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Topic : Arguing Over Money

Number of Replies: 566
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:22:45 am
Author : dataimport
Is money the central argument in your home? How do you keep money from becoming a huge problem in your marriage? Tell your story.

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March 7, 2008, 2:00 pm CST

Boyfriend and I have opposite ideas about money

My boyfriend and I moved in together a few months ago. He makes $3600 a month and I make $1150 a month. We both have debt to pay. All my money goes to paying 1/2 of all the living expenses and then I am broke. He pays 1/2 of the living expenses, the minimums on his credit cards, child support, and then has about $1000 in his pocket to blow in his opinion. He buys jeans, cds, dvds, goes out to eat almost everyday at work. I work at home and have a 10 year old at home when school is not in session. I tend to stress more about money because I don't even have enough to get a hair cut, buy much needed clothes, take my kid to a movie, or even try to pay off some collections I have on my report. I try to scrimp and penny pinch but he doesn't believe he should "not live life". Sounds petty but this morning we got into an arguement over soda in bottles vs cans. I told him bottles were twice as much and he told me they taste better. I said we need to penny pinch to pay bills and he said he wasn't gonna be deprived. I feel like he is being selfish whe he gets defensive and is'nt caring about the fact that I have to pay for half of the groceries too. We have stupid little arguements like this at least twice a week. I follow him around the mall buying clothes for himself and yes he offers me to get something, but I just don't feel right. And I am resentful that he buys stuff for himself all the time and tosses things that have only been worn a few times. Rather than buy me something, I'd rather him take the money and pay off his credit cards or his IRS debt. We are not married but at this rate I don't see him ever being about to "take care" of me and my daughter financially. I worry about retirement.  I am not educated, and not in a position to become anytime soon (I have no car and I also own money to a school so they won't release my transcripts). I want to be able to support myself better but I also feel I should be able to depend on my future husband too. I know this is a lot... but I need advice!!!! Can anyone help me.
 
March 8, 2008, 9:35 am CST

OVERSPENT.........

Quote From: overspent

I have been engaged to my fiancee for 4 years. He is divorced with two kids. My parents died and left me money, which gave me the ability to buy a house and live my life. But I still have to work. I pay all of the bills and he owes me thousands of dollars, with no end in sight. I paid off a debt that he is supposed to be repaying me for. He contributes nothing financially except for paying the cell phone bill. I even have to pay for some things for his kids because he can't. I am getting really tired of the excuses. He drives a luxury car, buys collogne, dvds, rock band and video games. This is money that I got because my parents died. We went to therapy and that didn't solve it. He is clueless about the concept of money.

As Dr. Phil says.......The best prediction of future behavior is PAST behavior. You have been engaged to this guy for 4 years........has he always been this way?? You should be grateful that your parents thought enough about you that they left you enough to buy a home and......take care of YOURSELF!!! They certainly did not expect you to spend all THEIR hard earned money on some "deadbeat" who does next to nothing to help out. You say he is "clueless about the concept of money".........and I say he isn't clueless......he just does not CARE!!! Heck......he doesn't even take care of his own children.....so what do you think he will do when all the money (of yours) is gone???

 

MY RECOMMENDATION: Immediately cut the money well off. Sit down with this guy and tell him you will help him set up a budget and begin to be a "responsible" adult. Explain that it is time for him to step up and pay you back the money he owes you, pay his share of household expenses, and take care of HIS children. Give him a time frame.....maybe three months......and if he does not make an effort to comply.......then you will know how your life is going to be with him......are you willing to live with that????

 
March 8, 2008, 10:07 am CST

EMILYANDMOM..........

