Topic : Money Saving Tips and Tricks

Have you ever lent money to a "friend" or relative, not just $20, a significant amount?

Or have you been on the other side of things and needed to borrow?

My husband and I lent friends a mid-4 figure amount.  To give  a little background, we met them in Nov 2004.  For the first year we were good friends we did things almost every weekend together, our children played together, it was nice.  But around a year later I started distancing myself from "j"  we saw each other more often than the husbands did because I noticed she was a "taker". I wasn't getting much back from the relationship.   The husband , we'll call him "N"  emailed my husband early Oct 06 and asked to borrow the money.  He said they had gotten behind in their bills and this would really help them out,  but he wanted to keep it between them,  the 2 men.  (we do not know what this money really went to pay for because my husband never asked specifically and they don't offer info up) My husband said ,  no,  he would have to discuss it with me first  so he should also tell his wife, we'll call her "j".   My husband and I talked about it.  About the fact that we gave them a reliable car not a year before, Dec 2005,  but we felt bad for them and we agreed to LEND it.  Just to clarify, we are fortunate enough to be able to lend this amount. We are debt free with credit cards, we have significant savings, collenge funds for the kids,  we are in a good place financially.

We went away on vacation a couple weeks later and were gone for 3 weeks.  After giving them the check , before we left, my husband had sent them the terms of the loan.  They had to let us know when they would be paying us back, over when period of time, etc and my husband gave them some options to choose from.  We arrived home from vacation and no repsonse,  my husband emailed and it took them another week or 2,  but finally they said starting April 2007 they would pay monthly for 3 years.  They signed a contract in Feb stating that.

The contract did not state the exact date of the month that the payments were due to us. SO April 2007 came and went and our 1st payment arrived May 2nd. 

Today, June 22 2007 and we have not received May payment.  My husband emailed "N" on June 13, giving them the benefit of the doubt, "  I"m sure it's an oversight,  but we haven't seen the May payment blah blah blah.  He emailed back and said it was set up thorough the bank as an auto payment and he would contact the bank to see what the issue was. 

On June 20th - one week later, we receive another email that "j" looked into it and cannot see what the issue was with the back,  so he would take a look when he arrived home that day.

No response yet,  but my husband sent "n" a note today that they could just give us a manual check for now.

I told my husband that this is crazy.  I know you should never lend money to people.  I know it changes the relationship.  I am actually ready to terminate this relationship,  but I expect to get paid back on principle. 

"J" has also infiltrated a lot of my life, moms groups I belong to, she has become "good" friends with a couple of my close friends, she joined my gym - I switched now ..... you get the picture.
AND

They owe us this money and they send their son to a private school that costs over $10,000 a year,  but they receive SIGNIFICANT financial aid,  it's not free for them,  but I know they pay something.  The schools in our area are GREAT,  my son goes to public school and it's amazing.   She is going to a mommy group dinner this week,  I was supposed to go but don't want to spend time  with her. She is talking about vacations to visit her husbands family in Europe (although they have talked about this for as long as I've know them and they have not gone due to financial issues,  although she would never say they can't afford it)   She says alot of this stuff to my mom's group, like going to visit a friend in TX for a week,  buying pricey skincare products,  all the while she owes us this money.

I don't like the space it's taking up in my brain and all the time I spend thinking about it.

AHH!  What's your opinion?

Have you ever lent money to a "friend" or relative, not just $20, a significant amount?

Or have you been on the other side of things and needed to borrow?

My husband and I lent friends a mid-4 figure amount.  To give  a little background, we met them in Nov 2004.  For the first year we were good friends we did things almost every weekend together, our children played together, it was nice.  But around a year later I started distancing myself from "j"  we saw each other more often than the husbands did because I noticed she was a "taker". I wasn't getting much back from the relationship.   The husband , we'll call him "N"  emailed my husband early Oct 06 and asked to borrow the money.  He said they had gotten behind in their bills and this would really help them out,  but he wanted to keep it between them,  the 2 men.  (we do not know what this money really went to pay for because my husband never asked specifically and they don't offer info up) My husband said ,  no,  he would have to discuss it with me first  so he should also tell his wife, we'll call her "j".   My husband and I talked about it.  About the fact that we gave them a reliable car not a year before, Dec 2005,  but we felt bad for them and we agreed to LEND it.  Just to clarify, we are fortunate enough to be able to lend this amount. We are debt free with credit cards, we have significant savings, collenge funds for the kids,  we are in a good place financially.

