Dr. Phil.com - Messageboards - Living on One Income

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embarrassed

August 8, 2006, 8:41 pm PDT

in the poor house

since my husband and i got married we have had only one income, either he was working or i was, and it has always been hard.. now we have 2 kids and it gets overwhelming at times.. we have only 1 car and it is dying on us... luckily we do get food stamps each month so I can feed my kids, that is the biggest help... But i want more...we have had to get credit cards like there is no tomorrow just to pay our bills with so they didn't turn off the electric and now all our credit cards are maxed out and we are stuck again. I had back surgery last yr and havent been able to return to work because of the pain i go through daily, so what do we do . I tried moving but i couldn't stand being away from my family, my mother adopted my oldest son * had him when i was 14* and i could not leave him here, while I was somewhere else. MY husband didn't have a good job there either... so we came home...still broke....I thought about starting one of those online business opportunites but I am so afraid of getting ripped off.... i would hate to lose money trying to make money....and my luck i would what money we have now all goes towards the kids anyway... which is fine, but i am tired of wearing clothes i had 5 yrs ago , that are too little and worn out... i feel like a bum... The house we live in my mom has to make the payment right now, because we can't afford too. She has done enough for me over the yrs, i feel like such a bad kid....but she won' t let her daughter or kids be without a home to live in and I love her dearly for that. Hopefully one day soon, it will all get better...

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mikegray

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August 9, 2006, 2:17 am PDT

Thanks.

Quote From: jl4ever

I married at 19 and a child followed quickly. I had a high school diploma and one semester of college. The time period was during the Vietnam War - for us late 60's and early 70's. My husband was in the airforce. We were in the Philappines at first and I couldn't get a job at the time. I quess I could have, but I didn't think I had the skills plus my husband began to act as if I didn't have a brain. When we were stationed at Edwards Air force in the middle of the dessert, I found a job 20 miles away. I used to drive 20 miles to work, 20 miles home, and then 15 miles to pick up my child at daycare (on the air base) and then home. My husband took the child there in the morning. I found a job working at a finance company. I didn't make much but it did help. The main thing it did was teach me that I did have skills (I took typing in high school so I could type my term papers in college). I had another child in California.

When we got out of the airforce, I did the same thing in my home town for awhile (the pay was less than in California). I left there after 18 months to work in a mortgage company. I made more at that job - not much but more. After 3 months, my boss quit and since he was the only commercial lender and they were not replacing him, I lost my job. As I left, I mentioned to someone in the building what happened and asked if they knew someone hiring. As turned out, she worked for an engineering firm and I went to work there making even more money. I worked there 7 years. Later my husband and I divorced and I was a single mom. I earned enough (barely) to support 2 kids. I had to fight for child support - but I did and I got it. I later married a wonderful person and was able to quit work and go back and finish college. Then I started working again doing what I did before and eventually found a better job and then a better job.

I guess the moral is to start off small - even if the pay gets wiped out to part-time status. Look at each job as a step on a ladder. Buy your work clothes at a charity thrift store - I've found some absolutely beautiful suits in them. Most work places now are casual wear.

Get rid of your checking account until you have more money. Don't use credit cards. Don't borrow money unless it's for a house. Your house payment should not exceed 25% of your monthly net take home pay. Fix up your old care until you can save money to buy a good used car. Pay cash. At first, everything will seem slow in coming, but step by step your income will rise. You have to just take that first step and commit to improving your situation.

Good luck,

jl4ever

I loved your wisdom. I plan on reading more of your posts. Some of our kind family out there is suffereing quite a bit. I think what you do is a blessing. Mike.

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jl4ever

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August 9, 2006, 5:41 pm PDT

Thanks

Quote From: mikegray

I loved your wisdom. I plan on reading more of your posts. Some of our kind family out there is suffereing quite a bit. I think what you do is a blessing. Mike.

Thanks Mike. I'm glad I helped someone. I continue to learn from all these posts, and they help me. Anytime I learn a new tip or can help someone w/my past experience, I will.

We're all trying to do our best in this world.

jl4ever

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kwindshawn

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August 21, 2006, 8:26 am PDT

Living on One Income

I have just one word for living on one income-IMPOSSIBLE!

While I watch my ex make twice what I do, plus his income with his new wife and he has the audacity to bitch about how poor he is. I go to school to better myself and hope for a better life, but I have my doubts. There are days I just want it to be over.....

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rayoflight

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August 28, 2006, 6:04 pm PDT

Living on One Income

Quote From: kwindshawn

I have just one word for living on one income-IMPOSSIBLE!