Quote From: emilyandmom

My boyfriend and I moved in together a few months ago. He makes $3600 a month and I make $1150 a month. We both have debt to pay. All my money goes to paying 1/2 of all the living expenses and then I am broke. He pays 1/2 of the living expenses, the minimums on his credit cards, child support, and then has about $1000 in his pocket to blow in his opinion. He buys jeans, cds, dvds, goes out to eat almost everyday at work. I work at home and have a 10 year old at home when school is not in session. I tend to stress more about money because I don't even have enough to get a hair cut, buy much needed clothes, take my kid to a movie, or even try to pay off some collections I have on my report. I try to scrimp and penny pinch but he doesn't believe he should "not live life". Sounds petty but this morning we got into an arguement over soda in bottles vs cans. I told him bottles were twice as much and he told me they taste better. I said we need to penny pinch to pay bills and he said he wasn't gonna be deprived. I feel like he is being selfish whe he gets defensive and is'nt caring about the fact that I have to pay for half of the groceries too. We have stupid little arguements like this at least twice a week. I follow him around the mall buying clothes for himself and yes he offers me to get something, but I just don't feel right. And I am resentful that he buys stuff for himself all the time and tosses things that have only been worn a few times. Rather than buy me something, I'd rather him take the money and pay off his credit cards or his IRS debt. We are not married but at this rate I don't see him ever being about to "take care" of me and my daughter financially. I worry about retirement.  I am not educated, and not in a position to become anytime soon (I have no car and I also own money to a school so they won't release my transcripts). I want to be able to support myself better but I also feel I should be able to depend on my future husband too. I know this is a lot... but I need advice!!!! Can anyone help me.

WELL........he said "I am not going to be deprived!" Does that sound like he has one drop of RESPECT for you. That statement alone pretty well sums it up for you. I really do not know where you women find all these "irresponsible" jerks!!! OH.....yes, now tell me what a great guy he is....EXCEPT.....for money!!! Fact is, money is the leading cause of divorce. Marriage should be a combination of lives (including money)....it should never be a one way street.

 

I know it is tough being a single Mom......but as Dr. Phil says: "I would rather be happy and live in a cardboard box than be unhappy and live in a mansion." Your boyfriend is self centered, controlling, irresponsible, and selfish........but other than that......he's a nice guy!!!!!

 
May 20, 2008, 6:18 pm CDT

Money is standing between us

I have been with my spouse for 13 years now, we are not legally married but we do have 4 children together. What sucks is that My husband works a full time job. That money goes straight into HIS bank account. He pays the rent, a car payment, his credit cards, and some food. I am home taking care of our 4 special needs children, always in drs appointments, therapy, driving kids to school, doing this and that. I pay all the rest of the bills. Right now there are 11 people living with us. 7 children, my daughters boyfriend, and their son. We get very little money for rent and now we are struggling to even buy food. I cannot keep it in the house. No one else see's the stress that I am in with how we will buy food and all. When I ask for help from my husband he never just says heres some money to pay some bills. So I have to figure out ways to make sure they all get paid.  I dont think its fair that we have seperate accounts and that I never know how much money we have.  We are now fighting all the time because of the lack of money. He will go buy himself a pair of shoes that cost like 100.00 and if I can afford a pair of shoes they only cost me 25.00. I don't know what to do about all of this. He thinks he is right, but he always thinks he is right.
 
June 1, 2008, 2:44 am CDT

I can't stop arguing over money.

Hi, I have been married for 4 years and me and my husband have been arguing over money the whole time. My husband has not lived up to my expectations at all. He has changed colleges three times pursuing a degree and last year alone he had 8-10 W-2s. I don't know what to do. I don't want us to divorce, but I am really scared that if I can't stop arguing about money with him, that he will leave. He just got back home after being gone for two weeks over at his dad's house for a small "separation".

 

I seriously need some good advice. I just can not seem to quit aruging with him about money. As much as I say I will stop doing this, he says something to me that I find hurtful and then the arguing begins. I don't know what to do! I'm even beginning to think that divorce is a great option for us, just so the fighting would stop.

 

Please give me some advice. I am so mad and consumed with anger right now as I'm writing this message. I just want to argue with him right now. This totally consumes my emotions. Thank you.

 
June 14, 2008, 2:14 pm CDT

Should I walk away or Man UP????

I have known my girlfriend for about 10 years and have been dating for the last 5.  We have made the relation ship work and have had our share of problems.  However we always resolve the issues because we truly do love each other.  Recently we were living together in an apartment, and she decided to go back to school and get an A.S. in culinary arts, myself being raised that the man of the house should act like the man and pick up the slack, told her to go back to school and I would cover the bills and what not, and I did for a long time and she finished school.  With the drop in real estate I decided I was no longer going to spend $900 a month renting when I could pay the same and own a house. And so she went to stay with her parents and I went to live with mine for about 8 months so we could save money. We’ll I finally found a home that she and I liked and in that 8 month timeframe got a great job with the local Police Department as a dispatcher, and she graduated.  I got the house and she moved in with me again.   Everything in the house had to be put into my name because she didn’t have good credit and mine was perfect. We had specific budgets set up and I was going to pay some bills and her others….then the student loans kicked in.

