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Topic : Arguing Over Money

Number of Replies: 566
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:22:45 am
Author : dataimport
Is money the central argument in your home? How do you keep money from becoming a huge problem in your marriage? Tell your story.

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October 2, 2005, 9:51 pm CDT

No - You are not wrong to think that way!!!

Quote From: thompson23

Should newlyweds buy or rent? 

My spouse is wanting to buy a home(his dad's rental home...next door to his dad..) 

. I am wanting to rent a house or an apartment, for privacy and finanical reasons. 

Buying a home you have to have a down payment ,title fees, etc etc.  

We don't have perfert credit and I don't think now is the time. He thinks 

renting is throwing money away. I agree but disagree. You throw money 

away on taxes,interest and the such. But renting we could save money 

for the down payment,work on our credit for a better rate, and spend time 

finding out what we really want.  

  

He wants to buy period. I listened to him; and he listened to me. He says 

we'll rent because I won't give up, basically. I want a decision based on each' 

other not just him or me. I think we should make responsible decisions together. 

I'm not saying renting forever. Maybe a year or so. To get things going.  And understand 

more about where,how big,the financial part, and so on.  

  

We are living in one of his dad's rental places. His dad is next door,literally. And it drives 

me insane. Am I wrong for wanting a private place away from in-laws? His dad has his own 

business as a backhoe operator. He is constantly calling and beating our door down 

wanting him to help him on sat. and sun. And before he goes to work. We don't pay his 

father rent. I think we shouldn't have to but its not my place to say, i understand that. 

 My family values are different,though. 

I think working sun up to sun down isn't a way to lead a family. I don't want to do business with 

his family. Family and business don't work. Plus, He's next door! He knows what and when we do things. Besides, His dad doesn't know whether we can 

buy this place or not. One day we can ...next day we cant. 

I want to move. And my husband doen't want to unless we can buy. Am i wrong 

for thinking this way? 

  

You two are newlyweds and unless ya have got a pile of money in that it won't be any problem, then it's best to rent.  Both of you need your space and privacy.  You don't need anyone barging in whenever and doing whatever. 

  

Rent for a couple of years till your settled, save some money, and then when you can afford to pay a mortage and it won't be a strain, then buy a house That you can afford. 

 
October 6, 2005, 12:49 am CDT

money and divorce ... and remarrying

OK, this was the closest thing I could find dealing with money and marriage. Except there are kids involved with my question. My boyfriend's dad left maybe 13 years ago. He didn't pay child support but he would buy things for my boyfriend's younger brother. He has since remarried and everything he buys goes into his new wife's name so that it's not connected to him. My boyfriend has told me that the government is after his dad for money so it's not possible for his mom to go after him for back child support. I was just wondering if maybe any of you might know. Thank you.
 
October 6, 2005, 4:52 am CDT

Arguing Over Money

Quote From: vwrabbit84

OK, this was the closest thing I could find dealing with money and marriage. Except there are kids involved with my question. My boyfriend's dad left maybe 13 years ago. He didn't pay child support but he would buy things for my boyfriend's younger brother. He has since remarried and everything he buys goes into his new wife's name so that it's not connected to him. My boyfriend has told me that the government is after his dad for money so it's not possible for his mom to go after him for back child support. I was just wondering if maybe any of you might know. Thank you.
She needs to file with social services- deadbeat dads need to realize they have to pay up- the gov't had to pay for the things he didn't and now its time to collect. If you know his address and ss#, the agency will find him----good luck-
 
October 7, 2005, 9:05 am CDT

Arguing Over Money

Quote From: connolly2

so here is the issue.... My wife and I have been together for 16 years and married for 11. I love her to death and we have 2 beautiful children in San Diego. Sounds good but here is the issue. The schools here suck and it is sooooooo expensive here to live.

 

 

 

 

 

She is a stay at home day care provider (55 hours a week) and makes just enough for us to be 700 in the hold every month. She is getting another job at night 15-20 hours a week just so we can live hand to mouth. We have a couple 100 grand in equity and I want to move to a place that is better for education and for family life. She could stay home with the kids and never have to work again but there is a catch holding this whole modern day utopia from happening. Her mom and her need to say in San Diegono matter how good the benefits of moving are.

 

 

 

 

Her standard response to moving is that she will NEVER leave her “FAMILY”, her mom basically (I thought her husband and children were her family) and I will never leave San Diego no matter how bad is.

 

 

 

 

Her parents are functional alcoholics (love them to death but they are what they are) her and her mom are total co-dependants and I just wish for once she would pick her true family(the one’s she gave birth to and the one she said I do to) first consideration. I just needed to vent

 

 

 

 

Thanks

 

 

 

 

Any suggestions on dealing with it….. God would I love Dr. Phil to give her a call and ask her

 

 

 

 

 

 

“So you priority is family and location but now your working 75 hours a week so you see neither your family or the location,,,,,,   HOW”S THAT WORKING FOR YA?”

