Topic : Arguing Over Money

MOFROMOKLAHOMA.........explain something to me........"we run out of money before I get to the end of our basic bills".......and yet you say your mortgage is AFFORDABLE??? That just doesn't make sense to me!!! In your last Post you said that your Husband "refused" to get a second job to help with the finances and in this one you say "He teaches and coaches year round so him getting another job in addition to what he has is not an option." What does that have to do with him reviewing a BUDGET with you and understanding what is going on?? Does he even have a clue of your financial situation? Does he care? Or are you afraid to tell him??

 

We live in Florida and I don't know about Oklahoma but here a Teacher has a starting salary of 34 to 36k so let's say you and hubby make 30k per year.......that's 60k for the two of you. Based on what you have written about your cost cutting......you SHOULD be able to develop a monthly budget that works. Certainly the money you are spending on gas seems excessive but likely accurate. You probably have Day Care also which would take a big "bite" out of your income.  So my question is.....if your cars are paid off and your mortgage payment is affordable......that leaves "basic" cost of living (utility bills, groceries, etc.) and your Credit Card debt (which you can pay "minimum" payments if necessary).......so where is all your money going????  YES, you are missing something!!!

look you need to let him know you mean business why should you have to bear most of the burdens of the  money problems tel him to step up actually let him know he needs to man up and have you tried counseling have you tried to sit down and go over all of your bills so he can see how he is not contributing enough look i'm in your same shoes but my issue is  a whole lot worser  so pray that GOD will touch his heart i  pray for a miracle everyday stay strong and when you feel you can't talk to no one call on God to give you the strength you need ok

I have been engaged to my fiancee for 4 years. He is divorced with two kids. My parents died and left me money, which gave me the ability to buy a house and live my life. But I still have to work. I pay all of the bills and he owes me thousands of dollars, with no end in sight. I paid off a debt that he is supposed to be repaying me for. He contributes nothing financially except for paying the cell phone bill. I even have to pay for some things for his kids because he can't. I am getting really tired of the excuses. He drives a luxury car, buys collogne, dvds, rock band and video games. This is money that I got because my parents died. We went to therapy and that didn't solve it. He is clueless about the concept of money.

My boyfriend and I moved in together a few months ago. He makes $3600 a month and I make $1150 a month. We both have debt to pay. All my money goes to paying 1/2 of all the living expenses and then I am broke. He pays 1/2 of the living expenses, the minimums on his credit cards, child support, and then has about $1000 in his pocket to blow in his opinion. He buys jeans, cds, dvds, goes out to eat almost everyday at work. I work at home and have a 10 year old at home when school is not in session. I tend to stress more about money because I don't even have enough to get a hair cut, buy much needed clothes, take my kid to a movie, or even try to pay off some collections I have on my report. I try to scrimp and penny pinch but he doesn't believe he should "not live life". Sounds petty but this morning we got into an arguement over soda in bottles vs cans. I told him bottles were twice as much and he told me they taste better. I said we need to penny pinch to pay bills and he said he wasn't gonna be deprived. I feel like he is being selfish whe he gets defensive and is'nt caring about the fact that I have to pay for half of the groceries too. We have stupid little arguements like this at least twice a week. I follow him around the mall buying clothes for himself and yes he offers me to get something, but I just don't feel right. And I am resentful that he buys stuff for himself all the time and tosses things that have only been worn a few times. Rather than buy me something, I'd rather him take the money and pay off his credit cards or his IRS debt. We are not married but at this rate I don't see him ever being about to "take care" of me and my daughter financially. I worry about retirement.  I am not educated, and not in a position to become anytime soon (I have no car and I also own money to a school so they won't release my transcripts). I want to be able to support myself better but I also feel I should be able to depend on my future husband too. I know this is a lot... but I need advice!!!! Can anyone help me.

As Dr. Phil says.......The best prediction of future behavior is PAST behavior. You have been engaged to this guy for 4 years........has he always been this way?? You should be grateful that your parents thought enough about you that they left you enough to buy a home and......take care of YOURSELF!!! They certainly did not expect you to spend all THEIR hard earned money on some "deadbeat" who does next to nothing to help out. You say he is "clueless about the concept of money".........and I say he isn't clueless......he just does not CARE!!! Heck......he doesn't even take care of his own children.....so what do you think he will do when all the money (of yours) is gone???

 

MY RECOMMENDATION: Immediately cut the money well off. Sit down with this guy and tell him you will help him set up a budget and begin to be a "responsible" adult. Explain that it is time for him to step up and pay you back the money he owes you, pay his share of household expenses, and take care of HIS children. Give him a time frame.....maybe three months......and if he does not make an effort to comply.......then you will know how your life is going to be with him......are you willing to live with that????

WELL........he said "I am not going to be deprived!" Does that sound like he has one drop of RESPECT for you. That statement alone pretty well sums it up for you. I really do not know where you women find all these "irresponsible" jerks!!! OH.....yes, now tell me what a great guy he is....EXCEPT.....for money!!! Fact is, money is the leading cause of divorce. Marriage should be a combination of lives (including money)....it should never be a one way street.

 

I know it is tough being a single Mom......but as Dr. Phil says: "I would rather be happy and live in a cardboard box than be unhappy and live in a mansion." Your boyfriend is self centered, controlling, irresponsible, and selfish........but other than that......he's a nice guy!!!!!

