hello everyone,
i need some advice.
i'm 32 years old and i've never had any debts. until a few months ago, when i started to build up debts because of my mom.
my mom sold her house about 7 years ago and got a really good price for it. Now, all the money is gone and she even managed to build up debts. because of the fact that she has to make payments every month to pay off her debts, she kinda obliged me to pay several things for her. i'm paying for her groceries every time and she asks me money a few times a month.
the thing is, i'm single and i have only about 1,150 euros a month on my paycheck. my mom has a pension of 1,300 euros a month.
i used to be able to save some money each month. now, i had to give my mom all of my savings plus pay some of her utilities. since i don't make that much money a month, i'm now also in debt and i have no clue how to get out of it. my debt is now about 1,100 euros and my mom still has to pay off about 5,000 euros. it may not seem a lot, but i've never had debts and i'm freaking out. especially because i still have to pay for my mom.
last month she asked me for money, which i didn't have. turned out she did only pay half her rent. she's renting an appartment of my best friend. when i confronted her with the fact that she didn't pay her rent she just replied "you didn't give me money so i didn't pay the rent". so i immediately took money of my creditcard for her to pay her rent. when i tell her that i'm in debt because of her she just says that it will be better some day.
next month, she's moving in with me because of her debts. she has now right from the start that i wasn't fond of that idea and that i might even move to another area myself within a few months. but she still gave notice, knowing that i wouldn't let her live on the streets. so now, i can't even move myself, allthough i was supposed to move in with my best friend.
i asked my mom how it's possible to get in so much debt and she said that WE are living a life WE can't afford. i have nothing to do with it, but she makes me feel like she's in debt because of me. she used to go to switzerland twice a year for two months but she doesn't feel like that's the thing that got her into debt.
yesterday, she asked me for money to pay for christmas eve. she had a budget which she saved for during the year, but she now has used almost all of that money and needs me to pay for it. i don't have it and now i'm scared she won't pay her rent again allthough i told her that i would never speak to her again if she would not pay my friend again. i'm scared that she will ruin the relationship with my friend.
she knows she gets more money a month than i do, but still expects me to pay for lots of things.
she and my brother don't get along and she cut him out of her will for as much as she legally can do because she wanted to hurt my brother where it will hurt him the most: money. i told her that she had to change her will again because now she's hurting me. when something happens to her tomorrow, i will be the one who has to may off her debts. she just told me that i just had to refuse the heritage.
i can't get through to her. i'm so stressed out because of these debts that i get sick all the time. i can't tell my friends because i'm embarassed because of my debts which aren't even my fault. my best friend now thinks i don't want to move in with him and i can't tell him i want to move in because then i would have to tell him about the debts. i've been thinking about selling my car to pay off my debt and my mom's, but i need my car to get to work since there is now public transportation that goes to my working area. i know that if i would tell my friend about the debts, he would pay them off for me, but i don't want that. i couldn't not live with the fact that i'm having debts with a friend. i would feel bad every time i would go out for a drink because i would be spending money that i'd better give him. (allthough i don't even have money to go for a drink right now)
there are times that i don't eat just in order not to spend money. i don't go out because i can't even afford to pay for a drink. i spend weekends at my friends' house and he keeps asking me to move in. but i can't afford to pay rent for me and him because i wouldn't want to live at his place without paying rent.
i don't know how to get through to my mom and i have no idea how to pay off my debts. i feel lost and alone and i can't get my life back on tracks because of these debts.
i need advice on how to pay off my debts, how to get through to my mom that i can't pay for her anymore and how to get rid of the shame i feel about my debts.
i hope i'm making sence here and i hope that some one can give me some advice.
