Topic : Debt

It sounds like a I hit a nerve with you. I have a tendency to do that when someone sounds like they are complaining or just looking for empathy... mainly because I've found that people who gave me empathy for my problems never really helped me but allowed me to go further into frustration and blaming my problems else where instead of looking at why I got into such a bad financial situation to begin with. Yes, it was all my own doing. Millions of people out there are so unprepared for financial problems and don't want to take responsibility for it. I made a great decision to change my situation, no matter what it took and I started with changing my biggest problem and this was my attitude.

It's time we all look at the condition of our ecomonic problems in our society and it starts with ONE person at a time.

There is a way to start getting from under all the bills and start saving money... but it does take time, effort and a lot of sacrifice. Many people don't want to hear that because we live in a society where we want things overnight ... self indulgence and instant gratification... that's how many of us get into debt in the first place. It's when something happens like a major medical problem or losing the job that opens a person's eyes.

I'm sorry if I offended you in any way, because this was not my intention. I was just responding to the way your OP sounded and it sounded like you were playing a blame game on this country and your state.

Maybe there are some of your bills you can completely do away or downgrade with by making an assessment of your real needs -vs- wants. Maybe you are familiar with all kinds of tips to start living an ultra frugal lifestyle -even for a temporary amount of time to get out of the situation you're in. I do understand what it's like - I've done it. Many people balk at the idea of going without a cell phone or canceling cable or satelite TV or driving a cheaper car or doing without their favorite more expensive name brand products and foods ...etc... and then they complain that they can't pay there bills or save money. What they don't realize is that those above "things" don't make life happier or even easier at times.

Also many people can sit around saying ... " I know, I know ... I wasn't born yesterday" But when it comes down to actually putting all of that into practice, they don't want to put forth the effort and they are afraid to change.

So be aware that all of this isn't direct at just you and your OP. It's a message that millions of other people may need to read.

Thanks

Karolina

hey there. i have also been separated from my husband for just over a year. I was 29 when we separated (actually he left us) with a 10 month old son. I had just started working fulltime nights and we had a ton of debt. Like your husband, he conveniently decided when and where he would work but absolutely needed a brand new truck. So, we made arrangements to each pay our share but it didn't work here is my advice to you. stop paying him your share each month. pay your share directly to whomever you owe the money. unfortunately it has been my experience that some men let their anger override their senses. And my husband just stopped paying bills that had my name on them because it would screw my credit as well. Unfortunately, he accomplished this and i am filing for bankruptcy, because i cannot work enough to support my child and myself as well as pay off over $20,000 in debt.

As for the debt consolidation loan, the worst your bank can say is no. I had done one before, so i know a bit, but you should still talk to your bank. I believe they need statements from each account about how much money you owe. They also need proof of income and employment (usually your last two paystubs) and sometimes your tax records from the year before. The fact that the accounts are behind doesn't matter and you have been paying regularly but just not getting ahead. A bank will usually look at that and not care. What they do care about is - can you make your payment to them? They will add up your income, and compare it to all your debts and cost of living and arrange for a payment that you can afford over a certain amount of time. (mine was 2 years). And with a debt consolidation, you can pay more than the set amount each month if you are able to. There is no penalty for wanting to pay it off quickly.

If you do want to talk about separation, or money stuff, or just talk, you can email me at latinsmama@yahoo.ca. In fact anyone that wants to talk can email me. Sometimes its easier to talk to people who can have a neutral opinion on things.

Aimee

In my case...CREDIT CARDS were like a drug..it was my form of HEROIN..my HIGH ....I excessively purchased things because I thought it would make me happy and feel good about myself..and my life.  .WRONG..it made DEPRESSED...  It also caused great ANXIETY..and SELF HATRED.

Once you get truthful..and really admit to the Debt....is when you really can make a change in your life!   I remember thinking...if I do not think about it...it will be ok.

For many years..I kept an ever rising pile of credit card debt from my entire family.....including my Husband.  I had 4 cards in all.....almost all maxed out. (My husband was aware that I had 3)

Every time the mail would arrive, I would feel this overwhelming depression, anxiety and fear (I was ashamed of what I had done...and worried my husband would find out). 

I decided it was time to return to full time work, with the intent of paying off my debt within 2 years.  Well...year 2 came and went...as well as year 3 and even part of year 4.  I had not only managed to not pay off any of my Credit Cards...I charged them higher..to the highest they have ever been!  I was barely making any dent in the amount..because of the HIGH interest rate I was being charged (one was actually 24.9%)!