While I watch my ex make twice what I do, plus his income with his new wife and he has the audacity to bitch about how poor he is. I go to school to better myself and hope for a better life, but I have my doubts. There are days I just want it to be over.....

Nothing's impossible. It may be rough, but there are many families living on one income.

He really could be poor because he can't manage the money he makes. Look at some of the movie stars that spend most of their money. When they aren't successful in the industry, they end up going bankrupt. I have a friend that makes close to 6 figures a year, but the funny thing is, she is still living paycheck to paycheck because she wastes most of her money on unnecessary things. I actually have more money than she does and I don't make half as much as her, but I do budget my money.

It's not how much you make, it's how well you do at budgeting what you make.

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jl4ever

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August 29, 2006, 8:50 pm PDT

Living on One Income

Quote From: a21697

Here is the low down. I am single with one child, never married. I have never received child support even though a third party agency has located him. He dodges the system every time. I have a 9-5 job and try to work overtime every week. I have worked for the same corporation for 9 years. I get paid ok...not great. I have a cheap car-but a car payment. I cut my televison cable and pnly pay for high speed ( doing school part time online), i have the cheapest phone service (yes..i still have a cell). Also, I pay 100.00 a month for consolidated debt which should be paid off by March of next year. I still have to pay rent, electric, groceries, gas, car insurance, and a credit card payment. I am always behind. I dont go out to eat, I dont buy clothes, I rarely do anything that cost money because I cant afford it. My support system consists of one good friend that lives here locally. I dont know what to do. On top of that, my father is ill and I want to move back to Colorado. I feel paralyzed. I cant pay all the bills, I struggle and know there is no end in sight unless I change my imediate situation. I dont know how to do that. Any suggestions? Thanks for letting me vent. I could go on, and on, and on.

If the father of your child owns a house, put a lien (judgement) on his house for back child support. To do this, you go to an attorney. The first visit is usually free - keep looking until you find an attorney that offers this. Bring all you past paperwork to the attorney. The attorney will collect his fees out of what he collects from the father. Note that you won't be able to collect anything until he sells his house, but it should be worth the wait. In the meantime, make yourself WELL known at family court. Go down there on your lunch hour several times a week. Set up a meeting with the judge (get your attorney to file for a hearing) and explain how he has dodged the system and continue to fight, fight, fight for the child support that is rightfully due your child! I personally waited until my ex husband put his house on the market and then made my move (very silently). I collected $7000!!!! He was not happy - oh well. My children came first. I put that money into accounts in my children's names and it grew enough to pay for the college expenses. I did keep a little out to put aside for emergency funds (for when he was late and I needed to pay rent). Let me know if this helps!

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geohurl

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September 2, 2006, 4:31 pm PDT

What is fair?

My boyfriend of 1 1/2 yrs asked me to marry him, he then moved into my house. Prior to moving in he was paying $535/mo for a studio and was happy with it. We then agreed he would pay me $500 per month and for the first 2 months he would pay only $400/mo that would save him money and contribute to our household (I believe you have to pay wherever you live). He was aware that my house was paid off so I didn't have a mortgage but of course property taxes, association dues, utilities, food, etc. Whether this information is relevant or not I don't know but if my house was going to be rented the fair market rental value is between $3800 -$4000/ mo. and if I was going to rent a room in the house it would go for $700 to $800/mo. I felt $500 was reasonable and fair as his contribution, I wasn't trying to make money off of him but at the same time thought he should contribute a fair amount, less than where he was, plus the house is large, private, etc. Anyway, he just moved out and told me he thought the $500/mo was NOT fair and that I made out because I didn't have a loan on the house, he said he thought $200/mo would be fairer. Someone told him, (that doesn't know me or anything other than he pays $500/mo) that I was calculating and that the relationship will never work. Anyway, I want to do the right thing - I don't want him to feel he was taken advantage of in any way - he feels I could have given him more of a break. I never thought of it as rent because he is my boyfriend, I love the guy, but also didn't want him to be with me because he paid such a low amount per month. He has since moved back to his studio, not for this reason, and is paying $565/mo. Anyway, should I refund him some money that he paid to me while he lived with me?? He was here either 5 or 6 months. I want to do the right thing even though the relationship is over (it isn't over because of this but maybe it played more of a part in the break up than I realize).
Thanks for your response!

