Topic : Debt

My goal for 9/1/05 is to have conquered my MINDLESS SPENDING and I discovered that I've been telling myself it's 10/1.  So I thought that I should just change the date until I realized that I needed to really ask myself WHAT IS KEEPING ME FROM MEETING THIS GOAL.  I didn't like the answer cause I just finished tackling my mom issues (she's a shopalolic and I wasn't strong enough to stand up to her verbal attacks so I planned how I was going to do it and did it).  Now, I have to tackle my very best friend/sister.  So now, I'm rev'ing myself up to face her and to change that too.  It's important that I stop allowing my need to not make waves cause I'll never get out of debt or have money in the bank.  The last tackling caused me to loan her $60 without thinking and now, I'm giving her $ every day for bread or something.  I have to put myself first and get myself on track here.  I'm 52 years old and I don't want to be 70 and be living day-to-day and if an emergency happens, I'm going to just live in the mess. 

I also named the "negative feeling/emotion" that causes me to get off-track and lose it.  Now, I have a plan in place and every day, I read it out loud when I brush my teeth.  Today, I even heard me tell myself those words.  So the reporgraming is working already.  That's because it's my truth and I've been hard at work learning my truths so they are firmly set in concrete and can't be touch! 

Hi Marcia - finally got my computer up an running and back online.  I have been reading your logs.  I feel very strongly that you are still beating yourself up over this finance problem.  Stop it!  Don't you know that when you fight with yourself - you always loose!!! 

You have to calm down and take it one step at a time.  If you foul up - ok - deal with it - don't beat yourself up.  Some of the things you are doing I feel is ok, but others might be causing you mental anguish.  True - it took time to get you where you were, but it's not going to be solved overnite - and I think that's what your trying to do. 

Where is your biggest headache or problem - get that under control first - this seems to be your spending - do you REALLY know why you do it??? 

What are all the variables - list them.                Rog 

One of the worst things that you can do is Not talk to the bill collectors.  Talk to them and tell them your situation.  Some bill collectors really don't care and some do.  If you should have any problems wiith them and I have had some - just tell them that their not listening and that your going to hang up - then do - wait a few minutes - call again - ask for a supervisor - tell them who said what and exactly what happened - it has worked for me. 

If you spend this college money for debts - what about your school bills - lets be smart and use common sense.   

You do have debts - fine - so don't get stressed out over what has happened - concentrate on what you are going to do about paying off these debts.  Remember these debts are not going to multiply unless you keep spending.  Taking out a loan is shifting debt - not elimanting it - arn't you going to college to get more educated - your not sounding to financially educated.  After you get situated what about a part time job - this particular school must have those opportunities.  Your debt did not accumulate over nite - and it won't go away over nite. 

Sit down and start using your Grey Manner - not your emotions.    Ok - Rog 

I'm taking my finances really slow right now.  When I tracked my daily spending in July and reviewed them at the beginning of this month, I was a little shocked by what I saw.   

1. Like the 4-6 hour shopping sprees are exhausting. 
2. That I have 2 separate shopping lists (1 that I write down & the other that is written by my WHAT I'M DOING NOW.  So I made a list of everything my mind is working on ... I call them THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD list ...  after a couple of times, I saw a pattern emerge.  Now, I review the list when I go to Walmart or K-Mart or $ stores.   I have finally been able to behave myself at the grocery store!

The doing the credit card consolidation and then writing the check to start it off was really hard for me.  I kept looking to make mistakes and really make my finances ever worse.  Or worse, life events just pulling a test on me. 

But I did write the check to pay off the 1 credit card.  It took me 2 days to get the energy & determination to do it.  I still feel a little uneasy - isn't that crazy - but it's my mindset!  I've been out of control for years & years.  But I'm going to do it.  I'm still using Suze Orman's steps now. 

September is going to be really hard on me because REALITY is going to set in and I'm not going to be really happy about it.  I got side wiped because I couldn't say no and it's going to hurt big time.   

But I'm learning and that's the main key Rog - I'm going to tackle this fear and move on.  At least this fear isn't too bad.  It's not like I've really ever tried to tackle it so I don't have years of BEATING myself up because I'm a loser or something.  But it's difficult because I do feel stupid - I mean some of the steps are really common sense stuff and I don't know where mine went to. 

Marcia 

4-6 hour shopping sprees - what Dear Woman are you doing to Yourself!!!   

Do not take this wrong - but you might be suze orman yourself to much - slooooow down - let yourself and your thoughts catch up with yourself...Por Favor. 

You have a fear that is not natural - but one that was created for you and you took over and made it worse.  Let September come - and when it comes - let it happen - and when it happens - look at what has been done and take care of things one at a time. 

You are not Stupid and quit telling yourself you are - this is what keeps a lot of people from achieving.  Where did your common sense go - it's being held down by your fears. 

Keep in touch - Rog 

Now that I finally tackled that tape/script that surfaced last year that kept making me revert to old behaviors - I can now take a nice deep breath!  It was a fear script I wrote as a child (I even have memories of it) and when I began to learn how to listen to what I was saying to myself, I kept having it raise it's ugly head.  I have finally broken out of my old negative life style at long last. 