 

Now comes my issues…she has a monthly income of about $900 and her student loan payments are $850 a month (after consolidation).  Plus her other bills…cell phone, credit cards, gas, etc.   so I make almost 3 time that amount with nothing but a high school diploma. From splitting the bills 50/50 it’s now gotten to 100% me paying for everything, and she’s still not being able to pay all her bills, and me having to help her out with that as well. If her car breaks down I have to pay for the repairs so she can get to work, the insurance on her car is paid by me, cable, internet, light, and water all covered by me.  The mortgage is automatically taken from my paychecks bi weekly, so instead of a massive $900 monthly is 2 smaller $450 payments.   Now she wants to have children and get married, and of course I would love to have children but I cant afford it, and she cant afford it, if we get married then the student loans can put leans on the house, and if she gets pregnant and stops working, who will cover her student loans….I can’t I’m already paying my bills and helping her how I can. I can’t take much more.  I don’t know what to do…we have talked about it and she is set on getting married and having kids and wants to do it all within a years time, but has offered no solution to her financial situation.  I don’t have extra spending money or even any savings just covering her bills, but if we were to break up I would have about $400 a month extra to save…I think it sounds wrong for me to even thing about a break up with her over $400 a month, but when I look at it its $400 a month right now, she has already said she wants to be a stay at home mom, which will throw her student loans on my back, and credit cards, and whatever the child needs on me as well.  I find myself being pulled in two different directions, one way says nothing is in her name kick her out, your only 24 you will find someone better, the other says you love her and have been through so much together, and there has to be a solution to this….but I just cant see it. 

 

I’m at the end of my rope, we fight constantly over bills and money, she has been looking for a 2nd job and after 20 interviews has not been able to get anything (which makes me wonder if she is even trying).  I have undergone additional training to get more certifications in communications, and have gotten a pay raze and work about 8 hours of over time to help out, but its not enough.  My job has the ability to give me up to 24 hours more of overtime per pay period, but I just can’t do it, I can’t see myself working 12 hour shifts for money that I’m not going to see. I can’t even afford to go back and finish my AS (which I’m only short ½ year) because I’m covering everything else. I’m sure I could “man up” and work like a mad man for the next 3 years and pay everything off…but what then… will she continue to get herself into debt that I will end up paying back?  What if something happens to me and I’m unable to work, what will happen then? They can’t take her stuff because nothing is in her name, so everything I have worked for will be lost…Am I wrong for wanting to walk away from this relationship? Is there another solution to her money problems that I don’t see?

 
June 17, 2008, 7:35 am CDT

She's not pulling her weight

Quote From: z31jaime

I have known my girlfriend for about 10 years and have been dating for the last 5.  We have made the relation ship work and have had our share of problems.  However we always resolve the issues because we truly do love each other.  Recently we were living together in an apartment, and she decided to go back to school and get an A.S. in culinary arts, myself being raised that the man of the house should act like the man and pick up the slack, told her to go back to school and I would cover the bills and what not, and I did for a long time and she finished school.  With the drop in real estate I decided I was no longer going to spend $900 a month renting when I could pay the same and own a house. And so she went to stay with her parents and I went to live with mine for about 8 months so we could save money. Well I finally found a home that she and I liked and in that 8 month timeframe got a great job with the local Police Department as a dispatcher, and she graduated.  I got the house and she moved in with me again.   Everything in the house had to be put into my name because she didnt have good credit and mine was perfect. We had specific budgets set up and I was going to pay some bills and her others.then the student loans kicked in.

 

Now comes my issuesshe has a monthly income of about $900 and her student loan payments are $850 a month (after consolidation).  Plus her other billscell phone, credit cards, gas, etc.   so I make almost 3 time that amount with nothing but a high school diploma. From splitting the bills 50/50 its now gotten to 100% me paying for everything, and shes still not being able to pay all her bills, and me having to help her out with that as well. If her car breaks down I have to pay for the repairs so she can get to work, the insurance on her car is paid by me, cable, internet, light, and water all covered by me.  The mortgage is automatically taken from my paychecks bi weekly, so instead of a massive $900 monthly is 2 smaller $450 payments.   Now she wants to have children and get married, and of course I would love to have children but I cant afford it, and she cant afford it, if we get married then the student loans can put leans on the house, and if she gets pregnant and stops working, who will cover her student loans.I cant Im already paying my bills and helping her how I can. I cant take much more.  I dont know what to dowe have talked about it and she is set on getting married and having kids and wants to do it all within a years time, but has offered no solution to her financial situation.  I dont have extra spending money or even any savings just covering her bills, but if we were to break up I would have about $400 a month extra to saveI think it sounds wrong for me to even thing about a break up with her over $400 a month, but when I look at it its $400 a month right now, she has already said she wants to be a stay at home mom, which will throw her student loans on my back, and credit cards, and whatever the child needs on me as well.  I find myself being pulled in two different directions, one way says nothing is in her name kick her out, your only 24 you will find someone better, the other says you love her and have been through so much together, and there has to be a solution to this.but I just cant see it. 