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jl4ever

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September 3, 2006, 7:37 pm PDT

Living on One Income

Quote From: geohurl

My boyfriend of 1 1/2 yrs asked me to marry him, he then moved into my house. Prior to moving in he was paying $535/mo for a studio and was happy with it. We then agreed he would pay me $500 per month and for the first 2 months he would pay only $400/mo that would save him money and contribute to our household (I believe you have to pay wherever you live). He was aware that my house was paid off so I didn't have a mortgage but of course property taxes, association dues, utilities, food, etc. Whether this information is relevant or not I don't know but if my house was going to be rented the fair market rental value is between $3800 -$4000/ mo. and if I was going to rent a room in the house it would go for $700 to $800/mo. I felt $500 was reasonable and fair as his contribution, I wasn't trying to make money off of him but at the same time thought he should contribute a fair amount, less than where he was, plus the house is large, private, etc. Anyway, he just moved out and told me he thought the $500/mo was NOT fair and that I made out because I didn't have a loan on the house, he said he thought $200/mo would be fairer. Someone told him, (that doesn't know me or anything other than he pays $500/mo) that I was calculating and that the relationship will never work. Anyway, I want to do the right thing - I don't want him to feel he was taken advantage of in any way - he feels I could have given him more of a break. I never thought of it as rent because he is my boyfriend, I love the guy, but also didn't want him to be with me because he paid such a low amount per month. He has since moved back to his studio, not for this reason, and is paying $565/mo. Anyway, should I refund him some money that he paid to me while he lived with me?? He was here either 5 or 6 months. I want to do the right thing even though the relationship is over (it isn't over because of this but maybe it played more of a part in the break up than I realize).
Thanks for your response!

Since you and he agreed to the amounts quoted above, you do not owe him anything. He probably moved in thinking he would get free rent, utilities, maid and laundry services, as well as other amenities. The fact that he paid $500 a month probably covered the additional utilities, food (?), etc. and this rent was better than fair market value. Count yourself lucky that you saw his true colors before you married him. As for as his friends' comments, remember "birds of a feather, flock together," so blow them off!!! You're one smart chick - just a different breed from the one that "flew your coop."

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catharelli

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September 11, 2006, 7:29 pm PDT

Not impossible....think possible

Quote From: kwindshawn

I have just one word for living on one income-IMPOSSIBLE!

While I watch my ex make twice what I do, plus his income with his new wife and he has the audacity to bitch about how poor he is. I go to school to better myself and hope for a better life, but I have my doubts. There are days I just want it to be over.....

I thought that way as well in the beginning.....not getting support, had a couple of jobs that didn't work out, etc. You need to contact your local churches and local government agencies for assistance if you qualify....some are based on availability and some on income. Write yourself a budget, my bills are simple, rent, electric, cell phone, car insurance, my insurance, food, child care expenses., no cable, home phone or internet (saves $110 a month) The more I kept it simple the easier it seemed month after month that I was able to make ends meet. I shop at Thrift stores, consignments, garage sales....no one needs to know....it's your business. It's the way most of us single moms coup with the realities that our checks don't quite seem to make it to the end of the month. I don't buy a lot of shoes or purses, but my children have nice clothes and shoes. Try making it a game to see how much you can save. Good luck

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mamajen21

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October 5, 2006, 7:37 pm PDT

Living on One Income

Quote From: rayoflight

Nothing's impossible. It may be rough, but there are many families living on one income.

He really could be poor because he can't manage the money he makes. Look at some of the movie stars that spend most of their money. When they aren't successful in the industry, they end up going bankrupt. I have a friend that makes close to 6 figures a year, but the funny thing is, she is still living paycheck to paycheck because she wastes most of her money on unnecessary things. I actually have more money than she does and I don't make half as much as her, but I do budget my money.

It's not how much you make, it's how well you do at budgeting what you make.

How do you budget??? My boyfriend and I have been living together for 4 years, we have a 3 year old son and a 1 yr old daughter. Every two weeks he gets paid $950, rent is $720 food is about $300-$400 per month (including diapers and toiletries), gas is $40 per month and electricity is $80 a month, then there's phone, $30, and internet, $45. It seems any extra money we have is "wasted" because we also want to have a life. We'll take the kids to a park and buy lunch and ice-cream, or we'll drink one weekend, or get take out, or some little reward, you know. Right now we should really be saving for our wedding, but how can we? We only get to buy new clothes about 2-3 times a year!! We used to save half the rent from both checks but we screwed up once and havn't been able to get back into that. And to top it all off, we are in debt about $3000!! How do we get on track? Plus, we are on subsidized housing, if I got a job, our rent would go up and the child tax benefit payments would go down.

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Topic : Living on One Income

in the poor house

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Living on One Income

Living on One Income

Living on One Income

What is fair?

Living on One Income

Not impossible....think possible

Living on One Income