And you are right that I need time off.  I have to pick up the pieces from this month's NAMING (that's what I call it when I name a script/tape so that I can face it and then challenge it).  I screwed myself up financially but I will be okay there.  I have a special journal that I write in just for my finances.  I write down what I've done wrong - what my thoughts are - my computations for chosing how I was going to pay off my debt, etc.   Like Dr. Phil says, we have patterns and believe it or not, this FEAR was and is something I experienced every summer.  I really think it started when I was 8 years old and that over the year, I added more emotions/feelings to it.  Until 1 day, it became like words I was telling myself but was really an emotional/feeling script/tape.  Yep, it sounds crazy but I'm very right brained and think in pictures.  In fact, I've been doing nightly visualizations to help me understand what I'm feeling and to help me erase this old no longer needed script in my life. 

My financial goal now is to clean up my FICO score - it went to hell when I took the early retirement and figure out my checkbook register once again.  I lost the balance again --nothing new there - but at least I have a plan and on Sunday/Monday, I will once again spend the days working on figuring out where I am (ONCE AGAIN) and putting me back on track.   At least now, I'm not going to experience that emotion/feeling as strong as I did this time. It was the last time cause I had a plan and now, it's in motion and it's already beginning to work. 

Take care Rog and thanks for the advice. 

Do me a small flavor 

Since you got suze ormans book 9 steps to finanical freedom, would you please list them and tell briefly what each one is.     Thanks 

                                                        Rog 

WHy can't you delete a title onthis new board???? Ok, . 

Conservation.  We are a military family on one income with a little that I bring in on occasion-sometimes more! I have committed to, since the increase in gas prices, one day a week without starting the van, 2 days a week with fewer than 10 miles travelled, and 3 days fewer than 20 miles travelled- one day is a free for all! We live in the country, so we have to get in the car to go anywhere- to give you an idea, if I want to buy a soda, I have to drive 12 miles. While this has limited our freedom of travel- I do have a cleaner house, a better stocked home, and more time to spend with the kids doing projects- plus we are using less gasoline, and money! And, if we run out of something on our no travel day, we just go without- which doesn't hurt us at all. With school around the corner, we will adapt our schedule. (My daughter will be in pre-K on M,W,F at a school 15 miles away, so we will just not travel at all on 2 days a week- no big deal-no busing of course) If you can just concentrate on NOT spending money, and work on the backlog, it will be ok- best of luck to everyone on our financial journeys! 

1.  Seeing How your past holds the key to your financial future.  She has 19 questions she wants you to answer and then have you think about your past.  It was a pretty good exercise for me because I do really well when I have to answer questions.   

2. Facing Your Fears and Creating New Truths.   

3.  Being Honest with Yourself.  I had to figure out what I had coming in and what I have going out.  Took me 2 months to be honest with myself. 

4.  Being Responsible to those you love.  Deals with wills & trusts; & insurances. 

5.  Being Respectiful of Yourself and Your Money.  I have to owe up to stuff like "do I spend money on people", "do I not return stuff to stores when I change my mind". Then it begins to teach me about 401ks & putting away for later.  And paying off my debt - I'm already working on that one.   

6. Trusting Yourself More than You Trust Others.  How to find a financial manager, the type of questions I need to ask, more stuff to learn about stocks & bonds.  And more importantly learning to trust my instincts. 

7.  Being Open to Receive All That You Are Meant to Have.  How I feel about money determines how open I am to receiving it. 

8.  Understanding the Ebb and FLow of the Money Cycle.  How to see the good when bad things happen.   

9.  Recognizing True Wealth.     

I really liked the first 3 steps because it opened me to looking and addressing my fears.  I had to spend time answering the questions and re-reading my answers to her exercises.   Luckily, I've done Self Matters & LIfe Strategies and it was rather easy for me until she told me to track my daily spending.  I have a will and so Step 4 is still unread.  I'm still working out handling my spending log.  The other keys are more into purchasing & getting into stocks & bonds. I still need basic help - so I chose to get another of her books:  The LAWS of MONEY -- she goes into more detail on how to cut back on my spending and get my day-to-day spending cut back.   The thing is, I don't know what questions I need to ask - but when I read it and at least attempt to do her exercise, I have something I can re-read until I work out the "fears/anxiety" this is causing me.  

Hell, my ex took care of the bills.  When we needed to fix the house, he would figure out how much I needed to give him to help defray the costs and I never really thought that credit card debt was bondage until I read it in her 2nd book.  I mean, I know it was like bondage, but when I read the word and associated the meaning to the word, I was shocked that was how I was living.  In bondage. 

Hi, if you want to correct the title -- BACKSPACE then you can delete, the HOME & END key works there. 

I too have cut back drastically on car gas - strange thing is, I'm paying more now for a 1/2 tank of gas and making it last 2 weeks.  It's going to get harder up here - they're talking about raising heating gas to $13 a mccf unit.  That means they figured out my budget amount wrong and I need to get it corrected as soon as possible. I'll send them $160 a month instead of the $148 that they are asking for. Maybe it won't be such a nasty situation next summer.  I sure hope so. If it increases, I'm going to have to work it out and make sure that I don't get hit with a really nasty bill next summer.