 

Im at the end of my rope, we fight constantly over bills and money, she has been looking for a 2nd job and after 20 interviews has not been able to get anything (which makes me wonder if she is even trying).  I have undergone additional training to get more certifications in communications, and have gotten a pay raze and work about 8 hours of over time to help out, but its not enough.  My job has the ability to give me up to 24 hours more of overtime per pay period, but I just cant do it, I cant see myself working 12 hour shifts for money that Im not going to see. I cant even afford to go back and finish my AS (which Im only short ½ year) because Im covering everything else. Im sure I could man up and work like a mad man for the next 3 years and pay everything offbut what then will she continue to get herself into debt that I will end up paying back?  What if something happens to me and Im unable to work, what will happen then? They cant take her stuff because nothing is in her name, so everything I have worked for will be lostAm I wrong for wanting to walk away from this relationship? Is there another solution to her money problems that I dont see?

Full time I can't see how anyone could bring home less than $1500 dollars after deductions.  Neither do I understand how anyone willing can't get an evening job after 20 interviews.

 

Personally I'd work out the figures then sit her down and show them to her.  Set a figure which needs to be saved before you will consider planning a wedding and an income figure you will require if she is to be a stay-at-home mother with you as wage earner. 

 

If she doesn't cut down, find a full time or better paid job and you haven't managed to save a few hundred dollars by November she will never be financially responsible and the decision will be made for you.

 
June 17, 2008, 6:54 pm CDT

Arguing Over Money

Quote From: a_n_other

Full time I can't see how anyone could bring home less than $1500 dollars after deductions.  Neither do I understand how anyone willing can't get an evening job after 20 interviews.

 

Personally I'd work out the figures then sit her down and show them to her.  Set a figure which needs to be saved before you will consider planning a wedding and an income figure you will require if she is to be a stay-at-home mother with you as wage earner. 

 

If she doesn't cut down, find a full time or better paid job and you haven't managed to save a few hundred dollars by November she will never be financially responsible and the decision will be made for you.

well i agree 100% with her that she is not makeing ends meet, but her defences is #1 she already  works for Olive Garden and they will not give her set hours so it makes other employers not want to take her.  #2 because she has a degree in culanary arts all she wants to do is cook....we live in oralndo fl.

 

cooking is not a smart degree to get in orlando. why is a place gonna hire you for $10 an hour cause you have a degree when tito will do it for $5.75 and all you gotta do is teach him.....

 

i am very happy she got a degree, but im just sick of not making ends meet, when i got the house i got it in the price range that if she were to leave me for whatever reason i could cover the household bills on my own, and she wants to happy cause its not the nices house around, but now she is glad i did it cause things have gotten tight.

 

the other day we had a fight and she actualy had the nerve to tell me that my job was nothing compaired to working in a kitchen.....ummmmmmmm hello im a 911 dispatcher....im sure my job is alot harder than cooking.  and that i shouldnt complain about not having money cause i just sold my small car and got a v-8 mustang.  that i should have figured on the gas prices and not have gotten it.

 

it just seems like to me she has no appreation for what im giving her? 

 
June 29, 2008, 6:07 am CDT

hi

hi dr.phil

am happy to send you my message because i need your help

am a pauvre girl ;i have a deplome in managment.and my dream is contunue my study ,but i don't have a money

please help me ,just a litle of money:please help me.

i wait you.

your freinds lamiae.

 
July 7, 2008, 12:46 pm CDT

Arguing Over Money

Quote From: anetta2008

hi dr.phil

am happy to send you my message because i need your help

am a pauvre girl ;i have a deplome in managment.and my dream is contunue my study ,but i don't have a money

please help me ,just a litle of money:please help me.

i wait you.

your freinds lamiae.

lol....

 

 

who teached you to spoke english?

 

 

 
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