 It sounds like there are a few things going on here.  First, If you're working full time and your wife is working more than full time, there's really no reason why you should be $700 in the hole every month.  I think some people get used to a certain lifestyle and they become consumed with "material" possessions.  Look at your budget and see what things you can live without.  It may not be "ideal" but I'm a firm believer that family comes first. 

How many children do you have?  Are they attending a public or private school?  If they are in a private school, that can get expensive fast!  What about homeschooling?  It may sound difficult, but it really is not.  I know there is still a cliche when it comes to homeschooling, but get some info.

As far as moving goes, I really think if you look at your budget and there isn't anything that you could live without (BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF!), I think your wife really  needs to put the needs of her family (meaning you and your children) first.  That is her (and your) first obligation.  Maybe her parents can move along with you. 

The last thing is that you say you have a couple hundred thousand in equity.  Whether you  move or not, use that money to get out of debt and lower the amount of outgoing bills every month.  That's huge.  Try to consolidate your  debt.  This is my advice, although I don't claim to be an expert.  I would need more information to go on to try to help you anymore.
 
October 7, 2005, 9:52 am CDT

Arguing Over Money

Quote From: renagade

Your arguing about money is because you don't have any.  Did the two of you REALLY make a concious decision or was there hesitancy on either of your parts.  Sounds like this was done without really realizing the impact that would ensue.   You don't cut a life line that is needed.  When you can't pay for essentials - then that is proof that it was a Bad decision. 

  

My advice is too sit down look at the entire situation, and then get a full time job - maybe a different shift - so one parent is always home. 

 I agree with everything you said, except for one thing.  They aren't arguing about money because they don't have any.  It doesn' t matter how much money you have, there will still be arguments over money?  WHY?  Because unfortunately, the trend is the more you make, the more you spend.  Some of the wealthiest people I know still fight over money and are in debt to their necks.  They start  out "poor", and then gradually the more money they make, the more things they think they neeed, until they can't stretch their money any farther. 
 
October 7, 2005, 12:11 pm CDT

family, money, inheritance and choices

to all those out there who have ever dealt with family and money issues, i would greatly appreciate any insight you could give me in this respect.  

my sisters and i are going through a difficult time in that my father has made some poor choices in regards to a family business of 55 years. i worked 13 years in this business until such time that my fathers then girlfriend made it impossible for me to continue working here any longer, my father being who he is accepted her decision and bent to this womans desire to have his family "out of here". after 10 years with that woman he met another who seems to make him very happy and she inturn has done much the same thing. both this and the previous girlfriends have seen fit to go through the business and remove items of value, sell them and take the money for their own use with my fathers permission. her family and her wishes have taken presidence over the wishes of my sisters and me. my father inherited the family business from his mother and has inturn not take care of the property in many ways.. now, having sold the property, he has invited his girlfriend to take first pick of several antiques, again making the choice of her wishes over that of my sisters and mine.  

there are other issues that bother me as well.. things like hearing her threaten to leave him if he doesn't comply, that my sisters and i don't deserve these things as they are not really ours and his to give to whom ever he wishes and when she put her foot down again with him, he then stated.."I will buy you anything you want now.. you just name it and it's yours." i have to say.. i am hurt to hear this as he has never come close saying that kind of thing to my sisters and i. it is a slap in the face to think he values her presence in his life more than my sisters and i. he has and will be paying for cosmetic surgery, taking #20-50,000 trips around the world with her, has invested a good deal of money in new businesses for her and purchased her a condo on the water in florida, paying bills, and giving her an allowance. 

i am hurt and angry about all of this, about how selfish i feel his actions are..and the real issue at the moment is the antiques now in question. this girl friend has choosen several items and is threatening to leave my father if he allows me to have one of them. i am most angry and hurt at my fathers choices in all this. i don't want this to be about money, i feel it is more about what i consider family heirlooms and things that i have grown up with.. i guess the biggest question i have is do i keep allowing him to make me and my sisters second to his fears of being alone later in life. do i accept his continuing to squander any monies he may get from the sales of family items, giving them to whom ever the flame of the year is.. and is there anything i can really do besides get over it and go on with my life and not feel so hurt and rejected by my own father.  

i must say.. this is not an isolated incidence with my father and his choices in regards to his money and girlfriends, even when we were teenagers, he would stay out til all hours of the night with his then girlfriends, coming home at 4am, sleep til noon then leave for "work" and not come home again til 4 am in the mornings.. he was still married to my mother then.. and i could not have been happier when they got divorced.  

well this is quite a catharisis and i haven't known where else to go as this is eating me apart and my family is extremely mixed about things.  

one sister (much like my father) ignores most things 

the second sister is bitter and angry with my father and EXTREMELY confrontational about the whole thing and has a very well defined view of how my father "should" behave. 

me.. i want to keep the peace and do the honorable thing for my family. (go figure) 

soo.. i will now gladly hand over the floor and wait any insight others can give me in regards to this issue, 