After many many MANY requests from my husband,  to see my statements, I couldn't hold the depression, guilt and just plain dishonesty any longer.  I confessed...and it was HARD.  Disappointed but yet...still the caring and loving guy he is.....took me in his arms and held me as I sobbed.  After crying a bucket of tears, we sat down...and discussed how I could possibly drive us into such debt.  Honestly....I have very little to show for the amount I spent.  I truly believe that once you get so far deep....you kind of just loose it..and say..."What the Hell....I'm so far now...what difference does it make".  Its like every time you charge something...you know it isn't the right thing to do...you know its going to depress you more...but you do it anyway.  Self Abuse...Self hatred??

Long story short....we had to take out a second morgage on our home.  Everything we've worked so hard for...just because I was selfish...

Do I feel guilty...Do I feel remorse...Do I feel stupid??  Yes..Yes and YES....but I also feel relieved.  I held this "self Hatred" inside..causing me great anxiety, physical illness and doubt of self worth.  By confessing...I set my self free.  Like the great DR. says...you cannot change what you do not acknowledge...and that is sooooooo TRUE.

For me...I can never ever have another credit card available for me to use.  I cannot use it wisely.  I cannot use it responsibly.  I have realized and excepted that...

Never again will I let a little piece of plastic run and ruin my life.  NOTHING materialistic is worth that.

Hi there!

I can completely relate to you. If you are still in debt and need further one on one support please email me. Or if you are out of debt now and think you could be of help to others - I ahve some other support systems to help people - if you are interested. No strings.

Let me know

Karolina

kvl0428@yahoo.com

Hi Karolina!!

Yes..we are still in debt, paying off the second mortgage triple and some time quadruple monthly payments.  It makes a huge difference in the amounts paid towards principle...when the interest rate is 15% lower than what my Credit Cards were charging me.  We have a 3.5 year plan to have it cleared (even though the loan is for 15 years).  I will continue to work full time well after this debt is paid off..and we will use my income for investments, savings etc.

Today I feel good about where I'm at..but just like any addict, it takes time.  One day at a time.  I have to remind myself of the big picture (future) as opposed to the small picture (now moment) when I see something I think I want and ask..DO I REALLY NEED THAT??.  I have to remind myself of the pain, hurt and disappointment I went through..and realize the freedom I feel today.

Like I said in my previous post.  I will NEVER have a credit card in my possession again.  I will only pay by cash.   NO CASH...NO PURCHASE.

thanks for being on this board, helping people just like me get through this...and when my debt is paid off...hopefully I can do the same.

thanks again

I am a single mom of 2 boys and I lost my job a few months ago.  I have been looking for work, but no luck yet.  I am in a situation where I have very little money coming in and am desperate for work.  I just received notice that the credit union, where I have my mortgage through is, are going to forclose on my home.  I have 3 months to bring everything current and pay the legal fees.  If anyone has any advice for me I would love to hear it.  I don't want to lose my home.

Your statement that "you find it discouraging and unrealistic to ATTEMPT to adhere to any of the plans" written in the vast number of books you've read, sounds to me as if you haven't even tried.

My only advice to you, is the smartest book smart people out there only continue to make mistakes of any kind because they truly did not follow what "that book" said. They know it, but don't practice it.

I wish that my husband and I made that much money per year, but we survive very well on his income alone right now, because we decided that I am working at home as a domestic engineer(LOL). We are very happy and never struggle to make ends meet. It's been this way since I met him and we worked out a plan together. I was is major credit card debt when we met almost ten years ago. It took me almost five years of dedicated time, effort and discipline to get out of debt. I had lots of helpful advice from many books - where I made choices on what advice to follow through with and they worked for me. I changed my actions and attitudes about MONEY.

The main thing that most people who are middle class (as you say) probably need to change is the ongoing responsibility for their adult children. This is where many middle class families make a major mistake. Children need to start being raised with more ideals of gaining self responsibility for their own financial planning by the time they are eighteen-twenty. Not saying that you made this mistake, but as a whole maybe others can see the light with this advice.

I know plenty of people - who worked their way through college, supported themselves and didn't get a dime from their folks. My husband was one of them. His parents were very low middle class - almost poor. He was raised with a knowledge of experience to earn his way through anything on his own to live a completely independent life, by the time he was eighteen. 

If you follow a book called "the Complete Tightwad Gazette" for frugal living, I'm sure you know of it, then you really shouldn't have a problem living a grand life making 100 grand a year. I am a big frugal lifestyle supporter... I even have fun and a great time getting major bargains or even free stuff when I can.

The attitude and the actions are the key.

Karolina