I have been with my spouse for 13 years now, we are not legally married but we do have 4 children together. What sucks is that My husband works a full time job. That money goes straight into HIS bank account. He pays the rent, a car payment, his credit cards, and some food. I am home taking care of our 4 special needs children, always in drs appointments, therapy, driving kids to school, doing this and that. I pay all the rest of the bills. Right now there are 11 people living with us. 7 children, my daughters boyfriend, and their son. We get very little money for rent and now we are struggling to even buy food. I cannot keep it in the house. No one else see's the stress that I am in with how we will buy food and all. When I ask for help from my husband he never just says heres some money to pay some bills. So I have to figure out ways to make sure they all get paid.  I dont think its fair that we have seperate accounts and that I never know how much money we have.  We are now fighting all the time because of the lack of money. He will go buy himself a pair of shoes that cost like 100.00 and if I can afford a pair of shoes they only cost me 25.00. I don't know what to do about all of this. He thinks he is right, but he always thinks he is right.

Hi, I have been married for 4 years and me and my husband have been arguing over money the whole time. My husband has not lived up to my expectations at all. He has changed colleges three times pursuing a degree and last year alone he had 8-10 W-2s. I don't know what to do. I don't want us to divorce, but I am really scared that if I can't stop arguing about money with him, that he will leave. He just got back home after being gone for two weeks over at his dad's house for a small "separation".

 

I seriously need some good advice. I just can not seem to quit aruging with him about money. As much as I say I will stop doing this, he says something to me that I find hurtful and then the arguing begins. I don't know what to do! I'm even beginning to think that divorce is a great option for us, just so the fighting would stop.

 

Please give me some advice. I am so mad and consumed with anger right now as I'm writing this message. I just want to argue with him right now. This totally consumes my emotions. Thank you.

I have known my girlfriend for about 10 years and have been dating for the last 5.  We have made the relation ship work and have had our share of problems.  However we always resolve the issues because we truly do love each other.  Recently we were living together in an apartment, and she decided to go back to school and get an A.S. in culinary arts, myself being raised that the man of the house should act like the man and pick up the slack, told her to go back to school and I would cover the bills and what not, and I did for a long time and she finished school.  With the drop in real estate I decided I was no longer going to spend $900 a month renting when I could pay the same and own a house. And so she went to stay with her parents and I went to live with mine for about 8 months so we could save money. We’ll I finally found a home that she and I liked and in that 8 month timeframe got a great job with the local Police Department as a dispatcher, and she graduated.  I got the house and she moved in with me again.   Everything in the house had to be put into my name because she didn’t have good credit and mine was perfect. We had specific budgets set up and I was going to pay some bills and her others….then the student loans kicked in.

 

Now comes my issues…she has a monthly income of about $900 and her student loan payments are $850 a month (after consolidation).  Plus her other bills…cell phone, credit cards, gas, etc.   so I make almost 3 time that amount with nothing but a high school diploma. From splitting the bills 50/50 it’s now gotten to 100% me paying for everything, and she’s still not being able to pay all her bills, and me having to help her out with that as well. If her car breaks down I have to pay for the repairs so she can get to work, the insurance on her car is paid by me, cable, internet, light, and water all covered by me.  The mortgage is automatically taken from my paychecks bi weekly, so instead of a massive $900 monthly is 2 smaller $450 payments.   Now she wants to have children and get married, and of course I would love to have children but I cant afford it, and she cant afford it, if we get married then the student loans can put leans on the house, and if she gets pregnant and stops working, who will cover her student loans….I can’t I’m already paying my bills and helping her how I can. I can’t take much more.  I don’t know what to do…we have talked about it and she is set on getting married and having kids and wants to do it all within a years time, but has offered no solution to her financial situation.  I don’t have extra spending money or even any savings just covering her bills, but if we were to break up I would have about $400 a month extra to save…I think it sounds wrong for me to even thing about a break up with her over $400 a month, but when I look at it its $400 a month right now, she has already said she wants to be a stay at home mom, which will throw her student loans on my back, and credit cards, and whatever the child needs on me as well.  I find myself being pulled in two different directions, one way says nothing is in her name kick her out, your only 24 you will find someone better, the other says you love her and have been through so much together, and there has to be a solution to this….but I just cant see it. 

 

I’m at the end of my rope, we fight constantly over bills and money, she has been looking for a 2nd job and after 20 interviews has not been able to get anything (which makes me wonder if she is even trying).  I have undergone additional training to get more certifications in communications, and have gotten a pay raze and work about 8 hours of over time to help out, but its not enough.  My job has the ability to give me up to 24 hours more of overtime per pay period, but I just can’t do it, I can’t see myself working 12 hour shifts for money that I’m not going to see. I can’t even afford to go back and finish my AS (which I’m only short ½ year) because I’m covering everything else. I’m sure I could “man up” and work like a mad man for the next 3 years and pay everything off…but what then… will she continue to get herself into debt that I will end up paying back?  What if something happens to me and I’m unable to work, what will happen then? They can’t take her stuff because nothing is in her name, so everything I have worked for will be lost…Am I wrong for wanting to walk away from this relationship? Is there another solution to her money problems that I don’t see?

Full time I can't see how anyone could bring home less than $1500 dollars after deductions.  Neither do I understand how anyone willing can't get an evening job after 20 interviews.

 

Personally I'd work out the figures then sit her down and show them to her.  Set a figure which needs to be saved before you will consider planning a wedding and an income figure you will require if she is to be a stay-at-home mother with you as wage earner. 

 

If she doesn't cut down, find a full time or better paid job and you haven't managed to save a few hundred dollars by November she will never be financially responsible and the decision will be made for you.