  

many thanks, 

 
October 7, 2005, 1:30 pm CDT

How to get my husband to budget

ok here are the facts: I am a stay at home mom, this was a choose made by my husband and I before we had our second child, so i could stay at home with both kids while my husband was depolyed. well the agreement was to budget or money and when he got back and our son turned 1 i would get a job...( he's back)  Every time he gets paid he takes 200.  out of our account for no reason, then i pay the bills with the remaining money, by the end we have less then 100 to live off of until his next paycheck..  Now he is pressuring me to get a job. but that wasn't the deal and my son isn't one, were about to move and i will have to search daycares in a new place i no nothing about. I understand that he brings the bacon home but i cook it serve it and clean up after it, so i should have some say in the money begin sent. i'm afarid to get a job because if he cant budget now then me getting a job is pointless we will still be living paycheck to paycheck... How do i get my husband to understand is doesn't matter who works or how much money comes in, if you don't know how to budget you won't have any money? 

  

 
October 7, 2005, 2:26 pm CDT

RE: Arguing over money

Quote From: ldymcleod

ok here are the facts: I am a stay at home mom, this was a choose made by my husband and I before we had our second child, so i could stay at home with both kids while my husband was depolyed. well the agreement was to budget or money and when he got back and our son turned 1 i would get a job...( he's back)  Every time he gets paid he takes 200.  out of our account for no reason, then i pay the bills with the remaining money, by the end we have less then 100 to live off of until his next paycheck..  Now he is pressuring me to get a job. but that wasn't the deal and my son isn't one, were about to move and i will have to search daycares in a new place i no nothing about. I understand that he brings the bacon home but i cook it serve it and clean up after it, so i should have some say in the money begin sent. i'm afarid to get a job because if he cant budget now then me getting a job is pointless we will still be living paycheck to paycheck... How do i get my husband to understand is doesn't matter who works or how much money comes in, if you don't know how to budget you won't have any money? 

  

Handling the money can be a touchy subject. But it can be handled if you both are willing to follow a few simple rules. 

  

#1 Bills come first - no one takes anything out until all the bills are paid, money is alloted for groceries and gas. 

  

#2 Tuck 10% of the remainder into a savings account for emergencies. You need this if you are living check to check. 

  

#3 What is left is what you have for flex money - there won't be much - there never is. But kids need clothes and things like that  so the money gets split 3 ways. 

  

When you do finally go to work keep in mind there won't be a lot more extra money after you pay a baby sitter. You will also require more gas money. Unless you are a professional that makes real good money - going back to work might not help your situation.  

  

Do the math and see if your take home is enough to make it worth while to have your children influenced most of the day by people in a day care. 

 
October 7, 2005, 3:31 pm CDT

Arguing Over Money

Quote From: 29darlene

I need to get some feedback on what people believe about having prenuptual agreements.  My boyfriend and I are having a serious disagreement on the need for one.   Neither one of us is a millionaire, but we make all of our bills and have money left to enjoy life.  He says that having a prenuptual agreement is just a guarantee that we will stay together and there will be no arguments.  I see prenuptuals as an easy way out in case a marriage doesn't seem to be working.  We have both been married before and I don't see divorce as a possibility.  My marriage ending before was not my decision.  I believe that people that don't see divorce as a possibility should not need to worry about a prenup.  I don't think I could be with someone that would want me to do this? I feel humiliated and can only see it as making sure there is an easy way out?? Am I wrong?? I really want some opinions!!  

P.S. He does have a daughter who is 19 years old that lives at home and is pregnant. I realize he wants to make sure that if he would die that his house goes to her which I am fine with.  I told him to put it in his will for the house.  We don't live together, so I would have no desire to have that house especially once we get one together.  HELP!  

 I believe that in cases where one party has much to loose in the event of a divorce, a prenuptial agreement is a must.  A prenuptial agreement, however, will not "keep you together" as you say.  A prenup is something that you BOTH agree on and decide is fair in the beginning.  It's not like you don't have a say in what's going on.  Most people don't go into a marriage thinking it's going to fail (why would you get married otherwise), but the divorce rate doesn't look pretty.  Lay it all out on the table before you get married.  If you strongly disagree with something he wants to have in there, then don't get married until you do agree.  Divorce is most often very stressful, expensive, and taxing both financially and emotionally.  Anything you can do beforehand to make that process a little easier is worth doing.  If you never get divorced, then the prenuptial agreement never becomes an issue.  If the unfortunate happens and you do end up divorcing, at least everyone involved knows what to expect...there won't be any surprises. 
 
October 7, 2005, 4:19 pm CDT

Personal checking account vs. Joint

 My fiance and I are debating on whether or not we are going to get a joint checking account or if we are just going to keep our personal ones.  He thinks that we should have a joint for bills, food, things we need for the house and necessities for our daughter....but then he thinks that with the joint we need to have our own personal checking accounts.  If we did things this way, we'd have to take 3 checkbooks to where we were going and have 3 balances to try and keep track of.  I think we need to just have a joint checking to prevent arguments of who is going to buy what when we buy things we want for ourselves, or an argument over just spending money just because its there and its MINE so I can spend it how I want.  Please share your suggestions and opinions!!!
 
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