We went away on vacation a couple weeks later and were gone for 3 weeks.  After giving them the check , before we left, my husband had sent them the terms of the loan.  They had to let us know when they would be paying us back, over when period of time, etc and my husband gave them some options to choose from.  We arrived home from vacation and no repsonse,  my husband emailed and it took them another week or 2,  but finally they said starting April 2007 they would pay monthly for 3 years.  They signed a contract in Feb stating that.

The contract did not state the exact date of the month that the payments were due to us. SO April 2007 came and went and our 1st payment arrived May 2nd. 

Today, June 22 2007 and we have not received May payment.  My husband emailed "N" on June 13, giving them the benefit of the doubt, "  I"m sure it's an oversight,  but we haven't seen the May payment blah blah blah.  He emailed back and said it was set up thorough the bank as an auto payment and he would contact the bank to see what the issue was. 

On June 20th - one week later, we receive another email that "j" looked into it and cannot see what the issue was with the back,  so he would take a look when he arrived home that day.

No response yet,  but my husband sent "n" a note today that they could just give us a manual check for now.

I told my husband that this is crazy.  I know you should never lend money to people.  I know it changes the relationship.  I am actually ready to terminate this relationship,  but I expect to get paid back on principle. 

"J" has also infiltrated a lot of my life, moms groups I belong to, she has become "good" friends with a couple of my close friends, she joined my gym - I switched now ..... you get the picture.
AND

They owe us this money and they send their son to a private school that costs over $10,000 a year,  but they receive SIGNIFICANT financial aid,  it's not free for them,  but I know they pay something.  The schools in our area are GREAT,  my son goes to public school and it's amazing.   She is going to a mommy group dinner this week,  I was supposed to go but don't want to spend time  with her. She is talking about vacations to visit her husbands family in Europe (although they have talked about this for as long as I've know them and they have not gone due to financial issues,  although she would never say they can't afford it)   She says alot of this stuff to my mom's group, like going to visit a friend in TX for a week,  buying pricey skincare products,  all the while she owes us this money.

I don't like the space it's taking up in my brain and all the time I spend thinking about it.

AHH!  What's your opinion?

Have you ever lent money to a "friend" or relative, not just $20, a significant amount?

Or have you been on the other side of things and needed to borrow?

My husband and I lent friends a mid-4 figure amount.  To give  a little background, we met them in Nov 2004.  For the first year we were good friends we did things almost every weekend together, our children played together, it was nice.  But around a year later I started distancing myself from "j"  we saw each other more often than the husbands did because I noticed she was a "taker". I wasn't getting much back from the relationship.   The husband , we'll call him "N"  emailed my husband early Oct 06 and asked to borrow the money.  He said they had gotten behind in their bills and this would really help them out,  but he wanted to keep it between them,  the 2 men.  (we do not know what this money really went to pay for because my husband never asked specifically and they don't offer info up) My husband said ,  no,  he would have to discuss it with me first  so he should also tell his wife, we'll call her "j".   My husband and I talked about it.  About the fact that we gave them a reliable car not a year before, Dec 2005,  but we felt bad for them and we agreed to LEND it.  Just to clarify, we are fortunate enough to be able to lend this amount. We are debt free with credit cards, we have significant savings, collenge funds for the kids,  we are in a good place financially.

We went away on vacation a couple weeks later and were gone for 3 weeks.  After giving them the check , before we left, my husband had sent them the terms of the loan.  They had to let us know when they would be paying us back, over when period of time, etc and my husband gave them some options to choose from.  We arrived home from vacation and no repsonse,  my husband emailed and it took them another week or 2,  but finally they said starting April 2007 they would pay monthly for 3 years.  They signed a contract in Feb stating that.

The contract did not state the exact date of the month that the payments were due to us. SO April 2007 came and went and our 1st payment arrived May 2nd. 

Today, June 22 2007 and we have not received May payment.  My husband emailed "N" on June 13, giving them the benefit of the doubt, "  I"m sure it's an oversight,  but we haven't seen the May payment blah blah blah.  He emailed back and said it was set up thorough the bank as an auto payment and he would contact the bank to see what the issue was. 

On June 20th - one week later, we receive another email that "j" looked into it and cannot see what the issue was with the back,  so he would take a look when he arrived home that day.

