Topic : Arguing Over Money

My wife and I have no kids, we are both professionals and are healthy...thank god. My wife is in the real estate business and did quite well for a few years while the housing market was booming. During this time and the present I have been working hard in my field making a good income. After the housing market crashed, and my wife being tired of working on weekends decided to quit her job which was no longer paying a good income and persue her own business in real estate helping people in foreclosure or sell off their properties. Since we had a good savings I supported her idea.

Here is the problem. It's now been almost two years where she has tried hard to make things work (working from home) but it appears that she is chasing the hot trend/buzz in real estate which is mostly hype and hasn't produced any benefit or income. In fact it's costing us money to support her business. In this tough market we have also been going through our savings and if we continue to not have a second income we could be in trouble in a year or two. I was intitially supportive of her trying out some ideas but after almost two years I think I have a right to question whether it's worth continuing but she is very stubborn and won't change paths or get a job.

At this point I feel she is cheating me and herself and has become comfortable working from home and not having to deliver results to anyone. Since we are in a situation where we need a second income I feel as though there should be no excuses to getting a paying job and trying to make her endeavers work part time until we are in a better finincial situation and can take on the risks and expense in persuing a business idea. She resists and won’t change her thinking. It’s beacome a greater problem for me knowing that our savings are dwindling when she can be helping out with the bills instead of creating more bills.

I’m not exactly ecstatic about my job but I go to work everyday and have done so all ove my adult life to make sure the bills get paid. I feel that she gave it a fair shot but since we have bills to pay it’s time to take a job that will help us stop going through our savings before nothing is left. If she wants to continue with he business then she is going to have to do it in her spare time and with the income she brings in from a normal job. I feel as though she is in a comfort  zone working from home and does not want to enter the workfoce and have to answer to someone.

I have tried talking to her but she won’t listen and insists that she should keep on this venture. I feel as though I have no choice but to get tough on this one…what do you think?

Unfortunately career changes are never easy especially when persuing something very different from what you do today. But your husband is unhappy with his current career and is in need of change. Are there any small steps you can start to take to make a change? Cut expenses? I think your husband has to be realistic too, maybe he can persue his interests in a profession that may utilize what he does today and music if that's possible.

I think your concerns are fair and he should be open to discussing a workable plan that you both can agree on. Maybe that means taking small steps at first in making change.

Money or Happiness?

2nd (or more) time around marriages can get SO complicated when it comes to finances. I'll share what's happened to me (us) in case it is helpful to anyone. I've been married to my 2nd husband for 12 years. My first husband was very greedy when it came to money while we were married, so you can probably picture how nasty he was over money during our divorce. It was so ugly that I finally settled out of court for no alimony (after a 15 years marriage and was a stay home Mom at the time of divorce), and much less child support than "his" children deserved. I never wanted to fight about money again for the rest of my life! The one good thing that came from the divorce was I was able to keep my children in the home they had been living in. My husband wanted his retirement account, which as about equal to the equity in our home.... so I kept the home (and loan) and he kept his retirement account. The home loan was a VA loan, and there could be no change made in the title unless I wanted to refinance the loan. I was single for 7 years before I married my 2nd husband. He was aware of the "money issues" from my 1st marriage, and was very understanding about my concerns when getting married again. We decided to figure all the household expenses, house payment, taxes etc. and then just figured he would pay 1/2 of the expenses to me, and I paid all of the bills out of my own checking account. We both earned about the same amount, so all seemed fair to both of us, and with both incomes we made less than $40,000 per year. Before we got married I had 2 real estate agents give me amounts (within $2,000 of each other)  of what the house was worth at the time of our marriage. We wrote up (and notarized) an agreement between us that in 1996 the home was worth X amount, and in the event of divorce this X amount would belong to me, and any additional equity in the home would be divided equally between us, in the event of a divorce and sale of the home. After being married a number of years, and my husband landscaping, putting in new windows, a yard building etc. I felt very guilty about his name not being on the title.... but we never bothered to refinance the loan in both of our names.... and in the long term...  thank heavens we didn't! My husband worked for an employer when we were first married, but 6 months after we were married he decided to start his own  business as a contractor. He'd had his own business before, but lost it, and everything else in his divorce. So for most of the 12 years we've been married he has struggled financially (with me bailing him out a number of times) while I worked a full-time office job, plus another home business. Three years ago he went into a partnership with a "friend" that went under in less than a year. They were almost $300,000 in debt, and I never even had a clue! The partner just walked out one day, and this was when I finally heard how bad things really were! I was in total shock... and very upset. My husband & I went to see a bankruptcy attorney, and for the FIRST time in all the years we'd been married I was counting my lucky stars that we had kept EVERYTHING financial separate! I had to prove that the home loan was in my name only, that I'd paid ALL of the home expenses myself out of my checking account, and that he just paid me rent and expenses to live here. It took almost a year to get the bankruptcy in place (he is doing a chapter 13 to try and repay as much as he can) and was even more stressful than my divorce. Knowing I COULD have lost my house... over something I had NO part in scared me to death! I will NEVER feel guilty again, or feel bad about keeping my own finances in MY name only! I still plan to leave the house to my husband in the event of my death, he has made this the happy "home" it is.. but I will no longer trust him when it comes to financial things that would have any impact on me. I had signed on loans, credit cards etc. for him in the past... but will never again put myself at risk now that I'm in my mid-50's and have to worry about how I'm ever going to be able to retire with the cost of things today... what are they going to be like by then? I sure don't think there is going to be a retirement "fairy" coming my way... and all I know is I have to do the best I can to take care of "myself" -- because the sad reality is, I have absolutely no control over what anyone else in my life is going to do... I've learned that the hard way.

My wife and I are expecting our first child.  Our parents are helping us by buying the crib, dressers etc.  My wife and I told my mother that we'd like her to buy us a glider (with ottoman). My mom said she would, so we sent her a link to a web site that has the chair and ottoman we want.  She gave us a check for the exact amount for us to order and have delivered.  My wife, after receiving the check, found a VERY similar chair and ottoman for a couple hundred dollars cheaper.

Here is the problem:  My wife does not think it's wrong to purhcase the cheaper chair/ottoman, and use the extra money for other random decor etc for the room.  My attempts to explain to her the basic principles of right and wrong have not only failed, have really driven a wedge between us.  We are talking Right & Wron 101 here.  The fact that she can't even see the fact that asking for something, getting money for it, then spending it on something else is wrong, absolutely kills me.  It's deceitful & untruthful.  I even tried to use our unborn child as an example by asking if she thought it would be right for our son to come to us and say he needed $200 for football equipment, then spending the money on video games.

This has become much more of a matter of not caring one bit about the chair and ottoman, which I don't, and much more a matter of I can't believe my wife doesn't understand basic concepts/principles of right and wrong.

HELP!