me everything is fine and not to worry. She even has her family tell me I am over reacting. We don't waste or use credit freviously and we still cannot get ahead. We both work but the debt keeps getting worse and any attempt I make to even deal with the problem is rebuffed as not needed. I feel like I am sinking and no one is listening. What can I do to mke my wife listen and improve our position in life?

I have watched shows specially Oprahs and have found out that one of the reasons why people shop is something(s) in their life has not been fulfilled and they are compensating.

 

If you finances are spiraling out of control, you had better apply the brakes real soon. 

 

You could also be the type of person that considers any amount of 'unneeded' spending 'out of

control' - you also must get in contact with yourslf.

 

Find all the credit card statements and analyze each one.  If your both working and the total debt is under 5000 - that can be paid off quickly - if both work on it.  You are going to have to deal with it and she will too and the sooner the better.

 

What are the two of you doing for your financial future!!!

Right up front, the fact that you had $15,000 in credit debt and are now down to $4000 is great news. You are on the right track with getting yourself out of that jam. I assume your husband is a very wise spender and your fear is that he will be so angry and disappointed with you for getting into such debt. Initially he might be, but what he will probably be more upset about is you concealing the truth-  the longer and the more you do it. Get rid of the those extra mailboxes - it keeps you in distress and all the hiding of the debt problem really causes mental and physical anguish for only YOU.

Obviously you have figured out how to get out of debt, because with only $4000 left, you are on the home stretch- this should mean something to you and your husband- if you tell him ASAP and stop playing these hiding games.

If you don't fess up (as hard as that might be) and he finds out for himself - the anger and feelings of distrust will be 100 times worse. Don't you think so? Also, living that way could snowball - and you could fall into it again - feeling as if you know how to get away with it.

You're hurting yourself more than anything.

 

I wish you lots of luck and remember this small proverb - one who hides a little, also ends up hiding more.

 

Karolina

ok, here's the deal.  I am 35 and my husband 50. We need financial help and I am getting frustrated trying to find what I'm looking for.  We have a lot of old debt that we need to take care of such as credit card (less than 1,000), a reposession (let the car go back to save $800mth), things on our credit report that need to be settled in order to improve our credit score.  We are in a lease to purchase in our home of which has been extended 3 mths to allow us to get financing.  The problem is we have to go "hard money" because we are at a 496 credit score, which means a huge mortgage payment.  But I"m not disheartened by the payment, we eat the bullet for a year or two and then refinance.  The problem is we also are constantly battling his ex wife in court (this will make the 4th time) for the same thing...MONEY!  So of course we have huge attorney's fees and each time we come to an agreement, she magically forgets the details and refuses to sign it so the judge throws it out and we start all over again.  What I would like is to go to someone and have them look at what income we have coming in, what obligations we have going out, lay out a strategy to get rid of the outstanding debts, and guide us on how we could have a savings and /or retirement plan or even a IRA so we at least get a tax break.  Everyone I have gone too has either wanted my first born child to even attempt a look at our finances, or they concentrate only on credit card debt or only on investments.  I want the whole shabang!  My local bank said they have limited services and would not be able to help.  Does anyone know where I should look or the correct term for the person I am looking for?  We have a 5 yr plan but at this rate I'll be dead before I get anywhere close.  My husband is of limited help where our financial mangement is concerned by choice (he is bipolar and likes to spend so he is on an allowance) which works for us in that respect.  When you look at our income and add his military retirement we should not be in the boat we are in.  I would appreciate any help you can provide.  Thanks!

My name is Denice and I am 38 years old and work full time as a Legal Assitant.  I have been married to my husband Walter for 5 yrs and we have been together for 8.  We have 3 children.  I have two from my first marriage and one through our marriage.  I found out about 3 weeks ago that our daily living expenses are not being paid.  When we first met he was such a great budgetor and took care of everying and we were always on top.  I come to find that this has been going on for a year.  WIth a family of four making 140,000.00 a year I can't see not paying daily bills and/or car payments.  We are now 13,000.00 behind in mortgage payments...utility bills are around 500.00 each and everytime I ask everying is o.k. until I went to refinance my car and found out about all of this.  Is it wrong for me to ask to see Bank Statements to question where this money is going especially if I write him a check every month for mortgage in the amount of 1,200.00.  The last 3 weeks have been horrible.  I feel lied to, deceived and just want to give up.  We have been speaking to a lawyer to file chapter 13.  At this time I don't think we have a choice.

I am a single parent and the way we single parents can be successful is to BUDGET, BUDGET, AND THEN BUDGET!!!!  As far as I'm concerned, the financial goals of many people can be met by good old fashioned budgeting every month.  Live within your means, save a little every month for that new fridge you will need a few years down the road, and those new tires you know your car is soon going to require.  I have budgeted for 25 yrs, raised kids, got them off to university, helped them as much as I could.

 

If you can make bigger or more frequent mortgage payments, do so.  Once I got the mortgage paid off, it was clear sailing from then on.  No, it wasn't easy and yes, it required lots of self discipline and committment, but it can be done - maybe easier than you think.

 

I have never allowed myself the luxury of not paying off a credit card in FULL at the end of the month, or the luxury of ignoring bills when they come.  Yes, there are other things I would like to buy but what I really need is financial peace of mind, which I have.  I am 52,  have no bills or mortgages and live on no more than $1500 a month.  I also have investments. To me, ANY debt is bad debt, except the mortgage.

 

I have neighbours who still budget by cashing their cheques and putting cash in envelopes marked "food", "gas", "mortgage", "light bill", "phone bill", etc. etc.  It has worked well for them for over 50 yrs - she didn't work, he drove an oil truck and they are retired and enjoying themselves in a second hand camper which they have had to the Alaska border and back.

 

BUDGET, BUDGET BUDGET - PLAN YOUR MONEY AND MAKE IT WORK FOR YOU, NOT AGAINST YOU - I know it can be done, I did it!!!  Yes, I have gray hair, but Walmart sells cheap hair dye...lol......

 

MF

Nova Scotia, Canada

Why would it possibly be wrong with you requesting the Bank Statement?  It is wrong for you NOT to see the Bank Statement.  I do not understand why women willingly hand over their hard earned money to husbands and just assume that everything is fine.