No response yet,  but my husband sent "n" a note today that they could just give us a manual check for now.

I told my husband that this is crazy.  I know you should never lend money to people.  I know it changes the relationship.  I am actually ready to terminate this relationship,  but I expect to get paid back on principle. 

"J" has also infiltrated a lot of my life, moms groups I belong to, she has become "good" friends with a couple of my close friends, she joined my gym - I switched now ..... you get the picture.
AND

They owe us this money and they send their son to a private school that costs over $10,000 a year,  but they receive SIGNIFICANT financial aid,  it's not free for them,  but I know they pay something.  The schools in our area are GREAT,  my son goes to public school and it's amazing.   She is going to a mommy group dinner this week,  I was supposed to go but don't want to spend time  with her. She is talking about vacations to visit her husbands family in Europe (although they have talked about this for as long as I've know them and they have not gone due to financial issues,  although she would never say they can't afford it)   She says alot of this stuff to my mom's group, like going to visit a friend in TX for a week,  buying pricey skincare products,  all the while she owes us this money.

I don't like the space it's taking up in my brain and all the time I spend thinking about it.

AHH!  What's your opinion?

 Hi everyone,

      I'm in a delema. I am currently out of work and have applied for social security benefits. In the mean time, I am falling apart. It's almost August and I ahven't had much money come in here since December. I do get food stamps and also $100.00 a month.  $100.00 a month just doesn't cut it. It's not even close. My phone has been shut off and pretty soon so will the gas and electric. I'm at my wits end and scared to death.

      Does anyone know of a really good site to go to for an online job. It must be approved by the Better Business Bureau. I have checked and there are soooooo many that I am confused. I really need to make some money fast. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

      Thank you for listening. Any help will be much appreciated. ;)

Don't use Netflix. Get a local library card. They often have movies, sometimes at only 25 cents per day rentals, of the newer movies too.

Don't wate your time using the phone directory. Dial 1-800-FREE 411. You'll have to listen to an ad, but then you get the number for free. (or go to www.whitepages.com)

Not to say the original list did not have a lot of good advise however, I agree w/ the don't use netflix and don't use the phone directory comments above. 

Also instead of worrying about paying credit cards on time just don't use them.  Credit card companies often play games such as switching the dates they are due or giving you a minimal amount of time to pay them to trick you into paying late.  Unless you actually go to the post office and pay money to have it tracked (aka certified or other types of mail that cost more than regular mail) it is hard to prove.   Not to mention additional wasted money (and time)such as having to waste gas driving bills to the post office because they are on the brink of being charged late fees or paying for certified mail.   Cash is just easier and besides unless it is a house /condo if you can't pay for it with money you have, then you shouldn't buy it.  

Also store cards are a bad idea and so are sales in many cases.  Although they appear to save you money they often don't.  Sale items are only a good deal if they are actually on "sale" and actually cheaper than store brands, which they usually aren't.   Also if you are not going to realistically use a sale item then it is bad purchase.  I know a lot of people who waste a ridiculous amount of money on "sale" items that they never actually use, except to clutter up their homes and prevent them from finding things they actually need and use.   Store cards are also a bad idea because they target you psychology.  I generally don't shop at stores that have store cards, rather I go to stores that make sales avaiable to everyone.  

When I purchased my home back in 1997, I picked up a brochure at the bank on ESCROW.  The AHA moment came when I realized that I could do the same for myself.  So I went home and made a list of what my yearly bills were going to be:

1. Car Insurance, House Insurance, Life Insurance, Dental Insurance
2. Water & Sewer
3. Vacation
4. Home Repairs
5. Car Repairs
6. House payment
7. Property Taxes

I then totaled up the amounts and divided it by 26 (the # of paychecks I get in 1 year).  Then I went to the bank and opened up a savings account.  Had the bank transfer the AMOUNT into the ESCROW account every pay period.

It took a while to build up the ESCROW; however, it was wonderful when at 6 months, I was paying my car insurance at one time.

The house payment was easier too!  Instead of 1 large payment, I had it split up.  All I had to do was transfer the monies back into my savings and write a check.

NOTE: there are 52 weeks in a month, and I got paid every other week which meant I had 26 paydays in a year.  2 of those checks helped me to build up my ESCROW account and I had the extra monies to help me pay for emergencies or a vacation or a new TV at the end of the year.